RUN OUT OF SHORT ONES FOR NOW

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the cloud. "Look Michael, look what I’ve made,” said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "what is it?"
"It’s a planet," Replied God. "And I put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "for example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while the south is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people. God continued, pointing to the different countries.
"This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah" said God. "That’s the North of England, the most glorious place of earth. There are beautiful people, six Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of the truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "what about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "wait till you see the bunch of plonkers I’m putting down South!"

REMEMBERED ONE

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!!!!"
:embaressed_smile:

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 6 shots of jack daniels.
The bartender asks what the occasion is.
The guy says, "Its my first bl_wJob."
The bartender says, "Well if thats the case the 7th is on us."
The guy says, "If that won't get out the taste nothing will !"

Very good.

As we seem to be on that slippery slope.....

Why is a woman like KFC?

Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in!!!!!


Colonel Sanders

why do bald men have holes in there pockets
so they can run their fingers through the hair

Two condoms are walking past a gay bar and one turns to the other and says
"do you want to go in and get shit-faced"

boom boom