dmu

I agree that he's doing well for himself and good for him, but I understood from the OP's posts that he has a circle of friends and leaves her out of it, and regularly goes off to the mountains and sea, leaving her behind, on her own. He knows that she's depressed by her situation, yet doesn't seem to be doing anything to help. Not exactly the attitude of a caring bf....
But, as you say, we don't know all the facts and this is why the OP should seek professional help and talk through both sides of the relationship with the Counsellor.

EuroTrash

I totally agree, because all I'm picking up from what's been said on here is these two young people want different things out of life and aren't suited to each other. Maybe a counsellor can negotiate some compromises.

InVinoVeritas

As someone who got divorced in France I have been through the counseling route and would make the following observations:-

1. Finding a fluent English-speaking counselor is not that easy in France. My ex-wife and I were lucky and found an American lady about 2 hours drive away, maybe it's easier in Toulouse but finding the right person is still tough, so the OP may need some help here.

2. I also went through counseling with my first wife (in the UK). After these two experiences I can't say I'm very enthusiastic about this process as a way to resolve a relationship. The best I can say is that helps "smooth" the way into a divorce.

I believe if the OP is to resolve problems with her OH then it is going to be through a process of the two of them communicating, whether with/through a third party or not. Sharing too much stuff on an open forum is a little dangerous since if the OH finds out he may not be too impressed.

Having said that, I'm optimistic that the two of them could sort this out but don't really have enough data that this could be an "informed" view. It's just that compared with some of the huge problems other couples are having to deal with arising from less favoured circumstances these two people have something which is really worth fighting for.

dmu

They've been here for 3 years - surely the OP has mastered enough French during that time to be able to communicate with a French "counsellor"*? If she enquires at her Mairie as suggested, the Assistante Sociale should be able to point her in the right direction, as would her G.P. There can't be a problem of finance for the A-S to deal with, as the bf has a good job (which fact leads to other thoughts which may or may not be pertinent...) and could pay for her consultations if the OP hasn't got healthcare coverage.
*To avoid confusion, I mean a psychologist or the like, not a relationship guidance counsellor (who could be consulted after the OP has sorted her feelings out).

MissAJ

I've given the link to this thread to my partner and he's okay with it. We read the latest contributions this morning and discussed our situation a bit before he had to go into work. Both of us feel tired of the relationship and are tempted to throw in the towel. But there's also another part that wishes we could find a compromise, but are not sure that's possible. One compromise, for example, is relocating somewhere he can indulge in his surfing passion so that it doesn't take him away from home for days at a time. But moving closer to the coast would involve him compromising his promising career at the company based here. Personally I think he'd be successful in anything he chose to do, maybe even a start up, but it's doubtful that he'll take that risk when his current career here is so secure.

We also discussed the possibility of waiting to see what happens when/if it's born. InVinoVeritas is right, you can't always predict how people will respond to changing circumstances.

We may, or may not, end up seeing a counsellor, but for the moment at least we have an open line of communication going on the subject.

loy loy

Hopefully you'll sort it. Relationships are hard and sometimes it's easier to throw in the towel. I think with children involved, it's much better for them if you can stay together, happy of course.

Chatter Static

Even after 11 years in France in wouldn't consider counselling in French but THIS LINK has a few relevant numbers. There is also an American lady who is a psychologist somewhere between Toulouse and Salies du Salat She does service personnel work in Paris and also local work and is reportedly very good forgotten her name though

MillieF

How unfortunate....did anyone know that? The help and assistance that I, and just recently friends in France had during and after pregnancy was second to none. Just having the Carnet de Sante for my son was wonderful, I showed it to Canadian neighbours the other day to let them know what kids health care in France is like, and I had to pick them off the floor they were so shocked.

EuroTrash

Erm, am I missing the obvious here but can't he just take you with him when he goes? It would give you a change of scenery, you could lie on the beach and soak up the sun (when it's there) or play with Jnr in due course, while he does boy things in the surf. It seems a so much simpler way to achieve increased togetherness.

MikeJ

I like scuba diving which my wife is not interested in but she does like spa hotels - so whenever I go diving we stay at a decent spa hotel and we both spend the evenings together. The answer is usually to find a compromise which works for both of you. Relationships are all about compromise - look for a win/win solution not a lose/lose one.

Chatter Static

My wife just sat in the sun on the boat whilst I did my last Padi course or by the pool if I was doing any classroom stuff I worked quite well

dmu

I think the compromise mentioned is praiseworthy, but rather foolish.
Supposing you were still in the UK and asking about moving to the Aquitaine Coast without a job lined up and a baby on the way? I would make the same comments: You must both realise that the unemployment rate in France is continually increasing, Austerity is the in-word, and whatever his potential, it wouldn't be easy for your bf to find the same type of work near the Atlantic Coast or start up a business, with the guarantee of a sufficient income to provide for his family and indulge in his passion.
He shouldn't give up his job which guarantees a steady income and career prospects, and wasn't this the reason why he originally came to France?
If he were willing to compromise by resigning from this job, leave Toulouse and his friends, and go into the unknown, there wouldn't be many reasons left for not returning to the UK with you....
IMHO any compromises must concern his social life and hobbies and you're the only ones who can decide which ones.

MissAJ

If my OH did decide to relocate, whether it's to the coast (so he can feed his surf-addiction), or back to the UK (where at least I'd be content), the decision has to ultimately come from him. We've been discussing the options, but I'm holding back from pressuring him to do anything. At the moment I'm definitely favouring going back to the UK which means I risk losing him, but things just aren't working the way they are at present, and the baby hasn't even made an appearance.

MissAJ

A good idea. But when he goes to the coast it's usually with a bunch of whippersnappers who are 15-10 years younger and I just can't relate to on any level, aside from being human and liking my partner! They like to stay up late drinking (and I like to go to bed at a reasonable time). Maybe that makes me anti-social and boring, but so be it.

dmu

As I suggested earlier on, a trial separation while you're having your baby in the UK...
Either "absence will make the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight, out of mind". Neither of you can tell at present how you're going to feel about the other.