And so it ends

Old Feb 26th 2005, 9:51 am
  #61  
 
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Default Re: And so it ends

I have followed this thread from the beginning.....thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us..........How very sad that it has come to this. I think your heart will always belong in Australia and yet you will never go back as a family i think one day you will return ......for you.....I hope you can save your marriage, if that is what you truely want......but you only get one shot in this life make the most out of it......be happy and hope fun and laughter fills your heart again
Donna
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Old Feb 26th 2005, 9:52 am
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Default Re: And so it ends

This realy is a heart breaking story. Not just because it's the end of a dream but because it involves real people, real lives and deep unhappiness. How will you ever feel happy if you go to counselling alone and feel isolated from your wife and her close knit family? I have to say, I understand your bitterness at feeling let down by your wife however if you continue to feel this way it will surely be destructive to you, your wife and your children? And of course this is only one persons unhappiness portrayed here.

Alternatively your bitterness may result in you playing the martyr which is equally destructive

I admire your efforts to try to work this out. Afterall, your kids and your unborn child deserve every effort to keep things together, however you cannot work this relationship out in isolation. Your wife must surely take on some responsibility in making it work out too? Failing your attempts to get her involved then maybe it would be kinder to call it a day, thereby creating a happier and fulfulling life for you, your wife and children.

Who knows. Only you and your wife can decide on whats best for you all. I admire your values and your strength in dealing with this awful situation and I wish you and your family the very best in the near future. Good luck and I really hope you all have a much happier life than you have had recently
 
Old Feb 26th 2005, 10:31 pm
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Default Re: And so it ends

You are doing the right thing to seek counselling alone. PRIDE (in a negative sense) is the only thing that keeps people from going together or alone. Not going also says something, unfortunately, about one's partner's values and attitudes. It effectively says, "The relationship isn't as important as my pride". Lead by example - go alone and see yourself improve as a person. But be careful on this journey - you may 'overtake her' emotionally (perhaps you already have). That can be difficult. My wife and I have been through extensive counselling, support groups, and recovery together, and are rich in spirit for it. From being two very different people when we met, we gave each other the best of each of us, and learned from each other's strengths. And we rarely disagree over our life path. If it changes, it changes for both of us. But getting to this point was very difficult for long periods over the last few years. In the end it comes down to communication - that old cliche...with each other, and with independent third parties.

Improvement starts with the self. I really hope you're wife will follow.
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Old Feb 26th 2005, 10:50 pm
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Default Re: And so it ends

Many thanks for the support all, I believe that I am doing the right thing, nothing anyone has said to me speaks otherwise.

Obviously you have only heard my side of the story, and I accept 50% of the responsibility, but as a result of councilling and the last four weeks to think I no longer think that I am a bad person for it.

I do believe that I have overtaken her emotionally from the previous sessions, they make you see things in a new way. I wil never get my wife into a councillor, even if I use the pride arguement above I will just be told that I am making her do things she doesn't want to do, something I have been accused of a lot. I now know that this isn't true. I still have to try for the sake of the kids, especially number three, poor little sod or sodette.

Anyway, I'm just off to see some of her eldery reles in Australia to say goodbye, something she didn't deem it necesary to do...

Once again thanks for the support...

Last edited by End of a Dream; Feb 26th 2005 at 10:57 pm.
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Old Feb 26th 2005, 11:36 pm
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Default Re: And so it ends

Originally Posted by End of a Dream
Thanks for that, will probably end up relocating in the UK, we live in Kent and there's bugger all IT work there. I don't really fancy the train commute up to London so will probably have to go West of London to the M4 corridor, probably end up with a 200K mortgage for a shoebox. Still life goes on.

At least your both trying, good luck to you
You should try Leeds mate........there's a lot of IT work there. Also did you ever consider the USA? I left Leeds 6 years ago to come to the US and even though I miss my hometown, I will never live in the UK again........too expensive and an absolute rip-off place to live......just seems to me that people in the UK aren't having fun anymore because they are spending all their lives working to pay for the ridiculously high mortgage.
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Old Feb 27th 2005, 6:36 am
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Default Re: And so it ends

Originally Posted by leedsPaddy
people in the UK aren't having fun anymore because they are spending all their lives working to pay for the ridiculously high mortgage.
Same in much of Oz, I'm afraid...esp. for first time buyers.
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Old Feb 27th 2005, 10:04 am
  #67  
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Default Re: And so it ends

hope you manage to sort something out mate, -you seem to have a lot of support on here

be happy mate, you're a long time dead.

best regards to you and your family.

jamie
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Old Feb 27th 2005, 11:36 am
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Default Re: And so it ends

Well thanks all, when I put the first post in place it was more of a warning to everyone, I didn't expect to put a long and very personal post in place a month later, and to be frank expected a good mauling from you all. Even the PMs I have been getting are highly supportive, and some of those have been from people in my wife's shoes.

I feel pretty bouyed up at the moment, the sheer respect from the people at work and the comments from here, tell me that I will overcome this, I will give it my best shot, and I will not poison my life, I will not resent it for ever, and I will not play the martyr. Things will work out in the end, I will heal... I have certainly come out of this whole experience with renewed confidence in myself. I can make a difference.

I'll keep you posted as life goes by.
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Old Feb 27th 2005, 8:55 pm
  #69  
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Default Re: And so it ends

[QUOTE=Pollyana]
cried myself to sleep every night, hated the weather, the food, the job, just about everything you could think of. But I had no choice - I'm married to an Aussie, who I KNOW would loathe living in the UK, and when I came here I knew I couldn't go back.
QUOTE]

Big hug to you Pollyanna and glad you feel 60% better.
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Old Feb 27th 2005, 9:00 pm
  #70  
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Default Re: And so it ends

Originally Posted by anya4oz
It's probably more to do with the fact that it's more likely to be the woman who is the homemaker/raiser of kids. And it's more likely to be the man who gets a job, goes out to work each day, meets lots of new people, & gets that feeling of 'belonging' to a community - all of which help one settle. Not so easy when stuck at home raising the children.


Anya.
This was the case for us. Hubby out at work, I couldn't get work and was at home apart from a small hobby job I had looking after horses for someone. I was so bored it wasn't right!!! I was glued constantly to this website! Sometimes feeling so low I would just cry for ages. Not a nice feeling to be so homesick you can't think about anything else.

Hubby has come to terms with being back in the Uk now, poor thing ( ) lol

Maybe we should just get rid of all the men and ship them to OZ?
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Old Feb 28th 2005, 7:46 am
  #71  
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Default Re: And so it ends

Originally Posted by janeyray
...

Maybe we should just get rid of all the men and ship them to OZ?
Yes - here in Australia we are quite happy to take in any cast-off men you Brit ladies may no longer need. I guess we could become a sort of human version of the Blue Cross Cats' home, taking in all the waif-&-stray hubbies and the chaps thrown out in January, because the wifie didn't realise that 'a hubby is for life, not just for Xmas...'

Be warned, though, that the Blue Cross insists on neutering before rehoming... :scared:



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Old Feb 28th 2005, 12:24 pm
  #72  
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Default Re: And so it ends

agree with leedspaddy.....yorkshire is certainly up and coming in all areas....i live about 10 miles from leeds.....just think of this as a learning curve....one day your broken heart will heal....you have a new life to think of as well...you know what...i think your gonna be just fine....lifes what you make it
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