sibsie

Brianheart, sometimes the sweetest sound in the world is that of your best friend falling off the top of a multi storey car park.

I think that's a lesson your fiance has now learnt. I hope it all works out for you.

Andrew Defaria

brianheart wrote:

    > let me clear things up a little bit. as i said there are more factors
    > involved in this entire situation. actually, its only about one
    > factor. someone who my fiancee thought would always be there for
    > support, was playing sick games, laying on thick guilt trips, and
    > filling her mind with negativity, fear, and a guilty conscience. all
    > of this made her feel as though she would not be able to make me
    > happy, or have a good life here. the homesickness was not the real
    > problem.

The more you type the more fishy your story becomes. First you pass the
problem off as home sickness and an unsupporting family back home. Now
it's one person sorta brain washing her. If you ask me your fiancee is
too easily influenced by other people and should learn to be more
independent.

    > as she returned to her country, she has discovered this person was not
    > concerned with my fiancees happiness,

Are we to take this as some sort of revelation? You mean she could not
see this already?!?

    > she was concerned about her own selfish wants. this one person is the
    > sole reason for the entire situation.

So, IOW, earlier you were just lying. I see.

    > esther and i have been talking and she knows she made a terrible
    > mistake and even before boarding the plane she tried to turn around
    > and leave but the visa was out of the passport and walking away was
    > not an option.

This part makes no sense here either. Just above you mention that she
"discovered" this person (who influences her majorly enough to have her
radically change her life course after promising to you and hurting you
royally) was not concerned with her happiness *as she returned to her
country* and now you're saying that she realized this terrible mistake
before boarding the plane.! Makes no sense to me. And what's this
"walking away was not an option" junk anyway? As long as she didn't step
on the plane she really couldn't be forced to step on it. And what does
"visa was out of the passport" supposed to mean. Methinks that either
she's feeding you a line or your feeding us one. And personally, for
some reason, I'm more concerned about you being fed a line and believing
it gullible than you attempting to feed us one.

    > we have plans to re-submit for the k1. maybe in a month or so but i
    > dont know exactly when. i dont know what the chances are for her to
    > get another one. i can only take the advice of our attorny and he says
    > she didnt break any laws, its not just a case of someone wants to come
    > to america.

I doubt that the attorney would say "it's not just a case of someone
wants to come to America". He has no way of knowing that.

    > he said the INS understands that people are human and they will want
    > an explanation. its very possible that all of this happend for the
    > better and with time we will be stronger than ever.

I'd be very wary of her true intentions. Look she doesn't seem like a
stable person at all if what you say is true. She "stood you up" once
already and to me that's a bad sign.
--
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to
their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

brianheart

i take it you dont get out of the house much. unless you know me first hand or you know what has happend within the last week, you can keep your bullshit opinions or ideas to yourself. i guess your an immigration attorney with years of experience in this field and you graduated with honors from a top college. seeing your ever present uninformed opinion i would say not. sounds to me like your just looking to turn something unfortunate into some big news for yourself. thanks for letting us all know how superior and intelligent you are.

Andrew Defaria

brianheart wrote:

    > i take it you dont get out of the house much. unless you know me first
    > hand or you know what has happend within the last week, you can keep
    > your bullshit opinions or ideas to yourself.

Ah... sorry, no.

    > i guess your an immigration attorney with years of experience in this
    > field and you graduated with honors from a top college.

Ah... sorry, no.

    > seeing your ever present uninformed opinion i would say not. sounds to
    > me like your just looking to turn something unfortunate into some big
    > news for yourself.

Really? Now how would I go about doing that? This newsgroup is not
really that popular.

    > thanks for letting us all know how superior and intelligent you are.

Ewe touched a nerve eh? I wonder why you avoided of the issues that I
raised about your inconsistencies and choose instead to react violently.
There are things about your story that just don't seem to add up even if
you refuse to see it. (Maybe they would add up if you explained it a
little better but you choose not to and instead choose to react violently).

Actually I was trying to help you but you clearly don't see it that way.
Fine. I wish you luck in figuring this all out.
--
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Mr Travel

why would he want to go over there and waste more money and time on this
stupid girl? Walk away and cut your losses. This girl is the black hole
to suck away your time, emotions and money. Dont listen to advice from
idiots like DCMark. He is a sick person who just wants to see you suffer
more.


"DCMark" <member6276@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Please go over there tonight.
    > I really can't stand some of the stuff posted here lately, but you story
    > really made me sad....
    > I can understand her homesickness, I lived in Austria 8 years and its a
    > great place.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

northspoon

For what it is worth, here is my take........Andrew, you have a valid point.....some of this does seem suspect...but i expect the reason for that is that emotions dont make much sense..and some people are more emotional than others...that doesn't make them wrong it's just them sharing their feelings with us while they try to make sense of the hurt they are feeling right now. Try to be a little more objective and realise that we dont always think/feel the same as each other however frustrating that may seem to people who think they have a handle on this type of stuff.
I feel for brianheart...I have been in the USA for 5 months..every single day has been agonising...i have tried to keep faith with my relationship as my tears regularily roll down my cheeks...does this mean I am homesick? does this mean my relationship is not as I anticipated? does this mean I am weak? does this mean I didnt give it a fair shot? Who knows? The only thing I am sure of right now is that I dont know the answer to any of these questions!
Mr travel...so much of what you say is "spot on" )is that an english phrase?)..there has been so many times I have admired your candidness with people who are so obviously disillusioned but your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired and I think that is because you think that if someone's opinion differs from yours it somehow makes their opinion invalid...I dont agree...I think you need to share your empiricism but at the same time keep an open mind...we can all learn things from each other.
Good luck Brianheart!!!!!

Andrew Defaria

northspoon wrote:

    > For what it is worth, here is my take........Andrew, you have a valid
    > point.....some of this does seem suspect...but i expect the reason for
    > that is that emotions dont make much sense..and some people are more
    > emotional than others...that doesn't make them wrong it's just them
    > sharing their feelings with us while they try to make sense of the
    > hurt they are feeling right now. Try to be a little more objective and
    > realise that we dont always think/feel the same as each other however
    > frustrating that may seem to people who think they have a handle on
    > this type of stuff.

If I have a valid point I have a valid point. If things are suspect then
they are suspect. If he's simply expressing his emotions in a
nonsensesical way then fine. If somebody asks for clarification of
something that seems suspect then that should simply be cleared up,
otherwise credibility is lost and reasonable people will start to
suspect even more that things are not like they are being described.
With all the trolls and forged postings of late it's hard to tell if
anybody is being real or not.

Also I don't see how one can apply an objective viewpoint to emotional
nonsense. The two just don't seem to go together.

    > I feel for brianheart...I have been in the USA for 5 months..every
    > single day has been agonising...i have tried to keep faith with my
    > relationship as my tears regularily roll down my cheeks...does this
    > mean I am homesick? does this mean my relationship is not as I
    > anticipated? does this mean I am weak? does this mean I didnt give it
    > a fair shot? Who knows? The only thing I am sure of right now is that
    > I dont know the answer to any of these questions!

Hey I felt for brianheart initially too and I still feel for him.
However the way he's telling the story makes it appear as though he's
concealing things from either us or himself or perhaps both.

    > Mr travel...so much of what you say is "spot on" )is that an english
    > phrase?)..there has been so many times I have admired your candidness
    > with people who are so obviously disillusioned but your bedside manner
    > leaves a lot to be desired and I think that is because you think that
    > if someone's opinion differs from yours it somehow makes their opinion
    > invalid...I dont agree...I think you need to share your empiricism but
    > at the same time keep an open mind...we can all learn things from each
    > other.

Being candid hardly even wins friends - especially when your being
candid about other people's actions or possibly bad behavior. However I
happen to believe that more often than not it's what many people need.

--
Why do people ask "Has the bus come yet"? If the bus came would I be
standing here!

Mrraveltay

Andrew DeFaria wrote:

    >
    >> Mr travel...so much of what you say is "spot on" )is that an english
    >> phrase?)..there has been so many times I have admired your candidness
    >> with people who are so obviously disillusioned but your bedside manner
    >> leaves a lot to be desired and I think that is because you think that
    >> if someone's opinion differs from yours it somehow makes their opinion
    >> invalid...I dont agree...I think you need to share your empiricism but
    >> at the same time keep an open mind...we can all learn things from each
    >> other.
    >
    >
    > Being candid hardly even wins friends - especially when your being
    > candid about other people's actions or possibly bad behavior. However I
    > happen to believe that more often than not it's what many people need.

Actually, I am inclined to believe that the wording used by THAT Mr.
Travel was an attempt to alienate people against someone else who goes
by the name Mr. Travel.

Leslie

Hi brianheart,

I don't know how old you and your fiance are and unfortunately, sometimes, that does make a difference.

I don't think your fiance is an evil seductress or even being consciously manipulative. But she does sound young and impulsive. It could be a case wanting to eat your cake and have it too. She can eat her cake, nobody is stopping her, but once she eats it, she doesn't have it anymore. She seems to want both her life back home and her life with you. I think she is probably making up feeble excuses about homesickness and other people's influences, doing so in order to protect your feelings or keep her accountability to a minimum. Perhaps you should hesitate, and it sounds like you are, before resubmitting the petition. If the two of you lived in the same town and this drama was playing itself out, nobody would think too much about it. We've all seen on-again/off-again relationships, where partners love each other but can't seem to get it together for whatever reasons. People do have the tendency to torment each other in the name of love. My observation is, in the long run those relationships don't tend to be very successful. Unfortunately, for you, the stakes are much higher due to financial and legal implications. Nobody gets full credit or blame in this situation. She is 50% responsible for her actions and you are 50% responsible for allowing it to be done to you. Step back, take your time, and make sure that you both are completely committed to this relationship. This is not a criticism of either on of you, it is just the best advice I have to offer. Good luck.

Leslie

meauxna

<snort>
Coming from you, dave, that is *so* rich!

If you can't go sell a house this weekend, why don't you go hang around someone successful and try to see how it's done?

Andrew Defaria

garvey wrote:

    > Mr. Defaria,
    > you seem to have some intelligence.

Thanks.

    > why do you waste so much of your time here?

Got some time to kill.

    > Surely you could spend your time on something worthwhile

I assure you I do spend a lot of my time on much more worthwhile things.
Posting here is a diversion for me.

    > posting endless crap on posts that have nothing to do with anything
    > real seems way below your potential.

Sorry you don't get it. Perhaps you should read it again.

    > I hope you can find a better way to spend your time, or get to the
    > psychological reasons why you would squander so much time and energy
    > on this wasted effort that you put forth here.

You have no idea of what I do, where I spend my time and how much is
dedicated here as opposed to elsewhere, nor the reasons nor rational for
my posting and other endeavors. While I guess I appreciate your concern
about how I have decided to spend my time please do not attempt to
manage my calendar for me nor make stupid assertions that this is all I
do. I do a lot more I assure you and I"m OK with it. Now go off and
manage your own life instead of attempting to tell others how to run theirs!

--
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on
the radio I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."

brianheart

hi all..
when i posted my first messages about this topic, it was a difficult and confusing time. i can assure anyone who has read my posts on this matter that all of this is true and while i can understand why some would wonder if any of it is suspect due to some other posts on the board. that is not the case for my situation. andrew is correct when he says i've not included every bit of info. i didnt see much point in beating everyone to death with small details. fact of the matter is what happend, happend. i now have a better understanding of the things that occurred up until the point that she left.

there was no problems with our relationship. in short you can say she was influenced by a very special person in her eyes that she trusted very much at the time........sure, you can say she is an adult and makes her own decisions......and youre correct ....i'm a believer that all things happen for a reason and now that things have cooled and cleared....i think it was for the better. we are continuing our relationship, and re-applying for a k1. i dont think we are making a mistake. like i said i think everything happens for a reason.

anyway, i'll have plenty of free time to spend on the lake this year...LOL kinda reminds me of a song by someone ,,,,,called something like i'm gonna miss her.....LOL....yeah my spirits are back up what can i say.

shepslady

LOL Brian wel done on getting it all sorted. Brad Paisley the singer of the song you quote would be proud of you too. Enjoy your time on the lake & I hope the K1 doesnt take too long this time round. Goodluck & best wishes for the future. Im sure it will be smooth sailing from here on in ( no punn intended)
Regards
Shepslady

cutenurse300

Hi Brian,

Wish you and Esther a speedy process!!Good luck guys!And keep me updated.

toddnan