Piff Poff

Hey - don't already think about comming back - take your time, adjust and step back - heal yourself where you need healing. Gonna mis you too bud

sans

Take care sweetie have a safe flight back.......

fulwood

Ruby. good luck with everything. at least you are trying something Ruby. It will succeed or fail but hope the former. better than some like me who sit on sidelines and just talk and don't do anything but not in position to move yet. Give it enough time so that when you either decide to remain in UK or return it will be the right decision...

Ruby Murray

Hi folks,

I'm on a spare lappy for the weekend so can give you a wee insight to my trip so far.....

I'm on day 5 now but I feel like I've been here weeks! Me and my daughter have been staying at my parents house in a nice area of Hyde, Greater Manchester. This is MY view and how I feel about being back personally. I truthfully can't wait to get back to Calgary and I'm soooo glad I spent the $500 for us to get here....and I'm also glad that I didn't force the OH and son to give up their jobs so we could all move back. Don't get me wrong, I am loving being back and seeing my family again and am in shopping heaven, but I see that living here just isn't for me anymore and the reality is so far removed from the images/memories I'd been reliving the past year or so. I see that my parents, who I love to bits, have their own agenda and what I mean by that is they love booze more than they appear to love life itself!! All this worry and concern I've been going through in wanting to be here to spend my life with them, and for what? Are they showing worry, concern and regard for their own health? No, sadly they are not and I'm not prepared to tell them any more than I already have that they are killing themselves and putting them in an early grave. It's time I took a look at my own family now, which I seem to have neglected by leaving to come here!

So that's one of the issues I have to start with and it was a big one because I always said that family was a big pull for me. My parents lead very selfish and shallow lives and so I too should start being selfish and thinking of myself from now on. Another big eye-opener for me has been the state of the place....the sheer dirtiness and scruffiness of Hyde and Tameside. Roads are so tight, driving is amazingly fast and everything seems just so busy, chocca-block and jam-packed!!!! I don't like it at all and it's made me realise I miss my laid-back lifestyle in Canada! I walk around here in the town centre and I just don't feel safe...people here look intimidating and I'm always expecting someone to say to me "what the f%ck you lookin at"!! It's just how I feel and I'm not saying that this will be the same for everyone coming back...I'm talking about where I come from and where I would have been coming back to live again. It ain't pretty and the rose tinted specs fell off last Monday at Manchester Airport!! What wonderful therapy this has been for me...better than any anti-depressant tablet! I knew I had to do this trip....I thought I'd love it here and make a new life for me and my daughter but I'm so glad my OH has given me an open door to come back to. So we are just going to enjoy our holiday here for a few weeks and then get back to Red Deer in time for school term and I will feel comfortable with my decision and hopefully, won't suffer from any further depression I feel "well" for the first time in many months and can't wait to get my teeth into enjoying my part of Canada again.

That's all folks!
Ruby xx

dingbat

Glad to hear from you! Not surprised at your post....but you need to deal with the depression for the long term. It is not going to go away, just because Hyde is a bit shit and your parents are what they are. Think on.....and you know I am thinking of you and yours when I say this. Take care!
x

dunroving

What a great post, thanks for the update. I think you have summarised the answer to all these posts that ask "Should I go home or stay?" "Britain or Oz/US?" "Can't wait to get out of this place - or do I?"

The UK is not all country gardens and high tea - and not all sink estates and knife crime, either.

Although it's a small-ish country, it has a huge variety of places to live and the stay/go decision should consider where you would likely end up - a 5 BR detached in a leafy suburb, a rustic country cottage, or a council flat next to drug dealers and the long-term unemployed/disaffected.

But most of all, I think you have shown how important it is to try it and see before you take the plunge. Kudos to you for being open about your rose-tints. Hopefully this will be an eye-opener for others to consider whether they may have an overly-romanticised image of the home country.

Have a fantastic time during the rest of your trip, and look after yourself when you get back to Canada - lots of meditation, holistic retreats and soul-searching. Be well!

sheffspurs

Hi Ruby Murray,

Glad to hear you arrived back safely and that you appear to be more at peace with yourself.
My wife is the total opposite to you since arriving home from Canada a week ago, she feels much more settled and alot happier. She does not buy into the whole safety thing about the UK and how it has gone to the dogs, she finds the main problem with the UK compared to Canada is the urban density of it all but that is it.
She did not like Calgary at all and having worked as a corrections officer here in Alberta she saw the side of Alberta that you do not see when you are looking at pictures of the rockies?
She loves the small roads, the challenge of driving in tight spaces, the lushness and flowers of the gardens, changing scenery and overall diverse make up of believe it or not sunny Sheffield...LOL
Her car insurance has dropped to eighteen pound a month as opposed to $100 a month here with full no claims.
I am torn because I love it here in Alberta, Canada and given the choice I would have stayed but as I said to you before she is my best friend and she was just not happy in Canada and so what needed to be done has been done and I fly back tomorrow to join her.
The reason for my post is to say how glad I am that you are feeling better about things and to also let others know who maybe thinking of returning that all is not finished with the UK and many who return find peace and happiness once more....

quoll

Glad to hear that you have been able to make up your mind instead of being tormented by whatifs. I hope you get to see more of UK than Manchester on your holiday though as I must admit my trips home (Cambridge) are quite a different experience. I guess those we leave behind cope with the hole we leave them with in quite different ways - sorry to hear that your parents arent quite the people you thought they were though.

Mummy in the foothills

It's good that you came back to get your feelings sorted out. At least now you can go back feeling it's the right thing for you and the family.
I'm back now too, will go back to US at the end of July for me it doesn't give me the feeling I want to stay in US, It confirms my want to move home again, but it's long term plans, not till Ds finishes high school and the older boys are willing to move too, on their own accord.
At least now you can settle and just come back to UK on holidays as needed.
Good luck with the visit.

rabsody

Hi Ruby

Brilliant news! I think until you are actually back there you can't get a real idea of whether it's for you or not. Very pleased you are no longer in the land of indecision as that is a horrible place to be.

What does your daughter think as I know she was keen to go back? Has she had the same impression?

Well, now you can relax and enjoy the rest of your time - a few curries, a bit of cheap shopping and a few pubs - and then get back to business in Canada.

x

Tr1boy

Well there's a blast from the past, how are you?

rabsody

Hi Triboy

Great thanks! You?

Well, apart from this ruddy flu/cold that I can't seem to shift. I'm off to the UK again in two weeks as a surprise for my mum's birthday. I'm going on my tod too, so should be fun, have some proper girlie time with my mum and sis. How are your plans for moving back going?

(Sorry for the hijack Ruby).

Tr1boy

Been better

PM sent.

Ruby Murray

Good luck with your flight...will be a good feeling to get reunited with your wife and daughter again and I hope you settle into UK life smoothly too.

I hear your comments on your wife's POV of Alberta and I'm aware of them too....there is an ugly side of life everywhere amongst the beauty, it's just a question of where one prefers to live and where's best for them in the long run....I've quickly realised that, on my own, without any influences I think I'm probably made of different material to your mrs too....I don't like anything "manic"...busy streets, crowds, bumper to bumper traffic etc....plus I've got over 4 years under my belt of living in Red Deer which is so much more laid back and "unhurried" I just can't get over the fact that I came to this conclusion as quick as I did!!

All the very best to you and yours,
Ruby xxx

Ruby Murray

I hear ya dings and yeah, I can't deny there is still lots to work on with the relationship. I'm thinking that with me going back with a clearer mindset, knowing I don't want to live here after all, then I can build some bridges with my men back in Red Deer. I've been a hard person to live with the past 18 months with the depression and fighting over a move back to the UK....now I've let go of that rope and we're on the same page....so i'm hoping life will run a lot more smoothly in the household when I get back. The biggest, most major thing I have to deal with over there is the winters....and that's a bridge I'll have to cross when it happens...again, if I'm in a different mindset, maybe I'll cope with it better...who knows?

Will be in touch when I get back for a chinwag.
Hugs,