OK, a word of warning here - be careful not to get suckered into a guilt trip (oops that sounds harsh, sorry). With little kids you can try the "oh dear I am sorry you arent enjoying it now tell me 3 things you can do to make things better at school for yourself" - dont tell her what to do but just get her to come up with some ideas about how to pick other kids to play with, how to approach them, what games to play etc. If she doesnt come up with any ideas tell her to go away and think about it then come back and tell you what they are. Then the next time you get the "I hate it" message, very calmly say "oh dear, I am sorry to hear that, now which of your 3 things did you try? Did they work? Oh dear, well tell me some more things you could try". (Basic Protective Behaviours strategies if you did that as part of your training course) Bottom line is that she does have to take responsibility for becoming part of the class - hopefully the teacher is doing her part at the other end of it too. But dont be afraid to move her out of that school if it isnt working for her - I know that logistics can be a nightmare but they dont have to go to the same school - look around and see what else there is. If you do it now then she hasnt expended too much emotional energy in this particular school.

She has probably worked out that you are vulnerable at this point and sure, she is 7, she wants to go home but if she knows it pulls your strings then she will continue and what with your DH being similarly ambivalent (but at least he is with you!) I can see how you could easily be guilted into changing your mind or doing something equally silly (OK so maybe not silly)

I am relieved to hear that she isnt struggling - I must admit I dont have the best of opinions about Aus early childhood education and all reports indicate that kids coming from UK to Aus are well ahead - I guess you must have been fortunate with your school in WA.

I am sure it will be just fine in a few weeks and she will suddenly discover a kindred spirit and you will wonder what all the fuss was about. And ditto what someone else said - whenever you feel wobbly about whether this was the right decision, read back over some of your old posts and remember what was causing you angst here!

(((hugs)))

I just looked at your other thread T. You said to follow your heart - it's usually right and that the kids being with family was priceless so just remember that.

Pmd you too xx

I agree with what people have said so far. You need to find out exactly what she doesn't like about the school. Show sympathy and try to help her adjust.

However as she is only 7, I honestly think that within a few months she will most probably settle in much better, and probably after a year or so Australia will seem nothing more than a distant and probably fairly vague memory to her.

It's good that you have made the move now while she is so young and children that age generally adapt very quickly to a new environment, so don't worry!

I would also suggest you keep reinforcing to her why you moved back, and emphasise to her all the good things about Britain. Take her and show them some of the things and places she's likely to enjoy. Encourage her to make friends and put her in situations where she's likely to be able to.

I'm sure it will work out fine.

By the way my sisters were 7 and 8 when we moved to Australia, and they settled completely well within a year.

They hardly remember UK at all now and have Aussie accents and everything. They certainly consider themselves to be Australian and not British.

That doesn't particularly help me, but my point is that 7 is a very good age to emigrate because kids that age can still adjust relatively easily in most cases.

Thank you - I know none of these replies were made to me, but as we will be in exactly the same position next year, with a (will be) 7 year old who wants to stay here, you comments have really helped me confirm what I really already know in my heart. It'll be fine!

Tracey so sorry to hear your little one is having a difficult time but I'm sure as others have said things will improve soon.

For anyone else moving back with little ones I think what really helped my little guy (he's 5) was that we moved back in July so he had a good few weeks to settle into life here before starting school. He started in P2 and although a lot of the kids already knew each other from the last year he didn't feel too much like the new kid.

I'm probably not going to help much, but we have a very similar problem so I thought I'd share.

Of my three, the oldest (10) hates her school because it is full of unruly, aggressive, disruptive little sh*ts. You look at the parents and you can see why they are like that. My daughter is a quiet, bookish type.

My middle one (7) is a tougher character. She loves it here, and my concern there is that she will end up being like the kids my eldest has a problem with.

My youngest (5) still tells me often that he wants to go back to Perth. He's okay at school, but again I think he will end up being like the rough kids, as that seems to be the only way to survive.

It's an affluent area, the school has a fairly good reputation. I was very shocked and disappointed, and like you Tracey, I feel pretty guilty. I think the problems are in large part with society and the system.

Hope things get better for you. We're just getting used to it, but I'm not sure if that is really a long-term solution.

sorry to hear that. i remember reading your threads and your excitement about moving back to the UK. kids eh? and to think we do most of what we do to please them/get them a better life etc etc. just tell her if not for kids you probably would never have left for oz in the first place, made yourself unhappy and now find yourself in this terrible predicament. In fact tell her its all her fault!!!

but serioulsy, its serves as a reminder of how traumatic this whole experience can be. at 7, everything is the end of the world. if shes anything like mine was, she will bounce back once she has a new BFF. just spoil her rotten and treat her like a princess until she feels better. and i really hope that is soon. all the best

Sorry to hear A is a bit unsettled.

Must admit I agree totally with you on the schooling front, I always thought Oz schools were crap but since being back this last year I have realised just how much pressure with SATS and stuff the kids are put under..Saying that Robert has come on leaps and bounds with his reading and writing, but his attitute is apalling at times, dont know if thats a normal 6 year old or what. Something I have noticed they are beginning to slang their words (Robert in particular) and his cute little ozzie accent is all but a distant memory

Other than that they have got a good group of friends and give her time Im sure yor daughter will adjust (Kate still misses Perth and speaks to her litle mate there at least once a month) maybe she could it might make her feel a bit better that shes not totally cut off from them and still keep in touch?

Hope it all settles down for you all xx

Kath

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice I really do.

We have been a little shocked by the schooling and the poor behaviour of a lot of the children here. And this is in a little town I spent a little while in a year 6 class today and the principal was teaching science. Now, I remember when I was at school when the principal walked in we had to stand up and say good morning. Not anymore it seems. They didn't even really listen to him whilst he was teaching and were quite noisy and rude. Little gits. I wanted to clip 'em round the ears!!!

Early days and we're sure little one will adjust eventually...we hope!

Well in my day at school, we WOULD have got a clip round the ear for something like that. I'm not saying corporal punishment is the ideal solution to every behavioural problem in a school, but there needs to be some kind of effective and enforced discipline and teaching of respect in schools, and it seems like there isn't in a lot of schools nowadays.

All my schools in UK had corporal punishment, but it was almost unheard of for someone to actually get it. The mere fact it was there if needed worked 99.999% of the time and that combined with parents more or less unconditional support of teachers was enough to keep all but the very worst kids in line.

In the case of most teachers, we behaved ourselves not out of fear of punishment, (although it was always at the back of my mind that it could be used if I really acted up) but out of genuine respect!

You are not alone.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7732290.stm

Crikey I wouldn't go that far!!

Although on Saturday we did have the pleasure of being told to 'F **k off you *ankers' by a delightful teenager on a bike whom we almost ran over because he was acting like a careless idiot in front of our car

Shocked at the behaviour of some children here? Yes. Worried about the primary school education our kids may get? Yes. Trying to take on the education department to get them moved? Yes. Regretting moving back? Some days yes. Only for the fact that life for my husband and kids was very happy and settled back in Oz and I obviously feel a sense of responsibility for the disruption we are encountering here. Hoping it will get a whole lot better than this? Yes. The only way is up !!!!!

If it makes you feel any better, there was a fatal stabbing of a teenager by another teenager here in Adelaide last week. It was the 3rd serious stabbing recently but I don't think the others were fatal.

Tell your husband this and it might help him realise things aren't as good here as he may be thinking they are!

yes and rather depressingly, the most recent involved children too. however hand on heart, i think most of oz still has some way to go to catch up with the UK on the serious crime front. obvioulsy there are many more people in UK therefore the number of crimes is bound to be higher, though maybe not the percentage per 100,000 or whatever? overall i do feel safer here - every one is in bed by 9!!