Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right
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Oct 18th 2007, 3:16 am
#62
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 50
Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right
Well put JAJ
I also find (only through reading the posts) that a lot of people think their relationship will becoming somthing that it isn't if they start again! (if that made sense) and then find that life, marriage etc is exactly the same where ever you are, and with a lot more strain on it in a new country without the support network, which can then lead to unhappiness, extreme homesickness (although this can occur without the extra stuff too) etc etc
I think (for some) that a good long look at their relationships, themselves etc before heading over to a new start may bring about change anyway
If that made any sense
I also find (only through reading the posts) that a lot of people think their relationship will becoming somthing that it isn't if they start again! (if that made sense) and then find that life, marriage etc is exactly the same where ever you are, and with a lot more strain on it in a new country without the support network, which can then lead to unhappiness, extreme homesickness (although this can occur without the extra stuff too) etc etc
I think (for some) that a good long look at their relationships, themselves etc before heading over to a new start may bring about change anyway
If that made any sense
That is the gamble we take.
I moved to Italy,my husband is from here,he missed his large family.We wanted our two boys to experience a different culture to that of the UK.I think a common mistake people make is that they think they wil simply leave all their problems,stresses behind and encounter some kind of utopia-which in fact doesn't exist.You bring most of your stresses with you and encounter new ones to boot!
I am finding it very very hard to adjust-I knew it would be hard,but 2 years in now and its no easier.This could be due to the fact that I am the only British person within 500 miles,in a small hilltop village!I have days where I am crying and crying because I miss home so much and others where I am 'maybe it will pass'.
Each country brings its own challenges to the table and I think it is hard to tell if you can succeed unless you give it a shot.Yes,you can do all your research,read the books,forums,etc etc but unless you are 'there' doing it,you can never really know if it is for you.
Oct 18th 2007, 3:35 am
#63
I don't give a damn
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right
I think you can never be really sure when making such a huge life choice.
That is the gamble we take.
I moved to Italy,my husband is from here,he missed his large family.We wanted our two boys to experience a different culture to that of the UK.I think a common mistake people make is that they think they wil simply leave all their problems,stresses behind and encounter some kind of utopia-which in fact doesn't exist.You bring most of your stresses with you and encounter new ones to boot!
I am finding it very very hard to adjust-I knew it would be hard,but 2 years in now and its no easier.This could be due to the fact that I am the only British person within 500 miles,in a small hilltop village!I have days where I am crying and crying because I miss home so much and others where I am 'maybe it will pass'.
Each country brings its own challenges to the table and I think it is hard to tell if you can succeed unless you give it a shot.Yes,you can do all your research,read the books,forums,etc etc but unless you are 'there' doing it,you can never really know if it is for you.
That is the gamble we take.
I moved to Italy,my husband is from here,he missed his large family.We wanted our two boys to experience a different culture to that of the UK.I think a common mistake people make is that they think they wil simply leave all their problems,stresses behind and encounter some kind of utopia-which in fact doesn't exist.You bring most of your stresses with you and encounter new ones to boot!
I am finding it very very hard to adjust-I knew it would be hard,but 2 years in now and its no easier.This could be due to the fact that I am the only British person within 500 miles,in a small hilltop village!I have days where I am crying and crying because I miss home so much and others where I am 'maybe it will pass'.
Each country brings its own challenges to the table and I think it is hard to tell if you can succeed unless you give it a shot.Yes,you can do all your research,read the books,forums,etc etc but unless you are 'there' doing it,you can never really know if it is for you.
Geeez that must be really hard for you Karamia. You have my sympathy. I can imagine how lonely you must feel at times.
At the very least try to hang around in here for some moral support. When the going gets tough pour it out here. I do!!
Oct 24th 2007, 2:05 pm
#64
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 723
Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right
I have thought a great deal about whether to respond again on this thread and have decided to do so but after my post I am going to ask Admin to close the thread (as I started it) as for one thing it has gone way off topic and another I received some rather unkind pms.
First of all thank you for your replies - they did make interesting reading. I was genuinely interested in why people did stay.
Secondly to answer those of you who pmd me about my step-FIL. Last week he was transferred to a specialist heart hospital where he appeared to be making a good recovery although he then had another heart attack. Thankfully he is a tough old boy and after various test over the last couple of days they hospital have decided he is to have a bypass asap. This is causing a huge amount of worry for my husband and alot of anguish for my daughter as my MIL isn't in the best of health either so thanks for your good wishes.
Thirdly, as I said above I received some rather unkind pms (and that is putting it nicely) supporting comments made on this thread by certain people. I haven't gone running to the mods to complain - I deleted them and hope that the posters who wrote them can learn to be a bit more adult and considerate in future when people need support. I realise that closing this thread won't necessarily stop pms but at least there won't be any more 'fuel to stoke the fire' so to speak.
Finally, JAJ. Thank you for clarifying your comments. I used to read the MBTTUK forum before we emigrated although not in as much depth as I should have. I too think this forum should be essential reading for those contemplating moving abroad as I have been shocked by the naievity of some posters thinking they are moving to Utopia.
However, there are alot of posters on BE thank goodness who have wonderful lives here but can see the problems in their adopted country as well and I have noticed that in the last few weeks a more balanced view is being posted more frequently.
I have always found JAJ to be extremely helpful on the forum and that is why I was very surprised when he quoted me in his response early on in the thread. I have obtained a huge amount of information from his posts and his knowledge and some of what I learnt had me running around checking things that I would never even have known. I also think that he makes a positive contribution to BE and hope he continues to impart his knowledge.
I'm going to ask for this thread to be closed as I feel there is nothing further to be said.
Thank you
First of all thank you for your replies - they did make interesting reading. I was genuinely interested in why people did stay.
Secondly to answer those of you who pmd me about my step-FIL. Last week he was transferred to a specialist heart hospital where he appeared to be making a good recovery although he then had another heart attack. Thankfully he is a tough old boy and after various test over the last couple of days they hospital have decided he is to have a bypass asap. This is causing a huge amount of worry for my husband and alot of anguish for my daughter as my MIL isn't in the best of health either so thanks for your good wishes.
Thirdly, as I said above I received some rather unkind pms (and that is putting it nicely) supporting comments made on this thread by certain people. I haven't gone running to the mods to complain - I deleted them and hope that the posters who wrote them can learn to be a bit more adult and considerate in future when people need support. I realise that closing this thread won't necessarily stop pms but at least there won't be any more 'fuel to stoke the fire' so to speak.
Finally, JAJ. Thank you for clarifying your comments. I used to read the MBTTUK forum before we emigrated although not in as much depth as I should have. I too think this forum should be essential reading for those contemplating moving abroad as I have been shocked by the naievity of some posters thinking they are moving to Utopia.
However, there are alot of posters on BE thank goodness who have wonderful lives here but can see the problems in their adopted country as well and I have noticed that in the last few weeks a more balanced view is being posted more frequently.
I have always found JAJ to be extremely helpful on the forum and that is why I was very surprised when he quoted me in his response early on in the thread. I have obtained a huge amount of information from his posts and his knowledge and some of what I learnt had me running around checking things that I would never even have known. I also think that he makes a positive contribution to BE and hope he continues to impart his knowledge.
I'm going to ask for this thread to be closed as I feel there is nothing further to be said.
Thank you
