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Hubby really down about going home.

Hubby really down about going home.

Old Mar 18th 2007, 12:38 am
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Default Hubby really down about going home.

Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 12:48 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 1:16 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Tracy pet, i do feel for you reading this thread. You might stay for your family whilst im returning for mine!

I go through different emotions every minute of the day should i stay, its a great lifestyle in the offereing etc etc, im emotionally drained : However ive made a decision and will stick by it though I intend my lifestyle (and my teenage computer addicted son's)to be changed radically when I return.

I dont really have any advice, not been here long enough for that but just wanted you to know im thinking of you.

regards

lolly
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 1:29 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

People don't understand why I am not actively looking to move to the uK - its for exactly this reason, I may know that I'd love to go home, and I'd be haoppier - but I'd be doing it at the expense of someone else's happiness, The Bloke's.
I wish I could give you a quick fix answer Tracey, but there isn't one. its a problem thats all to common - esp amongst couples from different countries. All I can do is offer you sympathy, and the knowledge that a lot of us really do understand.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 4:13 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
I feel for you, I think the part of a marriage that people don't mention is the compromise and having to take big decisions as a couple. Have you talked honestly to your husband about your feelings, is he listening and does he really know how you feel?
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 4:46 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Sending you heaps of empathy on that one Tracey. I really know how you feel but don't know what the answer is either. I'm getting desperate to return home, even for a couple of years, but there is absolutely no way OH will go with me to even give it a try (he's a born and bred Kiwi). He seems to think we'll shrivel up and die if we live in England - he listens to the 'happy to be here ex-pats' painting their picture of doom and gloom in England.

I guess if you could have frequent trips back for holidays it might be better than nothing, but who can afford that especially with children.

I confess to getting seriously resentful at times towards my bloke but don't think I want to call it quits on my marriage... but it has crossed my mind. It is a very hard thing to resolve when you both want to be in a different place.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 5:02 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

I really feel for you Tracey as I am in much the same position. It's not that I don't like it here, I just don't like it enough and I really have tried. I don't want to exist anymore without being near my family. I miss them so much it hurts. Crikey, I've been here 10 years and if that's not trying I don't know what is! Hubby wanted too go home last time we were in UK. He promised while we were there that we'd set the wheels in motion as soon as we got back here, but it never happened. After 3 months of me gathering info on jobs, houses, uni's for son etc. etc.,I realised that he had settled back into life here and wasn't going anywhere. I just don't know what I'm going to do, I'm even considering going it alone now. I don't want to die unhappy, but if I stay here I most certainly will.

When our son finishes uni next year and is no longer dependent on us, then I really do have to make a firm decision, but even the thought of existing the way I am for that much longer is getting to me more and more now. It is a dreadful way to exist and if you fancy a chat, you are more than welcome to pop round.

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Old Mar 18th 2007, 5:32 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

For months I have thought that I was the only person silly enough to have got myself into such a pickle. It seems there are quite a lot of us. I completely understand your situation as my Aussie fiance does not want to go and live in the UK yet I am yearning to jump on a plane. I came here as it was what he wanted, stupidly ignoring my gut feeling which has been yelling at me for years "I don't want to live in Australia!". I completely admire the people above who are able to sacrifice their happiness for that of their partner. Personally, I must be too selfish as I think I am considering going home alone. I think I am thinking about it. I think. Argggggggggggggggg who knows!?
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 6:05 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Silly question maybe...but have you and hubby had a holiday in the UK recently, maybe it would help him to feel better about going back?
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 7:46 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by LCT
For months I have thought that I was the only person silly enough to have got myself into such a pickle. It seems there are quite a lot of us. I completely understand your situation as my Aussie fiance does not want to go and live in the UK yet I am yearning to jump on a plane. I came here as it was what he wanted, stupidly ignoring my gut feeling which has been yelling at me for years "I don't want to live in Australia!". I completely admire the people above who are able to sacrifice their happiness for that of their partner. Personally, I must be too selfish as I think I am considering going home alone. I think I am thinking about it. I think. Argggggggggggggggg who knows!?
I don't think you're being too selfish, and anyway if you're not being then doesn't that mean that he is? Bit of psychological delving to be done answering that one I feel.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 8:07 am
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Just wanted to send some hugs your way. I have little advice to give, but I know how you feel. It's taken 4 years of begging and pleading my hubby to consider going to the UK with me. It's hard! I hope that you two can come to some sort of agreement and that things work out! PM me if you need to vent.
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 4:40 pm
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Tracey - I know exactly how you feel - I too had the same dilemna but in the end Hubby saw it my way and we came home - it was a huge compromise on his part but I was so lucky to be married to someone who put my happiness before his own. I have to say during my 2 years in Perth we met many English couples - the story was nearly always the same - the girls wanted to go home to Blighty but the blokes were all 'UK is rubbish etc etc' . All i can say is really try and tell hubby how miserable you are - I truly believe your kids can have a great life in either Perth or the UK - the UK still has a lot to offer despite all the recent UK bashing - I don't for a minute regret my return to the UK especially when I see my kids running round the garden laughing and playing with their cousins, uncles and doting grandparents - to me that's what life's all about - and a temperate 25 degree summers day in the UK beats any 38+ degree sweltering summers day in Perth hands down! And it may sound extremely shallow but give me Tescos over Woolies and Coles anyday.

Hubby and kids maybe happy but would they be so happy if they knew how miserable you were - we all put our children first - it's what Mothers do - but today is Mother's day in the UK so today of all days put yourself first and tell them how you really feel!!
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 7:56 pm
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by phil01
Silly question maybe...but have you and hubby had a holiday in the UK recently, maybe it would help him to feel better about going back?
Yes a good idea this one You may even find that what you think is the Great britain is indeed failling bigtime (Not many British consider it Great anymore ).. This then will make you realise that what the Majority of your family are seeing is right ! And its you who has the problem and where ever you live you would never be happy ?

Just something to ponder over
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 9:14 pm
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by Big Pete
And its you who has the problem and where ever you live you would never be happy ?
You seem to be talking from personal experience
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Old Mar 18th 2007, 10:29 pm
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Default Re: Hubby really down about going home.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.

He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.

How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.

What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Tracey I really feel for you.
.For what its worth I know just how you feel.
It really is such a hard situation.
We are going back soon we are not saying forever as we are going back to see how it goes.Who knows we may return.
It has been hard enough .My hubby is the same he does not want to go back he is not close to his family at all and really has nothing to go back for.I feel really bad but he knows how things are and is going to give it a go I respect him for that.
There are opportunities for him in the uk and we have have plans but we will see how it all goes and if the children and hubby really are unhappy then we may return.
Its hard enough but when they start going on about all the negative stuff it confuses the hell out of you.
Hang on in there wishing you all the luck to resolve your dilemma.Karma sent.
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