Top Reason to go to work Naked

1 your boss is always yelling,I wanna see your ass in here by 8.00
2 you can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan
3 Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources
4 I'd love to chip in,but left my wallet in my pants.
5 To stop those creepy guys in marketing from looking down your blouse
6 you want to see if its like the dream
7 so that you can add Exotic Dancer to your exaggerated resume
8 people stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them
9 Diverts attention from the fact that you also come to work drunk
10 Gives bad hair day a whole new meaning
11 No one will ever steal your chair

OOOOOOOHHHH Simon 876 and Souvenir


Think you have met your match with the joke telling with Malcoltom

BTW - PMSL at the postings

After great sex with a Thai girl she lies there stroking her lovers willy, so he asks her if she would like more sex.

"No" she replies "I'm just admiring your willy as I really miss mine"

Sorry if it offended anyone - but its the only joke I know in full

a man was driving down the road when he crashed in to the back of another car.a dwarf gets out of the car that got hit.the other bloke says are you alright? to which the dwarf replies ''im not happy!!!'' the other bloke says ''which one are you then?''

Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".

Geordie went for a job interview with the local Council.
There were 3 other applicants in the room and the Human Resources manager said :
'Right lads, What's the fastest thing in the world ?..... The man with the best answer gets the job !'
The first man said 'A thought, Sir' ..... 'Very good' said the manager.
The second said 'A blink of the eye, Sir' ....... 'Excellent' said the manager.
'A light, when it's switched on' the third guy said ........ 'Not bad' said the manager.
Geordie was scratching his head, then said 'DIARRHOEA !'.
'How come ?' asked the manager.
'Well' said Geordie'
'I woke up in bed last night and before I could THINK, BLINK, OR TURN THE LIGHT ON, I'D S**T MYSELF !!'
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Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. tits out to here, Mike.
Tits
out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you happy
about today Pat?"
"Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike.
Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I
said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't
swim!"
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin'
over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just
waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in
your boat?'
So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
Mike, way WAY out... much further than the last two.
I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either screw or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and.....She had a pecker, Mike! She had this
great
BIG pecker! ... and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"
:curse:

Fiancee sits on the sofa waiting for OH to come in from work to discuss the work that needs doing on their ramshackle love nest

He takes off his tie storms in to the kitchen.....

"sweetheart I know you have only just got in but I need to tell you that all the electric has gone off and I don't know why......"

"Belinda - do I look like an electrician????"

She goes on to say " and the kitchen tap never stops dripping, I have bought some new washers"

"Belinda - why are you telling me this - Do I look like a bloody plumber???"

without missing a beat she goes on to nag "and the front door won't shut properly either, it's all warped and needs paint"

At this point he looses his temper and yells "Do I look like a ****ing carpenter Belinda????? I am off to the pub"!!!!!!!!!!!

A few pints and a bit of guilt later he decides to return home to apologise, but walking up the path he notices that the front door looks like it has been fixed and the lights are on. He walks in to the kitchen and there is no dripping tap - and no Belinda"

Belinda honey he shouts up the stairs - I am really sorry I shouted and swore at you - did you do all this?

Belinda comes to the top of the landing, "no I didn't do it Alan " she replies "a guy came walking up the road just after you stormed off swearing at me and noticed me crying on the door step. He asked what was wrong and offered to fix everything if I either had sex with him or baked him a cake".......

"Bonus" replies her fiancee Alan on his way in to the kitchen to see what cake has been left over

"Alan....."

"Yes Honey" he replies as he hunts around

"Do I look like Gordon fc uking Ramsey?"

Really great Jokes guys.......

Not that short though, eh?

My humble offering for July 2nd....

A chicken and an egg were laying together in bed, smoking a cigarette.

The chicken turns to the egg and says, "Well, now we know the answer to that question."

Simon

Q.why doesn't a chicken wear pants
A.because his pecker is on his head

was that short enough

yep

I'm really fed up now. Someone just crashed into my new car on the street. It was one of them new Skoda's. There's bloody jam and sponge everywhere!

Apple computers today announced the development of a new computer chip that can be implanted into a womans breast and play music. The i-tit costs £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Bruce is driving over Sydney Harbour bridge when he sees his ex about to jump. "Sheila, what the hell are you doin"? She looks round in tears and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me preggers and left me so now i'm gonna kill meself".
Strewth Sheila your not only a good s*@g but your a bloody good sport as well.

THE THREE THINGS TO RUIN A MANS LIFE.

1 LIFE SUCKS
2 JOB SUCKS
3 WIFE DOESN'T