Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

:unsure:
We've been back a month now and we've got a little girl (7) who is pretty unhappy in her new school. She's crying most mornings and says she hates her new school and doesn't want to go. She asks to go 'home' (Australia for her) most days too. God, I feel so awful watching her go through this :(

We can't change the school as there isn't another school that can take both kids.

I know it's early days, and we're trying to be positive for her, we're trying to get her involved in things as much as we can afford to...(still no jobs :blink:) and we're taking them out and about at weekends, but it really is horrible to see this once happy outgoing little girl turn into a very sad little thing.

:(

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Just a quick reply Tracey. Doing brekkie;)

Have you asked A why she's unhappy? You need to find out exactly what it is first. Is it worth speaking to the teacher to see if she's noticed anything or have you done that.

Is there a buddy system at the school for A to feel included?

It's early days right now and A was littlemore than a baby when you moved here so it's probably a bit overwhelming. Is N settled? If he is what's different?

You're also in a new house so she's had alot of upheaval in the last month.

I've just read a mag article that says it takes a term for a child to feel settled in a new school so don't panic just yet. I know it's sh*t seeing your child cry every day but I think your first call should be school to get the facts.

Are they doing anything for Xmas she can get really involved in?.

PM or email me if you want a chat and I'll reply later

Don't give up yet - it's too soon xx:).

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hi Tracy, ((((hugs)))) to you and your little one

if you haven't done so yet have a chat with her teacher see what that brings up. is she a sensitive child i have one of those and change really effect's him in a big way Ive really noticed that in recent weeks with all our moving around.

I'm sure she will be fine how old is she, I hope she feels better soon.

other than that how are things going for you, we decided to go home yesterday booking our flights tomorrow i cant believe it don't think i will fully on till I have the flight details

good luck and keep us posted :wub:

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

sorry about that tracey, it's tough for the kiddies i know.....any new friends that your 7yr old mentions that you could invite over to play/stay for tea after school...might help her feel more settled if she could perhaps meet that friend on the way to school.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Sorry to hear that. I had the same issues with my eldest who was 6 when we moved back from Canada. It took her a good 6 months to settle. We invited lots of friends over to play, it was just a case of sticking it out. Hope things improve, it is truly gut wrenching watching it.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Just noticed you said how old she is.:) sorry !

Hope she settles soon for you :thumbsup:

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

sending you love :wub:

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hi Tracey, so sorry to hear that your little girl is so unhappy at the moment. My daughter is about the same age and was so unhappy when we first arrived in Aus, although she was incredibly brave and tried so hard to make friends and put a smile on her face (which broke my heart even more :()

We are set on returning to the UK next May, although lately I have been wondering whether we should give it a go for a bit longer (really don't think OH wants to though) as my little girl has now confessed (after insisting that she is happy to return - because she knows we want to) that she wants to stay here. I really don't know what to do now, can I really put her through all this again? God, it's such a nightmare, what to do for the best. I s'pose we can only love and listen to them and give lots of hugs and hope that things ease over time. Best of luck to you and your family, hoping things turn a corner for you soon.

I'm just more confused than ever :blink:

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

So sorry to hear that Tracey. It is probably very much an age thing and I would also check out with the teacher whether she is behind the others with respect to skills - I know that the Aussie system has different priorities in early education and there may be expectations put on her which she cannot meet at this stage or at least she may see that the other kids can do things which she cannot. Play dates and buddies are a great thing to help the social development move along.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

That sounds crap. My sympathies after all the effort it's taken to get back. Just a quick query, why does she have to go to the same school as her sibling? Not every school is going to suit every child and that includes children from the same family. I know it can be awkward sometimes being in two places at near enough the same time for the school run but there are always families doing it.

Hope she settles down soon.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hey Tracey, it's early days, these things are to be expected. You will all probably have your ups and downs through the coming months.
It must be horrible starting a new school. I remember when i was 9 and changed schools due to moving to a different area. I hated it for weeks and weeks, cried all the time:o
But i remember loving the school eventually. Keep encouraging her and be positive about it all, i'm sure you are anyway. I think when your furniture arrives and she has her belongings back, she will feel more at home.:)

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hey there Tracey sorry to hear your little girl is unhappy..I was wondering you know as you say shes 7 and she was small when you went to live overseas is there any chance that shes either being teased or heaven forbid bullied because she speaks with a different accent?

Just a thought kids can be so nasty at times and it could be something like this or that shes not understanding the work they are currently doing and feeling like she can't tell anyone. Maybe shes been told off a couple if times for doing things the way shes used to at her old school. I would deffinately go and see the headmaster/mistress and the actual teacher but i wouldnt let her know you are going.
Hope it all works out for you guys...:)
Cally

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hi Tracy,

Sorry to hear that your little one is so unhappy. I know how hard it was for me when I came to OZ,mind you I was alot older than your little one.

Do as others have said go see the headmaster also her teacher.Why don't you invite a few of the children in her class home for a fancy dress party,does not have to be for a special reason.

I know children can be cruel to each other I just hope it works out for you.

All the best Irish Guinness

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hi guys, thanks for the advice:wub:

I have been to see her teacher, several times, and A is more than coping with the work. In fact she's way above most of the kids. I'm not saying she's a superbrain, she's just a bright kid, both our kids are, they've had a good start in Oz as their old school was great. Anyway, according to A (my girl) when I ask why she doesn't like the school she just says she thinks the kids are weird and she has no friends and she prefers her old school and misses her old friends.
I know all of the above is completely normal and understandable and it's going to take time for her to adjust. It just rips my heart out to see her unhappy.
I will say though, I'm not overly impressed with the school they're going to. I've been in helping out and I've been shocked at the behaviour levels. Also the way kids are taught here is completely different (obviously) and as an Aussie trained teacher i find the lessons here all very regimented and rushed, as if the teacher will cram in as much as poss because they have so many learning objectives to hit. It's nowhere near as relaxed. Maybe that's another thing A is finding hard to deal with.
Time will tell. I'm just really sorry at the moment that I'm putting our kids, and my hubby, through this as it was only me that wanted to return, they were all very happy in Oz. Now I have an unhappy child and a husband who despite really enjoying retraining, would still move back to oz in a heartbeat given half a chance.
Need a bucket filled with sand so I can bury my head

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Hey you im thinking you are having an attack of the guilts yourself try not to take it personally you tried your best when you were overseas and your family will be trying to do thier best now at the end of the day someone has to be out of their comfort zone for a while as its all new again but you should not blame yourself.

My suggestion is to back and read some of your old posts and you will see how unhappy you yourself were in Aus, unfortunately this is going to happen to someone in the family wherever you live for a while but it doesnt mean anyone is right or wrong. And it deffinately doesnt mean that you are to blame. I bet you that by the time xmas comes around everyone will be starting to feel much more positive and cheery!

All the best
Cally:)

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

OK, a word of warning here - be careful not to get suckered into a guilt trip (oops that sounds harsh, sorry). With little kids you can try the "oh dear I am sorry you arent enjoying it now tell me 3 things you can do to make things better at school for yourself" - dont tell her what to do but just get her to come up with some ideas about how to pick other kids to play with, how to approach them, what games to play etc. If she doesnt come up with any ideas tell her to go away and think about it then come back and tell you what they are. Then the next time you get the "I hate it" message, very calmly say "oh dear, I am sorry to hear that, now which of your 3 things did you try? Did they work? Oh dear, well tell me some more things you could try". (Basic Protective Behaviours strategies if you did that as part of your training course) Bottom line is that she does have to take responsibility for becoming part of the class - hopefully the teacher is doing her part at the other end of it too. But dont be afraid to move her out of that school if it isnt working for her - I know that logistics can be a nightmare but they dont have to go to the same school - look around and see what else there is. If you do it now then she hasnt expended too much emotional energy in this particular school.

She has probably worked out that you are vulnerable at this point and sure, she is 7, she wants to go home but if she knows it pulls your strings then she will continue and what with your DH being similarly ambivalent (but at least he is with you!) I can see how you could easily be guilted into changing your mind or doing something equally silly (OK so maybe not silly:rofl:)

I am relieved to hear that she isnt struggling - I must admit I dont have the best of opinions about Aus early childhood education and all reports indicate that kids coming from UK to Aus are well ahead - I guess you must have been fortunate with your school in WA.

I am sure it will be just fine in a few weeks and she will suddenly discover a kindred spirit and you will wonder what all the fuss was about. And ditto what someone else said - whenever you feel wobbly about whether this was the right decision, read back over some of your old posts and remember what was causing you angst here!

(((hugs)))

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

I just looked at your other thread T. You said to follow your heart - it's usually right and that the kids being with family was priceless so just remember that.:)

Pmd you too xx

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

I agree with what people have said so far. You need to find out exactly what she doesn't like about the school. Show sympathy and try to help her adjust.

However as she is only 7, I honestly think that within a few months she will most probably settle in much better, and probably after a year or so Australia will seem nothing more than a distant and probably fairly vague memory to her.

It's good that you have made the move now while she is so young and children that age generally adapt very quickly to a new environment, so don't worry!

I would also suggest you keep reinforcing to her why you moved back, and emphasise to her all the good things about Britain. Take her and show them some of the things and places she's likely to enjoy. Encourage her to make friends and put her in situations where she's likely to be able to.

I'm sure it will work out fine.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

By the way my sisters were 7 and 8 when we moved to Australia, and they settled completely well within a year.

They hardly remember UK at all now and have Aussie accents and everything. They certainly consider themselves to be Australian and not British.

That doesn't particularly help me, but my point is that 7 is a very good age to emigrate because kids that age can still adjust relatively easily in most cases.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Thank you - I know none of these replies were made to me, but as we will be in exactly the same position next year, with a (will be) 7 year old who wants to stay here, you comments have really helped me confirm what I really already know in my heart. It'll be fine!:o

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Tracey so sorry to hear your little one is having a difficult time but I'm sure as others have said things will improve soon.

For anyone else moving back with little ones I think what really helped my little guy (he's 5) was that we moved back in July so he had a good few weeks to settle into life here before starting school. He started in P2 and although a lot of the kids already knew each other from the last year he didn't feel too much like the new kid.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

I'm probably not going to help much, but we have a very similar problem so I thought I'd share.

Of my three, the oldest (10) hates her school because it is full of unruly, aggressive, disruptive little sh*ts. You look at the parents and you can see why they are like that. My daughter is a quiet, bookish type.

My middle one (7) is a tougher character. She loves it here, and my concern there is that she will end up being like the kids my eldest has a problem with.

My youngest (5) still tells me often that he wants to go back to Perth. He's okay at school, but again I think he will end up being like the rough kids, as that seems to be the only way to survive.

It's an affluent area, the school has a fairly good reputation. I was very shocked and disappointed, and like you Tracey, I feel pretty guilty. I think the problems are in large part with society and the system.

Hope things get better for you. We're just getting used to it, but I'm not sure if that is really a long-term solution.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

sorry to hear that. i remember reading your threads and your excitement about moving back to the UK. kids eh? and to think we do most of what we do to please them/get them a better life etc etc. just tell her if not for kids you probably would never have left for oz in the first place, made yourself unhappy and now find yourself in this terrible predicament. In fact tell her its all her fault!!!

but serioulsy, its serves as a reminder of how traumatic this whole experience can be. at 7, everything is the end of the world. if shes anything like mine was, she will bounce back once she has a new BFF. just spoil her rotten and treat her like a princess until she feels better. and i really hope that is soon. all the best

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Sorry to hear A is a bit unsettled.

Must admit I agree totally with you on the schooling front, I always thought Oz schools were crap but since being back this last year I have realised just how much pressure with SATS and stuff the kids are put under..Saying that Robert has come on leaps and bounds with his reading and writing, but his attitute is apalling at times, dont know if thats a normal 6 year old or what. Something I have noticed they are beginning to slang their words (Robert in particular) and his cute little ozzie accent is all but a distant memory:(

Other than that they have got a good group of friends and give her time Im sure yor daughter will adjust (Kate still misses Perth and speaks to her litle mate there at least once a month) maybe she could it might make her feel a bit better that shes not totally cut off from them and still keep in touch?

Hope it all settles down for you all xx

Kath

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice I really do. :wub:

We have been a little shocked by the schooling and the poor behaviour of a lot of the children here. And this is in a little town :eek: I spent a little while in a year 6 class today and the principal was teaching science. Now, I remember when I was at school when the principal walked in we had to stand up and say good morning. Not anymore it seems. They didn't even really listen to him whilst he was teaching and were quite noisy and rude. Little gits. I wanted to clip 'em round the ears!!!

Early days and we're sure little one will adjust eventually...we hope!

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Well in my day at school, we WOULD have got a clip round the ear for something like that. I'm not saying corporal punishment is the ideal solution to every behavioural problem in a school, but there needs to be some kind of effective and enforced discipline and teaching of respect in schools, and it seems like there isn't in a lot of schools nowadays.

All my schools in UK had corporal punishment, but it was almost unheard of for someone to actually get it. The mere fact it was there if needed worked 99.999% of the time and that combined with parents more or less unconditional support of teachers was enough to keep all but the very worst kids in line.

In the case of most teachers, we behaved ourselves not out of fear of punishment, (although it was always at the back of my mind that it could be used if I really acted up) but out of genuine respect!

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

You are not alone.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7732290.stm

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Crikey :eek: I wouldn't go that far!!

Although on Saturday we did have the pleasure of being told to 'F **k off you *ankers' by a delightful teenager on a bike whom we almost ran over because he was acting like a careless idiot in front of our car :mad:

Shocked at the behaviour of some children here? Yes. Worried about the primary school education our kids may get? Yes. Trying to take on the education department to get them moved? Yes. Regretting moving back? Some days yes. Only for the fact that life for my husband and kids was very happy and settled back in Oz and I obviously feel a sense of responsibility for the disruption we are encountering here. Hoping it will get a whole lot better than this? Yes. The only way is up !!!!!

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

If it makes you feel any better, there was a fatal stabbing of a teenager by another teenager here in Adelaide last week. It was the 3rd serious stabbing recently but I don't think the others were fatal.

Tell your husband this and it might help him realise things aren't as good here as he may be thinking they are!

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

yes and rather depressingly, the most recent involved children too. :( however hand on heart, i think most of oz still has some way to go to catch up with the UK on the serious crime front. obvioulsy there are many more people in UK therefore the number of crimes is bound to be higher, though maybe not the percentage per 100,000 or whatever? overall i do feel safer here - every one is in bed by 9!!

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

every one is in bed by 9!!


So true! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

okay - I have a question to ask ... (and before anyone goes all mad this is not a critisism of Tracey coz we get on very well in the cyber world)

you left Oz as the unhappy part of the family, all the others were very happy, now the tables are turned and they are unhappy and you are very happy.

in terms of the 2 countries have you approached things differently?

do you expect them to come back to the UK and get on with it and it will all settle down and love it again. Was that put to you in Oz in the same way and it just didnt happen obviously.

what if they do not settle down and have the feelings in the UK that you did in Oz

I wonder if the expectation of returning expats to the UK isnt too high - the family will just settle back in and get on with it, whereas if you were faced with the same attitiude in Oz/Canada/wherever it was a concept that you couldnt rectify .... settling was just never going to happen.

if you get what I' trying to say :) its hard for my brain to work this time in the morning (its 11am, officially daybreak :D)

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

obviously i cant answer for tracey but it is a reasonable question and one that haunts me should we return to england. is it alright to be miserable here (AUSTRALIA) and know within weeks that things will never be okay yet it takes time to settle back into UK? people who post on here saying they dont like it and want to go back to UK are told trust your instincts but if you go back to UK and are unhappy they say ....... it will take time to settle etc

i am in two minds about going back - dont love it here but dont hate it and dont particularly love UK but feel homesick and missing it. **** knows what is the right thing to do ..........pass me more booze!!!!!!!;)

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

It's a fair question and it has a simple answer: our children's happiness is paramount. I will do whatever it takes to make them happy. :)

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

being an expat can for sure be hard - I cant and wouldnt judge those who return or ping pom as I havent walked in their shoes. Now you have the big dilema, you've tried both sides of the coin ..... which one is best for you all.

hope all works out Tracey, you guys all deserve it, and kudos to the dh - he put family before himself and came home, plenty of other partners who havent.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Oh Tracey my love - I guess what you have described in this thread is almost inevitable - you were in Perth for 4 years - there is going to be a huge period of readjustment for you and the children and it's NOT going to be all plain sailing!! You are bound to go through that constant comparison with the life you had back in Perth and question whether it was the right move to come back - I feel I know you a little bit through this forum - and I can identify with you so much - you are a perfectionist like me - you want it all to be right for the kids and you want everything to slot into place NOW!!

Well I learned when we came back from Perth it just doesn't happen like that - there will be hard times for all of you - you knew before you moved back that the UK has it's problems but you wanted to come back anyway - warts and all - remember why you came back - because you love Engalnd and you want to here - does that still ring true??

For me having been back for over 2 years now I know it's not perfect and yes there are kids about that are right little sh*ts - yes the school system has it's flaws etc etc but to me it will always be home. Would I ever go back to live in Perth?? Not in a million years!

As for your little girl - she's 7 - she maybe unhappy now but in a few weeks she'll be just fine.......and stop loading on the guilt - she has a Mum who loves her more than anything else in the world - I know how much you agonised about this move because of the kids - you have NOTHING to feel guilty about - your daughter is very lucky to have such a lovely Mum as you.

You keep your chin up love - I know it will be alright - because I've been there and come through the other side - and you will too:)xxxxxxxx

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

I agree with Pommybird it will just take time. It took my Katie at least 6 months when we returned from Canada. She felt the same about school as your daughter. Once we had a few friends made it started to become a little easier. She was never overly enamoured with school in the UK but we didn't have the tears everyday after a while.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

ohhhhhh tracey, big hugs, but your stronger than you think, stick it out, dont rush into any 'guilt' return trips, you gave oz three years, commit to the u.k for same:) and i bet in three years time we wont hear from you at all on here, you'll all be too busy with life in the u.k.

love margaret.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

:(:wub: Thanx

I did marry the best, that was one decision I did get right. I would do exactly the same for him as he's done for me.
Time will tell here.

Re: Feeling a bit sh*tty
 

Morning chuck, the sun is shining here in Dorset and we're off on the school run now, just wanted to say hope today is a better day for you all, as you say time will tell, main thing is that you are all together, take carexx