Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

This is a really important point.

When you are missing something, you are usually only thinking about the good things. The things you like, the people who are your friends. You don't remember the whole picture--the time you got bothered on the street by some chavs, or paying some ridiculous tax, or whatever.

It's impossible for anyplace in the world to match the 'perfect' views of someplace in your mind. But a realistic view can really help you deal with the homesickness.

(and if you absolutely cannot think of anything bad about back home, then it's time to visit and rediscover what you are missing).

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Exactly right!!:thumbsup: .....

A look at the local papers back in the UK is normally enough to dispell any romantic notions I have about going back to the UK. Of course there are things that will always be missed (rugby league....real chips....decent curry etc), but I also miss the innocence of youth and a full head of hair ...alas... there's no going back on that one !!!
In the end life really is what you make it .....life now is sweeter than ever ..its all in the mind ;)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

right I found my calling - I'm off to join the local motor bike gang as in the picture!!! There really is hope for older hormones and wrinkles!!!!!!!!! Have to say does not work like that at home!!!!!!!!!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

My wife hated it when we came here but now as many have said she has filled her days and has a circle of friends, mainly related around my daughters school mates.

As a family overall we have loved the experience and improved lifestyle.

We hate the weather here in winter its so bloody cold but take this summer we have been out in the pool nearly every day for last few months my mates back in Pompey have been moaning about endless crappy summer weather, so again as often repeated just try and be positive.

Suppose for us it was always most likely to be for a few years it will turn out 2 and we are off to Spain so its another adventure next autumn.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

This is a really important point. You have to remember it is the contemporary decrepit you who is going back to live in the UK not the sprightly younger you who left several years/decades ago!! :frown:

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

FUNNEL CAKE!!!!! I'd kill for funnel cake right now. Sooooo good, you don't know what you're missing!

Edited to add - my husband just suggested that a dollop of marmite might make it more to your liking? What a pest he is. ;)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

marmite on toast ....heaven ....sorry just dreaming :tounge_smile:

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I've been up and down with the homesickness bug and come to the conclusion that it wont ever leave, it's just tolerable some days other days it doesn't get me down.

I've found that tension in the relationship for whatever reason just makes me lay awake wondering what i've let myself in for!

I wonder if anyone else has experienced the following:

Laying awake and plotting ways back to the UK.

Finding partners tone of voice irritating (i.e. a request comes across as 'you can' instead of 'can you')

Had a "I can't live like this" discussion.

Feeling isolated amongst a group of partners friends.

Getting news from the UK about something you missed makes you resentful.


I bet a few people can identify with some of those, I tried to keep busy by rebuilding a motorbike and planning trips on it, and now doing those trips, the scenery around here is stunning, i'm just south of you and have enjoyed the warm summer, I guess i'm treating it like an adventure, looking at the VWP/AOS threads in the marriage forum it could get a whole lot more adventurous! I can't complain about the people here, they are so friendly, if anything the reason I dont have more friends is my own British 'reserve'. The friends I have are solid gold!

As a couple we have decided not to close off any avenues, including living in the UK, but who knows, easy enough to say, but when push comes to shove?

Dont worry about missing the Manchester rain, you'll get 6 months of it soon!! (something i'm not looking forward to, i swear it rained every day between November and May)

I suppose I havent helped much, just thought i'd share my own experience.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I admit I've done that. You find yourself working it all out, sometimes down to great detail, then the guilt kicks in; you've made a committment to come out here, be with your other half and make a go of a new life, and you're thinking about going back. I guess that over time, as you put down some roots, this plotting gets less and less important. Thinking about this, you worry about losing your roots in the UK too! It seems you never can win.

This can be a lifeline, living in hope. My wife and I often find ourselves staring discussions with 'If we lived in the UK...'. I'm glad my wife humours me, letting me hope that, some time in the future, we'll be back in the UK again to live. But when I think about the practicalities - finding a job, home, helping my wife settle in - the prospect becomes very remote and I begin to feel trapped in this country. I try and console myself that I'll be able to visit, but with the paltry leave entitlements here I'll be lucky if I can go for 10 days a year. That's assuming I'll get a job at all in the next few months, but that's another story. It's not that life here is unbearable, I quite like it, but I miss the 'old country' a great deal.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Been there mate ......hours that turned into days that turned into weeks....sitting on the bed staring out of the window ....feeling totally lost and isolated....hating everything around you...the food the people the weather even my partner....it was terrible....
My wife admits that she often thought she would return home to an empty house and a note on the kitchen table ....it never did come to that but it was a close call ...
As much as I sympathise the only answer is for you to get off your arse and make it happen .....I'm not being rude just honest.....looking back makes me shudder...acting like a pratt most of the time ....the wife should have kicked me out really ....your either going to stay or going to leave .....look in the mirror and ask some truthful questions .....you can not go on as you are ...best decision I ever made was kicking myself in the arse and making a go of things and making a jolly comfortable new life ....for others its the decision to return home and pick up were they left off ....

Hope it works out for you ....

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Let's deal with this first ... I'm not saying that having a job is the be-all and end-all of life in all cases, but ... in this kind of situation, I believe it is. Once you get a job, you will meet people, start to make friends, have a 'purpose'. Yes, you can get a purpose by volunteering at a soup kitchen, or starting a website to save spotted owls, but getting a job is a bit more realistic.

I landed here on a Friday, and started work on the Monday, and fell in with a fantastic group of people. From day 1, I loved it. I was thrown into a busy job and never had a chance to even think about being homesick, and I came here alone. My job was twice as good as the one I left behind (in terms of challenge, responsibility, etc) and the way I was treated was much better - so it was a great intro.

You can EASILY win ... just learn how to define 'winning'.

I have had fantastic visits back to europe for 7 days at a time - 5 working days off. Don't fool yourself that you have to go back for a month to make it worthwhile. A 'fun-filled week' can be just the tonic. I started going back to Europe twice a year, one week each rather than all at once, in March and October - cheap air fares, etc.

Edit- also, when you interview, if it looks to be going well, slip in a comment about having commitments to return to England for a week at some point, and ask if 'unpaid leave' would be ok. Ask don't demand, and you might get it. A week off w/out pay is only 2% of your annual salary.

Also - don't call UK 'home'. Your home is where you sleep and where your partner is ... UK is 'the old place you left behind'. Stop thinking of it as 'home' and you may make more progress.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Reading your post, I definitely think you're right, Steerpike. I think I might have painted a gloomier picture than it actually is in my last post; yes, it's turning out to be very frustrating and slow finding a job, but I am glad I made the move, being with my wife, starting a new life. I do enjoy living here, but there are moments I feel very homesick.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

It's funny. I can always remember a girl at our school (in England) wearing a tee-shirt which had "it's raining in Seattle" on it... I never understood why that was so significant, and why it was worth printing on a tee-shirt. Guess I still don't understand it! :eek:

I got mine in about 3 weeks! It came thru super fast! TOO fast in fact. It meant I had to start making excuses to hubbie as to why I couldn't start looking for a job!!

And to the OP - don't mean to rub it in, but for me, the question is not "Homesick -does this stop?" it's "Homesick - does this START!!!" :thumbsup: As everyone has said before, be positive, go with the flow, start joining in with the local yokels and you might find they are actually quite nice! Good luck!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I would loosely translate it as ..."there's always someplace worse than here", and more generally to "there's always someone worse off than you so be happy" :)

Obviously everyone has different reactions, but I think it is important that people like you and me repeat this to everyone. There seems to be a mind-set that homesickness is inevitable, and it is just not true! And it's not a sign that you had a shitty life before either - I had the BEST 6 years of my life in London, right before coming here. I got here and it was simply 'even better'.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

My husband says he's not homesick at all. I ask what he misses and all he can come up with is that it's easier to walk in the country there. But that's just a function of where we live, than the nation.

He likes the food... says the people are friendly.

Actually, he says he really sees very little difference.

(Unless, of course, he's lulling me into a false sense of security while he plots his escape...)