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Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Heather1111 Thank you.... I'm getting more and more relaxed about the entire idea. Maybe it will work out and maybe it won't. If I don't jump into it with both feet, I'll never be able to say that I tried my best. So, in the best interest of Rob and my daughter, I am going to attempt to deal with the pending change with a positive attitude. I think the issue of Brits possible hating Americans is not really an issue of importance, more of a worry than anything more serious. You might find some Brits who hate Americans, but many will like Americans and would love to get to know you. Honestly, there will be many who will really like to get to know you because they will love having an American friend. But like I said, I think there are far more serious issues, some of them will creep up unexpectedly and will surprise you. Be mindful (re: your daughter), I know someone (a US citizen by birth) who moved with his American parents from the USA to the UK when he was a wee nipper. When he grew up and got married and later became a dad he found it hard to pass on his US citizenship to his UK born child. There was some kind of issue about him lacking sufficient residence time in the US. He did not want to go back to the US to clock up the required time. Your daughter might end up facing the same problem down the road. Consider looking into this issue for the sake of your daughter's future children. I know this sounds negative, but I hope you appreciate the heads-up. Also, your daughter might have the greatest problem settling down in the UK. If she is already of school age your daughter might stand out a wee bit until she looses her accent (I had the same problem when I moved to an Inner London School from Wales but as I lost my accent and took on the local inner London accent the unwanted attention gradually diminished). She might have very few problems with that; it just depends on the other kids and how she reacts to their constant commentary about her accent. They might well try to mimic it. But like I said as she looses her accent this will no longer be an issue. Your daughter might well thrive at school and really love it, but it is likely to be a worry until that in fact happens. Also, expect to be homesick; my American wife had terrible problems with homesickness when we lived in the UK. In the end I relented and we moved back to the USA. I gave up my career in that move, so it was not an easy move for me. Then of course I had similar issues, but in reverse. Sometimes one just has to tough it out. But there will be pangs for home even five plus years down the road. On another serious point, if your marriage should fail you will face similar issues to a Brit with a failing marriage in the USA. Far from home, alien legal system and having children will seriously complicate matters. Try and get some advice from a competent family lawyer who knows the issues with respect to family law and moving between countries. Better to be armed with foreknowledge. I sincerely hope your move to the UK goes very well for you and your family, but keep in mind that the job situation here might turn around in a year or so, at some point the growing economy might outpace the ability of US employers to outsource jobs and there might once again be real job growth in the US economy. But whatever you decide, good luck. Usual disclaimer: this is not legal advice; I am not expert in moving to the UK or have any professional or special expertise immigration law. For legal advice seek competent professional counsel. My post is merely based on my own personal experiences of moving between countries. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
*******Originally posted by Patent Attorney*******
******Also, your daughter might have the greatest problem settling down in the UK. If she is already of school age your daughter might stand out a wee bit until she looses her accent (I had the same problem when I moved to an Inner London School from Wales but as I lost my accent and took on the local inner London accent the unwanted attention gradually diminished). She might have very few problems with that; it just depends on the other kids and how she reacts to their constant commentary about her accent. They might well try to mimic it. But like I said as she looses her accent this will no longer be an issue.******* 'Loses her accent?' Quite frankly, I hope she doesn't. I have been living in North Carolina for 14 years now and I haven't lost my New England accent at all. I don't have even the slightest southern twinge to the way I speak. I don't think a southern accent is bad. I just happen to take great pride in the area I came from and I like the way I talk. I have raised my daughter to have quite a neutral accent. Her teachers tell her that she has a wonderful speaking voice. Two years ago she began tutoring kids one and two grades higher than her in literature and essay. It's her strongest suit in school and she loves it. Why would someone want to lose their accent just to be accepted? I asked her about the accent issue. She said she couldn't care less about what people think of the way she speaks. She is more concerned with the UK weather, being able to take her dog with her, having a backyard to play in, staying in touch with her current friends and educational levels. She doesn't want to be lagging behind. She said she wants to make friends, but if that means she has to change the way she speaks, she said they can stay away from her, gladly. Honestly? I agree with her 100%. *****Also, expect to be homesick.....there will be pangs for home even five plus years down the road.****** Try more like twenty, at least. That isn't something I need to be told. I won't ever stop missing my home. I already know I will be homesick, just as Rob is dealing with it now. ********On another serious point, if your marriage should fail you will face similar issues to a Brit with a failing marriage in the USA. Far from home, alien legal system and having children will seriously complicate matters. Try and get some advice from a competent family lawyer who knows the issues with respect to family law and moving between countries. Better to be armed with foreknowledge.******** Quite frankly, I feel bad for you, if you ever had to deal with that type of paranoia. I stated my vows with absolute perfect faith in mine and Rob's love/union. I don't see how speaking to a lawyer about nonexistent fears could be healthy or beneficial to ANY marriage. It would make about as much sense as someone shaving their head and getting double mastectomies because they fear a breast cancer diagnosis 'someday.' |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
By coincidence, the very serious issue of a US citizen living outside the USA passing on US citizenship to their foreign born child has just been considered in another thread:
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=214911 Usual disclaimer: this is not legal advice; I am not expert in moving to the UK or have any professional or special expertise immigration law. For legal advice seek competent professional counsel. My post is merely based on my own experience of moving between countries. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
************************************************** ************************************************** **************Originally posted by Patent Attorney [/i]
By coincidence, the very serious issue of a US citizen living outside the USA passing on US citizenship to their foreign born child has just been considered in another thread: http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=214911************************************************** ************************************************** **** Hmmmm.....Sorry, but I didn't bother to look at your link. Isn't it TERRIFIC that we couldn't care less about your advice, in the least? If Cassie has a child, that will be HER responsibility to deal with as she may. That has been explained to her. Since you want to continue to add your two cents, even though I asked you to leave me alone and stop following me, maybe you could hone in on Cassie's, Rob's and my concerns, instead of addressing issues we have no concern for. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Heather1111 ************************************************** ************************************************** **************Originally posted by Patent Attorney [/i] By coincidence, the very serious issue of a US citizen living outside the USA passing on US citizenship to their foreign born child has just been considered in another thread: http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=214911************************************************** ************************************************** **** Hmmmm.....Sorry, but I didn't bother to look at your link. Isn't it TERRIFIC that we couldn't care less about your advice, in the least? If Cassie has a child, that will be HER responsibility to deal with as she may. That has been explained to her. Since you want to continue to add your two cents, even though I asked you to leave me alone and stop following me, maybe you could hone in on Cassie's, Rob's and my concerns, instead of addressing issues we have no concern for. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Heather,
Imho you are being paranoid :) You are deriving a motivation which is not present, it is not personal, PA does not know you, your husband or your daughter. Therefore personal it cannot be. Therefore he speaks from his own experience, no more and no less. It is not intended to harm or injure you or yours in anyway. The situations he has related DO happen and cause significant emotional scars, especially in children. I know, I have worked with such children and wish to continue to, hence why my objectives are mainly work which is factored towards paediatric forensic psychology. I deal with human wreckage everyday. Risk evaluation is not paranoia, denial simply exposes us to needless risks and hinders us in the avoidance of exposure to unecessary psychological harm. A positive attitude is good. However a balanced realistic view is necessary in order to relate successfully in life. We have to learn to be happy despite life's diffculties, not in denial of them. People are naturally inclined towards unrealistic optomism as a coping strategy. It does not however prevent life from happening to us regardless. Originally posted by Heather1111 ************************************************** ************************************************** **************Originally posted by Patent Attorney [/i] By coincidence, the very serious issue of a US citizen living outside the USA passing on US citizenship to their foreign born child has just been considered in another thread: http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=214911************************************************** ************************************************** **** Hmmmm.....Sorry, but I didn't bother to look at your link. Isn't it TERRIFIC that we couldn't care less about your advice, in the least? If Cassie has a child, that will be HER responsibility to deal with as she may. That has been explained to her. Since you want to continue to add your two cents, even though I asked you to leave me alone and stop following me, maybe you could hone in on Cassie's, Rob's and my concerns, instead of addressing issues we have no concern for. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
*******Originally posted by lairdside*******
****you are being paranoid**** Actually, no. Do you know what the word paranoid means? I wasn't showing any signs of it whatsoever. But thanks for asking. PA forced my hand at something in his PMs toward me. He said that if I didn't comply with his wishes, he would go away for good. Grateful to have a way out of communicating with him, I didn't do what he asked. Now..... After all that, I expect him to follow through on his promised actions. I do not care to argue with him, nor have any type of communication with him. He can respond to anything he wants, but I would rather him not do it on a personal level with me. I don't think that should be so difficult. It's called self control. ****You are deriving a motivation which is not present, it is not personal, PA does not know you, your husband or your daughter. Therefore personal it cannot be.***** He certainly likes to make it personal when it's in PMs. I never said there was any motivation at all, now did I? I would just like for him to stop speaking to me, directly. *****Therefore he speaks from his own experience, no more and no less. It is not intended to harm or injure you or yours in anyway.***** Again: I never said it was. He simply needs to honor his word. ******The situations he has related DO happen and cause significant emotional scars, especially in children. I know, I have worked with such children and wish to continue to, hence why my objectives are mainly work which is factored towards paediatric forensic psychology.****** The children that suffer 'great emotional scars' because of something like a move probably don't have much of a support system to begin with. My daughter isn't one of the unfortunate ones, thankfully. I had to go through it too many times to count and although it was trying on my patience, I never suffered 'great emotional scarring.' ******I deal with human wreckage everyday. Risk evaluation is not paranoia, denial simply exposes us to needless risks and hinders us in the avoidance of exposure to unecessary psychological harm.***** Sitting down with a lawyer to talk about the possible destruction of your marriage, when you are totally happy, IS paranoid. 'IMHO' I think it's rather weird and unsettling to even consider such a dumb thing. *****A positive attitude is good. However a balanced realistic view is necessary in order to relate successfully in life. We have to learn to be happy despite life's diffculties, not in denial of them.****** And who are you to deem what a 'balanced realistic view' is to all others? I do very well with my own views on my marriage and every single other relationship in my life. They haven't failed me yet. You can deal with things in your own frightened way and I will deal with my marriage based on faith, trust and strength. ****People are naturally inclined towards unrealistic optomism as a coping strategy. It does not however prevent life from happening to us regardless.***** I always told my friends and family that I wouldn't ever get married until I met someone that made me feel that kind of childlike faith and 'unrealistic optomism', when it comes to love. I had already been through the pessimistic views and distrust in relationships and it was WRONG. I knew that when I felt something like what I feel with Rob, it would be the ONLY time it was right. To believe you have found your soulmate is to give them 100% of your trust. If it's anything but that, you should probably take a closer look at your relationship, as well as yourself. You and PA can be as 'scared' for Rob and I as you want to be. I won't have any part of it. I refuse to dishonor and insult my husband with such cruddy thoughts or actions. Thanks. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Patent Attorney Your response is very strange. I'm not following you at all. This is a public forum. I post replies in several threads. I try to be informative and offer help where I can, but I sometimes don't succeed. I am sorry that you found my posts less than helpful. But in a public forum it goes without saying that not all responses/posts are on point. You wrote this to me: "Unless you immediately apoligize and make it clear that you rather me be a friend I don't want any further correspondence with you. Good day. Chris/PA" I made absolutely sure to not apologize and made it clear I did not want to be your friend. Hence, please make good on your word and leave me alone. I think it would be the right thing to do. Now, if you have anything else to say to me personally, send it in a PM. I am well aware that most board members appreciate it when these matters are kept private and I would like to honor their expectations. Thank you. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Heather1111 *******Originally posted by lairdside******* ****you are being paranoid**** Actually, no. Do you know what the word paranoid means? I wasn't showing any signs of it whatsoever. But thanks for asking. PA forced my hand at something in his PMs toward me. He said that if I didn't comply with his wishes, he would go away for good. Grateful to have a way out of communicating with him, I didn't do what he asked. Now..... After all that, I expect him to follow through on his promised actions. I do not care to argue with him, nor have any type of communication with him. He can respond to anything he wants, but I would rather him not do it on a personal level with me. I don't think that should be so difficult. It's called self control. ****You are deriving a motivation which is not present, it is not personal, PA does not know you, your husband or your daughter. Therefore personal it cannot be.***** He certainly likes to make it personal when it's in PMs. I never said there was any motivation at all, now did I? I would just like for him to stop speaking to me, directly. *****Therefore he speaks from his own experience, no more and no less. It is not intended to harm or injure you or yours in anyway.***** Again: I never said it was. He simply needs to honor his word. ******The situations he has related DO happen and cause significant emotional scars, especially in children. I know, I have worked with such children and wish to continue to, hence why my objectives are mainly work which is factored towards paediatric forensic psychology.****** The children that suffer 'great emotional scars' because of something like a move probably don't have much of a support system to begin with. My daughter isn't one of the unfortunate ones, thankfully. I had to go through it too many times to count and although it was trying on my patience, I never suffered 'great emotional scarring.' ******I deal with human wreckage everyday. Risk evaluation is not paranoia, denial simply exposes us to needless risks and hinders us in the avoidance of exposure to unecessary psychological harm.***** Sitting down with a lawyer to talk about the possible destruction of your marriage, when you are totally happy, IS paranoid. 'IMHO' I think it's rather weird and unsettling to even consider such a dumb thing. *****A positive attitude is good. However a balanced realistic view is necessary in order to relate successfully in life. We have to learn to be happy despite life's diffculties, not in denial of them.****** And who are you to deem what a 'balanced realistic view' is to all others? I do very well with my own views on my marriage and every single other relationship in my life. They haven't failed me yet. You can deal with things in your own frightened way and I will deal with my marriage based on faith, trust and strength. ****People are naturally inclined towards unrealistic optomism as a coping strategy. It does not however prevent life from happening to us regardless.***** I always told my friends and family that I wouldn't ever get married until I met someone that made me feel that kind of childlike faith and 'unrealistic optomism', when it comes to love. I had already been through the pessimistic views and distrust in relationships and it was WRONG. I knew that when I felt something like what I feel with Rob, it would be the ONLY time it was right. To believe you have found your soulmate is to give them 100% of your trust. If it's anything but that, you should probably take a closer look at your relationship, as well as yourself. You and PA can be as 'scared' for Rob and I as you want to be. I won't have any part of it. I refuse to dishonor and insult my husband with such cruddy thoughts or actions. Thanks. If it fails you - Wellbutrin helps a lot of people. PA is not "following you" you are on his ignore list and have been for some considerable time now. Your rants are both neurotic, paranoid and histrionic. This is just my opinion and in no way professional advice. Get a proper evaluation done by a mental health professional. For your own sake and that of your family. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by CalgaryAMC You strike me as a lunatic. You enter the forum with an hysterical fear of being victimized in Britain because you're an American and read a weird web site, despite having actually visited the country and having nothing but positive experiences. You then claim that your judgement is unshakeable and decry others for offering advice. It's extremely odd. Reminds me of my mother-in-law. Also, if you read more carefully, you would have seen that I actually had extremely minimal experiences to go on about the area during my visit. That entire topic was already explained when someone else posed a question toward me. But why read in depth, right? Just skim everything, avoid any questions, and go for the insults. That's always so much more fun, eh? Terrific......Another one. :-) And as far as my responses to PA go: Think what you like. We aren't supposed to repost PMs on this board, for the sake of being 'mannerly', so you don't know why I am rejecting his advice and being fairly caustic toward him. Had his post been from any number people on this board, I would have taken the same advice with a grain of salt and replied in a kind fashion. |
Paranoid?
Let's see from memory..... 1)Characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. 2)Excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities. 3)They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. 4)They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges. Or would you prefer the official definition from the DSM IV? I have a spare copy. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Heather1111 And you strike me as being completely assuming and slightly blind. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by lairdside
Denial is wonderful - have a nice life. If it fails you - Wellbutrin helps a lot of people. PA is not "following you" you are on his ignore list and have been for some considerable time now. Your rants are both neurotic, paranoid and schitzoid. This is just my opinion and in no way professional advice. Get a proper evaluation done by a mental health professional. For your own sake and that of your family. I refuse to do this with you on here. Bring it to a PM and read the truth or stay out of it. He lied to me about Rob to excuse himself for being mean on the board. It was rude and it pissed me off. Gee.....Go figure. |
Re: Brits Hate Americans???
Originally posted by Heather1111 I refuse to do this with you on here. Bring it to a PM and read the truth or stay out of it. He lied to me about Rob to excuse himself for being mean on the board. It was rude and it pissed me off. Gee.....Go figure. I have already advised PA to stay out of this, whether or not he does is up to him. You know I will hear whatever you have to say if it increases the chances of ending this madness. |
Originally posted by lairdside Paranoid? Let's see from memory..... 1)Characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. 2)Excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities. 3)They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. 4)They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges. Or would you prefer the official definition from the DSM IV? I have a spare copy. |
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