she's going home
Dec 23rd 2003, 12:15 am
#31
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: she's going home
Get over to the hotel and see her. Maybe together you two can work something
out. Maybe live part time in both countries or something. If this is the love
of your life, don't let her go. LTG
"brianheart" <member9271@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> she just called me from the hotel and said she dont know if she is
> making the right decision.....if she stays she fears she will eventually
> let the homesickness destroy our relationship.....if she goes she'll
> never have me again. i said i cant make that decision for her....but
> whatever it is.....she has to live with it. its a very hard time right
> now. nothing is for certain. but who knows. she cant have it both ways.
> and its not fair to me to have to worry about this every month. but i
> understand how she feels.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
out. Maybe live part time in both countries or something. If this is the love
of your life, don't let her go. LTG
"brianheart" <member9271@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> she just called me from the hotel and said she dont know if she is
> making the right decision.....if she stays she fears she will eventually
> let the homesickness destroy our relationship.....if she goes she'll
> never have me again. i said i cant make that decision for her....but
> whatever it is.....she has to live with it. its a very hard time right
> now. nothing is for certain. but who knows. she cant have it both ways.
> and its not fair to me to have to worry about this every month. but i
> understand how she feels.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Dec 23rd 2003, 12:53 am
#32
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 119
Re: she's going home
Yes, I agree with Lloyd!
Try to offer her the compromise way: to let her partly live some time in Austia, and may be for you it will work too, may be a month of the year you will be able to spend together with her their. And give her a certain date when she will be able to go to Austria.May be that will comfort herand it will change something.
Natalija
Try to offer her the compromise way: to let her partly live some time in Austia, and may be for you it will work too, may be a month of the year you will be able to spend together with her their. And give her a certain date when she will be able to go to Austria.May be that will comfort herand it will change something.
Natalija
Originally posted by brianheart
today is the most terrible day of my life. for anyone who doesnt know the story i met a wonderful austrian women on jan. 7 2001. we fell in love, i proposed, she accepted. we applied for the K-1 and was separated for 10 months to be reunited on Oct. 30 2003. we talked about so many things we would do in our future and when we were reunited. everything was so sure and positive. and as time went on the homesickness got worse. she tried to fight it or ignore it but of course nothing really helps when you miss home.
we were to be married Dec. 18 2003. the day before she told me about of her worries and fears. we cancelled the wedding to reschedule it after the holidays and maybe then she wouldnt be so homesick. i woke up today and she said she thinks she will go home. she called her mom and ordered a ticket for tomorrow evening. i took her to a hotel at the airport and i just got home from saying goodbye.
going through life alone is hard. the thought of never seeing or having her again tears me up inside. but her staying here does not make her happy. its a no win deal. at least when she is home she will have her family that she has missed so bad. i love her so much that i had to let her go. i know she loves me more than anything in the world. it wasnt a matter of not being in love. it was a matter of this is not her home. and her family is not just a short drive away.
we were the perfect match. it was the right people, but the wrong place. neither of us know how we will move on in life when we know that the other is out there somewhere and we have met but we cant stay together. it hurts so bad right now, that i cant feel anything inside. i think there is a lesson in everything that happens in our life. i wish i knew what this lesson was cuz right now i cant make any sense of why god would put us through this two year long experience only to be torn apart like this. i wish everyone luck in there journey for a new life together.
today is the most terrible day of my life. for anyone who doesnt know the story i met a wonderful austrian women on jan. 7 2001. we fell in love, i proposed, she accepted. we applied for the K-1 and was separated for 10 months to be reunited on Oct. 30 2003. we talked about so many things we would do in our future and when we were reunited. everything was so sure and positive. and as time went on the homesickness got worse. she tried to fight it or ignore it but of course nothing really helps when you miss home.
we were to be married Dec. 18 2003. the day before she told me about of her worries and fears. we cancelled the wedding to reschedule it after the holidays and maybe then she wouldnt be so homesick. i woke up today and she said she thinks she will go home. she called her mom and ordered a ticket for tomorrow evening. i took her to a hotel at the airport and i just got home from saying goodbye.
going through life alone is hard. the thought of never seeing or having her again tears me up inside. but her staying here does not make her happy. its a no win deal. at least when she is home she will have her family that she has missed so bad. i love her so much that i had to let her go. i know she loves me more than anything in the world. it wasnt a matter of not being in love. it was a matter of this is not her home. and her family is not just a short drive away.
we were the perfect match. it was the right people, but the wrong place. neither of us know how we will move on in life when we know that the other is out there somewhere and we have met but we cant stay together. it hurts so bad right now, that i cant feel anything inside. i think there is a lesson in everything that happens in our life. i wish i knew what this lesson was cuz right now i cant make any sense of why god would put us through this two year long experience only to be torn apart like this. i wish everyone luck in there journey for a new life together.
Dec 23rd 2003, 1:17 am
#33
Former Blonde
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: In a wibbly-wobbly world of my own
Posts: 1,380
Re: she's going home
Brian,
My heart goes out to you.
Whether you believe in fate or not, I believe that all things happen for a reason but, only you know in your heart what is the right thing to do.
My thoughts, like many others, are with you.
Take care
Tam
My heart goes out to you.
Whether you believe in fate or not, I believe that all things happen for a reason but, only you know in your heart what is the right thing to do.
My thoughts, like many others, are with you.
Take care
Tam
Dec 23rd 2003, 2:11 am
#34
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,228
Re: she's going home
Please go over there tonight.
I really can't stand some of the stuff posted here lately, but you story really made me sad....
I can understand her homesickness, I lived in Austria 8 years and its a great place.
I really can't stand some of the stuff posted here lately, but you story really made me sad....
I can understand her homesickness, I lived in Austria 8 years and its a great place.
Dec 23rd 2003, 3:26 am
#35
Banned
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,933
Re: she's going home
Originally posted by Rete
It is easy to say that in time when you and she have become a family and have children of your own together she will view things more favorably. But what is not easy is the time it takes to get to that point. Some people are not up to the adventure of re-adjusting to a new way of life. Not only would she have a new country to get use to but a new life situation. She would have a husband and child to care for and without the physical presence of a support group such as family and friends it must be quite a daunting prospect.
God bless
Rita
It is easy to say that in time when you and she have become a family and have children of your own together she will view things more favorably. But what is not easy is the time it takes to get to that point. Some people are not up to the adventure of re-adjusting to a new way of life. Not only would she have a new country to get use to but a new life situation. She would have a husband and child to care for and without the physical presence of a support group such as family and friends it must be quite a daunting prospect.
God bless
Rita
Brian, I am truly sorry
Dec 23rd 2003, 6:49 am
#36
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 709
Re: she's going home
Good lord. she married you 5 days ago, and she's already left you???!
-= nav =-
-= nav =-
Dec 23rd 2003, 6:54 am
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Austria/Boston
Posts: 371
Re: she's going home
Originally posted by supernav
Good lord. she married you 5 days ago, and she's already left you???!
-= nav =-
Good lord. she married you 5 days ago, and she's already left you???!
-= nav =-
They cancelled the wedding so far!!!She didn t left 5 days after they got married...I hope they re both okay so far,as i followed the whole process from the beginning since she s from Austria also!!
Dec 23rd 2003, 1:07 pm
#38
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Santa Fe, NM from Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 502
Re: she's going home
Brianheart,
I'm so sorry also. I think your post is very open, honest, brave, and I hope you find the support you need here.
I'm sure homesickness is something all USC's think and worry about when we go through the immigration process with the people we love. Your post opened a discussion with my husband ("what will you miss?", "how will you feel living in the US?", "how often would you like to visit Ireland?"). I think the discussion is very valuable, and I want to thank you!
Best of luck - remember that love has a way of conquering all...
I'm so sorry also. I think your post is very open, honest, brave, and I hope you find the support you need here.
I'm sure homesickness is something all USC's think and worry about when we go through the immigration process with the people we love. Your post opened a discussion with my husband ("what will you miss?", "how will you feel living in the US?", "how often would you like to visit Ireland?"). I think the discussion is very valuable, and I want to thank you!
Best of luck - remember that love has a way of conquering all...
Dec 23rd 2003, 2:32 pm
#39
Banned
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,933
Re: she's going home
Originally posted by Buendia
Brianheart,
I'm sure homesickness is something all USC's think and worry about when we go through the immigration process with the people we love. Your post opened a discussion with my husband ("what will you miss?", "how will you feel living in the US?", "how often would you like to visit Ireland?"). I think the discussion is very valuable, and I want to thank you!
Best of luck - remember that love has a way of conquering all...
Brianheart,
I'm sure homesickness is something all USC's think and worry about when we go through the immigration process with the people we love. Your post opened a discussion with my husband ("what will you miss?", "how will you feel living in the US?", "how often would you like to visit Ireland?"). I think the discussion is very valuable, and I want to thank you!
Best of luck - remember that love has a way of conquering all...
Best wishes to all you K1 ers out there. Happy Holidays!!
Dec 23rd 2003, 5:35 pm
#40
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: she's going home
DCMark <member6276@british_expats.com> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> Please go over there tonight.
>
>
>
> I really can't stand some of the stuff posted here lately, but you story
> really made me sad....
>
>
>
> I can understand her homesickness, I lived in Austria 8 years and its a
> great place.
Brian,
Sorry to hear about you and your fiance. You let the bird free and if
she is yours, she will come back to you otherwise she was not the one.
Time will heal everything. Good Luck
spahi
> Please go over there tonight.
>
>
>
> I really can't stand some of the stuff posted here lately, but you story
> really made me sad....
>
>
>
> I can understand her homesickness, I lived in Austria 8 years and its a
> great place.
Brian,
Sorry to hear about you and your fiance. You let the bird free and if
she is yours, she will come back to you otherwise she was not the one.
Time will heal everything. Good Luck
spahi
Dec 24th 2003, 9:54 am
#41
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: she's going home
"brianheart" <member9271@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> its not a matter of my happiness. i have a responsability to my son. no
> matter what the circumstances, there is no cure for homesickness. i wish
> there was. there is more to the story than what i felt like typing. i
> typed the short version. for the entire 10 months she was at home, she
> listened to everyone telling her about being homesick and wanting to
> come home, and about failing and being left out on the street. all of
> this she heard everyday for 10 months. then take into consideration the
> holidays, and being in a new place that isnt home. its not easy. but in
> time if you stick it out i think the homesickness fades slightly. it
> doesnt go away it just fades. i think everyone always has the feeling of
> wanting to go home. but not letting out the feelings of being upset and
> homesick doesnt help either. she's afraid if she stays then she will
> keep having these episodes, and she dont want that to hurt me when she
> has these feelings. but she holds it all inside hoping it goes away. she
> said she knows she's making a mistake leaving cuz if it wasnt a mistake,
> then it wouldnt hurt so bad. her plane leaves tuesday at 6:50pm. i told
> her that once she checks her bags, then its too late. i know she has
> feelings of embarrassment and guilt for hurting me and the people who
> are close to me. but people can get over that. if she goes home, i dont
> think she will ever get over it.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Brian,
I'm sorry about your situation. I was wondering how old your ex(?) fiance'
is. It sounds like, from what you said, her family is giving her a huge
guilt trip and not giving much support at all. That would make anyone feel
terrible no matter what age, especially if she is very young and hasn't yet
lived life independent from her family.
My father wasn't very supportive of my marriage at first and I was very
depressed about it. It put a damper on everything. I couldn't convince him
that I was making the right decision. That was something he felt he needed
to see for himself. Plus, I'm in my late 30's and my father doesn't have as
much influence on my life as he used to so I just stood my ground and hoped
he'd come around.
My husband moved to the US so my father sees him on a regular basis. He
feels much better about our marriage since he's gotten to know my husband.
Would it be possible for her family to take a trip to see you if they
haven't already? They might relax a bit seeing where she'd be living and by
getting to know you better.
Just a suggestion.
Good luck to you..
Dawn
news:[email protected]...
> its not a matter of my happiness. i have a responsability to my son. no
> matter what the circumstances, there is no cure for homesickness. i wish
> there was. there is more to the story than what i felt like typing. i
> typed the short version. for the entire 10 months she was at home, she
> listened to everyone telling her about being homesick and wanting to
> come home, and about failing and being left out on the street. all of
> this she heard everyday for 10 months. then take into consideration the
> holidays, and being in a new place that isnt home. its not easy. but in
> time if you stick it out i think the homesickness fades slightly. it
> doesnt go away it just fades. i think everyone always has the feeling of
> wanting to go home. but not letting out the feelings of being upset and
> homesick doesnt help either. she's afraid if she stays then she will
> keep having these episodes, and she dont want that to hurt me when she
> has these feelings. but she holds it all inside hoping it goes away. she
> said she knows she's making a mistake leaving cuz if it wasnt a mistake,
> then it wouldnt hurt so bad. her plane leaves tuesday at 6:50pm. i told
> her that once she checks her bags, then its too late. i know she has
> feelings of embarrassment and guilt for hurting me and the people who
> are close to me. but people can get over that. if she goes home, i dont
> think she will ever get over it.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Brian,
I'm sorry about your situation. I was wondering how old your ex(?) fiance'
is. It sounds like, from what you said, her family is giving her a huge
guilt trip and not giving much support at all. That would make anyone feel
terrible no matter what age, especially if she is very young and hasn't yet
lived life independent from her family.
My father wasn't very supportive of my marriage at first and I was very
depressed about it. It put a damper on everything. I couldn't convince him
that I was making the right decision. That was something he felt he needed
to see for himself. Plus, I'm in my late 30's and my father doesn't have as
much influence on my life as he used to so I just stood my ground and hoped
he'd come around.
My husband moved to the US so my father sees him on a regular basis. He
feels much better about our marriage since he's gotten to know my husband.
Would it be possible for her family to take a trip to see you if they
haven't already? They might relax a bit seeing where she'd be living and by
getting to know you better.
Just a suggestion.
Good luck to you..
Dawn
Dec 29th 2003, 4:46 pm
#42
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: she's going home
I just can't understand why people give up so fast? I was born and raised in
the Philippines. Speaking of close knit family, culturally we filipinos,
parents, siblings uncles, aunts, cousins and grantparents comes first. My
american hubby brought me to USA and settled in central Illinois. Imagine with
no friends and relatives. I was homesick at first but I stop and think, "which
is more important to me? my husband or my family in the Philippines? If I go
back my husband might not be here waiting for me, while my family in the
Philippines is always there waiting for me." I've been married for 14 years and
we have a son. I just got back from the Philippines last June. Guess what? my
family and my friends are still there waiting for me to visit. They are all
happy to see me. I'm gald I did not give up my love for my husband or else I
missed out on a very kind and loving american hubby!.
>Subject: Re: she's going home
>From: sibsie member17406@british_expats.com
>Date: 12/22/2003 3:01 PM Central Standard Time
>Message-id: <[email protected]>
>I hate to see people give up after so short a time. You really have to
>give a new country at least a year.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
the Philippines. Speaking of close knit family, culturally we filipinos,
parents, siblings uncles, aunts, cousins and grantparents comes first. My
american hubby brought me to USA and settled in central Illinois. Imagine with
no friends and relatives. I was homesick at first but I stop and think, "which
is more important to me? my husband or my family in the Philippines? If I go
back my husband might not be here waiting for me, while my family in the
Philippines is always there waiting for me." I've been married for 14 years and
we have a son. I just got back from the Philippines last June. Guess what? my
family and my friends are still there waiting for me to visit. They are all
happy to see me. I'm gald I did not give up my love for my husband or else I
missed out on a very kind and loving american hubby!.
>Subject: Re: she's going home
>From: sibsie member17406@british_expats.com
>Date: 12/22/2003 3:01 PM Central Standard Time
>Message-id: <[email protected]>
>I hate to see people give up after so short a time. You really have to
>give a new country at least a year.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Dec 29th 2003, 5:15 pm
#43
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,816
Re: she's going home
Originally posted by Marilou920
I just can't understand why people give up so fast? I was born and raised in
the Philippines. Speaking of close knit family, culturally we filipinos,
parents, siblings uncles, aunts, cousins and grantparents comes first. My
american hubby brought me to USA and settled in central Illinois. Imagine with
no friends and relatives. I was homesick at first but I stop and think, "which
is more important to me? my husband or my family in the Philippines? If I go
back my husband might not be here waiting for me, while my family in the
Philippines is always there waiting for me." I've been married for 14 years and
we have a son. I just got back from the Philippines last June. Guess what? my
family and my friends are still there waiting for me to visit. They are all
happy to see me. I'm gald I did not give up my love for my husband or else I
missed out on a very kind and loving american hubby!.
I just can't understand why people give up so fast? I was born and raised in
the Philippines. Speaking of close knit family, culturally we filipinos,
parents, siblings uncles, aunts, cousins and grantparents comes first. My
american hubby brought me to USA and settled in central Illinois. Imagine with
no friends and relatives. I was homesick at first but I stop and think, "which
is more important to me? my husband or my family in the Philippines? If I go
back my husband might not be here waiting for me, while my family in the
Philippines is always there waiting for me." I've been married for 14 years and
we have a son. I just got back from the Philippines last June. Guess what? my
family and my friends are still there waiting for me to visit. They are all
happy to see me. I'm gald I did not give up my love for my husband or else I
missed out on a very kind and loving american hubby!.
In Brian's fiance's case, I can't imagine how hard it must be to have the ones you love the most against you all the way. According to Brian, they showed no support whatsoever, and in a strange new country, with strange new people around, even the love you have for your future spouse may not be enough to overcome the fears. She may have also felt that she had to choose between her family and her future love, and some people just can't handle that choice. (Never mind the fact that people should NEVER be asked to make that decision in the first place.)
Kate. xxxx
Last edited by katesuiter1; Dec 29th 2003 at 5:18 pm.
Dec 29th 2003, 9:44 pm
#44
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: she's going home
Everyone handles things in a different way.
My mother and father came to Canada in 1955 from Scotland. While
they've had a good life in Canada, my mother has never gotten over her
homesickness for her old country. I just never knew how much until it
was time for me to immigrate from Canada to the U.S. She told me
homesickness was a terrible thing. She never expressed it to my
sister and I as we were growing up, we never had a clue. She has been
over several times to Scotland through the years. While she knows
things have changed and many of her relatives are deceased, she still
maintains to this day that if she had her choice, she would go back to
Scotland to live. My father on the other hand who had many more
relatives has never had any regrets coming to Canada. He says Canada
has been good to him. My parents are going back to Scotland in April
for a month long visit. I know it will tear away at my mother's heart
to have to leave again.
As for me, I really miss my kids in Canada as I felt very close to
them. I was used to seeing them on a regular basis now I have not
seen them since this past January. At times I wished we only lived a
day's drive away from each other but I am (as well as their almost 13
year old brother) 1700 miles away and financially can't afford to jump
a plane even if it's to go back twice a year. I have been in the U.S.
for 18 months now. Would I ever leave and go back? No. My place is
here but I won't deny that I won't hit some rough times of
homesickness.
My mother and father came to Canada in 1955 from Scotland. While
they've had a good life in Canada, my mother has never gotten over her
homesickness for her old country. I just never knew how much until it
was time for me to immigrate from Canada to the U.S. She told me
homesickness was a terrible thing. She never expressed it to my
sister and I as we were growing up, we never had a clue. She has been
over several times to Scotland through the years. While she knows
things have changed and many of her relatives are deceased, she still
maintains to this day that if she had her choice, she would go back to
Scotland to live. My father on the other hand who had many more
relatives has never had any regrets coming to Canada. He says Canada
has been good to him. My parents are going back to Scotland in April
for a month long visit. I know it will tear away at my mother's heart
to have to leave again.
As for me, I really miss my kids in Canada as I felt very close to
them. I was used to seeing them on a regular basis now I have not
seen them since this past January. At times I wished we only lived a
day's drive away from each other but I am (as well as their almost 13
year old brother) 1700 miles away and financially can't afford to jump
a plane even if it's to go back twice a year. I have been in the U.S.
for 18 months now. Would I ever leave and go back? No. My place is
here but I won't deny that I won't hit some rough times of
homesickness.
Dec 30th 2003, 1:02 am
#45
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 93
Re: she's going home
hi all,
let me clear things up a little bit. as i said there are more factors involved in this entire situation. actually, its only about one factor. someone who my fiancee thought would always be there for support, was playing sick games, laying on thick guilt trips, and filling her mind with negativity, fear, and a guilty conscience. all of this made her feel as though she would not be able to make me happy, or have a good life here. the homesickness was not the real problem.
as she returned to her country, she has discovered this person was not concerned with my fiancees happiness, she was concerned about her own selfish wants. this one person is the sole reason for the entire situation. esther and i have been talking and she knows she made a terrible mistake and even before boarding the plane she tried to turn around and leave but the visa was out of the passport and walking away was not an option.
we have plans to re-submit for the k1. maybe in a month or so but i dont know exactly when. i dont know what the chances are for her to get another one. i can only take the advice of our attorny and he says she didnt break any laws, its not just a case of someone wants to come to america. he said the INS understands that people are human and they will want an explanation. its very possible that all of this happend for the better and with time we will be stronger than ever.
i'll keep you posted.
let me clear things up a little bit. as i said there are more factors involved in this entire situation. actually, its only about one factor. someone who my fiancee thought would always be there for support, was playing sick games, laying on thick guilt trips, and filling her mind with negativity, fear, and a guilty conscience. all of this made her feel as though she would not be able to make me happy, or have a good life here. the homesickness was not the real problem.
as she returned to her country, she has discovered this person was not concerned with my fiancees happiness, she was concerned about her own selfish wants. this one person is the sole reason for the entire situation. esther and i have been talking and she knows she made a terrible mistake and even before boarding the plane she tried to turn around and leave but the visa was out of the passport and walking away was not an option.
we have plans to re-submit for the k1. maybe in a month or so but i dont know exactly when. i dont know what the chances are for her to get another one. i can only take the advice of our attorny and he says she didnt break any laws, its not just a case of someone wants to come to america. he said the INS understands that people are human and they will want an explanation. its very possible that all of this happend for the better and with time we will be stronger than ever.
i'll keep you posted.