Hubby really down about going home.
#1
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 114
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
#3
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Joined: Dec 2005
Location: miles from a pint of milk!
Posts: 863
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
I go through different emotions every minute of the day should i stay, its a great lifestyle in the offereing etc etc, im emotionally drained : However ive made a decision and will stick by it though I intend my lifestyle (and my teenage computer addicted son's)to be changed radically when I return.
I dont really have any advice, not been here long enough for that but just wanted you to know im thinking of you.
regards
lolly
#4
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Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,787
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
People don't understand why I am not actively looking to move to the uK - its for exactly this reason, I may know that I'd love to go home, and I'd be haoppier - but I'd be doing it at the expense of someone else's happiness, The Bloke's.
I wish I could give you a quick fix answer Tracey, but there isn't one. its a problem thats all to common - esp amongst couples from different countries. All I can do is offer you sympathy, and the knowledge that a lot of us really do understand.
I wish I could give you a quick fix answer Tracey, but there isn't one. its a problem thats all to common - esp amongst couples from different countries. All I can do is offer you sympathy, and the knowledge that a lot of us really do understand.
#5
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
#6
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 135
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
I guess if you could have frequent trips back for holidays it might be better than nothing, but who can afford that especially with children.
I confess to getting seriously resentful at times towards my bloke but don't think I want to call it quits on my marriage... but it has crossed my mind. It is a very hard thing to resolve when you both want to be in a different place.
#7
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
I really feel for you Tracey as I am in much the same position. It's not that I don't like it here, I just don't like it enough and I really have tried. I don't want to exist anymore without being near my family. I miss them so much it hurts. Crikey, I've been here 10 years and if that's not trying I don't know what is! Hubby wanted too go home last time we were in UK. He promised while we were there that we'd set the wheels in motion as soon as we got back here, but it never happened. After 3 months of me gathering info on jobs, houses, uni's for son etc. etc.,I realised that he had settled back into life here and wasn't going anywhere. I just don't know what I'm going to do, I'm even considering going it alone now. I don't want to die unhappy, but if I stay here I most certainly will.
When our son finishes uni next year and is no longer dependent on us, then I really do have to make a firm decision, but even the thought of existing the way I am for that much longer is getting to me more and more now. It is a dreadful way to exist and if you fancy a chat, you are more than welcome to pop round.
When our son finishes uni next year and is no longer dependent on us, then I really do have to make a firm decision, but even the thought of existing the way I am for that much longer is getting to me more and more now. It is a dreadful way to exist and if you fancy a chat, you are more than welcome to pop round.
Last edited by St.Georges Girl; Mar 18th 2007 at 5:05 am.
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 87
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
For months I have thought that I was the only person silly enough to have got myself into such a pickle. It seems there are quite a lot of us. I completely understand your situation as my Aussie fiance does not want to go and live in the UK yet I am yearning to jump on a plane. I came here as it was what he wanted, stupidly ignoring my gut feeling which has been yelling at me for years "I don't want to live in Australia!". I completely admire the people above who are able to sacrifice their happiness for that of their partner. Personally, I must be too selfish as I think I am considering going home alone. I think I am thinking about it. I think. Argggggggggggggggg who knows!?
#9
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Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Northland New Zealand
Posts: 587
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Silly question maybe...but have you and hubby had a holiday in the UK recently, maybe it would help him to feel better about going back?
#10
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 135
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
For months I have thought that I was the only person silly enough to have got myself into such a pickle. It seems there are quite a lot of us. I completely understand your situation as my Aussie fiance does not want to go and live in the UK yet I am yearning to jump on a plane. I came here as it was what he wanted, stupidly ignoring my gut feeling which has been yelling at me for years "I don't want to live in Australia!". I completely admire the people above who are able to sacrifice their happiness for that of their partner. Personally, I must be too selfish as I think I am considering going home alone. I think I am thinking about it. I think. Argggggggggggggggg who knows!?
#11
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Just wanted to send some hugs your way. I have little advice to give, but I know how you feel. It's taken 4 years of begging and pleading my hubby to consider going to the UK with me. It's hard! I hope that you two can come to some sort of agreement and that things work out! PM me if you need to vent.
#12
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Hubby and kids maybe happy but would they be so happy if they knew how miserable you were - we all put our children first - it's what Mothers do - but today is Mother's day in the UK so today of all days put yourself first and tell them how you really feel!!
#13
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Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Hoping to get away from UK to Spain
Posts: 1,826
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Just something to ponder over
#15
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
.For what its worth I know just how you feel.
It really is such a hard situation.
We are going back soon we are not saying forever as we are going back to see how it goes.Who knows we may return.
It has been hard enough .My hubby is the same he does not want to go back he is not close to his family at all and really has nothing to go back for.I feel really bad but he knows how things are and is going to give it a go I respect him for that.
There are opportunities for him in the uk and we have have plans but we will see how it all goes and if the children and hubby really are unhappy then we may return.
Its hard enough but when they start going on about all the negative stuff it confuses the hell out of you.
Hang on in there wishing you all the luck to resolve your dilemma.Karma sent.