Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Also I would recommend making sure your friends and coworkers/HR know not to give out your contact information to him, even if he claims it's an emergency.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Don't ever blame yourself, this is what these people make you believe that it's all your fault. You really need to get away from this man,as far away as possible, and cut all contact with him, change your job, go to another town, another state. The reason he gets mad and threatens you is because your not agreeing and he's not in control. Don't feel sorry for him, call the police, let him go to jail,(bet he wouldn't shout his mouth off in there to some of them guys) let the house go, it's only bricks and mortar.He will promise anything to get that control back.
I was in a situ just like this many years ago,he will never change, I finally left but had to go in to hiding, I had the help of women's aid (uk)I know they have that kind of thing over here. Once he knows he's losing the control, he is very dangerous. Get your life back also your pride what he took away.
Take care be safe and take the advise of all the other posters

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotionally and Physically
 

I agree with Chrissy and others - don't ever blame yourself - you are not responsible for someone else's violent actions upon you. I don't care who it is, but no one has the right to inflict themselves like that upon another human being.

Your safety is paramount. I would suggest that you create an action plan to have a safe place to stay etc... friends house etc, safehouse, womans shelter etc. IMO its better to have a contingency plan and not need to use it than not to have one when you really need it.
If you are in danger - call 911.

http://www.thehotline.org/
National Hotlines such as the one above often connect you through to the nearest center based on your telephone number's area code or prefix... so if you use a cell phone, make sure it isn't an out of state one, ie if you live in California but use a cell phone from Colorado (303) and you dial the hotline, most likely you will be patched through to Denver.
Most hotlines are confidential and often anonymous. However, if your call relates to or involves a child/minor then the hotline may be in a position of an obligation to report. Ask the person to explain their Obligation to report policy before you start talking.
Local shelters and hotlines will know what resources are available to you locally, don't be afraid to utilize them - that is what they are there for and NO - YOU ARE BOTHERING ANYONE NOR WASTING ANYONE'S TIME. There are many people willing to help people in such a situation, the trick is finding where they are!! ... And you find them by asking questions.

As a precaution I would also suggest that from now on you should browse the Internet in privacy mode, ie using Safari, top right hand side a cog symbol - click on it and select Private Browsing... IE7 under Tools and select InPrivate Browsing (or if you open a new tab you can select that too). I wouldn't put it past him that he will monitor your web activity. Delete your browsing history too.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Thanks avanutria,
I'm thinking the same too if he bug me at work later. Finger cross--he just let me go.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Thanks Michael,

I will print out the paperwork and start reading it soon.
Highly unlikely he will sign the dissolution, might as well file a divorce.
Would be so helpful if I dont need a lawyer.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Thanks Ian,

He was so good at manipulating me since I know nothing about the law here :(
Sadly instead of protecting me as his wife, he attacked me.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

I will do that tommorrow--luckily the HR person was on vacation starting yesterday, so I had time to warm them.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

I wish I can go to another state :( but with the situation now, not so easy to find a new job in a new state.
If I'm the one who file the divorce, aint I have to be here until all done?

I had one of my co-worker help me, provide me with advises too.
Hoping he will change seemed like impossible :( this is I guess when people said "Love just ain't enough"... I just wish he never did this to me, couldn't bare the pain.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Don't fool yourself... he will not stop. He will never just let you go. He can't stop... he will never stop.

Ian

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

F**k the job... protect yourself.


No... that's what the lawyer is for.


He will never change. He can't. He's tasted power and he likes it. He will never give it up. NEVER!

Ian

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

Ian is so right my ex tried every trick in the book to find me and was successful a few times, I never disclose my exact location only on BE where he would never know in a million years I was PG.....even my FB page has my location as San Francisco so his family whom I am still friends with can't tip him off......................

Re: So hard to move on...
 

Hello,
I agree with Ian last response. Also file your divorce right away - it's easy.
If you go to your court they most likely will help you to fill out the form if you explain your situation.
He will receive a order to appear in court and if he doesn't appear he will have to find good reasons why not otherwise he will end up in jail.

Also I saw that he is trying to figure out where you are. I would definitely dicuss a permanent protection order with court based on your evidence.

We just had a couple of standoffs ( domestic violence) with similar cases
and I consider those guys as potentially dangerous.

When you file a divorce you might pull the trigger to make him explode.

I hope not but my experience with similar cases just let me be cautious.

I am not counsellor but a Emergency responder and we deal with cases like this a lot (unfortunately).

Again as written in my first response -be cautious!

Also a advise (this a tough one) : Try not get too much emotionally involved again - just see this a necessary series of task to resolve technical problem.
Find some friends who will support you through the process.

And as Ian said -DO NOT TALK WITH HIM .Talk with court and agencies which can help to resolve the problem!

If you need any advise how to deal with the court just let me know .Also I have work with them as well and can ask them for some guidance at any time.

Good luck
CCR

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

You can do the divorce yourself. All the information you need is out there on the net. You don't need a lawyer.

a.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

What you have to understand is the guy you fell in love with doesn't really exist...it was all an act. The guy who mistreated you is the real person and he will not and cannot change who he is.

Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
 

She does if she wants to completely avoid her abuser! Did you miss that bit?

Ian