When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Apr 27th 2014, 3:27 pm
#31
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Phew thanks, glad you didn't think it was interfering. It's just that I know how sometimes when a couple gets polarized over a topic, it's really helpful to have a objective, professional person there to help defuse things and help the conversation get un-stuck.
A pity if your husband wouldn't see the point--but some people who are against the idea of counselling do turn to it when things reach an impasse, when there seems no way out of a situation like this.
A pity if your husband wouldn't see the point--but some people who are against the idea of counselling do turn to it when things reach an impasse, when there seems no way out of a situation like this.
Apr 27th 2014, 7:17 pm
#32
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I feel for you these situations where one partner wants to stay and the other wants to leave are so difficult 
The move is stressful enough but then when you find yourselves with such different views on staying or returning it can be hard to see how to resolve it in a way that both people can be happy with.
Were you both equally enthusiastic to make the move in the first place or was one of you more of the driving force behind the decision to move?
Were you, your husband or both of you unhappy living in the UK?
How old are your children and why are you convinced that life in Australia is better for them in the UK? Lots of Brits try it and decide the opposite, that life in the UK is better for their children so maybe its not quite as clear cut as you are thinking?
I've never been to Australia so I personally have no idea but I do think children can have great childhoods in many countries and its not that one is so clearly better than the other its just that they are different. Australia might offer open space, beaches and sunshine etc. while the UK offers history, tons of cultural outings, easy access to Europe etc.
We've seen members on BE who were moved abroad as children and as soon as they were old enough to go by themselves have moved back to the UK.
Often the opposite happens and the children become American, Australian or whatever and the parent feels they can never move home because it would mean moving away from their adult children and grandchildren. Perhaps your husband is worried about falling into that situation if you stay longer?
Do you think your husband will go back by himself if he has to?
If he commits to giving it a really good try for another year would you definitely return to the UK if he is still unhappy there? Could it be that he thinks if he stays then in another 14 months you will then be saying its still too soon or the children are too settled in school now etc.?
I understand what you are saying about him starting his business again over there but if I was him I think I'd feel like if I do that, put in all the work involved in starting a business and take the investment money from a silent partner well then there is no way I can say in a years time I want to move back. You think he should start the business because it will make life better over there but maybe he thinks if he starts the business then it means he really won't be able to leave.
Maybe he feels that whilst he doesn't like the longer hours and less pay of his job that more money less hours isn't the solution for him and he would still want to return to the UK. Whereas it sounds like you feel if only he earned more and worked less he would be really happy in Australia.
I have mixed feelings about whether 10 months is too soon for a person to know if they will be happy in a country. I think I knew fairly early on that the US wasn't for me but permanently but I enjoyed the novelty of it for the first few years and then as time went on life happens and options that we had in the first few years to move home were no longer available. So truthfully I think I wish I had listened to my gut feelings instead of pushing them away and feeling I hadn't given things long enough.
I probably sound like I'm saying your husband is right and you are wrong but I don't mean that at all just trying to look at it from both POVs.
Counselling is definitely going to be your best chance of finding a way forward where you both feel like you've been heard by each other and are making decisions together that take into account the very different perspectives that you each have on living in Australia. I really hope your husband will give agree to give counselling a go.
The move is stressful enough but then when you find yourselves with such different views on staying or returning it can be hard to see how to resolve it in a way that both people can be happy with.
Were you both equally enthusiastic to make the move in the first place or was one of you more of the driving force behind the decision to move?
Were you, your husband or both of you unhappy living in the UK?
How old are your children and why are you convinced that life in Australia is better for them in the UK? Lots of Brits try it and decide the opposite, that life in the UK is better for their children so maybe its not quite as clear cut as you are thinking?
I've never been to Australia so I personally have no idea but I do think children can have great childhoods in many countries and its not that one is so clearly better than the other its just that they are different. Australia might offer open space, beaches and sunshine etc. while the UK offers history, tons of cultural outings, easy access to Europe etc.
We've seen members on BE who were moved abroad as children and as soon as they were old enough to go by themselves have moved back to the UK.
Often the opposite happens and the children become American, Australian or whatever and the parent feels they can never move home because it would mean moving away from their adult children and grandchildren. Perhaps your husband is worried about falling into that situation if you stay longer?
Do you think your husband will go back by himself if he has to?
If he commits to giving it a really good try for another year would you definitely return to the UK if he is still unhappy there? Could it be that he thinks if he stays then in another 14 months you will then be saying its still too soon or the children are too settled in school now etc.?
I understand what you are saying about him starting his business again over there but if I was him I think I'd feel like if I do that, put in all the work involved in starting a business and take the investment money from a silent partner well then there is no way I can say in a years time I want to move back. You think he should start the business because it will make life better over there but maybe he thinks if he starts the business then it means he really won't be able to leave.
Maybe he feels that whilst he doesn't like the longer hours and less pay of his job that more money less hours isn't the solution for him and he would still want to return to the UK. Whereas it sounds like you feel if only he earned more and worked less he would be really happy in Australia.
I have mixed feelings about whether 10 months is too soon for a person to know if they will be happy in a country. I think I knew fairly early on that the US wasn't for me but permanently but I enjoyed the novelty of it for the first few years and then as time went on life happens and options that we had in the first few years to move home were no longer available. So truthfully I think I wish I had listened to my gut feelings instead of pushing them away and feeling I hadn't given things long enough.
I probably sound like I'm saying your husband is right and you are wrong but I don't mean that at all just trying to look at it from both POVs.
Counselling is definitely going to be your best chance of finding a way forward where you both feel like you've been heard by each other and are making decisions together that take into account the very different perspectives that you each have on living in Australia. I really hope your husband will give agree to give counselling a go.
Apr 27th 2014, 10:19 pm
#33
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
My husband actually wanted to come more than I did, I was so upset at leaving people but it didn't phase him as much. But I felt with all the tears came acceptance of a new life and since we've been here I've just tried to have an open mind. Tbh we both used to complain about life when we were in the UK, actually my husband's complaints are similar here to what they were back in the UK.
Our kids are ten and six, and I feel they have done things here that they never would have done back in the UK, my daughter is in the school choir, she sang at the local arena with other schools it was amazing I was so proud and have never seen anything like it. They both do after school sports, I've just signed my son up to do tennis once a week. They both recently did a dance as part of their classes in front of the whole school and parents. I know apparently the education isn't supposed to be as good here but it's the other stuff that they get to do with/through school that I've been impressed with, they seem to encourage and embrace the kids here.
To your other questions a lot of the answers are simply 'I don't know' the weather can change and my husband can change his mind about something, he's very unpredictable like that. Though this has been on and off since day one so I know he's never going to try and make a go of it here. And I don't know if next year or whenever I would want to go back still. I don't like feeling like I'm not settled and have to make a decision I don't want to make.
I understand about the business, why put your energy into something you don't want to see through. But like I said earlier I didn't come here to throw in the towel so soon, if I felt like Australia couldn't offer me anything and we'd gained all we could from the experience then I would think about moving back. I'm not even close to that yet. It's an unfair situation on either side. I think a big move like this changes you sometimes, I definitely feel a lot more of a stronger person. Maybe we're in different places mentally. Time will tell.
Our kids are ten and six, and I feel they have done things here that they never would have done back in the UK, my daughter is in the school choir, she sang at the local arena with other schools it was amazing I was so proud and have never seen anything like it. They both do after school sports, I've just signed my son up to do tennis once a week. They both recently did a dance as part of their classes in front of the whole school and parents. I know apparently the education isn't supposed to be as good here but it's the other stuff that they get to do with/through school that I've been impressed with, they seem to encourage and embrace the kids here.
To your other questions a lot of the answers are simply 'I don't know' the weather can change and my husband can change his mind about something, he's very unpredictable like that. Though this has been on and off since day one so I know he's never going to try and make a go of it here. And I don't know if next year or whenever I would want to go back still. I don't like feeling like I'm not settled and have to make a decision I don't want to make.
I understand about the business, why put your energy into something you don't want to see through. But like I said earlier I didn't come here to throw in the towel so soon, if I felt like Australia couldn't offer me anything and we'd gained all we could from the experience then I would think about moving back. I'm not even close to that yet. It's an unfair situation on either side. I think a big move like this changes you sometimes, I definitely feel a lot more of a stronger person. Maybe we're in different places mentally. Time will tell.
Apr 28th 2014, 12:01 am
#34
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
This really leaps out at me "my husband's complaints are similar here to what they were back in the UK." that speaks volumes.
You are absolutely right this kind of move does change you and I do think it makes you "stronger" or at least it makes you realize you have strengths that you maybe weren't aware of before.
I feel for you, it sounds like your husband did not put the thought into this move that you did and now is finding himself surprised that all is not perfect and that he misses things/people from home, whereas you were realistic and prepared yourself for thought.
Totally see why you aren't feeling ready to upsticks when you've only so recently got there. After all the upheaval you want to enjoy the experience at least for a bit and your children are still at an age where they can easily switch between the countries.
I hope he will give the counselling a try because it might help him to see things from your POV.
You are absolutely right this kind of move does change you and I do think it makes you "stronger" or at least it makes you realize you have strengths that you maybe weren't aware of before.
I feel for you, it sounds like your husband did not put the thought into this move that you did and now is finding himself surprised that all is not perfect and that he misses things/people from home, whereas you were realistic and prepared yourself for thought.
Totally see why you aren't feeling ready to upsticks when you've only so recently got there. After all the upheaval you want to enjoy the experience at least for a bit and your children are still at an age where they can easily switch between the countries.
I hope he will give the counselling a try because it might help him to see things from your POV.
Apr 28th 2014, 4:58 am
#35
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
This really leaps out at me "my husband's complaints are similar here to what they were back in the UK." that speaks volumes.
You are absolutely right this kind of move does change you and I do think it makes you "stronger" or at least it makes you realize you have strengths that you maybe weren't aware of before.
I feel for you, it sounds like your husband did not put the thought into this move that you did and now is finding himself surprised that all is not perfect and that he misses things/people from home, whereas you were realistic and prepared yourself for thought.
Totally see why you aren't feeling ready to upsticks when you've only so recently got there. After all the upheaval you want to enjoy the experience at least for a bit and your children are still at an age where they can easily switch between the countries.
I hope he will give the counselling a try because it might help him to see things from your POV.
You are absolutely right this kind of move does change you and I do think it makes you "stronger" or at least it makes you realize you have strengths that you maybe weren't aware of before.
I feel for you, it sounds like your husband did not put the thought into this move that you did and now is finding himself surprised that all is not perfect and that he misses things/people from home, whereas you were realistic and prepared yourself for thought.
Totally see why you aren't feeling ready to upsticks when you've only so recently got there. After all the upheaval you want to enjoy the experience at least for a bit and your children are still at an age where they can easily switch between the countries.
I hope he will give the counselling a try because it might help him to see things from your POV.
Thanks for your helpful words, it's good to get an outside perspective
Apr 28th 2014, 10:04 am
#36
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
My husband actually wanted to come more than I did, I was so upset at leaving people but it didn't phase him as much. But I felt with all the tears came acceptance of a new life and since we've been here I've just tried to have an open mind. Tbh we both used to complain about life when we were in the UK, actually my husband's complaints are similar here to what they were back in the UK.
Our kids are ten and six, and I feel they have done things here that they never would have done back in the UK, my daughter is in the school choir, she sang at the local arena with other schools it was amazing I was so proud and have never seen anything like it. They both do after school sports, I've just signed my son up to do tennis once a week. They both recently did a dance as part of their classes in front of the whole school and parents. I know apparently the education isn't supposed to be as good here but it's the other stuff that they get to do with/through school that I've been impressed with, they seem to encourage and embrace the kids here.
To your other questions a lot of the answers are simply 'I don't know' the weather can change and my husband can change his mind about something, he's very unpredictable like that. Though this has been on and off since day one so I know he's never going to try and make a go of it here. And I don't know if next year or whenever I would want to go back still. I don't like feeling like I'm not settled and have to make a decision I don't want to make.
I understand about the business, why put your energy into something you don't want to see through. But like I said earlier I didn't come here to throw in the towel so soon, if I felt like Australia couldn't offer me anything and we'd gained all we could from the experience then I would think about moving back. I'm not even close to that yet. It's an unfair situation on either side. I think a big move like this changes you sometimes, I definitely feel a lot more of a stronger person. Maybe we're in different places mentally. Time will tell.
Our kids are ten and six, and I feel they have done things here that they never would have done back in the UK, my daughter is in the school choir, she sang at the local arena with other schools it was amazing I was so proud and have never seen anything like it. They both do after school sports, I've just signed my son up to do tennis once a week. They both recently did a dance as part of their classes in front of the whole school and parents. I know apparently the education isn't supposed to be as good here but it's the other stuff that they get to do with/through school that I've been impressed with, they seem to encourage and embrace the kids here.
To your other questions a lot of the answers are simply 'I don't know' the weather can change and my husband can change his mind about something, he's very unpredictable like that. Though this has been on and off since day one so I know he's never going to try and make a go of it here. And I don't know if next year or whenever I would want to go back still. I don't like feeling like I'm not settled and have to make a decision I don't want to make.
I understand about the business, why put your energy into something you don't want to see through. But like I said earlier I didn't come here to throw in the towel so soon, if I felt like Australia couldn't offer me anything and we'd gained all we could from the experience then I would think about moving back. I'm not even close to that yet. It's an unfair situation on either side. I think a big move like this changes you sometimes, I definitely feel a lot more of a stronger person. Maybe we're in different places mentally. Time will tell.
If a return now meant you could retrieve a lot of what you had with minimal "cost" then maybe it might be worthwhile. (Old networks can be helpful)
I'm sure that your kids could do pretty much any of the things you've mentioned - there appear to be perhaps even more options in UK from what I've seen around here. The "better opportunities for the kids" argument is usually shorthand for "the adult wants adventure" (much more palatable) - one first world country is much like any other, same issues wherever.
Counselling seems like a way to go - developing some sort of compromise is key whenever you get disparate opinions but ultimately it could well be that one of you doesn't get all that you want out of life and it will be a case of working out which one of you can best cope with it.
Jul 22nd 2014, 6:17 am
#37
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Hi Guys
I have just came back from a 5 week holiday in the UK. I have been offered a job with the company i work for in Aus in the UK but still my wife will not move back. I really don,t know what else i can do as i can not make her, however i will try and point out that she is not only allowed to make the decisions for this family. She has agreed to" talk" on the subject next week but i believe she has made up her mind already. Any more advice as what to say to try and persuade her. We did have an agreement like another poster as to if one dosen,t like it we both go back, but of course she says we did,t. really don,t know what else i can do.
I have just came back from a 5 week holiday in the UK. I have been offered a job with the company i work for in Aus in the UK but still my wife will not move back. I really don,t know what else i can do as i can not make her, however i will try and point out that she is not only allowed to make the decisions for this family. She has agreed to" talk" on the subject next week but i believe she has made up her mind already. Any more advice as what to say to try and persuade her. We did have an agreement like another poster as to if one dosen,t like it we both go back, but of course she says we did,t. really don,t know what else i can do.
Jul 22nd 2014, 10:03 am
#38
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Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Good luck in your new job.
Sorry that things have ended this way.
Do you have children ? Is either you or your wife Australian ?
This question is probably to personal, but, do you think your marriage would last even if your wife came to live with you in Britain ? Or is she furious with you for going back to the UK ? In her view is it you that's breaking things up ?
Sorry that things have ended this way.
Do you have children ? Is either you or your wife Australian ?
This question is probably to personal, but, do you think your marriage would last even if your wife came to live with you in Britain ? Or is she furious with you for going back to the UK ? In her view is it you that's breaking things up ?
Jul 22nd 2014, 4:37 pm
#39
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Roy 1... I am so sorry for your situation so many of us have been through what you are going through and still are. I think a lot depends on if you have children, if not then you can make the decision for yourself, if your wife Chooses not to return with you then that's her choice but as you said it is 50/50 so don't waste anymore time.
I would sirt down with her and explain to her exactly how you feel and then if she still says no, move on and home. If you have children then the situation is much harder. I wish you the best but don't waste your life doing what others want or you will end up with so many regrets and bitterness towards your wife.
I would sirt down with her and explain to her exactly how you feel and then if she still says no, move on and home. If you have children then the situation is much harder. I wish you the best but don't waste your life doing what others want or you will end up with so many regrets and bitterness towards your wife.
Jul 23rd 2014, 2:24 am
#40
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Thanks Snap shot and trottytrue. firstly i have 2 children and the wife says the kids will have a better life in Australia. Neither me nor the wife is australian but the kids are. I am sure once she got home she would be ok, as her mam and sister live there and she still has a lot of friends. I think she will probably say that i van go on my own, which i can,t as i have children. Her answer is i will get another job here in aus as mine is finnishin here.
Jul 23rd 2014, 3:17 am
#41
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Good luck for the future.
I think one of the most uncomfortable separations I read about on here was one where the wife wanted to move back to Britain.
The husband was aware of this and moved out of the family home, leaving her with the majority of the childcare.
Knowing that he wouldn't give his permission for her to take the children out of the country she is now effectively hostage in a foreign country. In this case, America, taking care of the children, unable to leave to return to the UK until the children are adults. As he knows full well, she is unlikely to leave the country on her own without the children.
If you separate, I hope it can be amicable.
I think one of the most uncomfortable separations I read about on here was one where the wife wanted to move back to Britain.
The husband was aware of this and moved out of the family home, leaving her with the majority of the childcare.
Knowing that he wouldn't give his permission for her to take the children out of the country she is now effectively hostage in a foreign country. In this case, America, taking care of the children, unable to leave to return to the UK until the children are adults. As he knows full well, she is unlikely to leave the country on her own without the children.
If you separate, I hope it can be amicable.
Jul 23rd 2014, 1:21 pm
#42
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Really sad situation Roy. I hope it can be resolved somehow. As I and others said to Suzyambrose (earlier on this thread), what about trying counselling?
It sometimes really helps to have a neutral person listen to the concerns of both, and create a situation where you can both hear each other better....
good luck.
It sometimes really helps to have a neutral person listen to the concerns of both, and create a situation where you can both hear each other better....
good luck.
Jul 28th 2014, 1:03 pm
#43
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
This is a heart wrenching thread.
I can completely sympathize with the what IFs!
My husband and I and kids moved to Canada 18 months ago. I had my first doubts about 4 months in, but I got on with it, as a lot of people on here said it takes time. I knew absolutely for sure that I couldn't stay after 9months! Since then my Homesickness/ depression has become complete and encapsulating. I am lucky, I have a caring husband who has eventually come to realize, that I am tormented and cannot continue. But this has taken him time, shutting out and delaying wherever possible, despite the older children also saying they want to return.
Regret is a strong word, but If we had known better, we would both have not made the move. We have gone to the edge with each other, and I have considered Divorce as my only option, when told he won't go with me and he won't let me take the children!
This is something that has to be considered in detail before moving abroad. If you don't have kids, make sure your completely happy in that country for another 20 years before you do, and if you have kids, make the rules thoroughly clear and understood between you.
We are leaving in around 6 months, the kids are excited and my husband is also starting to feel ready to go. I agree with another poster, try to enjoy what you have, it's very easy to wish your life away!
I can completely sympathize with the what IFs!
My husband and I and kids moved to Canada 18 months ago. I had my first doubts about 4 months in, but I got on with it, as a lot of people on here said it takes time. I knew absolutely for sure that I couldn't stay after 9months! Since then my Homesickness/ depression has become complete and encapsulating. I am lucky, I have a caring husband who has eventually come to realize, that I am tormented and cannot continue. But this has taken him time, shutting out and delaying wherever possible, despite the older children also saying they want to return.
Regret is a strong word, but If we had known better, we would both have not made the move. We have gone to the edge with each other, and I have considered Divorce as my only option, when told he won't go with me and he won't let me take the children!
This is something that has to be considered in detail before moving abroad. If you don't have kids, make sure your completely happy in that country for another 20 years before you do, and if you have kids, make the rules thoroughly clear and understood between you.
We are leaving in around 6 months, the kids are excited and my husband is also starting to feel ready to go. I agree with another poster, try to enjoy what you have, it's very easy to wish your life away!
Jul 28th 2014, 1:51 pm
#44
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
This is a heart wrenching thread.
I can completely sympathize with the what IFs!
My husband and I and kids moved to Canada 18 months ago. I had my first doubts about 4 months in, but I got on with it, as a lot of people on here said it takes time. I knew absolutely for sure that I couldn't stay after 9months! Since then my Homesickness/ depression has become complete and encapsulating. I am lucky, I have a caring husband who has eventually come to realize, that I am tormented and cannot continue. But this has taken him time, shutting out and delaying wherever possible, despite the older children also saying they want to return.
Regret is a strong word, but If we had known better, we would both have not made the move. We have gone to the edge with each other, and I have considered Divorce as my only option, when told he won't go with me and he won't let me take the children!
This is something that has to be considered in detail before moving abroad. If you don't have kids, make sure your completely happy in that country for another 20 years before you do, and if you have kids, make the rules thoroughly clear and understood between you.
We are leaving in around 6 months, the kids are excited and my husband is also starting to feel ready to go. I agree with another poster, try to enjoy what you have, it's very easy to wish your life away!
I can completely sympathize with the what IFs!
My husband and I and kids moved to Canada 18 months ago. I had my first doubts about 4 months in, but I got on with it, as a lot of people on here said it takes time. I knew absolutely for sure that I couldn't stay after 9months! Since then my Homesickness/ depression has become complete and encapsulating. I am lucky, I have a caring husband who has eventually come to realize, that I am tormented and cannot continue. But this has taken him time, shutting out and delaying wherever possible, despite the older children also saying they want to return.
Regret is a strong word, but If we had known better, we would both have not made the move. We have gone to the edge with each other, and I have considered Divorce as my only option, when told he won't go with me and he won't let me take the children!
This is something that has to be considered in detail before moving abroad. If you don't have kids, make sure your completely happy in that country for another 20 years before you do, and if you have kids, make the rules thoroughly clear and understood between you.
We are leaving in around 6 months, the kids are excited and my husband is also starting to feel ready to go. I agree with another poster, try to enjoy what you have, it's very easy to wish your life away!
I feel your story, which is not unique as this thread alone shows, should be read by all would-be expats. It would be interesting and important for them to see what happened...why you went, what you thought it would be like, why you found it hard to settle, why you were so homesick....were the things you found yourself missing the things you thought you would miss, or things you never realised you cared so much about? etc.
There should be a thread especially about experiences like these for those dreaming the grass is greener elsewhere to read.
Tho of course many expats do successfully make the transition and love their new home....everyone is different.
Aug 4th 2014, 6:29 am
#45
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Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
This is a sad thread, but at the same time it’s a relief to find that others feel like I do.
My situation is that I was born in England and grew up there. I moved to Australia when I was 20, travelled around and had various jobs. I then met my husband in Perth, and we now have 2 children (11 and 13). We have a pretty good life here, though we are not financially well-off.
I have still always felt that England is my home, and have always thought at the back of my mind that I would someday return. Well what I mean is that I never thought I would grow old here, and die here, if that doesn’t sound too melodramatic. I feel more English than Australian. I have never felt a real connection with this country, even though I do like it. I have never been back for a visit, as we’ve never been able to afford it, - or take that amount of time off as we run our own small business. My husband has no interest in going to England at all, and is dead against spending that amount of money.
In the last 6-12 months, I have felt an incredibly strong longing to go back. The kids have started asking me about England and this exacerbates my feelings of homesickness.
I don’t know why I feel like this. I have a husband, kids, house, business, friends – basically an established life here. Why do I feel an overwhelming urge to just buy a plane ticket and go back?? Not that I would ever leave my kids, don’t get me wrong.
I’m not even missing family and friends over there – I have no family left in England and only keep in occasional touch with one friend over there now.
I mentioned to a fellow English expat friend how I’m feeling and she thinks I’m mad, totally crazy and why on earth would I want to go back.
I can’t tell my husband how I feel, as I KNOW it sounds crazy, and I can’t even really fully explain in words how I feel. Why do I just feel like walking away from my whole life here, to go back to a country that has no doubt changed enormously? Is it just some connection I feel because I was born there, or an I just being emotional, or nostalgic, or having a mid-life crisis??? Do I go against my husband, save up some money, and go back for a holiday by myself? But how could I possibly leave the kids? I couldn’t. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t let me take them for a holiday. He’d probably think I’d try and stay, and I don’t know if he’d be wrong.
So sorry for the rambling, but I had to get it off my chest.
My situation is that I was born in England and grew up there. I moved to Australia when I was 20, travelled around and had various jobs. I then met my husband in Perth, and we now have 2 children (11 and 13). We have a pretty good life here, though we are not financially well-off.
I have still always felt that England is my home, and have always thought at the back of my mind that I would someday return. Well what I mean is that I never thought I would grow old here, and die here, if that doesn’t sound too melodramatic. I feel more English than Australian. I have never felt a real connection with this country, even though I do like it. I have never been back for a visit, as we’ve never been able to afford it, - or take that amount of time off as we run our own small business. My husband has no interest in going to England at all, and is dead against spending that amount of money.
In the last 6-12 months, I have felt an incredibly strong longing to go back. The kids have started asking me about England and this exacerbates my feelings of homesickness.
I don’t know why I feel like this. I have a husband, kids, house, business, friends – basically an established life here. Why do I feel an overwhelming urge to just buy a plane ticket and go back?? Not that I would ever leave my kids, don’t get me wrong.
I’m not even missing family and friends over there – I have no family left in England and only keep in occasional touch with one friend over there now.
I mentioned to a fellow English expat friend how I’m feeling and she thinks I’m mad, totally crazy and why on earth would I want to go back.
I can’t tell my husband how I feel, as I KNOW it sounds crazy, and I can’t even really fully explain in words how I feel. Why do I just feel like walking away from my whole life here, to go back to a country that has no doubt changed enormously? Is it just some connection I feel because I was born there, or an I just being emotional, or nostalgic, or having a mid-life crisis??? Do I go against my husband, save up some money, and go back for a holiday by myself? But how could I possibly leave the kids? I couldn’t. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t let me take them for a holiday. He’d probably think I’d try and stay, and I don’t know if he’d be wrong.
So sorry for the rambling, but I had to get it off my chest.