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Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by Basil Brush
......and guess what....another one who's looking to going back to the UK!!
We have been in Oz for 4 years and haven't felt truly happy from day one. Yes, we have some good days, but no where near as many as we had in the UK. We never planned to come to Oz and our circumstances were pretty unusual as we were offered a job in Oz totally out of the blue in June 2001 and were given just one week to make a decision. My first response was "no way - I'm happy here" but then I began to think about how much we might regret not giving it a go in 20 years time, so we said "C'mon, lets do it" and 8 weeks later we were here in Melbourne without knowing a soul. :eek: We were still unsettled after 1 year and decided to give it another 12 months. After 2 years we felt no different, but the fear of making a wrong decision made us decide to give it another year. At 3 years we were unhappy enough to get quotes for shipping back to the UK, but a last minute change of job and the chance to move to a nicer part of Melbourne gave us a glimmer of hope that things might get better. Now, 1 year down the track and after 4 years in Oz, we feel no different and although we have had some highlights, we can definitely say that more often than not we feel like there is something massive missing in our lives. Maybe the way we came to be in Oz so suddenly & without any real planning means that we don't have enough commitment to make it work, maybe we have just come to realise the value of true friendships :) (that we gave up on the spur of the moment)...who knows?...but we can't keep giving it another year & another year, as every year we spend unhappy is a year we could be investing into getting back into the life we had before.....a happy one with our friends & family around us. That all sounds very simple, but of course there are lots of things that we like about the lifestyle here that we won't get in the UK, and this is where the doubts and cold feet start to creep into your thoughts every day. We can't have the best of both worlds and working out what is important to you as an individual is all important. We constantly hear about the people who go back and can't re-adapt to the "old life" and end up saving their arses off to came back to Oz. Reading about other people's experiences of returning to the UK is interesting and gives us some insight as to what we could expect. Our son is 11 and we need to act fast as he needs to have some stability for his high school years. he likes Oz, but can see that we aren't happy and wants us to do whatever we have to do to be our old selves again. Can anyone offer any pointers as to the hardest things about going back, and if possible what advice you may have that can help us weather the storm!! :scared: BB. :) |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by Jockstar
Firstly i havent read all the posts. But if i was you. I'd forget about it. The UK has changed. Its not like it used to be. Why not look at moving somewhere else? I have lived out and in the UK since 98. I now live in Thailand and have no plans to return to the Uk. When i leave Thailand next year we will be moving to OZ. Mate. All i can say is . DONT DO IT! You will regret it. But if you do. All the best and i hope it works out for you and the family. The grass isn't always greener!
I would never say never to anyone considering coming back as we are all very different folks, needing different things. I for one have no regrets coming back, it has enriched my life emotionally with my family BUT England, the place of my birth will never be my final forever home for a number of reasons. Others on here have come back and just are very happy. I think what I am trying to say is come back if that is what you want as you don't want to regret it, though think on how the UK has moved on in the same way as you have in your current country and you may not be compatable. We have found it very tough setting back up here, more than we ever did in Australia. It has been very expensive and fraught with issues with jobs, red tape but we survive. I also felt like an alien for the first 10 months, it has eased but I had really become Australianised. That was hard. Best of luck Merlot :) |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by Basil Brush
......and guess what....another one who's looking to going back to the UK!!
We have been in Oz for 4 years and haven't felt truly happy from day one. Yes, we have some good days, but no where near as many as we had in the UK. We never planned to come to Oz and our circumstances were pretty unusual as we were offered a job in Oz totally out of the blue in June 2001 and were given just one week to make a decision. My first response was "no way - I'm happy here" but then I began to think about how much we might regret not giving it a go in 20 years time, so we said "C'mon, lets do it" and 8 weeks later we were here in Melbourne without knowing a soul. :eek: Maybe the way we came to be in Oz so suddenly & without any real planning means that we don't have enough commitment to make it work, maybe we have just come to realise the value of true friendships :) (that we gave up on the spur of the moment)...who knows?...but we can't keep giving it another year & another year, as every year we spend unhappy is a year we could be investing into getting back into the life we had before.....a happy one with our friends & family around us. Our son is 11 and we need to act fast as he needs to have some stability for his high school years. he likes Oz, but can see that we aren't happy and wants us to do whatever we have to do to be our old selves again. Can anyone offer any pointers as to the hardest things about going back, and if possible what advice you may have that can help us weather the storm!! :scared: BB. :) As an aside, I am always amused by the advice that many other posters give. Often, it is along the lines of 'the grass is always greener', 'it's all changed' or just 'don't do it!' And yet this same advice is 100% relevant to those who are considering leaving UK in the first instance, but they don't want to hear it. Leaving an adopted country is similar to ending a dysfunctional relationship - it's not pleasant at first, goes through ups and downs, but in the long run you'll feel a lot better. To us, the acid test as to whether you really want to stay in a country long-term is 'Would you be happy to die there?' If the answer's 'no', then ask yourself 'What do I really expect to get out of being in the new country, long term?' Whatever most people may say, material things count for diddly squat. If you don't feel at home after 4 years, it's probably not going to get any better. If you miss your friends and family; the British sense of humour and approach to life, the chances are that you'll never settle. We stayed in Oz 12 long years until our eldest was old enough to start upper school. We then high-tailed it back to UK. And we love it back here. Of course, the usual issues applied: getting children into schools, work and somewhere to live - but, we had sorted those issues in 3 months. Remember, life's too short! |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by Basil Brush
......and guess what....another one who's looking to going back to the UK!!
We have been in Oz for 4 years and haven't felt truly happy from day one. Yes, we have some good days, but no where near as many as we had in the UK. We never planned to come to Oz and our circumstances were pretty unusual as we were offered a job in Oz totally out of the blue in June 2001 and were given just one week to make a decision. My first response was "no way - I'm happy here" but then I began to think about how much we might regret not giving it a go in 20 years time, so we said "C'mon, lets do it" and 8 weeks later we were here in Melbourne without knowing a soul. :eek: We were still unsettled after 1 year and decided to give it another 12 months. After 2 years we felt no different, but the fear of making a wrong decision made us decide to give it another year. At 3 years we were unhappy enough to get quotes for shipping back to the UK, but a last minute change of job and the chance to move to a nicer part of Melbourne gave us a glimmer of hope that things might get better. Now, 1 year down the track and after 4 years in Oz, we feel no different and although we have had some highlights, we can definitely say that more often than not we feel like there is something massive missing in our lives. Maybe the way we came to be in Oz so suddenly & without any real planning means that we don't have enough commitment to make it work, maybe we have just come to realise the value of true friendships :) (that we gave up on the spur of the moment)...who knows?...but we can't keep giving it another year & another year, as every year we spend unhappy is a year we could be investing into getting back into the life we had before.....a happy one with our friends & family around us. That all sounds very simple, but of course there are lots of things that we like about the lifestyle here that we won't get in the UK, and this is where the doubts and cold feet start to creep into your thoughts every day. We can't have the best of both worlds and working out what is important to you as an individual is all important. We constantly hear about the people who go back and can't re-adapt to the "old life" and end up saving their arses off to came back to Oz. Reading about other people's experiences of returning to the UK is interesting and gives us some insight as to what we could expect. Our son is 11 and we need to act fast as he needs to have some stability for his high school years. he likes Oz, but can see that we aren't happy and wants us to do whatever we have to do to be our old selves again. Can anyone offer any pointers as to the hardest things about going back, and if possible what advice you may have that can help us weather the storm!! :scared: BB. :) I don't think you can put a price on family relationships - that's the single biggest thing that's missing when you live over here - and if family is not important - then what is? Would you be happy for your son to grow up here? I have just had my niece and nephew come to stay with me (they grew up down here), and while they are nice teenagers, I was struck by how insular and small-minded they were. They made racist comments now and then, and kept going on about how "this is the best place on earth". I'm sorry but I don't want my kids ending up like that. Everyone is different and everyone has different reasons for coming and going, for some its right, for some its not, but I'd say, if after 4 years you are still not 100% happy, then as you said, you could be back getting back into the life you had before - but it may not be exactly the same. Also, if you were happy with life in the UK before you left - that also makes it hard to be here. Same here - I wasn't unhappy with what I had back in England, I came for an adventure, to do something different because we could, and to see if "the grass really was greener", and if it was - we'd stay. But oh my......it isn't greener at all. I only left 7 or 8 months ago, but it wasn't the "crime ridden" place you might be led to believe readings posts on here. Again, it depends where you live or lived. The thought of spending the rest of my life here sends shivers down my spine!!!! |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
To Mike Stanton and KenDodd,
Just wanted to say how wonderfully worded your comments were - it has put so much more into perspective for me - thanks again!!! |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by debbie#1
To Mike Stanton and KenDodd,
Just wanted to say how wonderfully worded your comments were - it has put so much more into perspective for me - thanks again!!! There are pros and cons for every country, but you have to decide which ones are important to you. For me, personally, there are 42 reasons to eventually go home to England, and about 2 or 3 to stay in Australia!!! I can put up with what's not so good in the UK, because of the plus points!!! |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Hi
Just thought I would add my two pennies worth here.. I have been back in the UK 10months now after being in Oz for 21/2yrs. I am married to an Aussie and have a daughter who is 31/2. Coming back to the UK was the right thing for us to do at this stage of our lives. Funny we were at my aunts over the weekend and my cousin lives in Sydney and my aunt and uncle are now immigrating over to Oz. My cousin will never come back to the UK as she says her life will be living from hand to mouth, even though she's a journalist. In Oz her husband has been able to get his own company up and running. She has been able to stay at home and look after bubs. My aunt and uncle are both in very early 60's and have plenty of dosh. They are moving to Oz so my uncle can actually have a good retirement with his dream of a jetty at the bottom of the garden and a nice boat attached. For my aunt it is being near to her daughter and grandchild(ren). They are leaving 2 sons here. Another reason for doing it is because they say "we don't know how long we have left"...!!!Good for them. They have the money to warrant an excellent lifestyle. Mr Pants and I were asked so many times" why did you come back to the UK"? lots of reasons...is always our reply..never....Don't know really..!! The UK has changed but ever country will do if you are away from it for sometime. I have happy memories of Oz...even though it wasn't all good. I choose to take the good with me. I never expected us to come back to the UK as my hubby was so adamant we would stay in Oz as a return to the Uk would cripple us financially...well it wasn't easy and still isn't but we are getting there. We have a roof over our heads, lovely friends and my husband has a great job he likes. The happy childhood memories I had of the UK doesn't exist for my child. I feel kids are getting into stuff at a much younger age here. Our dilemma has always been where is best for our daughter. For now it is here...but who knows when she gets older. I am sure the strains and stresses that parents go through with young teenagers exists in Oz . I do worry about her safety more so here. You see we never say never....maybe one day we will return to Oz but for now this is "home". We live in the here and now. We are both much happier people here in the UK. Well I think I have waffled a bit....too early in the morning and not enough tea yet !!Good luck with any decisions you make. :) ;) |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
I often wonder how many people would return from Oz to the UK if it was much nearer to family and friends.
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Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Thanks everyone for all of your comments. Those who asked why my in-laws' divorce is a reason to leave made me realise I sounded a bit callous. However, they are both seeing other people and don't seem to be crying out for support. It is affecting us more than it is affecting them which sucks.
Anyway, we were just going round and round in circles trying to make a decision, so have decided to put it on the back-burner for now and try to get on with our lives. Especially with the baby on the way, now is not the time for major upheaval. However, if we do eventually do it I'd like it to be before the kids get too old, so we will probably think about it again some time next year if we feel things have not improved. |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
missing my family and just english people in general.....I don't mean to offend anyone here but americans are not the same.......over here it's all about whats in it for ME.....very very tired of the winters in new england and couldn't stand the heat in florida.....actually can't stand the heat here in the summer......the winters are the worst though I could not imagine growing old here and have started to think that it's not far away......there are only 2 people here I could consider good friends in 20 yrs thats pathetic......yes I have many people that I call friends but I know deep down if push came to shove they would not be there for me.....besides that everything is just brilliant[/QUOTE]
Im in Atlanta (20 years) and have to agree with everything you said. Even though I wont be able to have all the "toys" back in England, who needs them! I think you shoud go, In gonna, scary but cant wait Rob |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Originally Posted by Triumphrob
missing my family and just english people in general.....I don't mean to offend anyone here but americans are not the same.......over here it's all about whats in it for ME.....very very tired of the winters in new england and couldn't stand the heat in florida.....actually can't stand the heat here in the summer......the winters are the worst though I could not imagine growing old here and have started to think that it's not far away......there are only 2 people here I could consider good friends in 20 yrs thats pathetic......yes I have many people that I call friends but I know deep down if push came to shove they would not be there for me.....besides that everything is just brilliant
I think you shoud go, In gonna, scary but cant wait Rob[/QUOTE] Americans are easy to train..We have ours watching Brits shows......and speaking real English...... :D ...but most of my close friends in the USA are now from other countries......mostly the Middle East......India.....etc..... I have homes in New England and FL.........I love both......I understand your dislike of the winters up here......I love the first snow.......but it does grow old if it last to long......the only thing I hate is the cost of keeping warm...if bill where cheaper I'd be happy as could be up here........but cost may drive us to live in FL full time.......I don't mind the heat there......its just not so beauiful..... |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Ask your wife to join www.americanexpats.co.uk for a perspective on the UK from an American's point of view. One thing about living in the UK rather than the USA for us is that we have more vacation time. So my hubby is able to visit his family in MA far more often than I'd be able to visit mine if we lived stateside. We also take lots of trips to France etc and this year slipped in a visit to Chicago. And I agree about the extreme weather in the NE USA--I don't think I could wait at bus stops in MA in those temps (I don't drive and have no desire to learn).
Funny but you'd think every Brit's dream would be to live in CA. Well, we have a member on americanexpats who came to live in the UK with her British husband a couple of years ago, after he'd lived in CA with her for 18 years. They now live in Milton Keynes and guess what? She loves it there and would hate to go back to CA! (Yes, that's MILTON KEYNES, the place we all make fun of)! |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
We're also returning to the UK. We've been here 2 years, and are waiting to get citizenship. We expect to be back in the UK in April. Our reasons are professional, financial, practical, and emotional.
- Professionally, I am in a specialised job which has limited choice in Australia - Financially, Sydney is very expensive to live. The only think cheaper seems to be meals out - and we have a baby daughter, so... Houses are no cheaper than the UK here for a reasonable area. Salaries are lower in Australia generally. My wife is a newely qualified counsellor, which pays very poorly in Australia (about 40% less). - Practically, getting back to the UK or Europe is very hard. Australian employers give around 20 days holiday on average, compred to a starting entitlement of 28 days in my new employer in the UK (major company for whom I have worked before and enjoyed). This means that if one goes back to the UK for a couple of weeks, that is half of your A/L gone, plus recovery time. Take away Christmas and new year A/L and you have a few days for a proper holiday. - Emotionally, one cannot easily recreate friendships that are 10 years old or more. Family are irreplacable. The yearning for this never stops according to many we meet. It is like grief - it just becomes more tolerable. We also have a month old daughter. Having no family or old friends at hand to see our most precious little person is very hard. Here was a list we made for and against Sydney - not sure how much it applies to the rest of Aus, but some will. SYDNEY Advantages + Great weather + Friendlier social climate + Few social problems in coastal (affluent) suburbs. + Cafe and dining culture + Outdoor life + Quite cheap to rent + The harbour + The beaches + Easy to meet people + The great barrier reef, Whitsundays, Tasmania and NZ easy and cheap to get to + Easy life generally - like a permanent holiday (this borders on being a disadvantage sometimes) + Child friendly SYDNEY Disadvantages - Just too far away from UK to maintain relationships - Too far away from Europe (professional access and holiday) - Poor annual leave (20 days in most companies) - Trips to the UK are stressful due to constantly moving from between visits - Therefore no other chance for a real holiday due to poor annual leave - Housing costs (to buy) - No family or old friends - even more of an issue when you have a child or in more difficult times - Lack of rich culture - Few job opportunities in my profession - Very poor pay in wife's profession compared to UK - Little or no affordable childcare in some (generally affluent) areas - Awful road system wrt commuting - BBQ culture becomes a bore - Takes a long time to develop deep friendships - High cost of returning to visit UK - Little interesting Architecture outside Syd and Melb CBDs - Too far to get to other cities or places of interest - Sydney feels like an island (Ignore the 'number' of pros and cons - that means little. Also note this is just a list for Sydney not the UK, or speciallically where we will live in the UK - south coast.) It is actually very difficult to compare - apples and oranges. In some ways the two are the reverse of each other. However, we have loved living here so far and are very glad we did it. We will come back to the UK with a different mind. There are so many beautiful parts of the UK (and Europe) that we haven't seen it is ridiculous - some of our Aussie friends have seen more... I'd say if you don't have very close family and friends in the UK, like the 'easy life', need good weather, are not too fussed about the UK or Europe in terms of heritage, architecture, landscape, etc, then there are few better places in the world to live than Australia. It is also a superb place to retire (well, some parts are), especially if one does not have close family overseas. Our baby daughter is an Aussie already, and we apply for citizenship soon, so we have options to return with her later in life. Mostly our opinions just come from our UK socialisation. Aussies think differently. I notice that they often think it weird to drive from one major city or town to another in an hour or two (e.g. Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield, York, Chester, etc). Many like the fact they are so far away from the rest of the world. Many have not seen Europe. You don't miss what you haven't had. We know know that we will miss Sydney very much and will be stuck in-between for some time. However, I don't think we've been here long enough to become Australianised. We also know the extent to which the UK has changed, or not, as we've been back a couple of times. To us it is the same - it is us that have changed. The last person who was in my current job also returned to the UK after 5 years and loves being back - still after over 2 years. He sees the UK in a new light and is doing all the things he never did before he moved to Aus. Life here sometimes feels like a break from life. Why would you want to escape that? Well I suppose it depends on every individual's take on life. Recently we've felt like one feels at the end of a 2 week holiday - it's great but it's just not home - not now anyway. |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Hi Shoz
Excellent post very well put. I have some friends who are returning this year and although there are many good reasons for them to stay the one main reason that sticks out for them is the lack of family support. !! I know they both feel pretty sad about leaving but whatever way they look at it they really need the family so they are packing up and heading back. They couldn't even wait for the citizenship as they have secured jobs back home. Anyway I have sent you a PM...hope all is well in Sydney for now Cheers P |
Re: Thinking about returning (yep, another one!)
Shoz...best wishes for your return, your post gives a good balanced view about the whole situation.......a lot more balanced than I was when we were trying to decide what to do. :eek:
We are really appreciating what we missed in the UK now...particulary a "history" with friends and the close proximity of all the family. We are feeling a bit in-between at the moment but know that we made the right decision. I could ramble on!!! Australia felt so similar to what you describe to me too! Scoobs x :) |
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