Confession

Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:32 am
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Default Confession

I want to go home, yes after 4 months. I feel really foolish at the moment, it wasn't that long ago i was writing how happy i was in my update which i have been waiting to do for over a year . Australia is not for me. I don't think it can give me and my family a better life. Maybe if we had of come with more money, but we seem to be watching the penny's all the time as my husband wages are a lot less than the UK. The dream of the 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom, and a pool gone out of the window. We live on a complex where the duck's like to crap around the pool.

I think the thing i miss most about the UK is the security. Our Pensions, life insurance, on the property ladder due to my husband's good wage. Here i live in a rented house, and husband with no job (due to his Kn*b of a boss) and when he did i don't think we could afford life insurance, good pensions and health insurance or even a Mortgage for a decent house plus the cost of living. I do miss my family and friends but it is not the reason i want to go home. I am very scared at the moment if i stay in Australia i am not going to give the kids the life i wanted for them.

I did do research before coming out on husband wage and the cost of living, but we were just so excited about coming i really did under estimate the cost of living. Also I've noticed

That some Australians not to be very friendly or helpful, which i can't get my head around.
How scruffy the kids look in there uniforms.
How much bad language you hear on the tele and radio.
How they beep there horn at you so quickly.
The postman has no respect for the post, squashing a big envelope in a small mail box ripping it to peaces, or leaving it half hanging out when it's peeing down of rain.
Undertaking on the motorway
This is just a few of the things that niggle me, and every day one more adds to the list.

Haven't told my family yet, don't know what's going to be worst when i told them i was leaving and the tears. Or that we are coming home and the "Told you so"

So there you are i have come out of the closet and i want to go home. Haven't decided when but definitely within the year.

From a very confused and scared,

Stacey
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:44 am
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Default Re: Confession

Hi, i feel so sorry for you but i know how you feel dont feel foolish when you first arrive you feel so excited about everything then reality sinks in been there, at 6 months i was desperate to go back but i was talked round by my husband now 21 months on i would still love to go back my thoughts havent changed but i have learnt to deal with it better!!

You have to follow your heart, who cares what other people think least you were brave enough to do it in the first place!!!

kezx

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Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:54 am
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Default Re: Confession

I know exactly how you feel, we've been really struggling with the decision as to whether to stay or not but we are now are also making plans for returning home and we have been here for 4 months. We are returning in June which will mean we've been here 6 months by then.

I do want to go back to the UK but I also have many feelings of "are we doing the right thing" and "should we have given it more time" etc, deep down I'm sure we are doing the right thing but its difficult when you're leaving one place and moving to another, we also felt these feelings when leaving the UK.

You have to do whatever you feel is right, so good luck with it all and you're not alone.
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:58 am
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Default Re: Confession

Oh Stacey

I so feel for you and glad you 'came out of the closet', you will be surprised at how many people feel the exact same way and are too nervous to say anything to anyone, even partners, because they are worried over the reaction they will get.

What really matter at the end of the day is that you do what you and hubbie feel right for you both, your children will be happy where ever you are as long as YOU are happy.

And as for people turning around and saying 'I told you so', let them, at least you are giving it a try which is more than most people do in there whole life time! As one person said on here recently (sorry bad memory who it was), its another chapter and I love that phrase.

Chin up!

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Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:59 am
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Default Re: Confession

Oh, Stacey. You're not foolish!

Here's just my opinion, FWIW (very little! ):

It sounds to me like things aren't going as well as you hoped because of circumstances beyond your control. Being jobless is a terrible time - when that coincides with a major move abroad, it's so much more stressful. Perhaps when your husband is in employment he's happy in, you'll feel more settled?

I don't mean to trivialise the other things, but it sounds like you're in culture shock at the moment. Yes, people undertake on motorways - but it is perfectly legal here. Yes, there's lots of swearing on TV (at all hours!), but that's Aus for you. It's not the UK. And not everyone in Aus is nice - that's no different to the UK - not everyone there is nice. I know that niggles can grow and compund to seem overwhelming. Vent about it - nobody here minds!

I suppose the question is, do you think these things are things you can learn to live with? It's different at the moment, because it's still so new. You're not in the honeymoon period anymore, so it's no longer new and exciting. But they're not familiar enough yet, so they grate.

Perhaps you just need more time? I think most people (even those who are very happy here) would have moved back after a few months, given the chance. It's a difficult time. You're not alone.

At least you're committing to giving it a chance and trying your best. If you do decide it's not for you, you'll have given your kids a chance few have - experiencing something else for a while. And you'll appreciate the UK so much more on your return. Or you might come to love Aus and be grateful you managed to stick out this difficult patch.

Good luck with it all.
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 8:00 am
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Default Re: Confession

As soon as we got off the plane i regretted it. One year later i am still regretting it and the longer you leave it the worse it gets.
If you are able to return, do it sooner rather than later.If it wasn't for my daughter at college til Dec then we would be going home now.
Boredom is a disease in my case, i need the cure and i will get it soon hopefully.
I wish you all the luck in the world, i really do feel for you and hope you are happy without prolonging things unnecessarily.

Last edited by Nomore; Apr 19th 2007 at 8:06 am.
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 8:02 am
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Default Re: Confession

Hi Stacey. Welcome to the "F**k..whathavewedone" gang!

You're not foolish or stupid. Yes, you're probably very confused, most of us are! I live in a permanent state of "where the bloody hell are we going to end up?"

We've been here for nearly three (very long) years now. Don't like Perth. Simple as. Thinking of moving to the Gold Coast...oh dear, that's where you are and you haven't settled either, neither's LIBBY!! Bugger! Now what? Going on a rekkie anyroad, need a holiday

I think, on one hand, Aus does offer a great lifestyle for our kids, what with the freedom, the space, the weather etc. Then, on the other hand, they lose out because the have no grand-parents, no exposure to English life, restritive career prospects and will almost certainly never get on the property ladder. Oh, and they get over exposed to sun and chemical suncreams daily! Not good.

All so confusing isn't it? How does your hubby feel about this lot? Are you in a position to go back? How long have you been here...confused whether it's a year or 4 months?
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 8:20 am
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Talking Re: Confession

Welcome to the "F**k..whathavewedone" gang!:thumbup: - Gee I love that bit! I'm still laughing!

I live in a permanent state of "where the bloody hell are we going to end up?" and this bit is so us too!!! LOL

Yep - Join the Gang indeed!

Plants!

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Old Apr 19th 2007, 8:30 am
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Default Re: Confession

Hi Stacey - Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. I totally relate to everything that you are going through so please don't feel that you are alone. There are loads of people on here who for whatever reason don't feel that Oz is the place for them.

Things are so much harder when you are not earning what you used to - that is one of the reasons we came back, as we couldn't afford even the little things like insurances, vet bills and dentistry. You are so right when you say that we underestimate the cost of living there. You do all the research and think it's going to be great but it doesn't always turn out like that unfortunately.

Everyone thinks that Oz is some kind of paradise with cheap housing, cheap food, clothes and general cost of living. But in reality it just isn't. Here in the UK we are conditioned into thinking that everyone who goes to Oz lives in a huge house with a pool by the beach, works four hours a day and spends all their time having barbies and boozing with the neighbours. It's so difficult when you land there and realise that this isn't what it's like at all. I had a delivery guy round the other day, he was amazed that we had come back and said that he'd always wanted to live in Oz. I asked him had he ever been there and he just looked blankly at me and said no but I've seen it on TV and it looks great Unfortunately people like this guy are not in the minority. So when we find that we don't like it there, we think that there must be something wrong with us. There isn't. There isn't anything actually wrong with Australia either - it's just that some people fit in and enjoy it - others dont. It's a different culture so it's quite normal that some won't like it.

Don't feel foolish at all - there are so many of us who have been through it and we understand what you are feeling. It may be that you do just need more time to adapt and get better paid work - life is always better when you can pay the bills. Or it may be that you decide to cut your losses and go home. Either way at least you've tried it. Anyone who says I told you so isn't worth bothering with and to be honest it will be last weeks news before you know it. You have to do what is best for you and your family regardless of anyone else.

Good luck with whatever you decide
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 10:06 am
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Default Re: Confession

Thank you all for your replies, i was so worried about posting. I did think about resigning from BE

We have been here for about 4 months. We have still got the Equity of the house to fall back on to get us home. My husband said he would do what ever makes me happy. Which means yes he wants to go home, but if we regret it then it's my fault.

The Gold Coast is a nice place, but I personally don't find it very friendly. To live in the area i like which is central and about 10-15 minutes from the beach, we are looking at about $450 to $600 and with the interest rate they way it is we have got no chance.

Certain things shocked me. I missed picking the kids up from school, waiting outside on the playground talking to all the other moms. At my kids school they all drop them off outside the gates. I found in the summer i kept my kids in as it was far to hot and the sun being so strong burned them very quickly even with cream. I feel cold when the Temp drops to 22 c

I am glad we came as our opinions on a lot of things have changed. We came from a town (2 hours from the beach) with not much to do, to the Gold Coasts with heaps to do. We have decided on return back to England we would like to try some where different (a beach close by), but still in distance of family. I think if we had never of moved to Australia we would have always stayed in our home town thinking what if.

We have got 2 months left on our rental, hopefully hubby will find a job soon. So we can enjoy and explore Australia whilst we're here, and not have to worry about our financial situation of staying in Australia.

Stacey
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 11:40 am
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Default Re: Confession

Ohhh Stacey you, me and many others are not foolish, please dont think that way about yourself..............

Its better to have been foolish, than not tryed at all and lived in the land of "if only".........................and wondered for the rest of our life's, we have all experienced, gained knowledge more than any dreaminng can do Good luck

Tracey loved your Welcome to the "F**k..whathavewedone" gang!
where can we buy the t-shirts!!!!!
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 2:13 pm
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Default Re: Confession

Originally Posted by stacey and jordan

I am glad we came as our opinions on a lot of things have changed. We came from a town (2 hours from the beach) with not much to do, to the Gold Coasts with heaps to do. We have decided on return back to England we would like to try some where different (a beach close by), but still in distance of family. I think if we had never of moved to Australia we would have always stayed in our home town thinking what if.



Stacey
Totally understand and agree with you here Stacey. Moving across the world gives you the confidence to do anything. It also changes you as a person and makes you appreciate what is important in life and what you want from life. We are already planning where else we will try in the UK when our daughter finishes college. We will never make the mistake of saying anything is forever again though. Life is a journey, constantly changing and always unpredicatable.

Good luck with it all and let us know how it's all going
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 9:21 pm
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Default Re: Confession

Originally Posted by stacey and jordan
I want to go home, yes after 4 months. am very scared at the moment if i stay in Australia i am not going to give the kids the life i wanted for them.

I did do research before coming out on husband wage and the cost of living, but we were just so excited about coming i really did under estimate the cost of living. Stacey
I completely understand...and hey you lasted longer than me! Our fears (apart from never belonging and just missing England soooo much) were education, no future for kids unless they want to be beach bums/work in a surf shop, no family there, cant afford to live, our careers become dust...no NHS....and no one really cares. Did not want to be an Australian either...Maybe I am too much of a snob...!:embaressed_smile:
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 9:29 pm
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Default Re: Confession

Originally Posted by seasprite
I completely understand...and hey you lasted longer than me! Our fears (apart from never belonging and just missing England soooo much) were education, no future for kids unless they want to be beach bums/work in a surf shop, no family there, cant afford to live, our careers become dust...no NHS....and no one really cares. Did not want to be an Australian either...Maybe I am too much of a snob...!:embaressed_smile:
Not at all seasprite - maybe you just realised there is more to life than sun, sea and a beach

Just a thought after a few glasses of wine tonight. Do you reckon we could sue someone for false advertising or something?
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 9:33 pm
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Default Re: Confession

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Not at all seasprite - maybe you just realised there is more to life than sun, sea and a beach

Just a thought after a few glasses of wine tonight. Do you reckon we could sue someone for false advertising or something?

Hmmm, will ask OH, he sues people!! Probably not..we just got sucked in.(sigh). BTW I can't keep away from here, loads of great posts in the last day or so and loads coming home...yeahhhh! Cheers
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