Tell me something that has made you laugh recently!

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?"

One or two... one... or two....

My son-in-law kept four pigs. The first time him or me have kept them.
He arranged for us to take them to slaughter last week. They lived in a fairly large enclosure surrounded by an electric fence and 8inch wooden boarding at ground level.
In October it rained for 28 days in 31 and by the time it came to move them it was just a little muddy.
We bought an old horse trailer to get them to the abbatoire and placed it next to the enclosure about a week beforehand, the idea was that we'd entice them out each night with some food to familiarise them over the week.
Got pigs 1 and 2 out after they'd dicovered that the fence was turned off and pig 3 made it over later but pig 4 didn't want to know.
The following day it rained... and rained.. and rained so plan A, the one about familiarising the pigs with the trailer never go off the ground.
Come slaughter day, or rather evening, it was dry.
Turned of the fence, opened up the gate, spinkled the food and waited. Once again, pigs 1 and 2 struggled over the board. Pigs 3 and 4 licked their lips but for some reason would join them. Aftyer a little while pig 3 made it over but pig 4, the smallest of the four, kept nosing forward but that was that. Son-in-law decided to help her out and stepped into the pen. He didn't realise just how deep the mud was and sank well below the level of his wellies and filled them up. I didn't see this, just heard him say 'mud's a bit deep'.
Meanwhile pig 4's still nosing about and I'm dishing out food to keep the others in the trailer. 'Got any rope?' I said and went off to get some. Came back, grabbed pig 4 by the head and she didn't like that at all. Got into the enclosure, forgot about the mud level and filled my wellies as well.
By this time the food's running out and pigs 1, 2 and 3 are getting fed up with the trailer and thinking about heading home in the pen.
But as luck would have it, pig 4 finally managed to clmb over the board and we had 4 pigs in the trailer.
Time to go and it was getting dark now. Hooked up the trailer only to find the lights wouldn't work. But this was tracked down to water in the electrics.. remember I'd said it had been raining.
Lights on and off we went.
Got to the abbatoire, backed up the trailer only to find that the pigs decided no to leave, so after some pushing and shoving they slid down the ramp.
Now pigs are really clean creatures and being shut in a trailer for an hour when you really need a s**t can be something of a strain so the first thing they all did when they got out was s**t all over the place. No worry, cleaned that up later.
Shuffled the pigs through a series of gates to get them where we wanted to go but overlooked a side door to the outside. Pig 1 didn't though and leaned on it, opened it and was through it before son-in-law could catch him.
You know, I wouldn't have thought it possible for him to wrestle this pig back in, but he did.
Pigs at the butchers now.
We learned a lot of things last Thursday, one of which was don't ever keep pigs if you don't know what you're doing.

Good start!

Yours weren't the ones roaming Burnaby a few weeks ago?!

I'm not sure that Dave's, very interesting response, was the most cheerful.

Why are you in need of cheer tootle?

Probably the article I linked!

My cleveland browns are 0-10 (played 10, lost 10) and took a timeout on their first play on thursday on national TV.

Never will that dream of going to work wit no clothes on seem so embarrassing.

That's almost the sound technician version.

I confess I was more than a little amused at Wales letting slip their lead at home to Serbia late in the game. They lost a lot of goodwill after the way they celebrated England losing to Iceland.

This guy was just recovering from surgery and had the oxygen mask on.
He mumbled to the pretty nurse "Are my testicles black?"
The nurse was new and said her job was to only wipe his face.
His voice rose and demanded "OK! but are my testicles black?"
She lifted the sheet, took his manhood in one hand, coddled his balls for observation and said..."No Sir! they look normal"
He removed his mask and replied "Very nice, don't stop...but I wanted to know...are my test results back?"

This always cheers me up.

Batman is funnier here

OH is working away. The first few weeks I enjoy the peace and quiet, after that it gets quite tedious!

You are a lovely bunch!

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’

Well, the snail one did it for me...