37100

I haven't commented on this thread because the only families I know in a similar situation put there kids in International schools. Just one thing. You said 4yrs of high school. In fact, she'll need to do 5yrs. No way will she be able to skip a year.

As you are in Turin -where I live sometimes - I suggest you get in touch with this state run Italian high school asap. Asap, because it is usually over subscribed. It could, in my modest opinion as a mum, be the best solution for your daughter.

http://www.istitutoaltierospinelli.e...iewCat&catId=4

BTW being pretty is not an advantage among teenage girls. They boys luv 'em, but girls of that age can be very mean.

If your daughter does have a reasonable level of Italian she could just about manage a normal Italian high (language high?), but she runs a fairly high risk of having to repeat the first of second year and that can effect teenagers a lot.

Juvefan

is that school free? I couldnt find on the website the price anywhere.
also do they teach Italian as a second language or are some of the classes in Italian?
if you have any first hand experience that will be great, I am currently reading the site and gonna email them, but if know something that will be very helpful too. cheers..

37100

Yes, it's free. It's a state school aimed at Italians. Lessons taught in Italian (junior high) mostly in English, but Italian is the first language and taught as such. IYKWIM. There are a few costs involved -insurance, extra lessons etc. I have no direct or indirect experience of the senior school.

gelato

As a Third Culture Kid who moved to a different (but also English speaking) country at age 14 leaving family behind I'm kind of uncomfortable with the way you're talking about raising your daughter. It's like you're creating this international, multilingual person -4 years here, 4 years there - but not thinking at all about her attachment to family or her attachment to a place where she has put down roots. She's been living with her grandmother and I guess away from you and her other parent. OK fine but it's going to be traumatic for her suddenly to be pulled away from her grandma to go and live on the other side of the world. Then there's the issue of identity. So far it's Korea and NZ. That's fine but now you want to throw a third country into the mix?

I have three nationalities myself and, as an adult, this is not an advantage. I feel rootless and very confused about where 'home' is with family in 4 countries living in a 5th country and having gone to school in 3 countries.

It's difficult for non TCKs to understand. My own parents have no idea how I feel about identity issues even though they have both been expats all over the world. Both of them had stable childhoods growing up in one town.

This is all apart from the language issue. I think others have already said enough on that.

Juvefan

I understand 100% of what you are saying, because I am exactly like you,
this is why I am really the only one in my family who doesn't want to send my daughter.
I was born Italian, but left when I was 4,
moved to Australia till I was 12, at that stage I felt Australian/Italian, then I moved to New Zealand till I was 22, now I felt like A new zealand/italian,
of course never felt real Italian at all!
now I have been living in Asia for 15 years. and of course don't feel Korean!
nothing like a Korean and wouldn't be so stupid to say I was one.
and havent set foot back in Australia or new zealand for 15 years either., I really don't feel patriotic to one country at all.
Austalia? new zealand? Italia? I hold two passports, so what!? doesn't mean anything unless you grew up all your life in my place.
my wife is Korean through and through, she feels the national pride!
my dad is 100% italian he feels the pride! as he left Italy when he was 30!
my mother is second generation immigrant born and raised in new Zealand , she feels KIWI.
but me, I really have no identity, I went to countless schools, and lived in many cities , people ask me where is my home town, or where are you from? It is a very confusing question.
so this is why I am thinking VERY seriously about my daughter, she is almost 15 now and thinks of herself as a Korean. I think she is over the age now where that might of changed, based on my experience, I think 13 is the cut off age, she is already over that, unless she lived for the rest of her life in new zealand then she might feel perfectly mixed or sway more to new zealand. so bringing her to Italy now, wouldn't confuse her to much. because she considers herself to be Korean now. she speaks Korean everyday with he mum, chats with her friends, dreams, and reads in Korean. watching movies and tv shows all in Korean.
she has only been living in NZ with my mum for 2 months. not really life changing.
if I bring her to Italy now I would be in for the long haul so a good solid 4 or 5 years of high school and then on to UNI. the problem is, 5 years wont be enough for her to feel really Italian, even though she will NEVER be 100% Italian, at least she can be closer than some tourist or a kid who went to international schools. for me making he experience as authentic as I can is my goal. full immersion into the society!
it will take a good 10 years for to her to really feel part of the society
but I believe now that she is 15, she will always associate herself as a Korean
just like all the immigrants who live in OZ, or NZ, or USA, those guys don't go around saying their are kiwis, or aussies, or yanks, they say they are chinese, or Italians, or germans, but the kids are a different issue. they are mixed, same might feel local, some might not. really depends.

I know an Italian guy who left Italy when he was 12, and moved to Canada, he is now 60, I asked him what do you feel? he said, I am Canadian! through and through, but of course I am Italian Canadian. but really don't feel Italian

or like someone else said, bring her over after high school and let her enter Italy as an Adult. I like this option, but living without my daughter is really not fair on all of us. so... I am really considering if I should take the job in Italy now or not. might wait 3 more years when she is 18. or 19..
I just wanted to hear from people who might have done the same thing, but it looks like no one on this board has.
anyway, I never wanted my daughter to feel like a New Zealander, I just sent her there to be close to my mum, and experience some western culture.
she will always feel Korean, but I was thinking might be possible to have two nationalities, just like she has two parents from different back grounds.

ok, I am starting to confuse myself now, I had better stop writing

Twinkle Canelli

I feel I've got to step in now..... I brought my daughter from the UK to Italy and put her in a fee paying Italian speaking convent school which is local to where we live. She was 11, had completed primary in the UK and didn't want to come. I thought the experience, the culture and being bilingual would give her advantages that a UK education wouldn't. I couldn't afford a private education there.

The Italian school made her repeat the last year of primary so she could pick up the language, and provided a teacher who sat in and helped her in difficult lessons like History and Geography and gave her Italian grammar help when the others had English or PE lessons. This lasted 6 months, and I had to pay her 10 euros an hour in addition to the school fees. My daughter hated it. At first the other kids were curious and interested in her, but Georgia was shy and didn't integrate well and spent the first two years lonely and miserable. We looked at alternatives.... International English speaking schools in Genova and Torino, and I was ready to throw in the towel and return to the UK. In the end, my daughter decided she wasn't going to fail at this, and would stay at the current school and make it work.

From the beginning I had hired an Italian teacher who she went to every day after school to help with the huge amount of homework. She charged 23 euros an hour, and sometimes, when there were exams, Georgia would spend 17 hours a week there.

We are just starting our fourth year here. Georgia still doesn't have friends that she spends time with out of school, although she is happy and wouldn't want to return to the UK. She can see the benefits of living in Italy. Although now fluent, she still has help with homework after school each day although it is usually only about 10 hours a week now, and I have negotiated a lower rate of 15 euros an hour. History and Geography are still a problem as most of the homework is learning from the text book parrot-fashion and it constantly throws up new vocabulary, and also I can't help her in any way. Also, writing essays in Italian are difficult for her.

This is her last year of scuola media and next September she will change schools. Hopefully she will have the confidence to make friends then.

If I knew how hard it is, and had the chance to turn the clock back, I would have no hesitation saying that I wouldn't put her through it. Yes, it has been character building..... but it as caused so much heartache and misery along the way that I'm not sure it is worth it.

I really think that your daughter is too old to find the change easy and if there is any way that you can put it off, I think you should.....

I have written threads before with my experiences if you want to look them up.

Juvefan

thanks for your reply. yes I feel she is to old too, I think I am going to keep her in school in NZ and let her come to Italy twice a year on vacations, that will give her 4 months with us in Italy, during those 4 months I will enrol in her language classes in the mornings, and hopefully after 4 years of this, she can come to Italy as a high school graduate and have her Overseas experience in full immersion in Italy, in a foreign learning college in siena or perugia to make herself fluent on her on time without the stress of trying to graduate school.
then she can decide where she wants to attend Uni, Italy have Engish programs, or Korean or NZ, I think this is best.
thanks again.

Sancho

Great. I think you've decided right. There's another possibility too, if she's in a Kiwi university -

http://www.auckland.ac.nz/uoa/home/f...udent-exchange

(I can't think of any reason why Wellington, Christchurch etc shouldn't offer the same sort of thing)

Juvefan

thanks for that. great info.

dmu

Glad to hear this! All the best to you and your family!

PAT M

Just want to add my thanks for sharing Juvefan, all the best to you and your family.

MarkRD

Very sensible.
Good luck anyway

Patty

Good luck juvefan - I think you've made the right decision. When we came here and bought our 2 boys - we left our 17yr old daughter with my mum. She wanted to do her A levels in the UK and although it upset me greatly, it really was the best decision all round. She then went on to do Uni in the UK but now lives here in Italy and is very happy. So as we say ' it all comes out in the wash'

cappagardi

I think you underestimate how quickly teenagers can learn and adapt to new environments. they are very resiliant creatures and given the right amount of exposure and support - they can achieve great things quickly. I have seen British children exposed to much more difficult situations in the UAE and they very quickly get a grasp of the language, even in China. Its just takes some encouragment to get them out of their comfort zone in small steps.

If you have the opportunity, try to introduce her to the environment in stages. Maybe for a short break, or even if she can get a part-time job in an italian restaurant where she can get familiar with sights and smells in a confortable situation.

She will be fine, just give her the space to develop and find something fun about italy that you can hook in to her personal experiences. Maybe a pen pal from your area?