andrewrh

I am nearly 2 years married to my Chinese wife and we have a wonderful little boy. My wife's family treat me very well - much better than some other's I heard about. I would even go as far to say that my mother-in-law sides with me more than her daughter when we have some disagreements.

Some families do like to spend the westerners money - one famly has 3 daughters and 2 have western husbands - the third is working in a bar to find herself one. They are all in the city while the rest of the family is on a farm - waiting for the handouts.

slapphead_otool

Do they still have the beautiful mounted police in Dalian????

andrewrh

Well I tell you, when my parents were here in October and they went out in the morning to see them, but they never showed up as described in the guide book (9.00-10.30 every day)

I have seen one or two around the People's Square. They usually have a nice female officer directing traffic, standing on that little island in the middle of the road.

sr71

Invariably the biggest cause of problems I've seen, especially with the Chinese, Vietnamese etc, is the cultural attitudes to family.

We in the West tend to marry an individual, in the East we often marry their family - and I don't mean that the family is bad or leeching of the Westerner. One example is a Chinese/Western couple I know of that divorced because he couldn't handle the family members constantly living with them.

andrewrh

This happens - especially as the apartment your company rents for you, or the one you buy, is much bigger and more comfortable than the current family home.

The good thing about relatives being around more than we are used to - they are always happy to baby sit !!

slapphead_otool

I agree, depending on the extent of the financial and cultural difference between husband and wife, you either marry the girl, the close family, the extended family, or the entire village.

Its rather like a girl from some little English village marrying an Oil Sheik. Her family expect a nice house out of it, her cousins expect help getting better jobs, and the local village expect him to open the village fair, pay for the village Christmas party, and build a new village hall in his name.

A one horse kampung see some Westerners like the English village would see that Oil Sheik.

(Some one hit 70s pop star retired to my home town. Every year the poor bugger has to turn on the Christmas lights).

slapphead_otool

The tall elegant Dalian girls sweep me off my feet. They must be the most beautiful girls in the world. And when they are in uniform……. waaaaaaahhhhh

danjones1

Come on guys lets get back on topic.

Can I have some more ideas? I would rather avoid anywhere with lots of older Western men as this invariably makes the place seedy.

sr71

You're in your 30's - you look seedy yourself being a single man in Asia, there is no way around it unless you are an expat professional on assignment.

danjones1

Rubbish!

I am in my 30s but actually look much younger and I am also in good nick as I workout and I have a full head of hair

Don't try and suggest I am the same as some greasy, fat, bald, 50 something who spends all his days slumped over a bar stool perving over women half his age and stuffing his face with western food.

sr71

So you are like the majority of modern day sex tourists - can you explain why you are so different?

The stereotype of the dirty old man these days is just wrong, they still exist but you'll find a huge number of younger guys these days.

slapphead_otool

Agreed. you are just as likely to find a late 20s loser in Nana Plaza as a late 50s loser. The girls prefer the late 50s losers....

slapphead_otool

Dan,

I wrote this a while ago for another site. It’s a true story. Take it as a cautionary tale if you are thinking of going to Asia….


A few days ago I was asked to meet a guy. A friend of a friend who had a big problem. Lets call him John.

John is in his mid 50s. He divorced about 5 years ago, and acquired about $500,000 in the divorce settlement. He inherited about a further $500,000 from the sale of his parents home on their death. About a year ago he took early retirement from his public service job, and can now access his superannuation of about $300,000.

John has always worked in semi skilled manual labour for the government. I doubt he has ever worked hard, and he isn't bright. No degree (or as far as I know qualifications of any kind) and not a high IQ.

So John was cashed up with over a Million dollars that he had acquired, not by working hard or using his brain, but though the natural progress of life.

After retiring he took a holiday in Asia with a couple of guys. He had never been overseas in his life. The other guys go to Asia 2-3 times a year, on what I would call "sex tours".

The recipe for disaster was there. A not so bright guy, with over a million at his disposal, going to Asia for the first time, with a couple of likely lads.

Apparently the first trip went fine, John got pissed and laid every night. He enjoyed all of the forbidden pleasures on offer. Girls, shemales, 3somes. The did everything that his fat ugly ex wife flatly refused to do, and the girls did it with a smile on their faces.

Shortly after his return, John went back for another bite of the cherry. Then another. He became a regular tourist.

In Australia John is treated for what he is, a fat, balding loser in life. In Asia he is treated how he wants to be treated, like a 30 year old stud. The cheap lifestyle, the admiration, the comradeship with other fat old losers, all attracted him. So did the girls.

Then he fell in love. Some bar girl, who promised him she loved him like no other, and she wanted him forever. She was 22, and she had an idea. If John bought a block of land in her hometown and built some apartments on it, they could live in one, and live on the rent from the others. Brilliant!

John loved the idea. He bragged about it to all of his friends. The original "Likely Lads" tried to warn him. He didn't listen.

There was on slight problem. Foreigners cannot buy land. The solution was easy. The land was bought in the girls name, using Johns money. More of his money was poured into construction.

John moved into a bed sit in Australia, whilst construction went on. He liquidated his assets and managed affairs from this end. She managed the construction from her end. There seemed endless demands for more money. He sold his car, and borrowed from the bank and on his credit cards.

Warning bells would have been sounding long and loud in a bright person, but John isn't bright. He just couldn't understand the scam.

A couple of months ago John used his last credit to fly over and find out what was going on. Construction was taking too long, and was way over budget. The excuses didn't seem reasonable, and now the girl hardly ever answered the phone.

The complex was just about finished. He couldn't gain access. When he asked the builders to let him in they refused. Eventually security guards arrived and manhandled him off the site. His protests went on deaf ears.

Eventually John discovered that the girl was married to a local, and had been all along. Foolishly he made some threats. The husbands family arrived and made things very clear. John had to get out quickly.

Back in the bar John still didn't seem to comprehend what happened. I had several goes at explaining, until I lost my cool. A fool and his money are soon parted, and he fell for the oldest trick in the book. The girls and her husband are now set up for life. A million dollar property investment at zero cost. And so easy….

John is bankrupt. He owes about $30,000 in Australia, his superannuation pension is gone, so is his inheritance. He is living in a cheap bedsit, and looking for a job.

He asked me if I know anyone there who dished out punishment for money. I don't, and if I did he couldn’t afford to pay and I don't think it would be justified. He gave the money away as much as she took it.

The best bit though, is he told me – "as soon as I can afford to get back to Asia I will go for a holiday. The girls there appreciate me".

goldie09

Got to be Thailand!!

andrewrh

I think Mr Jones now realises that his view of Asia and Asian women was out of date, probably through no fault of his own.

It would serve as no purpose to keep harping on about the things he did not know about or was mis-infomed about. He has been well and truely told !

I am sure, now, he can decide where his future lies and he can make an educated choice of where to go, how to act and what kinds of things to be aware of (people and circumstances).

You all have probably saved his ass !!!