Pepa

Hi,

I am originally from Eastern Europe. Have been livng in England for about 5 years now. I am sorry if I offend any one but I really really do not like it..I cry my eyes out not knowing wht to do..I had such a big hopes with this coutry..I sacrified everything to come here thinking that it is really civilised coultural country with nice openminded people.. I guess it is only my fault for not comming here and doing some research first before moving, but believe me when I lived in Estern Europe I could not afford even short holiday here, especially when I was thinking about moving and had to save evry penny.

Please do not hate me for not liking England..I really tried, I came here so excited, openminded, ready to take in new culture, way o life. It shocked me however what I found here.. In my country I felt we are behind and poor, with no perspective of better life (unless you still, cheat, have reach family etc). I thought that in England can be only better.
I do have a full time job and I am really grateful for this opportunity but I have to say that every day is like a torture for me..The job, the money seem nothing now when I feel so unhappy..
Basicly I have never ever expected people to be so shallow here.. Nearly all I have met think only about getting drunk, going to restaurants, buy fasionable clothes and that would be it..Most people here think that abmitions and self improvement is pathetic. At work promoted and admired are people who go out all the time and "have fun". It doesnt matter howgood job you do or how clever you are..people would not respect you for that. The crime is bigger then i ever imagined. I have also never ever met so many bad, selfish mothers in my life! Busy having fun, changing boyfriends, getting drunk..children are not priority at all. Often dirty, heard from teacher friend that many have lice.. from what i can see it is all parents fault as they simply prefer to spend al the money on clothes, partying and boose rather then kids and their education. I am sick of hearing stories in TV and press how many kids live in poverty. To me is some kind of a joke! I was extremly poor in my country. we had to make a choices if to buy a bread or a soap. despite this imy mother was rather wear one horrible dress for 10 years but buy us this one extra pair of socks or new book for christmas. Most families I knew had the same priorities. Here i hardly see that. i can see very very shallow way of life. most parents do not encurage kids to be ambitious, to be decent..
I struggle in this enviroment. i feel discussed with this behaviour and every day i feel that i have to pretend that i agree with it otherwise i would be hated.
another thing is that in order to be nice everyone pretends. i do appreciate politness but here i feel people are going to far. nobody says what they think, even in circle of friends. everyone even people who clearly dislike each other would be falsly exaggerate they behaviour and be so over the top smily and pretend interest in someons life when you can see and feel that their thoughts are somehere else.to be honest i never know who i am dealing with..i never know what people attitude is as everyone acts exactly the same, everyone says the same things, everyone reacts in the same way as if they have memorised some kind of movie script..
I miss more direct people, i miss knowing where i am standing. I want to know if someone really likes me if not i would rather be shown that. even i its upsetting at least i know how to act towards this person. here i have been dissapointed sooooo many times as i stupidly believed when people where so nice to me, promiss me meetings, coffee toghether etc..i got excited and i was in love with english people at the beggining. and then slovly i started to realsied that most of it are empty words. i realised they say these things to absolutely everyone and it means nothing to them. i find it really rude, false and disrespectful even though they think they are the polite once! with this kind of attitude words. conversations became meaningless and everytime i speak to them i feel emptiness..i just give them answers they expect now and move on, but i am unable to feel closer to them or build some kind of bond with them due to this..
also education..god i know my english is far from perfect (i apologise) but i started learning it when i came over. people who are english very often spell not much better then me. i hear every day how many kids finish schools and they cant read and write..i never ever met anyone like this in my country either..and our classes at schools were 35 students and teachers were paid nothing for their jobs..here however everyone blames lack of money and classed where there are to many students. to me the only reason is lack of discipline, ambition, lack of good parenting. this has nothing to do with money, but hey, English people blame everything on lack of money and us foreigners even though they have more then most people in the world. they are just unable to use it sensibly.
Most families would rather go into debt and have a hoilday abrod they cant afford then pay for their kids education. these are the priorities i see and i find that absolutely incredibly stupid and shallow!
I have to say the last 5 years made me so dipressed that i had suisidal thoughts..i cant come back to my country now and i have no idea where to go next..i do not have skills that are in demand lke IT or nursing, i just do admin office job. also I am 35 now, no husband kids and i do not know how to start everything from beggining once again..
Plus English experience dissapointed me so much that I am paralised when i think of moving somwhere else.
Any way despite my terrible fears i wa sthinking about Germany. After England I miss direct people who may be cold at first but at least they do not pretend and once they accept you that it is, but there is no unneccessary pretending and being false. I miss clean enviroment, people who have more in their minds then get drunk and watch footbal. I want to see normal families around me where mother looks after the kids.
I know you going to hate me now for what i have said..I am sorry..this is what i see around myslef every day, and that is why i lost will to live..i just wanted to live in a better place where people have normal and obvious to me principles but also they do not have to strave like i did due to lack of money in my contry..now i do not strave phisicly any more but emotionally and intelectually I am dying here..
I know there are some groups that do not live like this but they are usually reach people and i do not have access to them. in my country you can find smart decent people in all classes, very often the poor once ae ven more decent and have very high morals. here is quite the opposite. the poor English i met are just like mentally disable, they do not hav common sense, they do not want to live better lifes, they just want to have few quid for a drink, cannabis, nice clothes and that is it..

fidobsa

I agree with most of what you say. I often hear things that make me ashamed to be English. I did escape to a more civilised place when I moved up here to north east Scotland in 1997. I could not go back to live in England now. Life is not perfect here but it is so much better. The standard of education in the schools is higher, there is less crime, most people in council houses keep their gardens tidy and people are genuinely friendly. My work involves doing jobs for private individuals as I'm a self employed domestic appliance repairer. Before I started the business I wondered if me being English would put some customers off but I've had hardly any problems in that respect.
If I can help you in any way, please send me a PM (and I'm not saying that to be polite).

ldyinlv

Good luck finding a perfect country.....believe me they dont exist.!!!

Novocastrian

No-one, or at least no-one sane, is going to hate you for not liking England. The picture you paint is all to accurate for many of us.

I live in Canada now but I'm English and lived for 8 years in Germany in the 80's and early 90's.

I think you're quite right in thinking that you're more likely to find a less superficial, more traditionally family orientated society at all economic levels in Germany, especially in smaller communities.

But I would warn you that it can take a long time to be accepted in such smaller communities, in my family's case about 4 years.

Nonetheless, good luck to you and welcome to the forum.

fidobsa

The thing is, if your expectations for a new place are too high you are bound to be disappointed. Like a lot of Brits who relocate, the main attraction for me if I get a place in southern Germany will be the warmer summers. I favour the wine producing regions like the Rhine and Mosel valley areas. I was in Germany in early October and I know that there are some things I won't like very much, like the traffic jams. It is a highly populated country and the population is more spread out than in most places, with lots of people living in small villages rather than being concentrated in the cities. This means a lot of commuters going to and from work, filling up the roads. The autobahns were probably a revelation when they were first built in the '30s but they are feeling the strain now.
When you have braved the traffic jams and driven somewhere you then face the problem of where to park. In UK, people tend to park anywhere they like unless there are double yellow lines or whatever. I'm not too sure how it works in Germany but suspect the situation is reversed, i.e you are told where you can park and everywhere else is illegal.

Assanah

Well, I am not sure if Germany will give you what you want. Germans are more direct and less polite than the British - that is for sure However, Germans have few, very, very few children, divorce numbers are high - have you done research about Germany or why do you think that the country would fit you better? Do you have friends or family there? I think that would make things a lot easier. Anyway, if you have specific questions about Germany please feel free to asked me

Ray51

Many of us truly emphatise with you and your ( valid ) issues ;
have you thought of Canada , DownUnda , BeNeLux , Switzerland ;
oh , yes - and : Germany can be great , for the right kind of person , IMHO !
( as can be many an other country : France , Austria , Slovenia , U-name-it...)

JLFS

I am sorry that you are having a hard time in the UK. Before you take the giant step of moving to another country, might not it be best to look at the alternatives available in the ÚK first.

It seems to me like you live in the most deprived part of the city, where the feckless seem to be the norm, and the young people are not interested in improving e¡their life. And at your age 35 the ones that are going to move on have families and better themselves have already done so.

I am sure there must be other people from your part of the world who you would have more in common with than the local population.

I presume that you live alone (by the content of your post) in a not so nice part of town, would it not be better to get together with people from your own part of the world or with the same aims as yourself and rent a house between you in a better district. I would rather pay to livein a shared house in a nice district, than an inferior place alone in a bad district.

Once you are living amongst a better class of person, you will see a big change in everythinbg, the people on the street will be more genuine and honourable.

The better the district the more pride there will be in the surrondings.

We emigrated to the UK from Spain when I was a child, along with thousands of others.
At first most lived in the cheaper districts, some never moved out of there because their aim was to save as much as possible to return to Spain, Italy or wherever.
Of course their view of the UK is influenced by their limited experience, the immigrants that moved onwards and upwards have a different picture alltogether of their new country.

The UK is a big and varied place, I would try a few more possibilities before jumping ship.

Only you can decide, but good luck with whatever you do.

fidobsa

Yes, it is all too easy to make generalisations based on limited experience. I have experienced what it's like to work in a place where one has nothing in common with ones colleagues. I worked for a couple of years in a small factory on an industrial estate in Nuneaton. The other men were only interested in football and / or golf, both of which sports bore me senseless. I would never have socialised with any of them outside work. The other people who lived in the same street as myself were a more interesting bunch with whom I had more in common. They included a school teacher, the boss of the Coventry Bees speedway team and one of the top people in the Moriss Minor Owners Club.
You don't have to move to a better area to meet different people though. In most areas there are various clubs and societies you can join. For example, I'm interested in local history so I joined a heritage group that do research and write articles. They were mostly retired people but I was made very welcome at the meetings and it was a good way to make new friends.
The English are geographically more insular than other European people and I think they are less willing to make the effort to get to know foreigners. This is not the same as racism, it's really just laziness. Talking to someone whos command of the language is not perfect demands more patience. You have to be prepared to talk slower, put things a different way if the first attempt is not understood etc. Some people enjoy the challenge of this but others can't be bothered.
As regards people who say things like "We must meet up for a coffee some time", don't leave it for them to make the next move. When they make such suggestions and you agree they won't know if you really want to see them or whether you are just being polite. If you phone them a few days later and suggest a specific time and place for having the coffee they will know that you genuinely want to start a friendship.
I hope you can find the better life you are seeking, Pepa.

Sally Redux

Sadly, Britain has gone down the stupid path and it's getting worse.

The London area might be a bit more cosmopolitan but finding a 'villagy' place to live then becomes prohibitively expensive.

You could definitely try Germany although of course it's not perfect.

Thydney

My brother has lived there for decades he's not impressed with the way things are in Germany at the moment. He tells me that it's the same as everywhere else in Europe suffering from bad government job losses etc

Sally Redux

I'm sure you're right, the only plus for the OP might be that it is more similar to her home country?

Thydney

Not full of foreigners you mean?

Sally Redux

No I didn't mean that

Novocastrian

I'm guessing that the OP is limited to EU countries?