Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Apr 19th 2013, 6:23 pm
#7201
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Yikes Englishmum she does sound awful.
You need to train your Dh better, seeing he's not that keen either.
When she emails asking what dates are no good in June. He needs to send Sorry June is not good. Then if she asks about July, sorry July isn't good. When she asks when is. Say I'll get back to you about it when I get a chance, be vague.
I'd stop sticking my hand in my pocket for her, or say before entering, your share will be this, or get bold at the theater, SIL you need to give me x for your ticket, I bet she'd lose interest in coming if she has to pay her way.
You need to train your Dh better, seeing he's not that keen either.
When she emails asking what dates are no good in June. He needs to send Sorry June is not good. Then if she asks about July, sorry July isn't good. When she asks when is. Say I'll get back to you about it when I get a chance, be vague.
I'd stop sticking my hand in my pocket for her, or say before entering, your share will be this, or get bold at the theater, SIL you need to give me x for your ticket, I bet she'd lose interest in coming if she has to pay her way.
Apr 19th 2013, 6:25 pm
#7202
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Sounds similar to my cousin, she sees the world through a different set of glasses to the rest of us, everyone in the family cant stand her, she's burned bridges with them all, living off them, eating their food and offering nothing, yet she has more money than any of us, she is so opinionated and crazy in my opinion.
In your case I would say Sod It, don't make it a comfortable stay for her in any way, If she likes to go out make excuses and stay home, if she likes to stay home go out every day, if she likes nice food eat Fast Food even if you hate it, watch stuff on TV that she dislikes, you just need to know which buttons to push, she's a smart person and a User.
Good Look, I know this is a tough situation. Its hard to understand how these types think, they always have an answer.
In your case I would say Sod It, don't make it a comfortable stay for her in any way, If she likes to go out make excuses and stay home, if she likes to stay home go out every day, if she likes nice food eat Fast Food even if you hate it, watch stuff on TV that she dislikes, you just need to know which buttons to push, she's a smart person and a User.
Good Look, I know this is a tough situation. Its hard to understand how these types think, they always have an answer.
Apr 19th 2013, 6:31 pm
#7203
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
You know I just had a thought, I think all the older, I mean long time posters on this thread who come home for a visit for say at least 3 weeks should take the first week to just visit the posters who have already returned home,
me thinks it should be mandatory
Rodney.
me thinks it should be mandatory
Rodney.
) we WILL come see you once we move back, Rodney. Just make sure you keep posting here as we have about 3 more years to go - or send me your email in a pm. Best wishes to your mum.~Monique
Apr 21st 2013, 9:58 am
#7204
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
If we can't come see you on our recon trip next year (itinerary is out of control ) we WILL come see you once we move back, Rodney. Just make sure you keep posting here as we have about 3 more years to go - or send me your email in a pm. Best wishes to your mum.
~Monique
) we WILL come see you once we move back, Rodney. Just make sure you keep posting here as we have about 3 more years to go - or send me your email in a pm. Best wishes to your mum.~Monique
Take care,
Rodney.
Apr 21st 2013, 10:40 am
#7205
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Oooh - I just want to let off steam...
My husband's older sister is arriving this afternoon - for a 10 day visit. Her fifth visit to Switerland in under 2 years, even more than my own adult children
(She used to come out to stay when we lived in Singapore and New Jersey too but not as frequently due to cost of the flights and she was working then). She invited herself, always does, although my late MiL did the same.
Typically she sends an e-mail to my husband and says she'd like to visit in say, June and what dates won't work for us? He never puts her off (although they're not close) as he can't ever think of a good reason to say 'no' lol! She's even stayed when he's had to go overseas himself on business trips and I've been away
My spouse is apparently too busy at work to take any time off - so I will be left to 'entertain' her and take her out on day trips, yet she doesn't offer to pay a penny towards any costs and I've noticed that she just 'hovers' in the background at the ticket offices etc.
She has never offered to take us out for a meal or offer to pay towards groceries (which are v. expensive in Switzerland, approx 10 pounds for a steak at the supermarket). If we are having lunch or dinner somewhere she always lets my husband pick up the bill. He is also irritated but far too polite to say anything to her about her tightfistedness
I have nothing in common with my sister-in-law; she is a spinster and very prim and proper and definitely not up for a laugh. If we go for example on a shopping trip it's a waste of time. She has no interest in going in clothes or accessory shopping and never, ever buys anything....except on the last day when she will buy a box of toffees or similar for the neighbour who takes her to/from the airport.
What really irritates me though is that now she says "I'm just a poor pensioner". She chose to retire a few years ago at the age of 56 and is on a fabulous Civil Service gold-plated pension. Odd that she has recently paid 15,000 pounds to do a sailing course..... (then asked my husband if he could approach his employer to ask for sponsorship for a section of an intercontinental yacht race! He declined).
Grrrr. I'm just about fed up of hosting this freeloader yet again. We don't visit her home as she is in the middle of nowhere. Btw; she also 'visits' elderly relatives in various parts of the UK and US.
Sorry for the whinge, just needed to get it off my chest!
My husband's older sister is arriving this afternoon - for a 10 day visit. Her fifth visit to Switerland in under 2 years, even more than my own adult children
(She used to come out to stay when we lived in Singapore and New Jersey too but not as frequently due to cost of the flights and she was working then). She invited herself, always does, although my late MiL did the same.Typically she sends an e-mail to my husband and says she'd like to visit in say, June and what dates won't work for us? He never puts her off (although they're not close) as he can't ever think of a good reason to say 'no' lol! She's even stayed when he's had to go overseas himself on business trips and I've been away
My spouse is apparently too busy at work to take any time off - so I will be left to 'entertain' her and take her out on day trips, yet she doesn't offer to pay a penny towards any costs and I've noticed that she just 'hovers' in the background at the ticket offices etc.
She has never offered to take us out for a meal or offer to pay towards groceries (which are v. expensive in Switzerland, approx 10 pounds for a steak at the supermarket). If we are having lunch or dinner somewhere she always lets my husband pick up the bill. He is also irritated but far too polite to say anything to her about her tightfistedness
I have nothing in common with my sister-in-law; she is a spinster and very prim and proper and definitely not up for a laugh. If we go for example on a shopping trip it's a waste of time. She has no interest in going in clothes or accessory shopping and never, ever buys anything....except on the last day when she will buy a box of toffees or similar for the neighbour who takes her to/from the airport.
What really irritates me though is that now she says "I'm just a poor pensioner". She chose to retire a few years ago at the age of 56 and is on a fabulous Civil Service gold-plated pension. Odd that she has recently paid 15,000 pounds to do a sailing course..... (then asked my husband if he could approach his employer to ask for sponsorship for a section of an intercontinental yacht race! He declined).
Grrrr. I'm just about fed up of hosting this freeloader yet again.
We don't visit her home as she is in the middle of nowhere. Btw; she also 'visits' elderly relatives in various parts of the UK and US. Sorry for the whinge, just needed to get it off my chest!
When she arrives just tell her that you are staying for 10 days right? so we need to come to an understanding, food is expensive so we feel that you do need to pay your way when we buy shopping, and when we go out for a meal you will be expected to pay for your meal & drinks, so in other words we will all be going dutch,
And if we go on drives then you will be expected to contribute to the petrol,
and if we go out to a show or whatever you must pay your way!!!!
I know its a very difficult situation when the freeloaders happen to be also relatives, we would have no problem laying out the rules to some friends, but when it comes to relatives then we feel uncomfortable in speaking up dont we!!!! I think a lot of people are like that with there relatives,
BUT unfortunately SOME relatives are soooooo thick, and clueless, and without a shred of class or common sense whatsoever ---- with these people you have to be blunt and very honest with them as to how you feel,
Its the only thing that works when someone is as thick as two short 2x4's
Anyway good luck, and I hope the coming 10 days go by very fast,
But in the future after she has gone back home, I suggest that you and your hubby come to a firm agreement that when this freeloader Sister of his emails him again and asking about dates that are convenient, then he should be firm and tell her that we dont mind you visiting us once a year, but thats it from now on!!!! and you will be expected to pay your way, I very much doubt if he hears from her again for a very long long time
And I dont think that will be any great loss to either one of you
Take care and good luck,
Rodney.
Apr 21st 2013, 3:07 pm
#7206
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
I really, really like the Norfolk area! I know I love Scotland but if I were to settle in England it might just be in Norfolk. I recently watched an episode of Escape to the Country that concentrated on Norfolk and fell in love with it, so it's been on my mind quite a bit.
Today I looked at rental properties in the Edinburgh and Fife (Falkirk) areas and couldn't find one I liked! I went straight to Norfolk and found about four. The rental prices in that area seem to be much lower than in the Central Lowlands of Scotland. Seems you get a lot more for your money in Norfolk.
North Yorkshire is also lovely, so now I am torn as to what area to settle in.
Of course, rental homes are merely one side of the spectrum. It depends on the cost of living and the job market, too. If Norfolk scores high on these counts, too, Scotland might have some competition!
PS: There are tons of rental properties but Norfolk seemed to have more of what I am looking for - quaintness, decent backyard with lawn/trees and trees in the surrounding area - small village-type atmosphere rather than cement city.
Today I looked at rental properties in the Edinburgh and Fife (Falkirk) areas and couldn't find one I liked! I went straight to Norfolk and found about four. The rental prices in that area seem to be much lower than in the Central Lowlands of Scotland. Seems you get a lot more for your money in Norfolk.
North Yorkshire is also lovely, so now I am torn as to what area to settle in.
Of course, rental homes are merely one side of the spectrum. It depends on the cost of living and the job market, too. If Norfolk scores high on these counts, too, Scotland might have some competition!
PS: There are tons of rental properties but Norfolk seemed to have more of what I am looking for - quaintness, decent backyard with lawn/trees and trees in the surrounding area - small village-type atmosphere rather than cement city.
Apr 21st 2013, 5:45 pm
#7207
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
English Mum..... I am so sorry about your relative she seems to be sticking like glue. Perhaps you could start cooking food she doesnt like, it is so annoying when people just use you. Pity you cant move and not tell her were you are going. Still you are home and seem to be loving it. I am so happy for you.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
Apr 21st 2013, 6:04 pm
#7208
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,197
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
English Mum..... I am so sorry about your relative she seems to be sticking like glue. Perhaps you could start cooking food she doesnt like, it is so annoying when people just use you. Pity you cant move and not tell her were you are going. Still you are home and seem to be loving it. I am so happy for you.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
Hope you're finding something to enjoy about the new house (maybe the picture will clarify this!) and are recovering your health and strength.
I spent Easter in England--coldest March for 50 years, bitterly cold every single day for weeks, you didn't miss anything there! All the spring flowers three weeks to a month late.
It was good to be there anyway, of course.
Yes, house prices in the UK are very high, especially in certain areas, which of course has to include the area where I just happened to grow up (Gloucestershire) from my teenage years, where my mother and some siblings still live, and where we have a little flat. But are looking for a slightly bigger one, and the prices are ridiculous--especially compared to the area we came from in the US.
In fact it's better not to compare at all! That way madness lies. Anyone coming from lower-priced parts of US should just forget about how much you could buy for your money there, house-wise, compared with UK!
As you see, Trotty, this thread continues--wonderful new members joining in, as well as new friends...an important virtual support group.
Apr 21st 2013, 7:27 pm
#7209
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
between two worlds....Its so nice to see the forum continuing and gaining new members thats what its all about each helping the other and many moving on some staying to encourage those who are not sure what to do and giving a helping hand even if its just words of encouragement. We have come along way over the years and I often think back to those who went back home and wonder how they are all doing especially those who were having a hard time.
I am getting settled in the new home and making it my own it will never be what I wanted but its alright. I get pleasure from reading about those who have returned home and how things are going for them.
I am getting settled in the new home and making it my own it will never be what I wanted but its alright. I get pleasure from reading about those who have returned home and how things are going for them.
Apr 21st 2013, 7:38 pm
#7210
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Yes, house prices in the UK are very high, especially in certain areas, which of course has to include the area where I just happened to grow up (Gloucestershire) from my teenage years, where my mother and some siblings still live, and where we have a little flat. But are looking for a slightly bigger one, and the prices are ridiculous--especially compared to the area we came from in the US.
In fact it's better not to compare at all! That way madness lies. Anyone coming from lower-priced parts of US should just forget about how much you could buy for your money there, house-wise, compared with UK!
Example
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-24591018.html
It could be that the prices of UK homes are unrealistic and they are not selling?
Here is another theory..You pay a lot for petrol in England but you trade off with free NHS. So lets see you pay a lot for a house in the UK but you have public transportation available.
Cheers
Last edited by cheers; Apr 21st 2013 at 7:44 pm.
Apr 21st 2013, 7:40 pm
#7211
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
The home is in New Hampshire, is it not?
Cheers
Apr 21st 2013, 8:59 pm
#7212
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 1,654
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
I agree £180,000 ($274,000) gets you nothing in the area we want. I keep thinking this can't last but then again with the US taking on the world it has to come with a price. The US may have turned the corner on military spending and hopefully this will make the dollar stronger against the pound then the house prices may be more affordable in the UK.
Example
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-24591018.html
It could be that the prices of UK homes are unrealistic and they are not selling?
Here is another theory..You pay a lot for petrol in England but you trade off with free NHS. So lets see you pay a lot for a house in the UK but you have public transportation available.
Cheers
Example
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-24591018.html
It could be that the prices of UK homes are unrealistic and they are not selling?
Here is another theory..You pay a lot for petrol in England but you trade off with free NHS. So lets see you pay a lot for a house in the UK but you have public transportation available.
Cheers
Apr 21st 2013, 9:48 pm
#7213
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
I must have missed the village
Apr 21st 2013, 10:12 pm
#7214
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
English Mum..... I am so sorry about your relative she seems to be sticking like glue. Perhaps you could start cooking food she doesnt like, it is so annoying when people just use you. Pity you cant move and not tell her were you are going. Still you are home and seem to be loving it. I am so happy for you.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
Jasper...Not been on for a while had some health issues but feeling better now. We are fully moved into the house and I have a picture I am going to post in a few days I think it says it all. Hope things are going well for you and your Mum is doing much better the summer will be good for her. I have been watching Escape to the Country and really enjoy it but realize that unless you have loads of money its not for us lowly folk.
And it must be hard for you too, sorry about your recent health issues but so glad that you are feeling a little better now,
Mum is looking much better now, she is back to driving her car again, she drives very fast in traffic and scares the hell out of me when slower cars get in her way and she says get out of my way
and she dont keep a safe distance to the car in front like we do in America, and I can feel my feet pressing nervously to the floor when she gets so darn close to the car before she even starts to break and she is 94 in June but they all seem to drive like that over here, Nice to hear that your settling in to your new home, cant wait to see your pics,
Take care brave lady,
Rodney.
Apr 22nd 2013, 2:52 am
#7215
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Luston, England
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-23902350.html
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-37127926.html
Yes you got me to look around the village. It is as you say very nice.
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-23902350.html
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-37127926.html
Yes you got me to look around the village. It is as you say very nice.