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Ill give them a look. I applied for academic upgrading at Vancouver Community College, trying for September start, may not happen since its so close to start date, but we will see, have to do a bunch of assessment tests for math and English and not sure if there will be time to complete them before, but will see.

If I do get in and able to take some upgrading classes, and I don't get at least a B, I will not try again. Tutor will be up in the air, most charge more then I can even make per hour, so likely won't be able to get one, but will try the link bats pointed out.



Found out on reddit that there is now a borderline peer support group in Vancouver so may check it out on Monday evening.

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Is there a Community Centre near you??

You may be able to find somebody offering free tutoring or help there.

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Possibly, I'll have to look into it when the time comes..




In a way, I miss my job,

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We are thinking of moving to Vancouver, WA at some point in the next 2 years.

Its a nice little city and close to Portland so 2 areas to look for jobs.

Rent is lower by a good chunk to this Vancouver.

Even if we end up paying healthcare self pay (vs employer sponsored) the monthly estimated cost for premiums and co pays is still considerably less then just rent currently.

Looking at pay in the area looks like I could make 14 to 16 per hour there which is not much lower vs now where I would make min wage to 15 or so.

Checked my credit score in the US today and for having nothing on it and no credit there for 14 years, my score is pretty good. Would just need to get a secured card to build history.

Biggest hurdle is saving the necessary funds to relocate and pay immigration fees.

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I was not all too sure about getting housing in Vancouver, WA without a job first and without credit history in the US (been 14 years since I last had credit there) but we called a few apartment places today, and they said no problem, they often have people moving from BC down that way and in the same boat, they just require a larger deposit equal to 1 months rent vs their usual $200 deposit, so seems housing would not be an issue, get a way nicer apartment and amenities there for a lot less, such a swimming pool and hot tub, don't see pools really in Vancouver condos/apartments.

Pay rates I am seeing are pretty much on par with pay rates in this Vancouver.

Have to look into how immigration stuff would work for my wife, its not issue for me, I can just cross, but obviously she would not be able to.

I think I would be happier, I think part how I feel is simply not liking where I am living, and depression episodes being very situational.

Looking at the community college there, there is a decent selection of vocational programs I could get into.

EMT for example, I started that program in California before moving to Canada, got an A in it as well, just moved to Canada before I could finish.

EMT's don't make a ton of money, but the job is more rewarding and isn't horrible, 30k-40k a year on average, after a year or 2 as an EMT there is also the option of going back to school for paramedic which is a 2 year program, and paramedics start in the low 40k range.

There is also Phlebotomy, pay is mid low to mid 30's on average.

EMT program pre requisites for example, pretty simple.

Be age 18
Have a BLS CPR certification (easy to get)
Drivers license
Hep B vaccine
MMR vaccine
Neg TB
Criminal background check.

Or I could take some course work and try and work towards getting into the Aquarium Sciences program further south in Oregon.

Aquarium Science Program Application - Oregon Coast Community College


Time will tell, but I think we would be better off in the long run.

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Is it a parallel universe or an alternate one? :lol:

That's got to be be pretty weird, that, moving from Vancouver to Vancouver. Still, the alternate universe worked for the Star Trek reboots. :thumbup:

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Hi there

Bringing your wife to the US requires you to sponsor her for a spousal visa, much the same as she had to sponsor you for your Canadian spousal visa. It is a lengthy process (currently 10-12 months). There are multiple steps to the process and you can't just move to the US with her and file for her adjustment of status due to intent to immigrate so you much go through the spousal visa (IR-1) process. It requires police clearance certificates, medicals from a US approved panel physician, and your financial sponsorship.

Not going to go into detail here and now but thought I would just throw this out to you to ponder.

Rete

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Simply a coincidence. Lol

Vancouver WA is across the river from Portland so makes sense as it increases odds of a job.

Rent is decent. Housing prices decent.

We want to stay on the west coast but Seattle area is out due to high cost.

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J...following on from Rete’s post...if you want assistance or info on a US visa for your wife the US marriage Visas forum’s regulars will help you...

https://britishexpats.com/forum/marr...ased-visas-35/

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Oh I know. Its going to be a pain and not something that can be done quickly. I would go first and get a job and such and have to go from there.

Its not something that is happening today or next week. Its a longer term goal.

I may not even earn enough so will be looking into that as well, if the income requirements are too high then we may not be able to.

Its all in the thought process at the moment.

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Did you go to the support group?

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Next week. I had a pre-existing appointment Monday that conflicted.

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When the time comes ill post there.

From what I have read thus far does not seem overly difficult but more steps compared to coming to Canada which was really simple just time consuming as it took like 20 months. Lol

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Was much easier 21 years ago when my Canuck came to the US. They still had direct consular filing back then (the US portion was all done at the Montreal and Vancouver US Consulates). Some changes aren't always for the better.

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There's always fake passports and the like. :sneaky:

Here you go. Just fill in the blanks and add a photo.
https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...578618351c.png

The advantage of this one is that it's blurry and rather than admit to failing eyesight, the immigration people will accept it.

$50. To you, $40.

;)

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Government changes are rarely for the benefit of the tax payer....

I couldn't say how the process for Canada is today, but 14 or so years ago, just required some forms to be filled out, certain documents to prove relationship status, a medical, some background checks from the US, and some other not difficult paperwork, mailed in, and wait. Eventually approval in principal came, then a quick landing appointment, and PR status was granted.

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The doctor appears to have been right, have gone a week now without any pain in my foot, first time since December last year I have gone without pain in the foot.

Guess standing on concrete for hours a day just isn't good for foot health.

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My old company is hiring like crazy, they got a new contract so everything under the sun really.

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1st module of DBT ends Friday. Not sure when the 2nd module starts or which one it will be.

This module was about distress tolerance. Learned a few new things and some of the things they say to do I already do and had no idea I was doing it to releive distress. Things like standing in running water, walks, in winter opening windows for cold air etc.

Interesting module.

Downside to new modules startting is having to get used to new people again.


I was not able to get into the academic upgrading class at the local school. Apparently they need a high school transcript sealed sent from the school.

Have to find a work around to that as my high school wont mail transcripts out of the US.

Maybe in the spring once I can get the transcript thing worked out.

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Just get them sent to your parents or to your sister. Surely you knew this when you applied for the transcripts? Also im surprised that they are essential as isnt that the point of academic upgrading?? Check again with the college and see if they have assessments you can write instead. I see that Vancouver Community College has several upgrading courses,all free, and also available online if it is too far to travel.

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The students in the Community College cooking courses run a decent cafeteria there too.

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I have emailed the school to ask if I can do that with the transcripts, some colleges wont accept them unless they come directly from the issuing school. I wasn't expecting them to want 21 year old transcripts for academic upgrading, not something other schools I have gone to have asked for.

VCC is maybe 2km away, its not very far, I need on campus classes, online learning doesn't work for me, I need the structure of going to class on campus.

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"Since finding success in most professions depends on one’s ability to interact with others and foster long-lasting relationships built on trust, it can be tricky to maintain a position if you’re struggling with BPD symptoms."



From some of the material I was given to read over.

Makes a lot of sense as to likely reason why I am unable to build upwards in jobs and end up nowhere.


These as well are an issue.

"​identity problems, which can make it hard to settle on one career path. You may feel unclear about who you are and what your passions are. This can cause you to jump from job to job without ever committing to one career and building success in that area. This can put you behind in terms of job growth since you may miss out on promotions or opportunities linked to seniority.​​​​​ ​"

This is why I can do well in a job then suddenly quit and hate the job.

In addition, you may engage in a lot of dichotomous thinking, or "all or nothing" thinking. This means you start what you think is a dream job and think it's perfect. You may idealize it until something happens, like a poor performance review or a mistake. Then you can feel completely let down and demoralized, causing you to quit because it no longer seems like a dream job. This can cause people with BPD to engage in even more "job hopping."


Conentration is a major problem as well and have a hard time working on 1 task and being able to concentrate on said task or learn said task.

"Symptoms of BPD can also interfere with concentration, which can lead to poor work performance. For example, if you dissociate a lot, you may have trouble focusing on tasks which can harm your productivity"

A big part of borderline is lack of interpersonal skills which makes working with others difficult to near impossible.

"For example, people with BPD are often fired from their jobs because they don't get along well with colleagues, have trouble maintaining appropriate boundaries or generate conflict in the workplace."

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Wish there were better solutions then work with your therapist on the issues as not everyone has access to a therapist willing and able to deal with borderline. A lot of therapists wont and the low cost places mostly wont either.

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Without people skills, I don't think self employment is possible. Also a lack of any type of skill people would pay for is also not something I have.

Aquarium maintenance is not a viable option, there are several well established full service companies, and so many start ups have come and gone over the last few years and the well established since the 90's companies still around, would take someone with deep pockets to take on the existing full service companies.

I also would not have the buying power to price match the larger companies on supplies, and buying at retail or near retail would mean little profit.

I don't have a vehicle and its a job where a vehicle is required, cannot haul all the supplies and equipment on public transit.

Back to the lack of sales and people skills, the entire business is sales, and I have no sales skills or ability.

I have a friend well an acquaintance who did try and start up an aquarium maintenance company, he was over a period of 2 years able to get a handful of customers, but could never get the volume needed to make it a viable, self sustaining business.

Does require capital to even start, supplies and equipment are not free nor exactly cheap.

With fewer and fewer people in single family homes and more and more in condos, there are also less and less people with aquariums, let alone a large amount with aquariums who can afford to pay someone else to care for it.

The big companies are able to build/supply everything, and that seems to be where the demand is, but that is something that would require capital and good sales skills.


The only things I can think of that I know how to do job wise are:

Loading planes and other aspect of ground handing of flights.

I can do basic admin like what I did with night auditing which was just printing reports, putting them into pile a certain way and putting pile into an envelope. Despite the work auditor in the job title, in 2018 there is little to no auditing, just a name from the old days before computers when night auditor was actually an auditor which well I have never been, so the name is a little misleading, the job itself literally was sitting all night with a bit of printing and answering phone if it happened to ring.

I can't think of anything else I know how to do that could lead to income, I am pretty below average in every respect.

The stress of having my issues plus having to figure out a way to support myself, another person on top is stressful.

I don't do well in interviews either, lack of interpersonal skills, introverted to the point I don't know how to interact with people normally, severe anxiety etc don't lead to excellent interviews and there will always be someone more suitable, afterall look back to when I have actually been hired, its always been either a mass hiring where many are hired at once with no real interview, or the place isn't willing to pay a suitable wage and will hire anyone who is desperate and willing to take work for almost anything.

I dunno, its just the housing issue that creates most of the problems, eats too much income to survive but housing is high everywhere in BC, no escaping it.

I honestly think all the stress in my life for the past 39 years will end up killing me before 50.

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Almost wonder if its worth living in an apartment and have no money or live in shelter but have money.

At this point nothing can change for the better. Its simply too late and there is no way to get the long term therapy in order to improve. 6 month abbreviated group while better then nothing isnt going to help with all the other problems.

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Seems Australia isnt much better when it comes to borderline but the video does point out how unhelpful the ER can be when it comes to those with BPD.

Psychiatrist says borderline personality disorder sufferers need targeted treatment - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)



Really unless experience this directly, on the surface it may seem like there is a lot of help but really there is very little for those with BPD.


8 to 10% of borderline patients will end their lives at some point. Highest of any mental illness.

Depending on source 70 to 80% of those with BPD will attempt at least once.

Suicide rate of BPD person is 50 times higher vs general population.


Borderline is affects more people (3 to 6%) compared to Schizophrenia which affects roughly 1%. Borderline affects on the low about the same as bipolar which just around 3%.

There is no approved medication for BPD and medication can actually make things worse for borderline symptoms.

There are both high and low functioning borderlines. High functioning are more able to fit into society and acheive higher level of success and better able to hold jobs. High functioning borderlines can more easily hide their symptoms. High functioning are less likely to see help.

Low functioning borderlines are less likely to fit into society, less success, less likely to stay employed and will typically not ne able to hide their symptoms amd thus why they are less likely to stay employed amd less likely to fit into society. However they are more likely to attempt suicide.


I am a low functioning borderline.

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What about a driving job, perhaps small van delivery/courier type work?

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I might try Amazon delivery. Its not Amazon itself but some company they contract to.

Might be too high stress but I dunno.

Kind of worried about driving all day as well. I get really stressed in traffic.

I can drive but it stresses me out quite a lot.

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Would something like this be suitable? https://ca.indeed.com/jobs?q=Data%20...e52ac42ae8adfc

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Good chance they would and I have and do apply to some, not getting anywhere, but I do apply. I have no experience in that sector/type of work which likely puts me at a disadvantage but I do apply.

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Talked to a mental health agency to see if they could offer any help or advice but they have no services/ help we qualify for.

They do have housing but they dont manage the housing list its via BC Housing which we already have done and we do update our file every 6 mos or as needed when something changes so we are up to date info wise there.


There is one thing that I enjoy and cant even do that anymore.

Cost to live is too great to have a life.

Income does not match cost of living. The whole system is so screwed.


I think what prevents me from admin type work is no experience in such a field and lack of knowledge in ability to use excel, word and other programs since I have never had a job that used such programs.

Lack of relevant education as well.

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Court Runner

Go to your local Courthouse and head to the civil filing section. Sit down and observe.

At some point, someone will attend pulling a pilot's case full of documents. Most others there will have one or two documents.

The one with the pilot's case will know the Court Clerks by name, and they will know him/her too.

S/he will file a number of documents and will then leave. As they leave, strike up a conversation with them and offer to buy them a coffee, or talk to them as they walk from law office to law office. Suggest that they take a punt on you and off you go!

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Its even tricky to find an appropriate therapist even when wanting to self pay.

Trying to find a way to get therapy but its not the easiest finding a therapist well versed in DBT and borderline.

Found a couple just long wait lists.

Seems to be an underserved service.

Does take atleast a masters level education and a good amount of training outside of the degree as well so not exactly a job one can just get......

$125 for a student therapist (not yet graduated and part of their education/degree.) And $190 for a Masters or Phd level therapist/psychologist.

Might be able to manage the student rate once per month.

Wait list is up to 9 months so time to figure out way to pay. They do require an intake at $400 and its not something they waive.

I have the group free via VGH but just need one on one therapy longer term.

VGH is more of a express treatment to get some basic skills so they condense 12 months group into 6 months and reduce weekly therapy to a total of 12.

The treatment for borderline should be.

1 year minimum group and weekly therapy.

The studies on effectiveness are based on 1 year minimum.

I would waive a year of medical care for MSP to cover this but they wont and likely never will.

So much is left out of our healthcare.

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Re DBT from other thread.

Wife is willing to move. Just not sure where. Not a whole lot of decent sized citys in BC and even fewer with affordable housing.

She wants to move to the US but does not fully understand healthcare there and the costs associated with it and I will wont have the earning power. She cant always work.

We are kind of stuck in BC due to disability and no guarantee of getting disability in another province makes a move risky.

Affordable housing is not easy to find. Even smaller citys rents are not what I would call affordable.

Have to keep total costs in mind as well smaller places might be lower rent but more likely going to need a car so smaller places dont always end up cheaper.

I honestly have no soulutuon and I am not able to really even make good decisions. Anything I try ends up not so goood.

I have moved from San Diego to Phoenix back to San Diego then to Milwaulee then back to San Diego then to Canada then back to San Diego back to BC then back to California then to Ontario then back to BC.

I havent had stable housing at any point as an adult which is not good. Tired of moving. Each moves means starting from 0 and its tiring.

Only long term employmemt I had was when I worked direclty for an airline at 5 1/2 years.

Paid horribly 6.94/hr in 1998 when I started and 8.80 5 years later.

But I had flight benefits which gave me freedom and kept me busy on days off which I think helped me a lot. I went somewhere every week.

Once I just flew around the US for 2 days with no destination. Went San Diego to LA to Atlanta to Charlotte to Minneapolis to Las Vegas amd back to San Diego. All at no cost.

Only jobs I spent over a year in were both in the same imdustry.

Oh well.

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Just tired of losing everything and having to always rebuild, cycle and repeat.

My brain is faulty and it will never work like a normal brain, its very common for people with borderline not to be able to keep long term employment, after all really nobody wants to be around someone with a faulty brain and then since nobody at work likes you, it becomes hostile work environment and only solution is to leave the employment to reduce the stress, but then that adds new stress and so on and so on.

Unfortunate the healthcare system doesn't take mental health seriously and doesn't understand the importance of therapy for some mental disorders, medication isn't a fix all like the medical system believes, in their mind there is a medication for all disorders of the brain so they only need to cover psychiatrists and medication and believe therapy has no medical value but studies after study shows the only hope for someone with borderline is long term therapy from therapists well trained and versed in DBT but of course those folks charge a lot, so those most in need are unlikely to be able to access said services.

Even when I had extended health benefits at work, the insurance only covered $300 per year for mental health, that is 2 visits far short of what is needed.

I can treat myself anymore successfully then someone with cancer or a heart problem can treat their illness, I do what I can, but without the necessary skills learned through long term therapy there isn't a whole lot of hope at this point.

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Morning J.

MrBEVS had to work yesterday but I made sure he had a birthday tea. That means cake to him :cake:

It is good that MrsJ is flexible on what any next move or thought might be. I do hope she is feeling better? Is she?

As you know I do agree that for someone with severe BPD /PTSD the solution is a long term therapy to help ingrain coping mechanisms to adjust behaviours.
Actually a very similar approach as is used for Asperger to help those people learn to develop the essential life skills to hopefully have reasonably independant lives.

As J knows, New Zealand has such a facility. It is the only one in the whole of New Zealand . There is no other so just like for J , people here are managing best they can with little resource to the tried and tested therapy that could help long term.

My husband and I knew someone with BPD. ( She has now remarried & moved away) She spent a good year in the facility and came out the other side better for it. Prior to that her behaviours were all over the place and even though she was aware she could not really control. Why do I write this? It is because I read the same for J. To be aware will make the sensitivities all the sharper.

Now, I know BE is not for this. We're not a mental health forum at all but I am sure that there are many out there that have to live with the Black Dog and the like & hopefully the right help & support is there when they need it.

Anyway - onward.

Are you still getting the DBT therapy sessions J. I have lost track a bit what with one thing and another.
Is your wife now well? Enough to look for a bit of work?

I'd like you to rethink the 'faulty brain' thing because if you have a faulty brain then I & husband must have also .

You are a perfectly fine man. You may process feelings and thoughts differently to the average joe soap but that does not make you faulty. It simply makes you unique and individual. There is a huge population out there all walking around a bit faulty around the edges.

You made a perfectly good decision to try to get your last job. It is a shame you chucked it but I do know how tough it can be to bite the tongue and let irritations wash over you. Yes. I have walked out of jobs that got up my nose too despite knowing I had bills to meet.

To me, your next move is to try and get back into work. Any work. Any work at all.
That is a one foot in front of another approach.
1 - Brings in a bit of the old $$.
2 - Keeps the mind a little occupied for a while.
3 - Focus and routine.

I actually think you do need a bit of outside people time even though it gives you head boil in the end. The reason I write this is that too much alone time , think time will make any problem grow to a place where it can all seem too huge. Too much alone overloads our minds . Our brains need respite and diversion. If you were a runner or sporty , I would suggest that as a mind detox. That works for husband . Your wonderful aquariums will help but you do need extra stimulation to ease the anxiety build up.

To me you are an articulate intelligent man J despite what you write. So is my husband who has spent most all of his life thinking he was dim and thick . That self perception does bring about frustration , a lack of confidence . A short fuse sometimes.

Despite that or in spite of that load you both carry - even though you should not - you are both perfectly good people that others love and care for.

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* Black Dog (depression) Good post and all true, especially the any work at all, one foot in front of the other mindset. Don't walk past help wanted signs you see on the street, stop and think about them and even go in and ask what it takes because it doesn't cost anything to ask. Find one in your neighbourhood and you can save on transportation. The only job I applied for and couldn't do was in a call centre doing a survey for new tobacco products. The manager told me to call a few friends first to test drive the survey, and it was so stupidly put together it was almost incomprehensible. My friend told me so, and I agreed, and the manager who was monitoring the call showed me the door. You can do any job and in the meantime still keep an eye out for the airport opportunities if you want to get back there.