On a par with this variation of an old favourite:

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.
They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.
Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot

Don't even attempt to tell that one to a North American. It would be a waste of time.

Sorry for getting a bit political but...

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

What's political about that?

I'm comfort making!!!

Phew!

"I was very naive sexually. My first girlfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months."

Seriously? That was my signature on here for about a year.

My daughter recently asked if I would be very upset if she didn't have kids, my reply was, it's entirely your decision and I really wouldn't blame you for not bothering, definitely, do not have any for me

She moved to Hamilton today it's been emotional.

See the thread TeamFart I just put up on the Maple Leaf. This fooferoo and Gerry Caplan's response on CBC's Power and Politics was the funniest thing I've heard in weeks.

I hope she settles down alright If she's feeling a bit down in the dumps, tell her to head out to The Keg at Waterdown on a Wednesday or Thursday night and have a chat with the English Head Barman (he's also there on Friday/Saturdays but it's packed then)



(my son)

There is a sweet saying apropos above...

"If I knew the grandkids would be so adorable...I would have had them first."

Oh i will let her know, thank you!

Haha, she wants to travel, lots, if she becomes a Mum, it will either be by accident or when she's older I think.

A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'

Good one.