Ruby Murray

Thanks D Your PM advice has really been of help to me....God forbid I'd have made this decision as a permanent move and a complete split from my family & dog in Canada! It's been a shock to the system and I'm sure over time, I will no doubt have adjusted to the "rat race" that's called life here in Greater Manchester.....but its that coping time while I try and adjust that I think I'd struggle with. I fell hook, line and sinker with the romanticized memories of Hyde/Manchester of years ago....you really do forget when you've been away so long and I get the "reverse culture shock" thing now.

Horses for courses as they say. I came to see if living here floats my boat, and it just doesn't....if I decided to stay and give it a shot I know in time, I'd probably slit my wrists knowing what I gave up in Canada

Ruby Murray

Thanks quoll....yes I am planning on a trip to see my sister in law in Stow on the Wold, Gloucestershire....it will be refreshing to see a truly beautiful part of England at it's best! It's just the motorway journey down there I'm not looking forward to

I've always known my parents love their drinky-poos, it's something me and my sister have grown up with most of our adult life....but it's the fact that they've been warned by their GP now that this habit of theirs is giving off alarm bells on their liver function tests and the first couple of weeks they dramatically cut it down to just drinking at the weekend.....they're both back to drinking (evenings only mind) every day of the week and it's the amount they neck back that really concerns me & my sister. I give up though....they've heard our pleas to think of their health and they don't see themselves as having an alcohol problem. They're stuck in their ways and that's the way I'll have to leave them...they're grown ups and have their own consequences to deal with if the worst happens..and it will sooner or later

Ruby Murray

Sorry Mummy....I got a bit confused as to where you are Are you back in the UK and are returning back to the US, or the reverse?

Ruby Murray

Hiya! What a nice surprise to see you posting on here!!

Daughter felt exactly the same, but I must stress, it was of no influence on me. I kept my feelings to myself and it was she who said she hated it and doesn't want to live here after all! Well it makes my ultimate decision far easier knowing I won't have any battles on my hands!

I'm doing just that....curries, great shopping, enjoying spending time with my sister and her kids, etc....wouldn't have changed a thing...so glad I came

rabsody

J - that's absolutely brilliant. I know what an awful time you've had of it and to know you now have some piece of mind must be such a weight off your shoulders. Good on ya gal! Onwards and upwards hey!

You've got two lovely kids (very handsome young man your eldest ), a beautiful house, Luna and of course hubby to look forward to now xxx

backagen

I've been in the struggle for 20 years now and it's rediculous. Even after so long, I still don't feel any more settled or any more sure of what I should do for the best.

So although I've yet to make this decision for certain, I recently came back to Australia after 3 weeks holiday in the usual place and it occurred to me that there is another course of action I could probably take that just might help me resolve the situation one way or the other.

I hadn't considered this before, but now I'm ALMOST sure I will do it. I intend to quit my job (which I hate now anyway) and go for another holiday in Britain, this time for about 3 months.

That way I will have plenty of time there rather than rushing around just trying to see everyone and everything like I usually do, and enough time to fully unwind and de-stress, and then start looking at jobs, houses etc and what sort of a life I really could have if I lived there again.

As you said, the holiday in itself might not necessarily lead me to a definite long term decision (although that would be nice) but it will be doing SOMETHING and I really can see how that might help quite a bit. If nothing else I might end up coming back here and getting another job, but I might find that having spend a longer period of time in Britain at least takes the edge off my desire to be there for a while. Alternatively it might help me confirm that I should live there in which case that's what I'll do.

chance to be

Hi Ruby (and Merseygirl)
Sorry you are in such a difficult place right now - but to reiterate what others have said, any decision/action is far better than the state of limbo you have been in.
FWIW - when I was in limboland, I spent so much time lamenting and feeeling sorry for myself in front of my OH, had I gone on like that our marriage would have ended anyway. It was probably only when I booked a flight without him, that he regained respect for me, as the fighter I normally am. He followed a couple of months after me and 3yrs back in UK together, we are fine as a couple still.
Sometimes when you have lost all sense of who you are, you are deeply homesick and miserable you need to say enough is enough and get yourself back. It doesnt mean you wont go back to Canada/Oz again - it just means now the times not right, and you have a bit of self preservation to do. I hope when your heads are clearer you either go back with new eyes and attitude or that your partners realise they need to be in the UK with you.
Its a bloody scary gamble, I know and I so admire you for doing it.
Take care
C x

Mummy in the foothills

Sorry, the kids and I are in Wales for the summer 6 weeks. (going off to Morcombe for a week in July) We go back to, US at the end of July.
I'm still pining to moe home. SOme times I think it'd be easier if I hated it here so we could stay oput and I'd get over it. But after just over 20 years in US (and a year home in the middle) I still want to come back. But Wales is a lot different from Manchester, we are in a lovely neighborhood at Mums, small village, not far from the sea and all the tourist traps.

sans

Hi Rubes....Really pleased you have made a decission Hopefully you can now start living and enjoying life the way you should be.....

Wouldn't do if we all felt the same way, whats good for one eh
Anyway stay intouch and have a great time in the UK
All the best S........

Merseygirl

Thank you for your words of encouragement Chance to be, it's what I need to hear right now. You are so right about 'any action is better than no action'
I need to keep telling myself that as I have moments were I try to talk myself out of going, and that would not be a good thing as I would hate myself for it.

Ruby - I am glad that your time in the UK is giving you some clarity, that is what I truly hope for!

Backagen - you seem to be considering a similar course of action to what I am doing - 3 months in the UK. I think that would be a great course of action for you and encourage you to go for it. More of a recce than a decision to permanently move back.

chance to be

Yes I think you are right - its good not to close all doors. After all, its that feeling of staying where you are for ever and ever that does your head in, so why think along those lines back in the UK. One day at a time, see how it goes. We have good jobs etc and are happy in the UK but I wish I hadnt severed ties with Oz so finally. All this tooing and frowing does your head in so you need be easy on yourself and not put yourself under unnecessary pressure.
Ruby - I have decided I cant read!!! Totally missed the bit where you came back/want to go back. Im glad you have had some questions answered. Whatever way the dice rolls the trip back wont be wasted, Merseygirl. You follow your instinct and you'll be ok.
The very best of luck to you
C x

dewdrop

have a nice holiday...glad you got to go and get stuff sorted...

Me on the other hand hope i don't feel this way...ITS all or nothing right now...

enjoy what you can!!!!

The4BellsLondon

Hey Ruby - just found this thread - glad you are start to feel a little more clear headed - hope my visit home in Oct will do the same for me!!

Also my parents are here at the moment and either I was a complete lush back in the Uk or they drink like its going out of fashion!!

mandymoochops

me too just seen it - wow girly you don't do things by halves.

Heres a promise though, when you come back i'll come join you and piff over a cuppa. You deserve a big hug for tackling the situation head on, a big thing for anyone to do let alone someone suffering from an illness like depression.

Way to go Rubes, enjoy the rest of your holiday and i'll see ya when you get back - thats a promise (or threat whichever way you want to look at it!)

dboy

Ah Morecambe - that's where my old man lives. Not what it used to be mind - make sure you get into Lancaster for the day - i always liked it there, spent many a summer there as a kid staying with my old man's family.