clougherty family

Hi all,

Just wanted to write down how we are feeling at the mo and see if anyone else is the same. We have been in Perth since May 05 and are now thinking of maybe renting the house out here and going home for 6/12 mths to see if we want to live there again. That is my idea to safeguard our money/future and not be ping pongs with no money!

Mark has been homesick since we got here and really missed his mates/pub/football. Typical bloke really! He has got better and better in the last few months but in November he hurt his wrist at work and hasn't been able to work which has been his downfall. He keeps talking about wasting time here because he knows he doesn't want to live here forever and says we are just prolonging the inevitable.

I absolutely loved it when we got here, Mark's sister lives here and introduced us to a few people. I got a bit disillusioned when after a few months I realised we weren't really being included, obviously these people already had a life here and friends here and we would have been better off trying to get our own friends. I then got pregnant in Feb this year and suddenly started feeling homesick. I think it was a mixture of hormones and also the fact that some friends moved here in Nov last year and went home in April this year. They didn't like it from the start, despite doing a 3 week reccie and taking nearly 4 years to get their visa due to having a baby mid way through. I had an answer for all their negativity about Perth, but I think now that maybe their feelings for the place had some effect on me. I found myself worrying about the children growing up and having no job opportunities, or them going to the UK to travel and us ending up here on our own without the funds to return. I also started seeing the arguements against coming here in the first place like isolation/no family/no culture etc. in a different light. I had the baby and was fine. Got sad because my Mum came over for 3 weeks and my brother and new wife came here as part of their honeymoon. Not great timing as the baby was a week old and I was getting no sleep/crying/trying to breastfeed. I think they thought we would all be sitting outside drinking massive amounts of wine and having a laugh every night like we used to!

Anyway, the bottom line is, we don't really know what to do. I miss the things I didn't think I would like the buildings, the town, the river (we lived in Maidenhead in Berkshire), friends and family obviously and just familiarity I think. Mark just says it's boring here, which I used to argue with and talk about taking kids to beach/park etc. but now I can't be arsed to argue because I'm bored with it too! I could quite happily never have a barby again and have gone to the beach with our 3 year old and the baby once (never again until he can walk, it's just no fun). I realised last night that I haven't been out for a drink since New Year's Eve last year, how sad is that??? I know I was pregnant for most of the year, but still! The main problem is that we still know why left the UK but don't know if we want to live here, so our dilemma is that we feel in limbo. I am totally realistic about the UK and yet I hanker after walking out of the house into the town and seeing people I know. The trouble is, I'm not sure that after a couple of months back in the UK we won't want to return here. This scares me because I know we're not happy here, so what does all this mean!!!

Somebody help me! I suppose we should just think of it all as an experience and rent the house and go home for a bit and re-evalute the situation. This is what I think is a sensible option, but the thought of the organisation involved to move again fills me with dread.

Jo

Wendy

Oh Jo, I really don't know what to say. You sound so unhappy.

I think you need to ask yourself is it Perth you don't like, or is it the lifestyle? or both .

It can get really difficult at times, even I miss stuff from the UK and I actually love it here. I think its quite normal to feel a bit out of place and lonely. It usually creeps up on you when you least expect it. I do also think that Christmas makes us homesick (or people sick) as it's usually when we spend time with our extended family.

I have an aunt who came here 25 years ago, she felt like this after 18 months of being here and did return to the UK. She sold everything she owned here and bought into a Bed and Breakfast in Blackpool.

Anyway after a year of being in the UK she realised that she really missed Australia. It took her so long to sell the B&B that she nearly lost her visa (they gave her 6 months RRV and said that she had to be back before it ran out!).

She returned here and instead of living in Victoria where she originally settled, she came here to South Australia and hasn't looked back since.

I hope you can work it out one way or another, living in limbo really isn't good for you. Good luck with whatever you decide

Lord Pom Percy

Could it be Perth rather then OZ, Have you considered Melbourne a much larger more vibrant city, perhaps look at the eastern states before going back, as you said you don't want to move back and end up missing OZ and becoming a Ping pong pom.

TraceyW

You know what? The thought of going home is scarier than the initial emigrating to Oz thing I reckon. After all, you know excatly what the UK holds for you, it's not the best place in the world to live and it does have many problems. All the reasons why we moved out here in the first place are still there. That scares people witless doesn't it? When we all start this emigrating lark, it's so exciting moving into the unknown, making a new life, new friends etc.

I compare it to a set of scales, there are pro's and con's for both countries aren't there. I'm just like you, scared stupid that we'll move back and after 12 months I'll think "what the hell have I done this for?". There will be things I'll miss about Oz; friends we've made, the blue skies and the ocean, but that's it. Only a few. I miss so much more about England and that's what I will hold on to. Would I really want to move back here just for the few friends we've made and the ocean? Nope.

Perhaps the biggest thing for me, and maybe you too, will be going home and not waking up with that awful knot in your stomach every day, week in, week out. To be able to feel that I belong somewhere again will be a good feeling.

So rest assured, you are not alone in feeling confused about your futures. There are many of us here in exactly the same boat!

All the very best xxxx

Rascal

Hi Jo,
I know how you feel, up one minute down the next.
We live in NZ, have tried 4.5 years to make it work, hubby hated it almost as soon as he got here and started working in a totally awful firm.
No matter how hard we try, how much effort we have put in, we hit brick walls and its almost like something is saying to us "Go Home".
But then we have kids.
One wants to stay here, other 2 want to move to OZ, me and hubby really want to go back to Uk as first choice but will happily move to OZ as second choice so we are not that far away from eldest.
We went back to the Uk in August, our 1st time back and I didn't know what to expect, how I would feel etc.
What I did feel was relief, then envy at people still there. I think for me, it summed it all up. It made me realise just what we had in the Uk and what we gave up-for what? A life of pure living hell in NZ.
You have just had a baby so will be feeling even more sad and confused.
Follow your heart while you still have finances to do it.
Good Luck anyway for the future

Rascal

Oh that knot in the stomach feel
You are so right though, oceans and beaches and fab scenery dont make it 'home' do they?

LouiseD

It's just all so confusing this expat life. I totally agree with everything that TraceyW said though - it is far scarier going home than coming here in the first place. On the way out, you are filled with excitement, anticipation, hope and enthusiasm. But once the nice beaches, lovely weather and palm trees have lost their appeal, you realise that life isn't as idyllic as you had maybe thought it would be. You still have to work, still have to clean up, cook, iron, do the shopping etc. But you have to do it all in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people around you. You see families in parks all having fun together and remember what it was like with your own family and close friends. I'm sure that many people settle down eventually - I've been told many times that the first two years are the hardest. But if you feel that you are never going to like it here, then it's probably time to try somewhere else - either a different state or back home. After all, life is too short to waste being unhappy. Good luck

Rascal

I dont think its scary, well not for me anyways, but have just been back so its fresh in my memory. I must say, walking round Asda was like a kid in Disneyland! I was comparing prices, not to mention choice , came out with a trolley load of grub and goodies, sister paid, I cringed at the till expecting it to be 200 quid or so (like it usually is in NZ for 5 of us) it was, wait for it, a massive 83 pounds.
That was a weeks shopping for 3 adults, 2 kids 11 and 13 and 2 dogs.
We ate better that week and all the rest of the month than we have done here in NZ.
I have even been on the rightmove site now looking at what I can afford in my old area, glad to say, prices have dropped a little since I last looked.
Keep going down please.
At this rate I will be saying sod Malta, sod OZ and sod the eldest.

clougherty family

Thanks Tracey,

It's nice to hear other people feel the same. What worries me is that I keep thinking we shouldn't sell up here, just rent out the house, in case we decide we don't want to live in the UK after a time, but that scares me because we KNOW we don't want to live here for ever and we would have to come back! I keep thinking that if we sell the house etc. and go back then if we hate it, it's not so easy to come back if we wanted to, but then I think why would we want to come back when we don't feel like we belong here and are totally p***** off with the falseness of the place?

I suggested going for a month on holiday but Mark said it's a waste of money, and I worked out it would cost us about $20k by the time we accounted for lost wages (subbie so no holiday pay)/flights/spending. He is adamant that if we went back there he would never want to come here again, but I say that's what everyone must say before they leave here, otherwise they wouldn't go, but still some come back to live. We sit here night after night saying "are we going then or what?" to each other. Part of me wants to just sell the house and put the money in a savings account in the uk and ship everything back, put it all in storage and rent somewhere until we decide where we want to live. I even think about Spain because I always wanted to live there before we came here. At least we could visit people at home if we wanted to. That's one of the major factors here that I was so blase about before we came, it's just so expensive to go home. My Grandmother died on 23rd November and I couldn't go home. I just couldn't justify taking a 5 week old baby and a 3 year all that way for a funeral. I was really close to her and really wanted to go but I just couldn't. Since we've been here we've got married (nobody came), my brother got married, (couldn't go because baby was due 9 days after the wedding, one of my best friends got married in Jamaica (wouldn't have gone to the wedding anyway but would have gone to the party at home and the hen weekend. My Grandma has died, and I have had a baby. All these things in less than 2 years that we/our familys have missed out on. How many more things are we going to miss? Mark says he wants to show our kids off to everyone, sounds silly but I feel a bit the same. My Dad hasn't even seen the baby.

Jo

jad n rich

[QUOTE=clougherty family]Thanks Tracey,


I suggested going for a month on holiday but Mark said it's a waste of money, and I worked out it would cost us about $20k by the time we accounted for lost wages (subbie so no holiday pay)/flights (QUOTE]


Were going next week, your spot on about the money, mates of ours left last week with 3 kids their tickets were $13,000, ours are a bit less, but neither of us will get paid while away :scared: I wonder how many people think of the realities when living in the UK

Weve been on/off about going back for years, much more diffiuclt for us our kids are older, education is a massive consideration, we had been here 2 years before the novetly of OZ wore off, by that time they were well behind.

Number one thing, try another state, Perth is notorious for being a 6 month wonder, yes it looks impressive, 6 months later what the hell do you do there, for me adelaide would be the same. There are states that offer more.
Dont go back without visiting another state, if you do you will regret it and wonder if you had moved around you might have found something you liked.

My personal experience of all this is the longer you stay the harder it is to leave, our eldest is now in in further education and living with his aussie girl friend whos very attached to her aussie family and would never leave............ Round and round we go eh :scared:

northernbird

If you read that post back to yourself you will realise you have answered your own question. Hopefully you will have been on the receiving end of some nice house price increases here in Perth. Get the house sold and go home, it is clearly what you both want and you know it. You just have to have the balls now to make the final decision.

Good luck for the future.

clougherty family

Hi Northernbird,

Thanks for that short sharp shock! I think you are probably right, and yes we are lucky that we got here before the prices got too silly... it's still scary though, I just wish we knew what would be the best thing to do. If we sell up then we are cutting off our options I feel, but then again, is renting the house out and going home for a bit just delaying the inevitable? We both feel that we will probably be in the UK for a few months and then think what have we done? but then we are not happy here and at least we belong there. I'm worrying about stupid things like where will I put all this furniture in a little house! That's just me though, if there's nothing to worry about I worry about not being worried! I think we'll get over Christmas and see if Mark's wrist gets better and then make the big decision.

Anyone want a 4x2 in Kingsley?????!!!!!!!

Jo

LouiseD

Hi Rascal - my 21 year old went back 3 weeks ago - she rang me up the other night telling me about all the bargains that she'd got in Asda and Tescos and how much cheaper everything was over there - and how much more choice there is. She keeps telling me how great it is to be back with her real freinds and is so excited about a shopping trip to Manchester tomorow. Can't wait to get over there

Betty Boot

I think you "know" when the time is right. I was up and down in Perth for 6 years while hubby loved it then suddenly his mind changed too and we have come back. Unfortunately I am living what you fear - I feel we have made the wrong move I believe we had to do it to get it out of our system but I feel i would much rather be back in Perth, I have totally changed as a person since being away and am finding it all rather difficult, I am really sorry I didnt enjoy myself more when in Perth instead of complaining about wanting to come home!

i too used to worry about the small things such as moving into a smaller home, jobs, etc but things have panned out well for us, we're in a simiar sized house (in fact i sold a lot of stuff before coming back and regret it now as we havent enough furniture!), my husband has got himself a good contract and we live close by both families, i thought it would be everything I wanted, but it isnt, as many say "same sh*t, different bucket", I just wish I'd have stuck with the old sh*t Anyway, many things beyond our control have happened since returning and I am glad we are back for now, but i dont feel we will be staying, just wish we could have kept our old home in Perth cos i'd be heading straight back there in January

ladylisa

In deciding whether to return you have to work out what type of person you are. If your the type that the grass is always greener the minute something doesnt go your way then you will spend a lifetime being a ping pommer. If your more a realist then a move back home can be very successful if you allow it to be. I've been home for 2 months now and I can honestly say I'm glad I came home. Yes there are days when I think about my life in the States but I only have to think about the actual reality to know where I'm happiest. I made the decision when I returned that I was going to get on with my life and think positively and its stood me in good stead. The Uk is a fantastic place to live..if you allow it to be.