I have a great tip from my o/h - he reckons if you run out of gas, just ask your other half if she has a braun independant and you can use the bottles from that.

Apparently it doesn't work as well as a proper plugged in lawn mower but very handy if yo're planning n taking it abroad for a couple of weeks.

Worth considering I think.

I was tired sorry..........

must have been the fumes from the level 4 gas

I've been told you can run them on methane, which is very environmentally friendly. You can harness the power by running a hose from the bathroom to the mower. You need to make sure the windows and doors have tight seals. I dont think you can refill the cylendars though, which is a shame as then you wouldn't have to mow in short bursts.

One problem is feeding your husband enough baked beans. THey have to be the right sort of bean of course and so it gets very expensive importing Heinz beans, though I have been told that Clarkes will do.

I took mine apart and converted it to run with seven specially trained Hamsters imported from Adalusia.

This now cuts my carbon footprint to a size 10 (UK).

The only downside is that the little buggers consume three times their own weight in Timmies doughnuts (UK spelling) every day and insist on being called by their surnames:

"Mush sanchez, mush felippe.....underlay underlay areeba!"

You use underlay too

Only on the back lawn. We prefer to bubble wrap the front yard.

I once had a friend (yes! Really!) who used Siberian monkey hamsters, they were able to be used in the summer for mowing and snow clearing in the winter. They were naturally white so in the winter months they were dyed red.

Don't you have a problem with bubble wrap? In that if you walk on it it sounds very much like something's on fire, the crackling noise it makes, you could end up with a hefty bill for a false fire call out.

After contacting the 'Siberian Monkey Hamster' employment agency we found out that they have an very strict union policy that forbids employers from eating the little blighters after the job is done.

Obviously this is no good to us as our cats refused point blank to work with any rodent they couldn't eat afterwards.

Oh and the bubble wrap is covered under the 'Mad as a cut snake' clause in our Fire and Theft house insurance - but only the 3-5mm type.

I have heard that monkey hamsters taste like chicken. And don't talk to me about working cats! My only cat employee phoned in sick this morning, 'fur ball stuck in his throat overnight, didn't sleep properly apparently.

You have house insurance?

Yes, but only useful if the house gets sick.

Random acts of God are not covered such as:

1. God decides to kill your furnace
2. God bursts your water pipes
3. God sends a massive surge of electricity through your wiring and smites your electrical appliances
4. God causes your windows to fall out
5. God does everything else that will 'ruin your day'

That leaves house influenza, house diarrhoea and my personal favourite: house cooties as the only legal claims you can make on your policy.

Try adding a little cabbage as a side dish with the baked beans.

I find Brussels sprouts get the grass cut faster - but whether that's due to extra HP in the gas mower or jet propulsion of the person pushing it, I couldn't possibly comment...

Which gives rise to another thought - if you need more horsepower in your mower, why not top up the tank with HP Sauce? Can you get that in Canada? Is it in the same aisle as the marmite? Does it taste the same as Branston Pickle? Aaarrgghh....

You may get better horsepower from HP Sauce but if you are wanting some real get up and go you need to add a little Tabasco Sauce to the mix.

I believe HP is available, no it's not in the same aisle as the M*rm*te. Surprisingly enough it is in the same aisle as the other sauces.

Once again who'd a thunk it?

Marmite powered appliances are extremely rare in Canada.

A reasonable substitute would be to mix some pea shingle, cold gravy and cayenne pepper together. Add this slowly to your appliance whilst saluting a picture of the Queen and softly humming a rendition of "Bean, beans good for the heart, the more you eat the more you fart...."