jvc

To be honest MissAJ not a single forum on earth can make this decision for you. Only you know how you feel, how your relationship is, and more importantly what you want out of life. Don't be swayed by anything...go with what is inside! Good luck with whatever you choose.

dmu

AFAIK there must be written consent from the parent not travelling with the minor when leaving France, even on holiday (document to be signed at the Mairie). At least this was the Law when my two were minors and I took them to visit family on my own.
This is/was to prevent one legal parent from abducting the child from its other legal parent in the event of a separation/divorce, and taking it "home".
But the OP calls the father her partner and he wouldn't have the right to prevent her from taking the child "home", unless they are married/pacséd and/or he officially acknowledges paternity.
And sorry, but I can't quite see someone who leaves his gf alone at home while he socialises with friends and goes off to the mountains or sea, suddenly spend every evening and weekend en famille...
Only the OP knows her bf well enough to work out what life would be like if she stayed here....

loy loy

InVinoVeritas

Yes, I agree with what you say; they are not married so the issue doesn't arise but even if they were the JAF would likely give custody of a baby to the mother in the absence of any other factors.

I have had some pretty wild mates who have changed completely after becoming fathers; I wouldn't suggest getting pregnant in the hope this might happen but if you already are then you can

The views on the forum seems to be split a little along the lines of members' sex but it's interesting that it's mainly the women who suggest walking away Anyhow as jvc says it's not a decision for the forum - I mean they won't even let us run the country

Shirtback

The only useful contribution I can make to this thread:

I've been pregnant & given birth in the UK, France, Canada. France wins hands down for pre & post-natal care, as well as the actual giving birth experience.

If an unmarried or non-pacsed father recognises (very simple but specific legal procedure) the child, the JAF can & might treat any custody dispute in the same manner as a married couple. In my experience, and at one time it was quite extensive, JAFs are eminently sensible, down to earth & pragmatic.

SB

jvc

....except my poor friend had her baby, and was just left after that with no support what so ever. In the UK she would of received some post natal care. She did not seem to receive anything after the birth. That is when you can feel very isolated.

MissAJ

I know nobody else can make this decision for me. I just feel so utterly alone with this. Am in my 9th week and reluctant to share the news with family or friends until/if I reach the 12 wk milestone. I had a missed miscarriage last year and had to tell a few people I'd broken the pregnancy news to. Would rather not risk a repeat of this unless I'm in the clear. It's helping to share this, and everyone has made a valid contribution to the subject, even though they come from different viewpoints.

InVinoVeritas

Well you're not alone now you've come here to share. An important detail is that you've clearly been trying to have a baby for some time. Is this a shared decision with your OH? If so it shows he has some interest in having a family. If not, it may be a reason for him shunning you. A little more information may produce some better advice.

dmu

It's true that sharing her dilemma on a forum helps the OP, but, as there are two "sides" here, giving the pros and cons of staying or returning to the UK, I'm not sure that we're really helping her to make a decision.
IMHO the OP needs professional help (her GP can refer her) and she must tell the Counsellor everything that she hasn't told us on the forum, not just the bad side of her bf that she's painted. He/she, who will be impartial, will be best placed to help her to make her decision....
I wish her All the Best!

MissAJ

I was thinking of suggesting to my OH that we both see a relationship councillor. Am not sure how open he'll be to it though, but I guess it's worth a try and putting the suggestion out there.

dmu

I almost suggested that, but I think you should first get everything off your chest with some one impartial (psychanalyst, psychologist, ...) and sort your feelings out with their aid, before consulting as a couple. You may find yourself completely blocked at such a consultation à 3, and be too inhibited to express your feelings/wishes.
Other than that, I, for one, can't give any more advice.
Good luck, but don't let things drag on, the baby won't go into pause mode while waiting for you to decide....

Chatter Static

There are a couple of English Mother Toddler groups in Toulouse that I had seen signs for when out and about in Airbus area and I thought that Dennerlymum got involved with one of them, She's a regular'ish here so she may be able to help a bit If your expecting it certainly wouldn't hurt to make a few like minded friends and having friends that are independent of the oh is a good thing.

Shirtback

I'm very sorry to hear that

I was also in an "isolated" situation (no close family, & hostile in-laws) after giving birth in France. I received excellent post-natal care/follow up for both myself & baby. The local assistante sociale, my GP, the clinic where I gave birth were amazingly helpful.

I second the suggestion that the OP consult a counsellor, independently, to start with. An assistante sociale may be a good place to start.

SB

MillieF

Forgetting the love/relationship/foreverness of the situation....if I were going to phisically have a kid, it would be in France. I was treated like a wrapped up cosseted adult...who just needed a bit of support and care....me and my son were important to them...they looked after me well too - the post natal care was amazing....France gave me a healthy happy child, and I will always hold her in my my heart for that.

EuroTrash

I haven't see her painting his bad side? The picture I got of the bf was of an energetic, positive, go-ahead young chap who has managed to get himself transfered to work in a beautiful place, is making the most of what it has to offer and is also doing well in his career. I imagine him as the type who works hard and plays hard and it sounds like he's exactly where he wanted to be. Frankly, I don't see him as the bad guy - unless of course he's made promises and commitments that he hasn't kept, which we haven't been told about.