Hi All
I am new to posting on this forum. It is actually my daughter who is moving to Canada but she has found great help from you people on this site.
This must be the worst day of my life as she just left this morning and has left behind a lot of broken hearts, she was so well loved by all the family and is such a brilliant girl I honestly don't know what I will do without her. There were many tears shed and I'm sure they are far from dried up yet. I am her mother and it does almost feel like a death to me. Could someone please help me to get through this terrible time.

Hiya there
I understand how you feel and hopefully as time moves on it won't feel so bad. I've had the same situation but in reverse, I'm the one who left for Canada but my son decided to stay in the UK to join the British Army.Not an easy thing to deal with but I suppose we have to let go at some stage and let them spread their wings.At least keeping in touch is easy and there are visits to look forward to.
You'll feel a bit better in a while once you get used to it.
Cheer up.

Try to think more positively about it all... you raised a daughter who feels confident enough to go grab life.

Just think of all the fab holidays!

Hi Katmandu and welcome.

We understand your pain! We have lived in Canada for 8 months now, and we use "Skype" to talk to my husband's parents every weekend - it is great to see them, and for them to see us and our girls on the webcam.

I say we talk to his parents. We talk to his dad really. His mum can't come on the webcam without getting upset and in tears, so then she can't talk. I truly empathise, but it does make by husband feel really bad, each time. She is fine if it's a chat by telephone because I think she just visualises us up the road at our old house. But as soon as she sees him on camera, in a 'strange' house, she wells up.

What to suggest? I don't know. Of course you will miss your daughter, terribly. But you can be proud of her too for having a go at such a big adventurous thing - and you helped her become that person, so you can be proud of yourself too

Are you 'technically' minded? You obviously have a computer and you found us lot OK (though whether that is a blessing is debatable! ). Do you have or use a webcam ? ("Skype" is a very popular system). If necessary, can someone else help you set up something like this? It's well worth it.

And finally, are you fit to travel? If so, get plotting
This is a great country with the most outstanding natural beauty anywhere in the world. You could not fail to have a lovely holiday here. Give your daughter 6 months to settle in and ask her what dates in the summer are suitable for your first visit!

Very best wishes and come back and chat with us all soon

i am the youngest of 5 and dread that goodbye off my mum. As a daughter who is always there for her, we phone everyday, we see each other at least twice a week, i do worry about how she will take it. We talk about the move alot, how excited i am and the worries, and she takes it all in her stride, just the one time when she said "i dont think i will last long after your gone" really shook me, but as i explaided to her i want her to be proud of me and my family, she knows why we are going, for a better life for our kids, and want here to be happy. I carnt wait to show everything off to her when she comes over, also there are 4 others to take care of her including my lovely sister (in my photo) We have to live our own lifes and take some chances , so be happy, my mums getting internet put in next week, ive shown her how it all works she will get the hang of it!

My heart goes out to you . When I left my Mum many years ago to come to Canada, I think my heart was iron-clad, so as to feel little pain and not to feel hers. But everyone said we'd be back in six months anyway. It was a long time later that I realised how my Mum felt that day, and my heart broke.

I spent years trying to make it up to her (she never complained), but one consolation was all the quality time we had together when we went for visits, and when she came here. I believe, in the end, we were closer and had a stronger bond than she had with my brother and sister, who live in the UK. We really had great times, and wonderful memories for me to look back on now that she is gone. My brother and sister don't have any of that, and are very surprised about so many things they didn't know about her. And yet we were so many miles apart. All in all, I think I saw more of her than they did.

So, start planning for those holidays. My Mum had never gone anywhere in her life but she came to Vancouver all on her own, several times. And she was terrified of flying. And start looking forward to your daughter's trips back to see you. You will have a wonderful time. She won't just be popping in for a few minutes here and there, and maybe resenting the time. She'll be really looking forward to seeing you, and you will have great times together.

Good luck, and let us know how things go.

I have to thank you all for being so kind with such comforting words. Now I know why my daughter spent so much time communicating on BE!
All your replies have helped me so much. I know it is going to be difficult for a while but we are already planning to go and visit them in SK in the summer if all is well.
Big problem is that my husband was very ill about 14 months ago and has been left with a few health problems including impaired kidney function and it may be difficult getting health insurance, I would be most grateful if anyone has any knowledge in this area.
To let you know how I have progressed throughout the day since my beloved daughter and son-in-law have departed. I have been having intermittent periods of uncontrolable crying, in the a/noon discovered a text from my daughter, just as they set sail from Ireland, in which she said she hadn't stopped crying and wanted to come home so please spare a thought for her also as she was completely broken when leaving.
I have been kept busy throughout the day with my two wee grandchildren which has helped and my son-in-law's parents are coming to visit tonight. Also I have been consoling myself with the fact that we could be dealing with a death of serious illness which would be lots worse. It's just the pain of parting which is hurting so much and it is probably because my daughter and I are so close - one could not have asked for a better daughter in the world and I will most certainly miss seeing her nearly every day of the week. Off course as one of you said I should be proud that she is able to take this BIG step.
One of my biggest worries is how they will cope with the snow and cold in Saskatchewan, any comments on that will be welcome also.

Hi Ann m
Thankyou for your kind words and advice.
My son-in-law set up a webcam for us last week but now the speakers wont work on our PC so will have to get that fixed asap. You say you have Skype - do you think it is better than communicating through MSM and webcam. I'm not very technically minded and these things confuse me lots.
Do you like living in Alberta - would you ever come back to the UK?

Hi Katmandu and welcome to BE. I dont have much to offer but I just want you to know that you sound like a terrific mother. It will get easier, just give yourself some time.

Also, I noticed that you wrote .. she WAS so well loved by the family.. she was and still IS loved by you and your family. Dont view this as a death but as a new beginning .

I hope you cheer up soon and I am glad to read that you kept yourself busy today.

Take care!

Hi there Katmandu - sorry you're going through such sadness at the moment. Let the tears flow if you need to - you are going through a big change - so you are allowed to be sad.

When I miss people from home, I think about it in terms of how quickly can I get back if I need to. Flight booking aside here in Alberta, I'm only 13 hours away from my mum in Portsmouth - thats just over half a day - that's all! It takes almost as long as that for her to drive up to visit my sister in Reading, visit for a few hours and then drive back because of all the traffic jams!

I know realistically air travel takes longer than the actual flight, but thinking of it in these terms is quite comforting I think... But, seriously, if you really need each other, you can be back in each other's arms in 24 hrs.

Also, using skype (I think better than Messenger) plus a camera is great too - makes you feel real close. Often the link is clearer this way than talking on a normal telephone line which quite often get lots of interference on a long-distance call (at least ours does!).

Don't worry about the cold either. The dry cold of the prairies is nothing like the wet and windy beach at Bognor or Worthing or Blackpool or Dublin.

Walking along those sometimes used to freeze my ears off - I've yet to feel that cold here. The snow is like powder and usually comes in managable amounts - not like in the East where it seems to be coming in mountains this year. As long as she dresses warmly - she'll be fine.

Take care of yourself - its great that you have your grandchildren to dote on - a tonic Im sure.

I understand your pain in parting; I only think the depth of it all sinks in when you actually wave goodbye.

We are terribly torn, we have been here five weeks, leaving just before Christmas. Hubbys has left his mum, who is on her own and his eldest son and I left my mum and my eldest son and a grand-daughter. Plus lots of other relatives with whom we were very close. We brought with us four children, two of which has left siblings to their other parent. We do feel like we have ripped our family apart.

We speak on the phone, skyp and msn daily, but it does feel like grieving.

So cry when you need to, dont bottle it up and look forward to seeing them and watch how separation can make people grow.

Hi and welcome to BE so sorry you are so sad, i am sure your daughter is feeling the same, I will be leaving my mum this year they won't be able to visit and i know my dad won't be around too much longer, but he wants us to go for it, he is an amasing man, i know my mum will break her heart and i feel awful for doing this to her, we are taking our youngest son and leaving the older ones here although they may join us later and will be over for holidays so i will have it as a daughter and a mother,

If the pain becomes too much book a flight,having a time to look forward to will help also start stocking up on all the things she loves like real choc, marmite Oxo etc etc just guessing here, as Ladymoose said its not that far a day and your there. get talking on Skype we are setting it up for my mum and dad will probably talk more than now i expect,

have a good cry and feel proud of yourself for letting her go and try this adventure out, my mil is trying to stop us from going and that is very upsetting,

give yourself a big pat on the back it shows you are a caring mum she must be very proud of you both,

Thankyou again to one and all- you are so kind to take time to help me in this "grieving process". Every word has been an inspiration.
Spoke to my daughter on mobile tonight (they will not leave Manchester until Saturday morning) and it has helped me a little to hear her voice but she is very emotional and says would even come back home at this stage if it were possible, so am anxious for her that she will be ok. It's strange as she was so strong all through the immigration process and at times we thought she couldn't wait to get away.
They are taking their two wee dogs with them and she is anxious in case something happens to them. That would be terrible.
It was only last April that my daughter and hubby started to talk about going to Canada so it has all happened very quickly as hubby got a job in Regina which sped the process up a lot. So maybe you can understand why I am so emotional as I thought it would not come to pass for a couple of years or so.

I don't suppose you would really find it any easier if it had taken longer .... but maybe you could have chosen not to look at it for a while.

I know we broke my MIL's heart when we left. It's so hard for her, that I really try not to think about it, because we chose the future for our kids over her needs, I know we did.
She is elderly and alone now, but if we had waited "until she no longer needed us", it would have been too late for us to move, for sure. I am tearing up just thinking about it. Our two boys are doing wonderfully out here, and the whole family is close and strong in a way that didn't seem possible back in the UK. For them, and for us, it is the best thing we have ever done.

My own parents were also terribly sad to see us go, but at least they have eachother and my 3 brothers as well as us in the family. They are happy for us that we are making such a success of our new lives here and constantly tell us so. (They also can't wait until I can come back and visit!)
Poor old MIL decided that it was "goodbye for ever" when we left. She is often quite teary when hubby talks to her on the phone, and would not think of coming out to see us as "it would break her heart all over again when it came to say goodbye once more"

We haven't yet had the heart-break and worry of sickness or bereavement, but obviously that will come. It is something we do not think about, or we really would feel bad all the time!

A heartfelt plea: However you are feeling inside, from the selfish daughter's point of view, I'd ask you to stay outwardly positive for your own daughter; encourage her and praise her in her new venture, and try not to make her feel guilty for leaving you. This whole process is difficult enough without tugging on the heartstrings from home.