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Re: Some updates.
I used to have hope something would change and I would eventually be able to get long term treatment and have an improvement in life, but now I realize that will never happen.
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Re: Some updates.
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Re: Some updates.
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Re: Some updates.
I wish I had been smart enough for college, would have been nice to work in a public aquarium somewhere in an animal care role.
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Re: Some updates.
People with bpd do the best they can with the skills they have. They can't work miracles and just fix everything or pull boot straps up and suddenly be fixed, just doesn't work like that.
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Re: Some updates.
The situation we are in now is why we are wary of leaving BC, had we moved provinces we may very well be homeless right now.
People with bpd do the best they can, like many things in life is someone lacks certain skills they will not be able to attain full potential, and like many skills sometimes its simply not feasible or able to teach all the necessary skills via self teaching. Also cant compare one person to another, one bpd may succeed but may also have a strong support network, where another may barely make it not having access to treatment and not having a strong support network. I have also more or less stopped trying to find help, its simply not going to happen, I am tired of searching for something that isn't there, at least there in a form we can obtain, it exists, just not obtainable. I think in part some if it has to do with isolation, and being in a country that isn't my own and doesn't have the comforts of home, even when feeling like a certain food its usually not possible to find an alternative here that is the same, no friends, no family other then my wife, and we never get invited anywhere, and its becomes a very isolated and lonely experience. The closest thing I have to a social life is weekly skills group but it will end in a couple of months.... |
Re: Some updates.
We have a couple private DBT places in Vancouver, all out patient though, not sure if there are any dbt inpatient places, largely in my experience with inpatient in Canada its simply a way to keep people safe, they don't focus on any sort of recovery or therapy instead preferring people seek outpatient help.
The most well known is DBT Centre of Vancouver and likely the best overall based on the people who run, their background and affiliation with universities. There is also VanPsych but they don't specialize in DBT. Further East to Ontario, Ontario Shores has an actual borderline disorder treatment program, and I believe OHIP covers the cost as well. This one is in Seattle in the US, this one is more unique in that they offer an 18 month program for people who learn at a slower pace vs the 12 month standard. Description - Comtois Lab I would be happy with being able to access a 12 month standard program with weekly therapy, the skills group alone isn't sufficient, need to have someone there to guide you, and work through problems, and help set goals and so on.
Originally Posted by BEVS
(Post 12567564)
Morning J.
MrBEVS had to work yesterday but I made sure he had a birthday tea. That means cake to him :cake: It is good that MrsJ is flexible on what any next move or thought might be. I do hope she is feeling better? Is she? As you know I do agree that for someone with severe BPD /PTSD the solution is a long term therapy to help ingrain coping mechanisms to adjust behaviours. Actually a very similar approach as is used for Asperger to help those people learn to develop the essential life skills to hopefully have reasonably independant lives. As J knows, New Zealand has such a facility. It is the only one in the whole of New Zealand . There is no other so just like for J , people here are managing best they can with little resource to the tried and tested therapy that could help long term. My husband and I knew someone with BPD. ( She has now remarried & moved away) She spent a good year in the facility and came out the other side better for it. Prior to that her behaviours were all over the place and even though she was aware she could not really control. Why do I write this? It is because I read the same for J. To be aware will make the sensitivities all the sharper. Now, I know BE is not for this. We're not a mental health forum at all but I am sure that there are many out there that have to live with the Black Dog and the like & hopefully the right help & support is there when they need it. Anyway - onward. Are you still getting the DBT therapy sessions J. I have lost track a bit what with one thing and another. Is your wife now well? Enough to look for a bit of work? I'd like you to rethink the 'faulty brain' thing because if you have a faulty brain then I & husband must have also . You are a perfectly fine man. You may process feelings and thoughts differently to the average joe soap but that does not make you faulty. It simply makes you unique and individual. There is a huge population out there all walking around a bit faulty around the edges. You made a perfectly good decision to try to get your last job. It is a shame you chucked it but I do know how tough it can be to bite the tongue and let irritations wash over you. Yes. I have walked out of jobs that got up my nose too despite knowing I had bills to meet. To me, your next move is to try and get back into work. Any work. Any work at all. That is a one foot in front of another approach. 1 - Brings in a bit of the old $$. 2 - Keeps the mind a little occupied for a while. 3 - Focus and routine. I actually think you do need a bit of outside people time even though it gives you head boil in the end. The reason I write this is that too much alone time , think time will make any problem grow to a place where it can all seem too huge. Too much alone overloads our minds . Our brains need respite and diversion. If you were a runner or sporty , I would suggest that as a mind detox. That works for husband . Your wonderful aquariums will help but you do need extra stimulation to ease the anxiety build up. To me you are an articulate intelligent man J despite what you write. So is my husband who has spent most all of his life thinking he was dim and thick . That self perception does bring about frustration , a lack of confidence . A short fuse sometimes. Despite that or in spite of that load you both carry - even though you should not - you are both perfectly good people that others love and care for. |
Re: Some updates.
Have you heard of Open Door? It might be worth taking a look at their website https://www.opendoorgroup.org/services/career-services/
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Tigger1
(Post 12571273)
Have you heard of Open Door? It might be worth taking a look at their website https://www.opendoorgroup.org/services/career-services/
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Re: Some updates.
...
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Re: Some updates.
I tried to make another effort to get my job back. So at least I can say I made an effort.
We saw fertility doctor, if we were to ever try for a kid IVF is the only way with high chances and even then its only 50/50. The other options are estimated at less than 10% chance. Holy IVF is pricey nearly 10k each time. Lessoned learned dont wait until late 30s to consider kids or you may find you lost the option. |
Re: Some updates.
Being tall sucks sometimes, eliminates certain jobs.
Would be nice if I wasn't left out of everything and actually included in things, part of what brings me down is being left out. |
Re: Some updates.
Boring weekend ahead, will be alone, wife is going to the island with her mom.
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571835)
Being tall sucks sometimes, eliminates certain jobs.
Would be nice if I wasn't left out of everything and actually included in things, part of what brings me down is being left out. I make sure a lot of our Lab supplies are on high shelves for him to reach without bending in half. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571373)
Lessoned learned dont wait until late 30s to consider kids or you may find you lost the option.
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Sugarmooma
(Post 12571936)
The young guy that works for me is 7 feet tall. He takes a size 22 shoe! It totally drives him mad when everyone asks him how tall he is and did he play basket ball.
I make sure a lot of our Lab supplies are on high shelves for him to reach without bending in half. I could not imagine being that tall, bad enough at 6'4 and some change, even at my height I am asked if I played basket ball, nope never did, do not have the skill level necessary........... Oh and Bristol, nah no next time, but more for others not to wait too long if they have any thought they may want a child or nature may catch up and say no no no. Well unless of course you have $$ for IVF then there are more options of course. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571948)
I could not imagine being that tall, bad enough at 6'4 and some change, even at my height I am asked if I played basket ball, nope never did, do not have the skill level .
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Sugarmooma
(Post 12571971)
He played in college for a while but he didn't want to be crippled up by the time he was in his thirties. He has knee problems because of his height. Is that part of your knee problem?
My dad tried to get me to play basketball, but I have poor hand eye coordination so sports for the most part was not something I was any good at and I dont like competitions, so competitive sports wasn't exactly something i even had an interest in, but I also sucked at sports which kept me from wanting to play sports. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Sugarmooma
(Post 12571971)
He has knee problems because of his height.
Husband is a shorty at 5'5" and also has back and knee probs. That's not from being short though . That's from the 45yrs working at his trade . Both do exercises & fitness to help strengthen & they do enjoy a good old ouch and ow together. |
Re: Some updates.
Being too tall also apparently increases ones chance at heart problems, according to a doctor I saw once anyhow.
pros and cons, biggest con is not being able to comfortably fit in airplanes anymore, they have reduced leg room to a point, I am just not comfortable, only part of the plane that I can stay comfortable enough is economy plus (insert whatever name the airline uses for their roomier economy rows) which is doable sometimes as the price isn't always that much higher vs regular economy, or of course first class, but that is usually well out of my league. One of the reasons I try and not to take long flights these days. Cars are the same, we could not afford a larger then a Mazda 2, and I so did not fit in that car, seat all the way back on the passenger side and my knees still touched and were crammed into the dash board area, drivers side was better, but because of how the car is built + height there were blind spots that made left turns more difficult, blind spots that did not exist for my 5'5 wife. One reason I got the scooter (since been sold) was due to it being the only type of vehicle we could afford that would provide leg room and better view of surroundings.... Random bit about Amazon, we didn't renew our prime membership for 2018, and not having prime does seem to make a difference in buying habits. 2016-38 orders 2017 39 orders 2018 7 orders to date. I am not sure, but I don't think simply saying "Good" to ones daughter when she tells a parent she cannot have kids is an appropriate response. |
Re: Some updates.
#2 its not much different in BC with regards to admission to hospital and staying in hospital, just the province is paying vs private insurance. Its also difficult to get aftercare once released. # 3 Same in BC and much of Canada, few therapists are trained, and cost is prohibitive to all but the wealthy, people are denied proper care due to not being wealthy. |
Re: Random stuff - the anything else thread
I think isolation and lack of friends and family really takes a toll on mental health.
I do think condo/apartment living turns people less social, surrounded by people yet people don't know their neighbors. I do say hi to people I may run into in the hall or elevator, usually wont get a reply, like people these days have no interest in talking to others. Oh well nothing that can be done, when people hate you, they hate you. |
Re: Some updates.
J
How often do you go out and walk around, go to the nearest park and just sit on a park bench for a time?? I have a 78 year old friend who sits on a bench in the local park for hours on days when it is fine, even in winter (well wrapped up). She's always talking abut meeting new people and having long chats to them. My then-68 year old father spent hours sitting a park bench when he visited here, and found the same. It would get you out of the house and some social contact! As for that comment by a mother ....... mothers make all sorts of comments. I was ever thankful that my mother-in-law (my mother was dead) never ever asked "and when are you going to have children?" or "Isn't it time you had a child?". My poor daughter was not so lucky with her m-i-l ............... until she finally succeeded in getting pregnant (naturally) at age 36. Then the question became "when are you having another child?" That's pressure for you!! |
Re: Random stuff - the anything else thread
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12574223)
I think isolation and lack of friends and family really takes a toll on mental health.
I do think condo/apartment living turns people less social, surrounded by people yet people don't know their neighbors. I do say hi to people I may run into in the hall or elevator, usually wont get a reply, like people these days have no interest in talking to others. Oh well nothing that can be done, when people hate you, they hate you. When I was able to walk around, I found that most of the people in this single family residential area wouldn't respond to Hi, or would at the most nod back. Most people are walking around with their heads down, looking at that stupid device in their hand .......... they're more involved with the internet and making sure they don't miss any texts than they are in their surroundings. People and things around them might as well not exist ..... until they walk into a person, or a lamp post, or fall down or up a step! Then they blame you or the object for being in their way! It isn't YOU, it is THEM. They don't know you or me ........... so how can they hate us? We have just come back from a week in Jasper, in mostly glorious weather ........ deep blue sky, sun, snow sparkling on the mountains and in some of the higher valleys. Guess how many people kept their eyes off their machines all of the time when touring around??? That's right ........ most of them could not resist looking to see who was texting them, easy to tell when they are looking down at their hand instead of holding the device up to the window to take a photo or video! I only wish that I could go out for the walks that I used to do every day, but I can't. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 12574673)
J
How often do you go out and walk around, go to the nearest park and just sit on a park bench for a time?? I have a 78 year old friend who sits on a bench in the local park for hours on days when it is fine, even in winter (well wrapped up). She's always talking abut meeting new people and having long chats to them. My then-68 year old father spent hours sitting a park bench when he visited here, and found the same. It would get you out of the house and some social contact! As for that comment by a mother ....... mothers make all sorts of comments. I was ever thankful that my mother-in-law (my mother was dead) never ever asked "and when are you going to have children?" or "Isn't it time you had a child?". My poor daughter was not so lucky with her m-i-l ............... until she finally succeeded in getting pregnant (naturally) at age 36. Then the question became "when are you having another child?" That's pressure for you!! A few times a day if its not rainy, if its raining I wont usually go out, not very enjoyable to be walking around in the rain getting soaked... |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571948)
I could not imagine being that tall, bad enough at 6'4 and some change, even at my height I am asked if I played basket ball, nope never did, do not have the skill level necessary...........
Oh and Bristol, nah no next time, but more for others not to wait too long if they have any thought they may want a child or nature may catch up and say no no no. Well unless of course you have $$ for IVF then there are more options of course. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Rete
(Post 12574694)
You sure you weren't being handed a line. Both my daughters got pregnant the first time when they 37. The eldest got pregnant for the third time when she was 42.
Well we have not used birth control in 5 years and have not had a pregnancy at all in that time frame, so its not looking good for a pregnancy to ever happen naturally at this point and based on the test results. |
Re: Some updates.
Ahhh, JS, perhaps the trick is to tell each other you don't want a baby and then see what happens. Mother Nature you know likes to have her fun with us.
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12574703)
Well we have not used birth control in 5 years and have not had a pregnancy at all in that time frame, so its not looking good for a pregnancy to ever happen naturally at this point and based on the test results.
:) |
Re: Some updates.
Daughter had first at 39, 2nd due in December and she is 41.
Sometimes it just happens with no explanation or medical help. |
Re: Some updates.
My daughter got pregnant when she stopped stressing and worrying about getting pregnant, and began to worry about another problem!
8 years of stressing, and 3 months when stopped stressing about it |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 12574775)
My daughter got pregnant when she stopped stressing and worrying about getting pregnant, and began to worry about another problem!
8 years of stressing, and 3 months when stopped stressing about it We dont stress. Just seemd odd nothing had happened in 5 years so we asked the doctor. Guess it was 3 years when we first talked to a doctor took a couple GPs later before we saw a specialist. All of the testing to find out why is covered by MSP but none of the treatment optionss of course are covered. There is a biological reason involved so while its possible, its unlikely to happen naturally at this point. |
Re: Some updates.
I was 46 when had my first and they were 11 and 13 :rofl:
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12574795)
There is a biological reason involved so while its possible, its unlikely to happen naturally at this point. As you know I have no children. We talked a little bit about the whys and wherefores. Without going into any sort of personal details about this on this open forum, as that would not be right unless it was Lisa herself, the chance of pregnancy and full-term pregnancy would not be enhanced by IVF. I am sure you will not wish to get into this too deeply & I really don't wish you to , but I take it all 'other' testing was normal & that you are both ...... erms........... y'know....hale and hearty :o. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Tigger1
(Post 12571273)
Have you heard of Open Door? It might be worth taking a look at their website https://www.opendoorgroup.org/services/career-services/
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571280)
I have.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12571935)
Boring weekend ahead, will be alone, wife is going to the island with her mom.
This evening is ole MrBEVS Civil Defence stuff. I use that as my chance to entirely please myself . Oh. Yes. I . Do.
Originally Posted by BristolUK
(Post 12574927)
I was 46 when had my first and they were 11 and 13 :rofl:
Daft h'aporth ! |
Re: Some updates.
Wife and her mom went to see my wife's brother and his wife and child for a gathering they had for their baby.
I am not currently looking for a job which is why I have not gone to any work BC type centers, I have used similar centers when looking for a job however with some success. I think one of the days over the weekend was nice, I cannot really remember, lol |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 12575273)
Wife and her mom went to see my wife's brother and his wife and child for a gathering they had for their baby.
I am not currently looking for a job which is why I have not gone to any work BC type centers, I have used similar centers when looking for a job however with some success. I think one of the days over the weekend was nice, I cannot really remember, lol Inlaw family gatherings are best left to inlaws unless by sheer chance one gels well together. My outlaw lot never really took to me . I was a bit too southern & non-midlands for them. Heck. I didn't even like footie ; I drank wine; I did my own DIY and had travelled a little bit . The flippin' cheek of me !:lol: Oh! AND I once threw away a whole load of pork scratchings as I thought they were dog biscuits gone off. |
Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by BEVS
(Post 12575277)
Oh! AND I once threw away a whole load of pork scratchings as I thought they were dog biscuits gone off.
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Re: Some updates.
Originally Posted by BEVS
(Post 12575277)
Oh! AND I once threw away a whole load of pork scratchings as I thought they were dog biscuits gone off.
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Re: Random stuff - the anything else thread
I wish I did not have to sell my scooter back in August. It gave me some freedom to get around the city cheap.
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