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Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:49 am
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Default Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

I'm just curious as to people's reasons for staying in a country when they knew it wasn't right for them.

Did you stay because you wanted to get citizenship? green card? for work reasons? or because you thought it would get better the longer you stayed?

I know from reading this forum that some of you stayed for your OH's sake.

The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.

I know that I'm the only one who can make the decision but am also wondering whether living somewhere you didn't like made your life worse or made it better knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Thanks
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:55 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
I'm just curious as to people's reasons for staying in a country when they knew it wasn't right for them.

Did you stay because you wanted to get citizenship? green card? for work reasons? or because you thought it would get better the longer you stayed?

I know from reading this forum that some of you stayed for your OH's sake.

The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.

I know that I'm the only one who can make the decision but am also wondering whether living somewhere you didn't like made your life worse or made it better knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Thanks
17 months is a long time to be miserable and it if was me I would go sooner rather than later.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 11:35 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
I'm just curious as to people's reasons for staying in a country when they knew it wasn't right for them.

Did you stay because you wanted to get citizenship? green card? for work reasons? or because you thought it would get better the longer you stayed?

I know from reading this forum that some of you stayed for your OH's sake.

The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.

I know that I'm the only one who can make the decision but am also wondering whether living somewhere you didn't like made your life worse or made it better knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Thanks
Well in my case I have stayed here for the OH's sake but seems that I have stayed too long. I have tried to go home now on two occasions and neither time worked out and on my most recent visit home, it didnt feel like home anymore. I suppose much depends on your unique situation but in my case I am now resigned to staying here.
John
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by freezerman
Well in my case I have stayed here for the OH's sake but seems that I have stayed too long. I have tried to go home now on two occasions and neither time worked out and on my most recent visit home, it didnt feel like home anymore. I suppose much depends on your unique situation but in my case I am now resigned to staying here.
John
I am a bit like you been wanting to leave for 10 yrs now,I am going to do it early next year just got to sell up now.
Can you imagine being a pensioner in Minn with the winters they get there
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 2:09 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
I'm just curious as to people's reasons for staying in a country when they knew it wasn't right for them.

Did you stay because you wanted to get citizenship? green card? for work reasons? or because you thought it would get better the longer you stayed?

I know from reading this forum that some of you stayed for your OH's sake.

The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.

I know that I'm the only one who can make the decision but am also wondering whether living somewhere you didn't like made your life worse or made it better knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Thanks
Morning Crystal

Emigration is not for everyone, even though I am happy and settled here I know and understand that not everyone finds Perth to be what or where they want.

If you are that unhappy do you really think you should put yourself through another 17 months of it? Do you relly want more weekends like you describe this last one? It is bound to have an effect on your family too if you are so unhappy here.

I know you have had a very rough ride since arriving, and I think you have done well to stay here for the last 7 months.

Do you think citizenship is really worth hanging out for?

Take care

Shirley x
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 2:38 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
I'm just curious as to people's reasons for staying in a country when they knew it wasn't right for them.

Did you stay because you wanted to get citizenship? green card? for work reasons? or because you thought it would get better the longer you stayed?

I know from reading this forum that some of you stayed for your OH's sake.

The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.

I know that I'm the only one who can make the decision but am also wondering whether living somewhere you didn't like made your life worse or made it better knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Thanks
Hi Crystal

I've been in Canada now for 8 years and have felt like just packing up and leaving quite a few times. At the moment my OH and I are weighing the Pros and Cons. I worry that if we moved and everything went to shit I would feel so guilty that I'd screwed up his life and my kids.

Another thing that makes moving back home difficult is that fact that my MIL who lives in Montreal has recently been talking about moving to Toronto to be closer to her grankids. I think it would break her heart if we turn around and say we are moving back to Northern Ireland.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 3:02 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

im on a 6 month stay in usa and when its up im going back home, im just getting exp and studying for a few credits
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:42 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
The reason I'm asking is because after yet another emotionally charged weekend going round and round in circles I have decided that the UK is definitely for me. My husband isn't so sure although he will go where I am happy.

One half of me is telling myself to stay for another 17 months to get citizenship so that my daughter can have the choice when she is older but then I keep asking myself can I put up with it for that long.
I really am curious as to how so many people can go to the effort of emigrating and then seem to be utterly miserable after doing so.

A lot of anguish would be saved by perhaps a little more self-awareness and contemplation at the outset.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:53 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by JAJ
I really am curious as to how so many people can go to the effort of emigrating and then seem to be utterly miserable after doing so.

A lot of anguish would be saved by perhaps a little more self-awareness and contemplation at the outset.
Like many major life decisions (marriage, children, career changes etc), you can read and research all you like but I don't think you really know what it's going to be like until you actually give it a go.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:56 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by rabsody
Like many major life decisions (marriage, children, career changes etc), you can read and research all you like but I don't think you really know what it's going to be like until you actually give it a go.
Which is true. But that doesn't mean you just automatically "give it a go" just on the off-chance you might like it.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by JAJ
I really am curious as to how so many people can go to the effort of emigrating and then seem to be utterly miserable after doing so.

A lot of anguish would be saved by perhaps a little more self-awareness and contemplation at the outset.
Crikey JAJ, who's rattled you today? It's not like you to be so judgemental. You're usually so impartial and practical.

In answer to your rather abrupt comments, just because it takes a lot of hard work, anguish and money to obtain a visa, is it also a passport to guaranteed success? I think not.

Self contemplation - mmmmm.....do any of us actually completely know ourselves to the point that we always make the right choices in life? The choices made at a specific point in time may well be appropriate to that time, but would not serve the same purpose, say, 6 months later.

Just one final comment; walk a mile in my shoes JAJ, then make a judgement about me and my life.
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 11:00 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by JAJ
I really am curious as to how so many people can go to the effort of emigrating and then seem to be utterly miserable after doing so.

A lot of anguish would be saved by perhaps a little more self-awareness and contemplation at the outset.
Emigrating was never really my intention, my OH was in the states and wouldnt move so it was wither find a new OH or emigrate...in retrospect maybe I made the wrong choice
I am not saying that I have been miserable the whole time I have been here, I have a good job and have probably had opportunities I wouldnt have had if I stayed back in Manchester, I suppose it is a swings and roundabouts thing, but it will be hard if not impossible for me to go home now.
John
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 11:12 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by JAJ
I really am curious as to how so many people can go to the effort of emigrating and then seem to be utterly miserable after doing so.

A lot of anguish would be saved by perhaps a little more self-awareness and contemplation at the outset.
A lot of anguish in these posts would be saved if you minded your own business. People are here for support, not listen to you bang on about getting citizenship ad nauseum, And don't you think its a tad futile spouting this missive now? People have already moved, or has that fact escaped you
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Old Oct 14th 2007, 11:19 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Crikey JAJ, who's rattled you today? It's not like you to be so judgemental. You're usually so impartial and practical.

In answer to your rather abrupt comments, just because it takes a lot of hard work, anguish and money to obtain a visa, is it also a passport to guaranteed success? I think not.

Self contemplation - mmmmm.....do any of us actually completely know ourselves to the point that we always make the right choices in life? The choices made at a specific point in time may well be appropriate to that time, but would not serve the same purpose, say, 6 months later.
With respect, who says I am making a judgement? An observation is not a judgement.

I'm simply making the observation that for some people, it might be better to take a deep breath before even starting the emigration process and say something like "no, thought about it, but it's not for me."

It really does surprise me how many people say they are miserable (or words to that effect) after emigrating. And if anything, the proportion seems to be higher now than it was some years ago, if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by.

None of us can guarantee that we take the right decisions all the time, but most people who are of age to emigrate ought to have developed some sense of when a decision is likely to be utterly wrong.

I don't know what the answer is. Perhaps more people should read this forum before they even start the emigration process. As for going home, at least try to apply the same process so as not to become a ping-pong migrant. (expensive hobby).
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Old Oct 15th 2007, 12:00 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Well put JAJ

I also find (only through reading the posts) that a lot of people think their relationship will becoming somthing that it isn't if they start again! (if that made sense) and then find that life, marriage etc is exactly the same where ever you are, and with a lot more strain on it in a new country without the support network, which can then lead to unhappiness, extreme homesickness (although this can occur without the extra stuff too) etc etc

I think (for some) that a good long look at their relationships, themselves etc before heading over to a new start may bring about change anyway


If that made any sense
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