startwin

My heart goes out to you. The homesickness didn't hit me until I'd been here many, many years, and then I did the guilt trips over the kids growing up without close relatives. I cried buckets - and the kids both laughed at me and said it was no big deal. I do hope that's true (the "kids" were then in their thirties). I still have bursts of homesickness, but I do go back to the UK every year and I recognise that you just cannot go back to a life you had before. It's not the same country that I grew up in and of course memory is selective.

Hang in there, it's usually an event of some kind that triggers these episodes when you've been here a long time, but it is no less heartbreaking - but it will pass. All the best to you.

iaink

THe family thing is tough, especially now their gran has passed on. My 4 year old daughter no longer wants to use the backpack her gran gave her for school as she wants to keep it "somewhere special", which was so sweet I damn near started to cry.

My wife is Canadian, but has no surviving family here, so there is a large void there that I think bothers us far more than the kids, after all they dont know any difference. They do love it when my brother and his family visit though.

We have however been very lucky to find older friends who have stepped in to be de facto "on the ground" local grandparents, its not quite the same thing, but its nearly as good, and we count our blessing for that.

Elaine B.

yeah I'm a firm believer in "cover your ass"! I may not move back to Northern Ireland soon but I really can't imagine staying in Canada forever. I don't think I really thought about that when we decided to move here back in 1999.

iaink

I know what you mean. I came here in 98 without really thinking too much about the future. But its home now, I cant really imagine dealing with living in the UK any more, its too expensive and crowded, and everyone seems to be only interested in taking care of #1. I hadnt visited for a long time until we had to go back last spring, and while it was marvelous to visit and soak up the history and catch up with family and friends, it didnt seem like somewhere that was home anymore...not that we could afford to move if we wanted too.

Elaine B.

I just remembered (and I'm not exactly sure why this come into my head) last time I went home I was in a bar in Belfast and as I was making my way up to the bar to get a drink this guy looks me right in the eye and says in what I can only describe as a sinister tone "watch yourself luv". Good old Irish hospitality!

boxerdog03

I've got a nice 3 bed semi for sale, reasonable price
.
.
.
.
.
.
Or even SWAP ya

Purley

Startwin is right. We have been here nearly 40 years and I still get homesick. But I know that memory is very selective. You remember the good things in life but you never remember the bad. This goes for everything. Otherwise you would never have a second baby!!

I find that even going for a holiday seems wonderful, but probably if you lived back there - if you could afford it that is - things would soon get back to normal and mundane and annoying!!

Elaine B.

I know what you mean about memory being very selective but I'm under no illusion that things would be sunshine and roses if we moved back, it just seems that having family around out weighs all the negatives. Another thing that doesn't help matters is when my husband goes to work (he's a guitar technician for a band) he gets to meet with our friends and family while I'm here going to bed at 9pm.

iaink

That will pass though. Maybe you should get out to as many mother / tot groups as possible during the day, and start to meet more people here. People are not going to come to you, you have to go out to them. Thats a good way to build up a surrogate family, although frankly most of our surrogate family are a result of my wifes infatuation with the catholioc church.

Say what you like about god botherers, but a lot of them are extremely nice friendly people.

Elaine B.

Yeah maybe I should get back in touch with my catholic roots!! (shudder).
I have some good friends here but it's just not the same as having your mum and dad and brother and sister around. My husband is an only child and his parents are divorced so he doesn't really get that whole feeling and he's 100% positive that there is no way he'd move back to N. Ireland.

Member123

Elaine, I am also from NI and can't wait to get out of it.

The country has changed a lot for the bad over the past few years.

We watched a program on BBC NI last night about the drink culture in Belfast, adn other areas, but no way on Gods green earth would you bring small kids back here to raise them.

I live in a small village in Co Down and even it has been taken over by drunken yobs, breaking into old folks and beating them up, vandalising etc etc.

A couple of years ago it would have been unheard of here.

I come from a large close knit family and am dreading leaving them behind, but I also feel it is time to get out when we are still young enough.

I dont have any kids yet, but certainly wouldn't want them growing up here.

Sorry to hear you are so homesick, try an extended holiday if you can and it may change your mind.

Do you know of any other expats in your area, they may help you out.