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Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Old Oct 16th 2007, 8:07 pm
  #46  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Interesting comments - I would say that things can change over time and though you may be quite content for a while, circumstances, beyond those even imagined when you first begin your journey, can intervene so though JAJ's comments are probably truer for people who come over and make an almost instant decision to go back again they are not always right IMHO.

I am married to an Aussie and when we came here 28 years ago it was to take advantage of an academic scholarship he had won. Neither of us really gave any thought about the LONG term but by the time his scholarship finished, we had kids in school, he got a job, I got a job and we pottered along. At the back of my mind I had thought we would do the 6 months here, 6 months there routine that my parents had done. Now he doesnt want to do that and I am not enjoying being here - I think for the past 10 years or so, I thought I could hang out until we had retired. So, faced with DH or not DH after 34 years of marriage, there is no debate - DH wins every time!!!! If I insisted that we go home then he would be unhappy and if I stay here I am unhappy - one of us is going to lose out. I guess I have no alternative but to make the best of what I have got - DH is worth hanging on to (even if he is an Aussie!). I doubt we would be able to resettle in UK now - not with the value of the Aussie dollar anyway but I make do with regular trips home to see my ageing parents and our No1 son who has emigrated back again!

Would we do the same thing if we knew then what we know now??? Who knows?
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:04 am
  #47  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
Well put JAJ, and not judgemental in my view.

It is a shame that merely voicing an opinion is viewed as a personal attack, maybe this attitude also holds a clue as to why some people failed to settle in their adopted country?
Maybe because the comments are not directed at you or don't apply to you, you don't feel that they are judgemental.

Personally I think it's very ignorant for people to assume that they know anything about others' lives and circumstances when in fact they know absolutely nothing.

Just my opinion of course..............
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:26 am
  #48  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Maybe because the comments are not directed at you or don't apply to you, you don't feel that they are judgemental.

Personally I think it's very ignorant for people to assume that they know anything about others' lives and circumstances when in fact they know absolutely nothing.

Just my opinion of course..............
Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes (or something like that)
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:29 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Maybe because the comments are not directed at you or don't apply to you, you don't feel that they are judgemental.

Personally I think it's very ignorant for people to assume that they know anything about others' lives and circumstances when in fact they know absolutely nothing.

Just my opinion of course..............
Granted, but if you read the bare words and take away the emotional reaction that inevitably results then you'll see that JAJ was talking in general terms and putting forward a perfectly reasonable hypothesis.

It strikes me that JAJ was looking to learn more about the human state rather than stir the pot and deliberately provoke a reaction.

I take your point though, I have been guilty of over-reaction myself when faced with arguments that challenged my viewpoint.

I have mentioned in the past that this forum is not a suitable place for reasoned debate and I guess the reaction that JAJ has got just shows it.

I assume that the other Mods will discipline JAJ for 'not contributing positively' to the forum now just like every other time a non-like-minded view has been aired in a perfectly reasonable manner.

Maybe the knub (nub? knob?!) of it is that people returning to the UK are in some way more sensitive and in need of protection than others and this is why this corner of the 'net is given special priviledge?

Special? Well, it's the site rules innit matey? I guess so ... I'm not the one bank-rolling this ...

OK, let's cut to another point, I'm happy in Oz, why do I post here?

Why don't I just leave it alone?

Well, I guess it's a scratch that needs to be itched occasionally ... I know I shouldn't but somehow it IS the RIGHT thing to do.

The opportunity for reasonable debate should never be stifled and I'll stand by anyone attempting to discover more about people in general.

Blimey ... that sounded poncy didn't it?
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:30 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by ub40fan
Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes (or something like that)
No way, you'd have stinky shoes.

You can get a perfectly reasonable pair for $30 at PayLess.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:31 am
  #51  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
No way, you'd have stinky shoes.

You can get a perfectly reasonable pair for $30 at PayLess.
You should see her furry boots, they are cool
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:42 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by northernbird
You should see her furry boots, they are cool
Now THAT is a quote to conjure with ...
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 1:21 am
  #53  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by northernbird
You should see her furry boots, they are cool
Not any more mate, they are well worn and headed for the bin I think (and yes Vim they probably do stink )

However - I do have 2 new pairs waiting for next year A pink pair and a blue pair.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 1:42 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by crystal23
Looks like our hand may be forced anyway about going home soon as my hubby's stepdad was rushed to hospital for the 2nd time in 10 days last night with another heart attack

.

Thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 5:16 am
  #55  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

There are some really interesting points made in this thread and I think it's something that anyone making the move away or back to the UK should read.

For me I've gone from being a really career minded person to being a family person. I still want a career, it's just not the prime focus for me anymore.

I've made the move to the US twice and returned once. When I returned last time it was to a great job and then the market tanked and then headquarters shut down the UK site. I was still young and wasn't married so was heavily focussed on work, so after a few years of contracting ended up in the US again.

Now I've seen how happy you can be just sitting down and spending time with your wife can make you, work now has really taken a little step back and that's made me re-evaluate everything. I want to be near my family.

Money isn't as important as it once was, but unfortunately you still need it.

My parents came to England over 40 years ago and didn't have a choice about going back, they couldn't afford the airfare. If they could have I believe they would have struggled with the decision too.

That's the thing though, now we do have the choice and whereas my mother and father literally struggled to put food on the table and that was their only thought, by there hard work and the grace of God, I'm in a little better situation and can decide on whether I want to go back at all.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 6:17 am
  #56  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
I have mentioned in the past that this forum is not a suitable place for reasoned debate and I guess the reaction that JAJ has got just shows it.

I assume that the other Mods will discipline JAJ for 'not contributing positively' to the forum now just like every other time a non-like-minded view has been aired in a perfectly reasonable manner.

Maybe the knub (nub? knob?!) of it is that people returning to the UK are in some way more sensitive and in need of protection than others and this is why this corner of the 'net is given special priviledge?
Reasoned debate is fine and totally acceptable. It's sweeping statements which are wrong.

There are many reasons why people don't settle in either country and by suggesting that everyone who isn't settled and is miserable hasn't given enough thought to emigrating is simplistic, ignorant and very insulting.

People who are retuning to the UK do not want any special treatment from anyone. Why would they need it?

What they do want however is not to be judged by people who haven't a clue what they are talking about. And I really mean that in the nicest possible way, because how can they possibly understand what they are talking about when they haven't experienced the life of every person returning?
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 10:07 am
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Reasoned debate is fine and totally acceptable. It's sweeping statements which are wrong.

There are many reasons why people don't settle in either country and by suggesting that everyone who isn't settled and is miserable hasn't given enough thought to emigrating is simplistic, ignorant and very insulting.

People who are retuning to the UK do not want any special treatment from anyone. Why would they need it?

What they do want however is not to be judged by people who haven't a clue what they are talking about. And I really mean that in the nicest possible way, because how can they possibly understand what they are talking about when they haven't experienced the life of every person returning?
You can't account for every individual circumstance in every post you make and I think JAJ was right in posing the question that in some cases more self-awareness might have helped matters.

To be pilloried for making such a suggestion shows more about the attitude of the responders than the poster in my opinion.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 11:38 am
  #58  
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
You can't account for every individual circumstance in every post you make and I think JAJ was right in posing the question that in some cases more self-awareness might have helped matters.

To be pilloried for making such a suggestion shows more about the attitude of the responders than the poster in my opinion.
FWIW, I didn't for a moment think it would provoke the reaction it did, and if I had done, it would have been worded differently.

I suppose what I'm really trying to get at is that if one has a good life in the U.K. - especially if being close to friends/family is important - then migration is a huge step and needs to be thought through at length. Sure, lots of people do this but from reading the other forums (especially Australia) it seems that some don't.

And others have pointed out that even if migration is the right step in the short term and works out wonderfully, things may change in the longer term. No easy answers to any of this. As a few have mentioned, we've got more choices than was the case in the past, but that also entails more opportunities to get things wrong.

This forum should be essential reading for those planning to migrate in the first place, although it's an open question how many of those planning on migration are interested to see the thoughts of those further down the line.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:08 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by JAJ

This forum should be essential reading for those planning to migrate in the first place, although it's an open question how many of those planning on migration are interested to see the thoughts of those further down the line.
Well it can't hurt to hear both sides...I wish I had heard about this forum before I moved to NZ! I might not be here now. In fact i am 100% certain I would be elseswhere. There are lots of other places I would have considered. My own limited research was based on an AA guide and a bloke down the pub...

Last edited by Hoyo; Oct 17th 2007 at 12:21 pm.
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Old Oct 17th 2007, 12:15 pm
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Default Re: Staying When You Knew It Wasn't Right

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
I assume that the other Mods will discipline JAJ for 'not contributing positively' to the forum now just like every other time a non-like-minded view has been aired in a perfectly reasonable manner.
ouch that smarts
give me back my karma you bstrd
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