dannigirl

Great advice already! Go home, you absolutely do not want to get 'stuck' in NZ with kids.

Sorry about the breakdown of your relationship - but honestly better now than a few years down the road with children and you find he will not let you take them back to the UK. Make a clean break from him. Even if you stay in NZ for a bit to rebuild (without him), but if you have that nagging feeling now, believe me it will not go away, it will grow and grow.

You have a great relationship with your family and from reading these boards for a few years it really is what people miss the most. It is very difficult to replicate that support and unconditional love - especially when you have children.

If you can hang on for citizenship then you can have the best of both worlds. NZ will always be there!

brit09

Hi i have been reading some good advice & would love to get some for myself too! I was the last out of my siblings to move to canada from uk 3years ago with my husband & 3 children from my previous marriage. I immediately missed home , my eldest child (13) missed friends, I also missed friends/social life/our house as we had to start in an apartment. Its only been end of last/this year that i felt a little settled. My husband & i had disagreements in regards to going back he doesnt want to although he has 1 child back home & misses her dearly but thinks visiting is best. I went back with 2 children to see their dad this summer (my eldest hated canada so went to live with dad after first year in canada). The children never wanted to come back to canada but i decided to apply for citizenship (which i'm in the process of doing now). I feel torn children with dad in Uk, I am now 6mnths pregnant for my hubby & he wants to stay but recently things have been worse as he got jealous

brit09

...when we all went to UK in the summer & the children's father & I got on well (for the sake of the children). He does still wish our marriage worked (he never settled with any1 else since) its in the past now but i am considering to move back nxt yr (after citizenship) if the accusations between my husband & I dont stop as he feels we want to get back together?! My question is should i be with my children in Uk (they are split up & dont want to come back, want 2b with their father) or stay & try make this marriage work with a new baby

Beccarose

I think if you have the baby where you are not happy you will only get more unhappy and by then you will have a very hard time moving a baby away from it's father.
This probably sounds really unfair to some people but 'personally' if I were pregnant and somewhere I did not want to stay I would make it a point to move before the baby is born. You will still have custody battles but in my limited knowledge I don't think he can prevent you from moving before the baby is born- he can however prevent it after. Might want to look into this though as I could very well be wrong.
But really, if there are trust issues like this and problems a baby will only compound the problems and if your husband is insistent on not moving back then you will be pretty much thoroughly stuck once you have your baby.
I get the whole idea of wanting to make a marriage and family work, but you do also have other kids to consider and if you're unhappy where you are it won't bode well for a happy family.

feelbritish

Oh my I feel for you. I agree and as previously stated, I also don't know the law but I would hot foot it out of there like a shot! Have the baby in UK and if this guys loves you enough I am sure he will come back. Are you able to take care of yourself, have family there to look after when baby is born?

brit09

Thanks so much for your advice I was (as selfish as it seems) thinking to stay in the summer hoping hubby would consider joining us (baby due xmas/newyear) also an opportunity to visit his daughter but due to the citizenship application & maternity entitlement i decided i cant stay out of canada too long & decided to give our "new" family a chance. But deep down i know a baby will not necessarily solve the problems but if things escalate it still wont stop me from going next year as i will be on maternity leave for the whole of next year. I dont hardly see my family and although made few friends i depend only on my hubby. I hope there doesn't have 2b custidy battles & he'll devide to follow me

brit09

@ feelbritish i have excellent friends in UK (all my siblings are here) when i left in the summer my friends were like my family (sad to say but true) my ex-husbands mother is fab grandmother to the children & we get on great. I divorced due to him not wanting to come canada & other minor issues but we get on fine now & know the kids come 1st despite what happened in the past.

Beccarose

Again, I don't know how this is in pregnancy but I know once the baby is born he can definitely keep you there. Hoping he will come to his senses and come with you is a mistake that too many of us make. Way too many people have ended up being stuck where they don't want to be because of children. I would skip the citizenship and high tail it out of there as fast as my legs could carry me. But then again maybe just having the baby in the UK would not prevent a custody battle.
It does not sound to me like this is a very solid marriage and I'm not one to judge and really trying not to, just trying to help you see that a baby is only going to escalate problems- it's sad but true.

Mummy in the foothills

Sad but true.
If you have the baby and live in Canada he can stop you leaving the country with the baby at any time, just as you could stop him leaving for the UK with the baby. There are many women stuck in other counties till the children reach the age of majority, because the marriage went belly up and the husband refused permission for the child to leave. You need to decide sooner rather than later where you are going to be, so you can establish residence before the baby is born.

brissybee

If I was to gamble either citizenship/maternity entitlements or a child, I know which I'd be putting on the table.

quoll

Well said!

If you are uncertain that you want to spend the rest of your days in a place then don't have a child there because if it all goes pear shaped you can be forced to stay! Make a move before a child arrives.

Pit Bull.

Best of luck with what you do, the UK is one of the best countries in the world to live in, it has everything on offer, I hope things work out for you.

Fish n Chips 56

Thats what I call terrific advice, especially the highlighted info, youve got to get that part right or it will taunt you forever, many parents are stuck in a place because of their kids, my sister for one, its an awful situation, once you realise you are living in the wrong place and cant leave.

Consider losing parents and other family members too, many people overlook that part until its too late.

I always say follow your gut feeling, but I can see you are confused with that right now.

brit09

thank you all i appreciate your comments I feel a failure as this is my second marriage [B]@ brissybee[B][B] i always choose my children first that's why i want to get dual citizenship as this will be another opportunity for them in the future (i know england is in recession right now & hope things will improve job wise but this may take years)! & i may not be guaranteed any benefits in UK so want to be able to get my maternity benefits to help as i'll only be entitled to child benefit. [B]@ pitbull I am british through & through born & bred despite the recession thats where i call my home. I'll be leaving end of november (i'll be 34/35 wks doc said ok once i'm healthy)r wish me luck & thanks again to everyone for your encouragement thats all i needed i'm not confused. @ fishnchips is it too l8 for your sister to move now?...

MissBetty

Awwwwww don't think you are a failure! At least you gave it a go which is more than most people do I don't have kids so can't really offer any advice here but reading through your posts on this thread you sound like a good mother to me so good luck and keep us posted on how things turn out for you and your family!