Viking, you have been given some excellent advice and perspectives, dont know what I can add but, my husband left the uk when his (our) son was12 or 13. They talk every week on the phone, email each other and he comes for a visit every two years, my husband misses him desperately, the boy is now a man and a teacher, communications have increased as the years have gone on, I believe their relationship has become stronger due to the difference.

We are contemplating a return to the uk, my (our) daughter is 18, I dont want to abandon her in a country where she has no one. At the moment she still needs us, she probably wouldn't agree, we are waiting until she finishes HS to talk to her about our thoughts. Her plans for the coming few years are to do some upgrading grade 13, so she can continue with her cadet career. Then her plans will be either, join the canadian forces, go to uni, which for the course she wants to do will be in a different province to us or her favourite option, to teach english in Japan for a year or two. None of her plans include proximity to us, which I feel frees us up to make a decision based on us and not either of our kids, it however is a very difficult decision to make.

We are in the same boat. DD is 21 but she has no siblings. There is other family, but no one she grew up living close to, so we feel we would be leaving her alone. She has surrogate families all over the country also, but still it feels like we would be abandoning her. I am still coming to terms with it...I don't think they ever get older enough for you to feel you could live without each other. And then one day there will be a wedding to plan, and grandchildren. We will be retired, but will we always be able to travel? And if she stays in the US, how often will she have time off to visit us? It's a lot to think about.

It is so much to think about, weddings, grandchildren etc. Im half hoping she'll say im coming too, if thats what we decide. But I do know that wherever we will be, she might decide to emigrate elsewhere too, my aim will be to see her at least once a year if we end up in different countries.

Tough choices. I would just point out that you are qualified and valued enough in your job to a) get an offer in the UK and b) get a counter-offer from the US company to keep you here. I think if you have that luxury now I just would wonder if you would also have the same opportunity in a few years when your child does go off to university (I guess it depends on your age and the career path)? You're doing well enough to have some competition over you, and that may still be the case when your son is off to university in a few years such that you could leave then with less worry. Possible best of both worlds.

Mine may move to another country too (which is how we started this whole idea of moving back home in the first place). Maybe Israel, which would be closer to the UK than the US by far if she does go. I think we will know for sure after our recon trip next year whether Europe will entice her more.

This is one thing that is also stressing me a lot, although I am trying really hard not to think too much about it.

Daughter is 18 and finishing school in June with no idea what she wants to do yet.

She has a life here now, her friends and boyfriend are here.

She will sail home with us in July but no idea if she will stay in England with us or return to NS to live. She will have no family here and this really worries me as she can't stay with friends forever.

I am hoping that when she returns to England this summer she will enjoy spending time with extended family and friends who she remains in contact with.

I just can not think about her returning here alone right now as I will lose it!

It is right that we shouldn't stay here for this reason though. She is an adult and will choose her own path. She could return to the UK in a couple of years, she could meet a man who wants to work in OZ and follow him there, she could move to the US. I will then be stuck here in Canada still unhappy and unable to move as my youngest will be going through the crucial time at school.
This is our only window of opportunity when my eldest finishes school and while my youngest is young enough to catch up, spend 1 year in junior school before starting secondary school.

We have to take a chance and hope we are right.

I absolutely agree with this. Once they are adult they will make their own way, no matter what we do. Being in a vast country such as Canada or the US makes it more than likely that they will relocate within the country and be just as far away from you. So do what is best for you. Even if she doesn't stay in the UK, bet she will enjoy having two homes, and somewhere grand to go for holidays!

We have done exactly what your talking about. My husband returned to the UK with our youngest last July ready for the new school year. I waited in NZ with our daughter while she finished school. I was able to set her up at her granddads (who she has never had a close relationship with, but offered her a room) and help her apply for uni.
She decided not to return to the UK as she had made friends there and got herself a boyfriend. We put off our return for 3 years while she finished school. As soon as she finished we spent every last cent bringing her and the bf with me home to the UK for 7 weeks. I was gutted when she left but speak to her every day and hope that their trip was enough to get them thinking of a future nearer us.
Good Luck

Thanks Perthhomeschool

Spacecake - how long have you been back in England now? I can't imagine saying goodbye to my daughter if she decides to return to Canada alone > I know this is something I may have to do though.

We have also stayed an additional 3 years waiting for our daughter to finish school. Too be honest though it has been very stressful and not worth it. She skips school a lot and is barely scraping through by the skin of her teeth.
I wish we had returned and put her in sixth form or college to do her GCSE's. At least we would all be there together too without the fear of her leaving.

It such an awful situation, you move to a new country, start a new life, do things for the best or what we think us the best and you end up with really hard decisions and possible split families, I just wish we had considered a different part of the uk, rather than a different country.

I came back at the end of November, our daughter left at the end of January. It is hard but at least I know where she is, who her friends are etc.
You know our oldest left straight after year 13, he turned 19 but still managed to get into sixth form college where he is just taking his A levels hoping to get into Uni in September.

Piff Poff - if only we had a time machine eh? I wish we had moved elsewhere in the UK too. I know we shouldn't have regrets, but gawd I think I regret moving here!

Spacecake - True, at least you know where your daughter is.
My daughter is not very responsible and still very dependant on us unfortunately so this worries me a lot.
Good luck to you

If she is still undecided about her future and is dependent, then it would be easier for her to just stay with you in the UK until she works it out. Problem is there is a boyfriend involved, and young women can't often see past their relationships, even in their own best interests. Speaking from experience with mine..at 20 she was ready to chuck in all her college education to follow her bf in the air force, just taking care of him. Fortunately, he took up with someone else, and now she is graduating in a couple of weeks and all excited about her future career.

Yes, the boyfriend has to go
I hope she does choose to stay with us or I will never sleep. LOL
That's great it worked out for you and your daughter. I think if they can just decide what they want to do in college or work, then that's half the battle.

Yes indeed! I spent many a night plotting how I could make this happen Luckily he turned out to be a right jerk and I didn't have to do anything Maybe you need to explain to DD that since she still needs you she is going to have to go where you go - end of story. Hang in there. Things will work out the way they are supposed to.