Hubby really down about going home.
Apr 11th 2007, 8:19 am
#151
Life is more than a dream
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Kings Moss, UK - it's a bit like Emmerdale
Posts: 1,389
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Well I'm really sorry for those of you who have had to fly back to the UK to be with loved ones who are ill but this would have been the case no matter which country you emigrated to so you can't blame this on Australia.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
We are always wiser after the event. I just feel so sad for all of those who feel they are stuck in a place that makes them so miserable for whatever reason. Tracey and others like her have thrown everything into making it work - she's studying hard and exploring every option to satisfy both hers and her families needs. It must be so frustrating and heartbreaking to feel that you will never get home again.
Apr 11th 2007, 8:29 am
#152
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Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Surrey to Perth and back to Surrey & Back again, Why why why
Posts: 349
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Well I'm really sorry for those of you who have had to fly back to the UK to be with loved ones who are ill but this would have been the case no matter which country you emigrated to so you can't blame this on Australia.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
Danny
Who is blaming Australia???
When we decided to come here we knew about family etc of course we did, we are not stupid, but nothing can prepare you for the Hurt and the Guilt you feel for not being there when something does happen.
So please don't assume that we should know how we are going to feel unless you have been there.
Apr 11th 2007, 8:45 am
#153
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: UK-France-UK-France
Posts: 242
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Well I'm really sorry for those of you who have had to fly back to the UK to be with loved ones who are ill but this would have been the case no matter which country you emigrated to so you can't blame this on Australia.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
It's just unfortunate that you chose to live so far away from the UK. I hope this doesn't sound cruel but you did choose to live in Australia and I'm sure that the topic of ageing parents must have cropped up in conversations before moving and that was a risk that you were all prepared to take.
I live in France and have the same feelings of wanting to return to the UK
Apr 11th 2007, 9:55 am
#154
'In limboland'
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,880
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Hi Danny - I can see you are trying to make a reasoned, logical argument here but the fact is that you just don't realise how being so far away from home and family is going to affect you emotionally until you finally move lock, stock and barrel overseas - it is so different from a reccie or a long holiday, your mindset, your emotions, your whole way of thinking changes immeasurably once you are living overseas...it's hard to explain but once you've done it you'll know what I mean.......
Of course you aren't being nosey P. What I meant by that was, I had given in and carried on with my life here. That's not to say that we no longer talked about going home, or should I say that I talked about it. Now I have my hopes pinned on our son going home, as he has always said he will do, when he graduates from uni next year. I just can't see my hubby wanting to stay here for too long without his boy, they very close indeed. I think he would miss him far too much and be wanting to do things with him back home, such as go to the Arsenal, to Twickenham and Lords etc..I haven't said much lately because our son still has a year to go at uni, but hubby knows what my long term intentions are. I still have many regrets though and that's why I said to Tracey, "don't end up like me."
Apr 11th 2007, 10:29 am
#155
Grace and gratitude
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 6,407
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
You are absolutely right. Both what you have said and Louise too. You do take into account a great deal of things before you migrate, but you change, your life changes, your children grow up and, what may have been important to you then, isn't necessarily important now. You also have no idea of how the lonliness can affect you when something unexpected is happening back home, be it good or bad, until you have lived it.
Of course you aren't being nosey P. What I meant by that was, I had given in and carried on with my life here. That's not to say that we no longer talked about going home, or should I say that I talked about it. Now I have my hopes pinned on our son going home, as he has always said he will do, when he graduates from uni next year. I just can't see my hubby wanting to stay here for too long without his boy, they very close indeed. I think he would miss him far too much and be wanting to do things with him back home, such as go to the Arsenal, to Twickenham and Lords etc..I haven't said much lately because our son still has a year to go at uni, but hubby knows what my long term intentions are. I still have many regrets though and that's why I said to Tracey, "don't end up like me."
Of course you aren't being nosey P. What I meant by that was, I had given in and carried on with my life here. That's not to say that we no longer talked about going home, or should I say that I talked about it. Now I have my hopes pinned on our son going home, as he has always said he will do, when he graduates from uni next year. I just can't see my hubby wanting to stay here for too long without his boy, they very close indeed. I think he would miss him far too much and be wanting to do things with him back home, such as go to the Arsenal, to Twickenham and Lords etc..I haven't said much lately because our son still has a year to go at uni, but hubby knows what my long term intentions are. I still have many regrets though and that's why I said to Tracey, "don't end up like me."
Glad your hopes for coming home are still well and truly alive
-
Apr 11th 2007, 12:13 pm
#157
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 15
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
HI Tracy
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
Apr 11th 2007, 3:30 pm
#158
Grace and gratitude
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 6,407
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
HI Tracy
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
My heart goes out to you my love - we came back to the UK last year after spending 2 years living in Perth - hubby was not best pleased about coming back but did it for me as I was so miserable - but he has settled here and made a go of it for me - both my kids are as happy as pigs in muck back here - they love the UK and being with their grandparents, uncles, cousins etc but they are much younger than yours (they were 3 & 5 when we came back) - I expect as kids get older their perspective changes and it is harder to uproot them.
I have no advice to offer you in this situation but I do feel for you from the bottom of my heart as I know how miserable I was when we lived in Perth - and the fact that you are willing to go back to Oz for your kids and husband is amazing - you are obviously a wonderful wife and Mum and your family are very lucky to have you, I hope you all find happiness together and work it out whatever you decide to do.
Apr 12th 2007, 4:27 am
#159
'In limboland'
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,880
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
HI Tracy
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
Sorry I am a bit late posting to this but have only just discovered this forum.
I know how you are feeling. We moved to Perth in 1999 and lived there for eight years. Loved loads about the place, good jobs, fab private school for the kids, great quality of life but we struggled with homesickness for the whole time. ANyway, after a year where my husband lost his mum, dad and brother we decided we need to move back to the Uk - the distance was just too far when things went wrong and we wanted to be home. So we moved back in January just gone.
What can I say, we needed to settle quickly and get jobs etc. Instead it has been a disaster. No jobs, expensive housing. we have had to rent an hour away from family because of cost and shortge of houses. The kids hate it here, they are 10 &13 and my husband just wants to return! His job in Perth is being kept open for a year (that was a mistake) but have to tell them in about three weeks. The problem is I love it here - I love being near my family, I love the history, the choice, even Tescos, it is 'home'! But I can see Oz is a better place for my kids in theory. Every time there is a new stabbing on th enews my heart sinks as it just convinces them more. We can hrdly speak some days - I am so defensive of the Uk ad he is so pro Oz.
So it looks like we will be heading back to Perth at the end of the year. It is a choice of me doing what I want - stay in the Uk, ruining my husbands and kids lives (as they tell me!) - or going back to Perth because I love them. I just feel a bit like the sacrificial lamb. I have come to th econclusion though that I will cope the best - I dont sulk when I dont get my own way or go into deep depression!!!!
At the moment it all feels so stupid. We have wasted so much money etc.I thought we could come back here and make a go of it as if we had never been away. It just isn't possible. My husband hate sthe Uk now, yet we had both wanted to come back, Life when you are divided is tough.
So not much help really am I but I do understand.
Becky
It has made me feel really sad reading your post. We have been here for just over 10 years and I have never truly settled, so for you to say you are coming back although you were unhappy before and love being where you are, close to family etc. makes me feel very concerned for you. You say you don't sulk or go into a deep depression if you don't get your own way, so I'd like to ask if you have ever suffered from depression, clinically diagnosed depression I mean. I'm not getting at you, far from it infact, but I could have said exactly the same about myself 3 years ago. I won't go into details, but things took an extremely bad turn after our last visit 'home' and, I know that I would rather be dead than live the rest of my life here in Perth.
To me the wife/mother is the backbone of the family and, without her being able to function properly, there will be no happy family life. That's how it was in our case. When I shut up and put up with being very unhappy, things ran smoothly. When I got very down and found it hard to pick myself up, things were bad, a lot of 'things', which I shan't go into on here. I can understand your children being angry because to them, the UK is alien, but they will adjust, just the same as children who migrate with their parents to anywhere in the world do, at any age. Your children are still young, both at school, which gives them plenty of time to make new friends and they will make friends and settle, honest. As for being an hour away from your family, isn't that better than being 12,000 miles away?
You say there are no jobs, expensive housing, whereabouts are you and what does your OH do? I expect you will know how much Perth house prices have risen, so you know what to expect if you do come back, but does a house mean more than your happiness? Do you think that perhaps your OH hasn't given it long enough to settle back down again? After all, you did say you both struggled with homesickness while you were here. You have returned in the worst months weather wise too, maybe he might feel different once you've 'lived' through what they say is going to be a hot summer in the UK again. If you are defensive of the UK and he of Oz now, it will probably only get worse when and if you come back here. My OH and I argued a great deal because he wouldn't listen to any criticism from me about Oz, until in the end, I learned to shut up, which isn't fair or good for me either. I should be allowed to say what I want in my own home, but I don't now because I can't stand the bad atmosphere. I think my OH got so uptight because he didn't know how to cope with me being unhappy, not because he loves Oz.
All I can say to you is that I really do understand what you are going through and I wish you all the very best in whatever you all decide, but please put your feelings first, because life with an unhappy mother/wife will be much worse here than life with a happy mother/wife where she belongs.
Good luck Becky.
Last edited by St.Georges Girl; Apr 12th 2007 at 4:32 am.
Apr 12th 2007, 8:40 am
#160
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
I know that I would rather be dead than live the rest of my life here in Perth
Apr 12th 2007, 9:05 am
#162
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Joondalup Perth WA
Posts: 1,060
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Its so sad when I read posts like this about coming back "for the sake of kids and OH". If you didnt like Perth (the situation you were in before) why would you want to put yourself through it again??? I can never understand people that go back and then return and still feel unhappy and I have a horrible feeling this could happen to you! Maybe trying a different state might help, or failing that if your not happy in UK what about another country closer to home?
Ark at me!! sorry but I really feel for you.....I know my OH is a bit disappointed we arnt staying as he has just got a brill job and is doing so well but Im sooo unhappy here and I know we will really struggle when we go back, but we are keeping our options open and have a few little other things to put to plan when we return so hopefully we will open up all new chapters....
I spoke to my daughter today and she said there are lots of her friends now back in UK doing drugs, but then in the next breath tells me how many do it here!!:
so things happen all over the world!!..
What Im trying to say is as St Georges Girl said, your kids are young enough to start again, mine have to go back and I got a 17 1/2 year old I know we are gonna struggle again with her....
If yo come back you might start resenting your OH and that can cause all sorts of issues, the same I suppose if you stay, very hard decision to make, good luck to you and I really hope things pan out well for you and your family.(sorry to waffle
)
Kath
Ark at me!! sorry but I really feel for you.....I know my OH is a bit disappointed we arnt staying as he has just got a brill job and is doing so well but Im sooo unhappy here and I know we will really struggle when we go back, but we are keeping our options open and have a few little other things to put to plan when we return so hopefully we will open up all new chapters....
I spoke to my daughter today and she said there are lots of her friends now back in UK doing drugs, but then in the next breath tells me how many do it here!!:
so things happen all over the world!!..What Im trying to say is as St Georges Girl said, your kids are young enough to start again, mine have to go back and I got a 17 1/2 year old I know we are gonna struggle again with her....
If yo come back you might start resenting your OH and that can cause all sorts of issues, the same I suppose if you stay, very hard decision to make, good luck to you and I really hope things pan out well for you and your family.(sorry to waffle
)Kath
Apr 12th 2007, 9:35 am
#163
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 15
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Its so sad when I read posts like this about coming back "for the sake of kids and OH". If you didnt like Perth (the situation you were in before) why would you want to put yourself through it again??? I can never understand people that go back and then return and still feel unhappy and I have a horrible feeling this could happen to you! Maybe trying a different state might help, or failing that if your not happy in UK what about another country closer to home?
Ark at me!! sorry but I really feel for you.....I know my OH is a bit disappointed we arnt staying as he has just got a brill job and is doing so well but Im sooo unhappy here and I know we will really struggle when we go back, but we are keeping our options open and have a few little other things to put to plan when we return so hopefully we will open up all new chapters....
I spoke to my daughter today and she said there are lots of her friends now back in UK doing drugs, but then in the next breath tells me how many do it here!!: so things happen all over the world!!..
What Im trying to say is as St Georges Girl said, your kids are young enough to start again, mine have to go back and I got a 17 1/2 year old I know we are gonna struggle again with her....
If yo come back you might start resenting your OH and that can cause all sorts of issues, the same I suppose if you stay, very hard decision to make, good luck to you and I really hope things pan out well for you and your family.(sorry to waffle )
Kath
Ark at me!! sorry but I really feel for you.....I know my OH is a bit disappointed we arnt staying as he has just got a brill job and is doing so well but Im sooo unhappy here and I know we will really struggle when we go back, but we are keeping our options open and have a few little other things to put to plan when we return so hopefully we will open up all new chapters....
I spoke to my daughter today and she said there are lots of her friends now back in UK doing drugs, but then in the next breath tells me how many do it here!!:
so things happen all over the world!!..What Im trying to say is as St Georges Girl said, your kids are young enough to start again, mine have to go back and I got a 17 1/2 year old I know we are gonna struggle again with her....
If yo come back you might start resenting your OH and that can cause all sorts of issues, the same I suppose if you stay, very hard decision to make, good luck to you and I really hope things pan out well for you and your family.(sorry to waffle
)Kath
We could stay here but - the kids would go to a state school and I don't want that - (yes, maybe perth made a snob of me
). My hubby would have to take a job in Tescos or the like - I wouldn't wish that on him for the world, he is worth so much more than that. We will never manage to buy our own home here, but in Perth hubbys employer will help us and we have enough capital to buy there, even with the price hike.My son is chronic asthmatic, health care in PMH for him was fantastic, here it isn't. We can't even get into a dentist here.
I am not trying ot talk up Perth - after 8 years I am only too aware of its faults, but I think you misunderstood my first post. I never disliked Perth. I just would rather be here for family reasons. I was never really miserable there 24/7 but I was homesick.
If it was just me I would stay here, but I am part of a family and I have to weigh up what is best for all of us. Going back is without a doubt in my mind best for 3 out of the 4 of us. I have no doubts where gives the better life for my kids - but again, that is just me, everyone is different and their kids want and need different things.
My phrase 'sacrificial lamb' was too harsh. I will get down over there, but I am down over here knowing that our hopes for here aren't being realised. I woud still prefer to live here but will go back to Perth for the greater good. My hubby and I will work it through. If he had loved being back here then perhaps we would have found a way to counter the negatives here, but he doesn't. In my moments of dispair that is what I resent, that he has moved on and I haven't. We have always been in step with eachother and it is hard realising that you can feel so differently from eachother - that was what I was orriginally meaning.
Sorry to go on - tricky being succinct when your mind is confused!!!!!
Becky
Apr 12th 2007, 9:53 am
#164
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 15
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Hello Becky,
It has made me feel really sad reading your post. We have been here for just over 10 years and I have never truly settled, so for you to say you are coming back although you were unhappy before and love being where you are, close to family etc. makes me feel very concerned for you. You say you don't sulk or go into a deep depression if you don't get your own way, so I'd like to ask if you have ever suffered from depression, clinically diagnosed depression I mean. I'm not getting at you, far from it infact, but I could have said exactly the same about myself 3 years ago. I won't go into details, but things took an extremely bad turn after our last visit 'home' and, I know that I would rather be dead than live the rest of my life here in Perth.
To me the wife/mother is the backbone of the family and, without her being able to function properly, there will be no happy family life. That's how it was in our case. When I shut up and put up with being very unhappy, things ran smoothly. When I got very down and found it hard to pick myself up, things were bad, a lot of 'things', which I shan't go into on here. I can understand your children being angry because to them, the UK is alien, but they will adjust, just the same as children who migrate with their parents to anywhere in the world do, at any age. Your children are still young, both at school, which gives them plenty of time to make new friends and they will make friends and settle, honest. As for being an hour away from your family, isn't that better than being 12,000 miles away?
You say there are no jobs, expensive housing, whereabouts are you and what does your OH do? I expect you will know how much Perth house prices have risen, so you know what to expect if you do come back, but does a house mean more than your happiness? Do you think that perhaps your OH hasn't given it long enough to settle back down again? After all, you did say you both struggled with homesickness while you were here. You have returned in the worst months weather wise too, maybe he might feel different once you've 'lived' through what they say is going to be a hot summer in the UK again. If you are defensive of the UK and he of Oz now, it will probably only get worse when and if you come back here. My OH and I argued a great deal because he wouldn't listen to any criticism from me about Oz, until in the end, I learned to shut up, which isn't fair or good for me either. I should be allowed to say what I want in my own home, but I don't now because I can't stand the bad atmosphere. I think my OH got so uptight because he didn't know how to cope with me being unhappy, not because he loves Oz.
All I can say to you is that I really do understand what you are going through and I wish you all the very best in whatever you all decide, but please put your feelings first, because life with an unhappy mother/wife will be much worse here than life with a happy mother/wife where she belongs.
Good luck Becky.
It has made me feel really sad reading your post. We have been here for just over 10 years and I have never truly settled, so for you to say you are coming back although you were unhappy before and love being where you are, close to family etc. makes me feel very concerned for you. You say you don't sulk or go into a deep depression if you don't get your own way, so I'd like to ask if you have ever suffered from depression, clinically diagnosed depression I mean. I'm not getting at you, far from it infact, but I could have said exactly the same about myself 3 years ago. I won't go into details, but things took an extremely bad turn after our last visit 'home' and, I know that I would rather be dead than live the rest of my life here in Perth.
To me the wife/mother is the backbone of the family and, without her being able to function properly, there will be no happy family life. That's how it was in our case. When I shut up and put up with being very unhappy, things ran smoothly. When I got very down and found it hard to pick myself up, things were bad, a lot of 'things', which I shan't go into on here. I can understand your children being angry because to them, the UK is alien, but they will adjust, just the same as children who migrate with their parents to anywhere in the world do, at any age. Your children are still young, both at school, which gives them plenty of time to make new friends and they will make friends and settle, honest. As for being an hour away from your family, isn't that better than being 12,000 miles away?
You say there are no jobs, expensive housing, whereabouts are you and what does your OH do? I expect you will know how much Perth house prices have risen, so you know what to expect if you do come back, but does a house mean more than your happiness? Do you think that perhaps your OH hasn't given it long enough to settle back down again? After all, you did say you both struggled with homesickness while you were here. You have returned in the worst months weather wise too, maybe he might feel different once you've 'lived' through what they say is going to be a hot summer in the UK again. If you are defensive of the UK and he of Oz now, it will probably only get worse when and if you come back here. My OH and I argued a great deal because he wouldn't listen to any criticism from me about Oz, until in the end, I learned to shut up, which isn't fair or good for me either. I should be allowed to say what I want in my own home, but I don't now because I can't stand the bad atmosphere. I think my OH got so uptight because he didn't know how to cope with me being unhappy, not because he loves Oz.
All I can say to you is that I really do understand what you are going through and I wish you all the very best in whatever you all decide, but please put your feelings first, because life with an unhappy mother/wife will be much worse here than life with a happy mother/wife where she belongs.
Good luck Becky.
Hi
Thanks for your thoughts. I think we come at it differently. I would put my feelings first if I really believed that it would be the right thing to do for my kids. However I have come to the conclusion that being in the UK isn't the best thing for my kids. It may be where I would like to be but I can see that their lives would be better in OZ. Obviously this is just my kids, everyone is different. If I believed they would be better here then obviously I would fight my corner to stay. Schools, safety, health care, general well being - these are all better for them in Perth. I lived for 8 years missing my family, at times quite desperately but it never made me a bad mother. I never suffered from depression. I would feel upset but never so that I couldn't function.
England is a wonderful country and if we all felt the same I am sure that we would survive here, if I was on my own certainly I would. But I am not. I want to put my kids needs first because even though I will feel very sad at times that is what gives me the greatest satisfaction in life. I could get my fixof life in the UK but for us, I know that it would be at my kids expense - and not just because of the little things like them settling, but it is the big things, education, health care, lifestyle, home security, financial security. These things we can walk into in Perth, but here they are out of our reach. Thats why I will go back, I can live without those things but I don't want my kids to.
I hope I make sense??? Life is very confusing!
Becky
Becky
Apr 12th 2007, 11:35 am
#165
Born to be ignored
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Anstead, Brisbane
Posts: 1,138
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Hi Bex,
I used to live in Wokingham, so know the area well. I'm sure you've already tried this but there is a theology college at Binfield. Has your husband tried there? Also Reading Grammar is ranked one of the best schools in the country in terms of results. You won't have to wait too long, at least for the eldest boy. Also, there are some good, cheaper private schools near Basingstoke. My friend's boy goes to one there which covers primary and high school.
From your husband's point of view, the thing's he was homesick for have, sadly, gone so he feels no real pull any more, but your family are still there so you have reason to stay.
Don't know what else to say really, but I hope you can work this one out.
Jane
I used to live in Wokingham, so know the area well. I'm sure you've already tried this but there is a theology college at Binfield. Has your husband tried there? Also Reading Grammar is ranked one of the best schools in the country in terms of results. You won't have to wait too long, at least for the eldest boy. Also, there are some good, cheaper private schools near Basingstoke. My friend's boy goes to one there which covers primary and high school.
From your husband's point of view, the thing's he was homesick for have, sadly, gone so he feels no real pull any more, but your family are still there so you have reason to stay.
Don't know what else to say really, but I hope you can work this one out.
Jane