TraceyW

You poor thing I really don't know what to suggest. It's your life and your family.

I wish you well.

gruffbrown

Psst, you're quoting the wrong person

Nomore

LOL, no mate, i was just continuing what you thought..." i know how you feel"
We know how he feels, it's just so hard to advice someone on these situations, but lucky for me, my hubby said he will come back home next year.

britvic

They are not that little any more, of course it's great to have Dad around, but you must do what you have to do for your own peace of mind, so go back, you need time to think what you really want, our home land has changed so much in 20 odd years, may be not for the better as most will say, I've been gone 5 years and cant wait to get back, I will except the changes but will they be that noticeable to me unlike you. Wish you all the very best this has to be the hardest choice you've ever made.

Yoong

Good for you psb182!, you have been bending overbackward for
everyone and now you are taking action and doing something about it.
It is difficult , but you have to claim back your authentic self to feel
alive and fulfilled. Eventually positive things will happen for you and your family when they see you change for the better.
Good luck
Yoong

chance to be

Dear psb182
The very best of luck with you.
When you have a thought in your head as powerful as yours right now, you dont really have a choice - you have to act on it. If you stay in the US without a move back, it sounds like it will tear you apart. So, decision is made and thats half the battle. The possible outcomes....
1) stay in US and go mad (no good. well done you for eliminating that one)
2) go to Uk (ride with it, no choice) and then....
a) wife etc visit once you have set up a base etc, and u can discuss pros/cons of where u live. Maybe a compramise can be worked out re time spent in each country at this stage?
b) wife comes to Uk of own volition, having realised your happiness can only be acieved there and u need to be together.
c) you realise US wasnt so bad/Uks not so good and you go back to US, but youve explored other options so should feel better about move back than state you are in now.
I think all 3 of these scenarios are better than how you will be if you hadnt made your decision - so GOOD luck! You are very brave! (BTW, I did exactly the same and the outcome was 2b so hope is there)
Its time to take care of your mental health. Look after yourself and remember people on this forum already back can advise you on any practicalities.
C x

callé

Hiya PSB. Ya know, mine werent all for it (the kids) until the plans started falling into place. When they realised that it was for real and not just me wishing and dreaming, they got behind me a little more. Its always hard, once any move is made from one country to another. I left one behind in the states. My 27 yo son. He is doing great though and he is coming to visit this spring to see what he thinks about it. My other three are here. All have adjusted. In particular my now 16 yo son. Absolutely loves it and will be going straight into six form after the summer. My daughter still wants to go to college in the states but then come back here after. I cant imagine being away from her for a while, but I know its a decision she has to make.
The most important thing they have learned is it can be done and they have the easy path to live where they want as they are all dual.
Remind yours that they can treat it as a real life learning experience, the adventure of a lifetime. Their ages can be difficult but at the same time, its such a magical age for seeing things new and visiting foreign places. They will never forget it and they will learn so much.
If on the other hand, they are going to attend college, then maybe you, wife and younger one could have an extended trip home, letting them know they are welcome to join you later...and see what happens.
Hard decisions, I know. I wish you all the best.

psb182

Cheers everyone for the support,I feel very good about the decision but a little scared about whats going to happen with the family.
The wife knows how I feel basically I said can't stand it anymore and her thoughts were she would not be bothered where we lived as long as we are all together.I recieved a valentines card last week that said (we belong together forever) it brought a tear to my eye.
She is still in the UK caring for her mother who has terminal cancer so we won't be talking about the subject with her for a while as she has enough on her plate,we talk everyday for at least 1/2 hour thanks to LINGO.
I just hope things turn out for the best because she is the best woman I have ever met.Thanks again for the support

TraceyW

That's so beautiful, you big softy!!! She sounds like a lovely lady.

phil01

Hi,
hard decision and I hope you all manage to stick together through it but if you don't you have to live your life, if it is making you so unhappy then try and get them all to go home for a holiday and see if it is what you want, if they don't want to go but you do then do it...tough I know but you really are entitled to be happy too! good luck.
Deb

jumping doris

Perhaps when your wife is back in the US and you all sit down together your children may come round to your way of thinking.
Everyone must be very unsettled now and as they are also facing the death of their gran, it's a bad time all round. Possibly not the best time to toss something else into the pot?
But when your family is back together they may feel more secure and look at it differently.
Also do they like the place you are planning to return to or is there somewhere else in the UK that may seem more appealing to them?

This is so hard and I do feel for you.

TouristTrap

As to the kids, they're old and ugly enough to make their own decisions, but why not get them to give it a year over there? They might find they adore it in the UK - traveling all over the continent at the drop of a few quid - and stay ?

TraceyW

Wise words...especially if you offer to pay for them!

wombatboy

i really relate and i think you cant deny what your heart tells you...

basically i spent a few years here in Sydney, then went back to UK for a year for visa reasons and my australian wife came with me and lived with me in london (we were engaged at time). then we came back to Sydney for wedding and to live. I have been finding myself increasingly stressed about staying here permanently ..it just is so remote and despite going back to UK at xmas I still havent got it out my system. I'm 33 now and she is 26 and now pregnant with our first child.
so my worries are that she just wont want to let go of her close family ties here in sydney and i will be effectively trapped to living here. i am all for concentrating on the baby for the next few years but i feel like after a couple we should consider going back to live fro a couple of years in the uk again.
I discuss it with her and she doesnt say no but i feel like she doesnt want to either.i dont want to find a future where i am living somewhere i dont want to be. My only choice is to try and plan a move over there - my wife says she is worried that we will take a step back financially by going over and end up like her parents....poorly paid and unable to retire because of no money.
but i see that employment opps are good in teh uk... so difficult when theres a dependant to consider.

gardnma

Every time you think your the only one to walk the path, you read someone's post who has had similar experiences. Sympathy to you, 20+ is a long time, I know. Be strong, it'll be the biggest thing you ever do to return after all this time.