Someone stole my body!
Sep 13th 2007 | 7:14 am
#1
Thread Starter
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,192
From: The Republic of Bacon
Someone stole my body!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Last edited by Calgal; Sep 13th 2007 at 7:22 am.
Sep 13th 2007 | 7:17 am
#2
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 513
From: Just outside Calgary
Re: Someone stole my body!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the
flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at
a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and
without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits
as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the
flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at
a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and
without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits
as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
ME TOO!
Sep 13th 2007 | 7:42 am
#3
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,606
Re: Someone stole my body!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Sep 13th 2007 | 7:47 am
#4
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,883
Re: Someone stole my body!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then; just when I let my guard down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it; my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original had been. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched, horrified, but at the same time fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How Clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembles.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD; WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts,don't You? The next time you suspect someone has had their face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX! THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT! WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed in a panic, I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Makes me glad it was only a picture of mine that someone took.
Last edited by Steve_P; Sep 13th 2007 at 9:34 am. Reason: typo
Sep 13th 2007 | 8:01 am
#5
Born again atheist
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 30,259
From: Europe (to be specified).
Re: Someone stole my body!
<reassesses life long devotion stance> 
Sep 13th 2007 | 8:04 am
#6
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,866
From: Cochrane, Alberta
Re: Someone stole my body!
I have the opposite problem Calgal.
My body is so god damn perfect, that people keep taking pictures of me in my bikini or underwear and then super-imposing someone else's head on the photo. I see my body in all kinds of adverts and magazines, even on the side of buses. And have I received any compensation or payment for the use of my glorious bod? Not one penny. I intend to sue.
Sep 13th 2007 | 10:33 am
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,212
From: NS
Re: Someone stole my body!
LOL, nice one Calgal
Reminded me of a neurotic woman who I used to work with who was paranoid about aging & her body.
She moaned once in the staff room that she'd put on half a pound & could feel her bottom wobble when she ran up the stairs - obviously looking for compliments etc.
I just said to her "don't worry, you get used to it"
Reminded me of a neurotic woman who I used to work with who was paranoid about aging & her body.
She moaned once in the staff room that she'd put on half a pound & could feel her bottom wobble when she ran up the stairs - obviously looking for compliments etc.
I just said to her "don't worry, you get used to it"
Sep 13th 2007 | 10:59 am
#8
Scottish Canuck
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,703
From: Auld Scotia > Nova Scotia > Calgary
Re: Someone stole my body!
fab fab fab
Sep 13th 2007 | 11:56 am
#9
riding the saltchuck
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 874
From: The Warmland
Re: Someone stole my body!
Calgal make sure your teeth are well glued in!!!!!!!!
Sep 13th 2007 | 4:00 pm
#10
Sloopy Frickenbutt
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,225
From: Its good ere Honest........
Re: Someone stole my body!
I am so sorry for your loss calgal, if their is anything i can do just let me know
Sep 13th 2007 | 5:05 pm
#11
Thread Starter
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,192
From: The Republic of Bacon
Re: Someone stole my body!
Aha!! So it's your fault! Now we know what all the power tools are really for!
Just because you "don't miss the old architecture", 'cos you only have to look in the mirror to see some
Typical man - fickle through and through.
<stomps off with a wobble of jellified bottom>
Good for you Ann - perhaps you could spare me a few $$$ for a little 'nip 'n' tuck' here and there...lol
Ooooh you are mean! And with a name like "Arris", too (every time I 'see' you I think "Oi - shift yer 'arris!")
OI! I still have me own teef. Only a matter of time though....
Maybe too little too late - but thanks for the offer
Sad, isn't it? Especially considering I'm only 30
Typical man - fickle through and through.
<stomps off with a wobble of jellified bottom>
I have the opposite problem Calgal.
My body is so god damn perfect, that people keep taking pictures of me in my bikini or underwear and then super-imposing someone else's head on the photo. I see my body in all kinds of adverts and magazines, even on the side of buses. And have I received any compensation or payment for the use of my glorious bod? Not one penny. I intend to sue.
My body is so god damn perfect, that people keep taking pictures of me in my bikini or underwear and then super-imposing someone else's head on the photo. I see my body in all kinds of adverts and magazines, even on the side of buses. And have I received any compensation or payment for the use of my glorious bod? Not one penny. I intend to sue.
LOL, nice one Calgal
Reminded me of a neurotic woman who I used to work with who was paranoid about aging & her body.
She moaned once in the staff room that she'd put on half a pound & could feel her bottom wobble when she ran up the stairs - obviously looking for compliments etc.
I just said to her "don't worry, you get used to it"
Reminded me of a neurotic woman who I used to work with who was paranoid about aging & her body.
She moaned once in the staff room that she'd put on half a pound & could feel her bottom wobble when she ran up the stairs - obviously looking for compliments etc.
I just said to her "don't worry, you get used to it"
(every time I 'see' you I think "Oi - shift yer 'arris!")OI! I still have me own teef. Only a matter of time though....
Sad, isn't it? Especially considering I'm only 30
Sep 13th 2007 | 5:14 pm
#12
Sloopy Frickenbutt
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,225
From: Its good ere Honest........
Re: Someone stole my body!
My age then 
I'll pm you next time i see a great pair of legs run by ( mind you may have to toss me for them )
I'll pm you next time i see a great pair of legs run by ( mind you may have to toss me for them )
Sep 13th 2007 | 5:42 pm
#13
Thread Starter
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,192
From: The Republic of Bacon
Sep 13th 2007 | 6:00 pm
#14
Sloopy Frickenbutt
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,225
From: Its good ere Honest........
