And so it ends
Jan 24th 2005, 10:21 am
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 10
And so it ends
Well, after only five months in Australia my wife and kids fly back to the UK on Saturday. I'm staying on for a month to sell off the cars, pack up our stuff and cancel our life here.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
Jan 24th 2005, 10:30 am
#2
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Sydney
Posts: 18
Re: And so it ends
Sorry to hear that matey
My wife and I are going on for 18 months trying to settle in, does not look likely tbh, but we are trying like mad and taking oppotunities as they present themselves.
On a lighter note, going back to the UK does not mean a re-hash of what you left. What you found in Oz can be found in the UK... just dont step back into the same old rut..
My 5 pence.... GOOD LUCK
AJC
My wife and I are going on for 18 months trying to settle in, does not look likely tbh, but we are trying like mad and taking oppotunities as they present themselves.
On a lighter note, going back to the UK does not mean a re-hash of what you left. What you found in Oz can be found in the UK... just dont step back into the same old rut..
My 5 pence.... GOOD LUCK
AJC
Jan 24th 2005, 10:46 am
#3
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 10
Re: And so it ends
Thanks for that, will probably end up relocating in the UK, we live in Kent and there's bugger all IT work there. I don't really fancy the train commute up to London so will probably have to go West of London to the M4 corridor, probably end up with a 200K mortgage for a shoebox. Still life goes on.
At least your both trying, good luck to you
At least your both trying, good luck to you
Last edited by End of a Dream; Jan 24th 2005 at 10:48 am.
Jan 24th 2005, 10:53 am
#4
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Sydney
Posts: 18
Re: And so it ends
HI again
Being in the consulting business myself I feel your pain. I do however think that the UK has a stronger market and bigger oppotunities, so its not all bad
If we go back I'll be moving to the country, living a rural lifestyle and probably commuting approx an hour to london or another large city. I drive 45 minutes to work as it is, so relaxing on a train seems like a godsend.
I hope things work out and you both find happiness.
TTFN
AJC
Being in the consulting business myself I feel your pain. I do however think that the UK has a stronger market and bigger oppotunities, so its not all bad
If we go back I'll be moving to the country, living a rural lifestyle and probably commuting approx an hour to london or another large city. I drive 45 minutes to work as it is, so relaxing on a train seems like a godsend.
I hope things work out and you both find happiness.
TTFN
AJC
Jan 24th 2005, 11:27 am
#5
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Re: And so it ends
Sorry things havent worked out for you.
I would definitely recommend staying away from Kent, it is getting more and more built up with more Londoners moving out here than ever which has really pushed property prices up and makes the whole place overcrowded.
Hope everything goes OK on your move back
I would definitely recommend staying away from Kent, it is getting more and more built up with more Londoners moving out here than ever which has really pushed property prices up and makes the whole place overcrowded.
Hope everything goes OK on your move back
Jan 24th 2005, 12:11 pm
#6
Just Joined
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 19
Re: And so it ends
Originally Posted by End of a Dream
Well, after only five months in Australia my wife and kids fly back to the UK on Saturday. I'm staying on for a month to sell off the cars, pack up our stuff and cancel our life here.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
Jan 24th 2005, 12:33 pm
#7
Home at last
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Beautiful UK
Posts: 866
Re: And so it ends
Hi. I really think all things happen for a purpose. I know it doesnt help at this point though. Thats the scariest part of a move. It seems in most cases its one who starts the dream and the others just try to make the best of it. When I return to the UK with my American husband and children I have to worry that they will like it. With a marriage of two different nationalities, someone will always feel 'not at home'.
Maybe a new location in the UK will end up being a really good thing for you. Good luck to you both. Hope it all works out for the best. Just think, the new arrival will be surrounded by family.
Maybe a new location in the UK will end up being a really good thing for you. Good luck to you both. Hope it all works out for the best. Just think, the new arrival will be surrounded by family.
Jan 24th 2005, 1:25 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Newport beach California USA
Posts: 46
Re: And so it ends
Originally Posted by callë
Hi. I really think all things happen for a purpose. I know it doesnt help at this point though. Thats the scariest part of a move. It seems in most cases its one who starts the dream and the others just try to make the best of it. When I return to the UK with my American husband and children I have to worry that they will like it. With a marriage of two different nationalities, someone will always feel 'not at home'.
Maybe a new location in the UK will end up being a really good thing for you. Good luck to you both. Hope it all works out for the best. Just think, the new arrival will be surrounded by family.
Maybe a new location in the UK will end up being a really good thing for you. Good luck to you both. Hope it all works out for the best. Just think, the new arrival will be surrounded by family.
I have to agree with changing locations. We are moving back to the UK this summer for family reasons and have decided to make a change from the life we previously had in the UK. We have lived abroad for nearly seven years, I have two teenage daughers who will be coming too. My husband will be staying back until he finds a job in the UK, he wont risk it any other way. You have to deal with what you've got, its no use fighting it. Your wife will be much happier and that will make you more content. Good luck.
Jan 24th 2005, 2:38 pm
#9
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Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Back with the hobbits
Posts: 376
Re: And so it ends
I'm sorry to hear how it has ended for you. I can understand your wife's decision, it's never easy to stay somewhere you don't want to be. My husband was keen, but I didn't want to come out here (had been before on 2 occasions and knew it wasn't where I wanted to live long-term), but I gave it a shot. Was very depressed to start off with, but now have made it to 3 years, although won't manage 4. Good luck with your move back, live somewhere different and I hope it all works out for you back in the UK. Best wishes, Lizzi.
Jan 24th 2005, 2:50 pm
#10
Came Back 2003
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Home & Settled
Posts: 659
Re: And so it ends
Originally Posted by End of a Dream
Well, after only five months in Australia my wife and kids fly back to the UK on Saturday. I'm staying on for a month to sell off the cars, pack up our stuff and cancel our life here.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
I don't know if you have read previous post by me but I am a wife who couldn't settle in Oz and whose hubby loved it (there are quite a few of us!!!) and we returned to the UK after 6 months in Oz. We have been back now two years in March and I can honestly say we have never looked back. We came back to the same area we had left and hubby went back to work at his old place, except in a different job. He would never go back to Oz now and we both have really never felt so settled. Our little girl slotted right back into life here as if she had never been away. Like you we had (me in particular) wanted to migrate to Oz for probably about 10 years and it took over 2 years to get our visas so you will know what a devastation it was to us when I realised that I could not live there, no matter how long I had tried.
I am sure things will work out for you and perhaps as others have suggested try a different area of the UK. We are from the Lake District and we have a very stress free life here. Could you work from home or why not try something completely different.
Anyhow good luck, I hope everything goes ok for you
Susan
P.S. What part of Oz are you in?
Jan 24th 2005, 2:51 pm
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: And so it ends
Good for you for trying, sorry your dreams have not worked as you would like.
I hope things work out for you in the UK.
Merlot
I hope things work out for you in the UK.
Merlot
Jan 24th 2005, 3:44 pm
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Dubai
Posts: 565
Re: And so it ends
Originally Posted by End of a Dream
Well, after only five months in Australia my wife and kids fly back to the UK on Saturday. I'm staying on for a month to sell off the cars, pack up our stuff and cancel our life here.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
I'm totally devastated, I've dreamed of coming to Australia since 1991, and spent two years and a lot of stress getting here. The plan was to stay for two years and review, but it lasted a whole three weeks before my wife decided that she couldn't do it and made no effort whatsoever to settle, the time since then has just been waiting until we could serve notice on our tenants in the UK. So its back to the UK, the M25, spending my life in traffic jams and travelinns. I'm a computer consultant by trade and found exactly what I was looking for here, a good job with a great firm and projects within 10 minutes of where I live, I've been home to cook tea almost every night. I love it here although its not Shangri La. We won't be back, and my wife is unexpectedly pregnant although this isn't related to the decision to leave.
I say this as a warning to those of you thinking of coming, don't do it if either of you have any doubts at all. There is nothing worse than being stuck here either being miserable or being with someone whos miserable. Don't come here thinking it will solve your problems, it will just throw them into sharp relief and you will wind up with a broken heart.
Try a stopover in Dubai and test the water
Jan 24th 2005, 8:21 pm
#13
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 10
Re: And so it ends
Dear all,
Many thanks for all your support.
Funnily enough the old man mentioned Dubai, the UAE and Qatar as places to go just as a cash cow exercise, top rate tax free income for a few months, as did my neighbour.
I'm grieving for that which I have lost at the moment, it just does seem that 5 months is long enough to even remotely make a decision as to the long term future. I asked for two years and effectively got three weeks before it just became infill time, after all that effort, it seems such a waste. Two years to me was just a working holiday, but I guess my wife saw it differently.
Never mind, everything happens for a reason and the family do come first, that's why we are going back.
Many thanks for all your support.
Funnily enough the old man mentioned Dubai, the UAE and Qatar as places to go just as a cash cow exercise, top rate tax free income for a few months, as did my neighbour.
I'm grieving for that which I have lost at the moment, it just does seem that 5 months is long enough to even remotely make a decision as to the long term future. I asked for two years and effectively got three weeks before it just became infill time, after all that effort, it seems such a waste. Two years to me was just a working holiday, but I guess my wife saw it differently.
Never mind, everything happens for a reason and the family do come first, that's why we are going back.
Jan 24th 2005, 8:52 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 79
Re: And so it ends
I am so sorry to hear things didn't turn out as you had hoped. So much more difficult when you yourself enjoyed your new home.
Hope you find a new home over here again and settle in well.
Hope you find a new home over here again and settle in well.
Jan 24th 2005, 11:40 pm
#15
Cuppa tea and a biccie !!
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 248
Re: And so it ends
Originally Posted by End of a Dream
Dear all,
Never mind, everything happens for a reason and the family do come first, that's why we are going back.
Never mind, everything happens for a reason and the family do come first, that's why we are going back.
I really think your wife should give it a bit longer - she's just got separation anxiety - everything is different and new even though they do speak the same language , it's not the same (I found that out here in the USA - if I could have gone home after 3 weeks I would have, but I didn't - my U.S. husband refused to let me and now I'm glad he did)
One really needs at least a year to decide something like that.
She may get back to the UK and find she's made a mistake - then what ??
Give it longer - let her read these posts so she can see how gutted you are - the give and take goes both ways you know. Esp as you've found such a great job so nearby - that would be a sign to try it for longer - it's usually not that easy job wise. Also, you haven't even experienced the seasons, different restaurants, met new friends etc etc - all that takes time .
PLEASE ask her to give it more time - I don't think she'll regret it.
You are a real trooper putting your family first, but sometimes you really have to hang on to your dreams as long as possible, as if you don't, you may resent your family later for making you give up so quickly.
Hope you dont mind me saying all that - it's just a big shame after all you've gone through.
Best wishes and good luck !!!