Stinkypup

In my line of work I come across a lot of family squabbles after their nearest and dearest depart this earth. It is just like a kettle of vultures (I love that collective noun) - horrible - money seriously brings out the worst in people.

scrubbedexpat091

Makes me glad my parents have nothing of value.

If I had wealth, I would just blow it all in my senior years. Better to enjoy it yourself rather then have family squabble over it after your gone.

But luckily its less complicated when your in our shoes.....lol... If we have a kid and they are lucky we will have paid for burial in advance.

But dont think at this point we will ever have a kid let alone more then 1.


Even when there are no assests death of someone can still tear a family apart.

My grandfather died poor with no assests. The kids had to pool money together to pay for burial.

But once he was gone, my dads siblings and my dad all parted ways rarely talking. Suppose grandpa was the glue holding the family together.

Oink

Where's there's a will there's a relative.

Stinkypup

Ain't that the truth

Shirtback

Let. It. Go. Seriously.

If your wife is really really upset/angry about it, she needs to sit down & talk about it with her family. Possibly with a neutral party as referee. (< - Not you).

I have siblings (& a parent), & a child, who have benefited from more (& quite substantial) financial assistance from parents than others.

Sometimes there's an unknown backstory that makes sense, sometimes there isn't. It's the parent's perogative to do what s/he thinks best.

*If*, and it's a MASSIVE if, your wife has reason to believe (& proof) her parent is mentally incapable & whatever happened took advantage of that, she *could* take it further. Probably, possibly, not worth the hassle.

scrubbedexpat091

Getting the wife to drop it has been whst I have been trying to do since last week and its frustrating for me to see her so upset and not be able to help her.

I suggested she sit with both of them and talk about it in a nuetral place but her mom said no.

I dont care about it, but I do care with how my wife is being trested and how its upset her badly she can hardly deal with life at the moment.

Pure mean spirit to treat the only child who is ever there for the parent this way in my opinion though.

In the end its the moms loss, she will end up alone.

Shard

If your wife is concerned about it she should try to find out what happened. Ask her mother and brother separately. It's obviously important to her, and she was clearly under the perception that the property would be evenly split. I think one of them (if not both) ought to provide her with the explanation. Who gets the land/assets is a different matter (it's as the mother sees fit) but at very least, especially given the care history, an explanation is warranted.

Shirtback

Neither the mother or brother is obliged to give any explanation whatsoever.

While I agree the best thing would be for them all to sit down & have a chat, there's nothing that could compell them to do so, unfortunately for J's wife's peace of mind.

scrubbedexpat091

She is trying to get an explanation. So far the mom has been over the place from last Friday tell her she didnt know why its in his name, and that she wanted to split it to the next day refusing to talk about it.

Yesterday she told wife she is going to see the brother on Saturday. Wife asked to go so they could all talk but mother said no and then said people might be listening to her phone calls and reading her emails so she cant talk about it.

She emailed the brother and his reply was, you sound stressed and worried but didnt answer any of her questions.

Its all very strange how they are both acting.


* Edited to fix typing errors.

scrubbedexpat091

Those who care about their family would however explain.

Its quite evident neither of them give a rats ass and well its their loss as wife is about to write them out of her life.

This is one example why I am hesitent to let people into my life, you just cant trust people.

BEVS

Yup. MIL passed away in January. There has been some seriously horrible dung which has hurt MrBEVS on top of his bereavement. Thankfully we are far away & MrBEVs has a sensible head so has not been drawn in to react. His focus is to protect his loving memories . All the rest can go hang.

Siouxie

^This would concern me - it's potentially a sign of paranoia. Perhaps a doctors visit might be a good idea?

I would suggest your wife go and chat with her brother, it might be that he has concerns for their mothers' state of mind as well (though this wouldn't explain the financial issues). Is your wife positive this is what has happened (house refinanced etc) or is this what her Mother is telling her?

A quick search online would tell her who the legal owner of the property is, I would think.

Shirtback

It would indeed. & that was already suggested.

It's hard to know what to say in this situation, as we're getting all the "info" at secondhand. If J just needs to vent/share his feelings, NP. I'm loath to venture further than I already have, given that it's not one of the direct protagonists sharing direct info here.

Stinkypup

Dare I say that this is all a bit "Airing of your dirty linen in public" which I have to feel is never a great idea all round

scrubbedexpat091

A search was done and he is sole and only owner listed with the change last May. A search was the first thing she did when she suspected something was up.

I mostly just cant hold all the stress in and not like I can call anyone up and holding stressful stuff in never works well for me.