Telling the OH that I am not happy
Oct 14th 2010, 11:46 pm
#62
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Awww sickbrit I really hope it gets better once you are back. 
that the oldest comes too.
Once back, drop of the kids with your mum, her mum (someones Mum
) and get some time with your wife to connect again, a weekend B&B or something romantic.
that the oldest comes too.Once back, drop of the kids with your mum, her mum (someones Mum
) and get some time with your wife to connect again, a weekend B&B or something romantic.
Oct 15th 2010, 2:08 am
#63
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
I lived in the UK in 2005 and commuted most weekends to the family in Belgium and every Friday I looked forward to see the kids and every Monday I was so happy to be out of the house. You can't get it right, I think.
Thank you for your kind words. I have been very down and I think that there are many reasons for this, but yes, being stuck at home with the kids is one of them. I will really try to make the best of my time here and take one day at a time.
Thank you for your kind words. I have been very down and I think that there are many reasons for this, but yes, being stuck at home with the kids is one of them. I will really try to make the best of my time here and take one day at a time.
Does anyone on here know what the procedure would be that could help George?
Oct 15th 2010, 12:44 pm
#64
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Posts: 2,211
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
I started this thread so I guess I should keep you updated, I have kept quiet since my wife discovered it was me as I did not think a public forum was the place for what is essentially a private family discussion. My wife has reluctantly agreed to return to the UK next summer after the kids have finished school. I dont think she will ever forgive me but I have absolutely no choice as staying here is affecting my health both physically and mentally. I have never in my whole life been as miserable and unhappy as I am now and I so much wanted to come here as I was becoming so disillusioned with life in the UK, now all I want is to get back and put this nightmare behind me.
I just hope this will not affect my marriage, me and my wife are so very close and we love each other so much. This is the only issue where we are completely and utterly opposed in opinion. My biggest fear now is that she changes her mind and refuses to budge, our eldest daughter (not mine biologically) is likely to remain and I think this is what my wife is fearing the most but when we came here I had to leave my eldest child (from a previous marriage) behind for 2 years, so she will experience what I had to and I know that is a hard thing to live with. My eldest child is here with me but is applying to UK universities for next year, I just cannot and I will not be separated again.
If anyone is reading this who are thinking of making the move over here please read my story, we were totally committed to starting a new life out here it was me and the wives dream that turned into my nightmare alone. I do regret coming I'm afraid, but that is knowledge in hindsight, I have a feeling my nightmare is just beginning. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that my future is NOT in Canada.
Best regards
I just hope this will not affect my marriage, me and my wife are so very close and we love each other so much. This is the only issue where we are completely and utterly opposed in opinion. My biggest fear now is that she changes her mind and refuses to budge, our eldest daughter (not mine biologically) is likely to remain and I think this is what my wife is fearing the most but when we came here I had to leave my eldest child (from a previous marriage) behind for 2 years, so she will experience what I had to and I know that is a hard thing to live with. My eldest child is here with me but is applying to UK universities for next year, I just cannot and I will not be separated again.
If anyone is reading this who are thinking of making the move over here please read my story, we were totally committed to starting a new life out here it was me and the wives dream that turned into my nightmare alone. I do regret coming I'm afraid, but that is knowledge in hindsight, I have a feeling my nightmare is just beginning. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that my future is NOT in Canada.
Best regards
I totally understand how you are feeling, as I feel the same. If I could, I would get on a plane back to England today, but unfortunately that is not possible.
I hope things do work out for you and your wife. I fear she may resent you if she is leaving her daughter in Canada. This may cause problems further down the line. I really hope it doesn't though.
We too are waiting for my eldest to finish school here, which means waiting 3 years!
I fear she may not want to return with us and I really don't want to go without her. I don't think I could return if she were to stay here
My OH feels sick at the thought of returning. We, like thousands of others, ploughed our whole lives into this move. We sold everything and spent all our money doing it. We would have to start again in England.
I actually broke down last weekend. I was so stressed I was (literally) pulling my hair out!
We have spoke before about returning but this actually confirmed how I am feeling and now OH understands that we must go back, for my sanity!
I just spent the last weekend crying also, I fear that it will be like this for the next 3 years.
Good luck to you and I really hope it works out.
Oct 15th 2010, 1:28 pm
#65
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Posts: 2,211
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Also, sickbrit,
I really don't think it will make a difference if people who want to emigrate read your story or not. If they want to move, they will move, if only to get it out of their system.
We all start out with such high hopes of a fantastic new life, but unfortunately some of us end up here on the MBTTUK forum
People tried to put me off moving, my best friend would ask me if I'm doing it for the right reasons and why would I want to leave England for Canada. I did a pro's & con's list for her which I look at now and find ridiculous. I feel I did move for all the wrong reasons.
Once you move and realise you do not like it, it is too late for some to return due to kids and other commitments.
I wish I could tell people to just take an extended holiday to have a break from normal life, instead of moving your family and belongings accross the world.
I see people moving now who have many lovely supportive friends and family in England, and I wonder how long they will last without that network and realise what they will be missing.
I really don't think it will make a difference if people who want to emigrate read your story or not. If they want to move, they will move, if only to get it out of their system.
We all start out with such high hopes of a fantastic new life, but unfortunately some of us end up here on the MBTTUK forum
People tried to put me off moving, my best friend would ask me if I'm doing it for the right reasons and why would I want to leave England for Canada. I did a pro's & con's list for her which I look at now and find ridiculous. I feel I did move for all the wrong reasons.
Once you move and realise you do not like it, it is too late for some to return due to kids and other commitments.
I wish I could tell people to just take an extended holiday to have a break from normal life, instead of moving your family and belongings accross the world.
I see people moving now who have many lovely supportive friends and family in England, and I wonder how long they will last without that network and realise what they will be missing.
Oct 15th 2010, 3:20 pm
#66
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 120
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Also, sickbrit,
I really don't think it will make a difference if people who want to emigrate read your story or not. If they want to move, they will move, if only to get it out of their system.
We all start out with such high hopes of a fantastic new life, but unfortunately some of us end up here on the MBTTUK forum
People tried to put me off moving, my best friend would ask me if I'm doing it for the right reasons and why would I want to leave England for Canada. I did a pro's & con's list for her which I look at now and find ridiculous. I feel I did move for all the wrong reasons.
Once you move and realise you do not like it, it is too late for some to return due to kids and other commitments.
I wish I could tell people to just take an extended holiday to have a break from normal life, instead of moving your family and belongings accross the world.
I see people moving now who have many lovely supportive friends and family in England, and I wonder how long they will last without that network and realise what they will be missing.
I really don't think it will make a difference if people who want to emigrate read your story or not. If they want to move, they will move, if only to get it out of their system.
We all start out with such high hopes of a fantastic new life, but unfortunately some of us end up here on the MBTTUK forum
People tried to put me off moving, my best friend would ask me if I'm doing it for the right reasons and why would I want to leave England for Canada. I did a pro's & con's list for her which I look at now and find ridiculous. I feel I did move for all the wrong reasons.
Once you move and realise you do not like it, it is too late for some to return due to kids and other commitments.
I wish I could tell people to just take an extended holiday to have a break from normal life, instead of moving your family and belongings accross the world.
I see people moving now who have many lovely supportive friends and family in England, and I wonder how long they will last without that network and realise what they will be missing.
It is also very different for each individual and so impossible to predict how you will feel.
Myself, I saw it as an adventure and didn't think I would miss the UK as much as I do having lived abroad in my twenties and also having moved around a lot in the UK, we thought we would be able to settle anywhere.
My OH also has strong reservations about returning, we're trying not to talk about it too much just now as it causes so much bad feeling. Last night I couldn't help myself having had a particularly trying day , and I saw that familiar look of fatigue on his face ( as in I really don't want to talk about this again) and wished I hadn't brought it up. But you don't want to be a continual moaning minnie to your friends either so I suppose for now this will have to be my outlet when I have "I hate Canada days."
Oct 16th 2010, 11:37 am
#67
Just hanging around
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Sickbrit, thanks for the update. All best wishes,
Bev
Oct 16th 2010, 1:26 pm
#68
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Posts: 2,211
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Now, if we could afford a private tutor.....
Oct 17th 2010, 2:09 pm
#69
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: South of heaven, west of hell
Posts: 127
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
I really feel for you sickbrit and Lorry1. If your homesickness is anything like mine, and it sounds like it is, I just couldn't contemplate not leaving for 3 years or even next summer. I intend getting the hell out of here in early January and most days even this feels like a lifetime away.
You must have an inner strength that most just don't have. I wish you all the best.
You must have an inner strength that most just don't have. I wish you all the best.
Oct 17th 2010, 2:58 pm
#70
Lost in Space
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Stockport, Cheshire, UK
Posts: 804
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Hi sickbrit
My husband hates change but he is now quite excited (on the quiet) about going to the UK. We watched David Dimbleby's Pictures of Britain and it really showed the beauty of the UK and its history. Maybe you could both start downloading and watching some great BBC documentaries. We're going to join the National Trust and have lots of weekends to places of interest. I'm sure she'll soon see the benefits of living in the UK when you whisk her away to Europe and elsewhere!
I also know that when you love each other like you guys clearly do you will find a way to make things work. A good relationship will survive simply because you both want it to. Many relationships end because they were already broken, not because of a move. I'm sure everything will work out for you both.
My husband hates change but he is now quite excited (on the quiet) about going to the UK. We watched David Dimbleby's Pictures of Britain and it really showed the beauty of the UK and its history. Maybe you could both start downloading and watching some great BBC documentaries. We're going to join the National Trust and have lots of weekends to places of interest. I'm sure she'll soon see the benefits of living in the UK when you whisk her away to Europe and elsewhere!
I also know that when you love each other like you guys clearly do you will find a way to make things work. A good relationship will survive simply because you both want it to. Many relationships end because they were already broken, not because of a move. I'm sure everything will work out for you both.
Last edited by lilybilly101; Oct 17th 2010 at 3:15 pm.
Oct 17th 2010, 3:15 pm
#71
Lost in Space
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Stockport, Cheshire, UK
Posts: 804
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
I really feel for you sickbrit and Lorry1. If your homesickness is anything like mine, and it sounds like it is, I just couldn't contemplate not leaving for 3 years or even next summer. I intend getting the hell out of here in early January and most days even this feels like a lifetime away.
You must have an inner strength that most just don't have. I wish you all the best.
You must have an inner strength that most just don't have. I wish you all the best.
Oct 17th 2010, 3:24 pm
#72
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: South of heaven, west of hell
Posts: 127
Oct 17th 2010, 4:31 pm
#73
Lost in Space
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Stockport, Cheshire, UK
Posts: 804
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Oct 17th 2010, 6:59 pm
#74
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
It's much of the same only uglier as well as colder. I lived in Toronto for 6 years and liked lots of things about it, but as a province, I found Ontario very dull and boring. At least BC has better weather and amazing scenery.
Oct 17th 2010, 8:50 pm
#75
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: South of heaven, west of hell
Posts: 127
Re: Telling the OH that I am not happy
Thanks LB. I think it wouldn't matter where you are, west, east or in-between. The basic problem is it just isn't England. I never realized how attached I was to the place. You live and learn I guess. Rather like yourself we're spending the remaining time doing some sight seeing than heading back home.