BEVS

No consolation at all, but these posts could so easily be totally & utterly relevant for some in the NZ forum too. I think a few would certainly identify with what has been written here.

MillieF

Yes, I have had a few mates from NZ and Aus, over the years BEVS, and quite a number said the same. Funny thing is, when I lived in the Middle East a few friends who had married local people used to complain to me about the exact same things that I now find married to a Canadan!

AnneMarieC

I'm just wondering, for the folks that are feeling like their surroundings are a major contributor to feeling alienated and homesick ... can you move to an area that is more in keeping with the things you really like? Eg, if you love the sea then be by water - or if its fields and long views then be in the prairies or foothills - if you're from a small village/town then don't be in a major city? Something to consider?

We're still early days into our move - we moved from London to Ottawa just this past November - but one of the things we didn't want to do was be in a big city as we felt our lives had moved away from that (if we had stayed in the UK we would've moved out of London for sure) ... but we knew that if we moved to small town Canada it'd be a slow and agonizing soul-death as we wouldn't be able to acclimatize to that much change and that much lack of "cultural activities" - so went somewhere in the middle to see how it goes. But we're very much keeping our ears/eyes open in case we think we should actually move to a major city like Toronto or Vancouver. We're going to give it a few years here first to give it a proper chance and then re-assess.

Just saying that Canada is so big and SO diverse that perhaps finding a way to be somewhere where you soul is comfortable would go some ways to helping. Nothing worse than feeling like even your home isn't a haven!

Hang in there, folks ... and forgive yourself for having a hard time adjusting! It's a big big thing we've all done and some people luck out and acclimatize easily - but for most its a constant shifting around in a new pair of shoes that can be comfy one day and rub a blister the next. Just know you're so not alone. Love that the BE is here for a safe place to get it all out!

TheCreature

I hated Australia when I first arrived and if I someone was to ask me now, why that was, I couldn’t give them a sensible answer, other than perhaps too say it was just ‘culture shock’.

It passed. I got used to my new home. Learnt to appreciate what it had to offer and now I really couldn’t see myself returning to the UK. I might, but it seems less likely all the time.

Something to remember is that your old life has gone. It ended the moment you left... your old job, your home, your circle of friends... they have either gone or moved on. You can’t go back to what you had; you would only be going back to something new. Familiar maybe, but still 'new'.

Having said that, I think anybody who moves to Canada, knowing what those Winter’s are like, is potty.

Rosie Lee

Wow! I had no idea when I posted this, the outpourings that would follow. You often feel like your the only person who feels like this and everyone else thinks its wonderful. But obviously thats not the case!
Deltadelinquent, honestly, if I was going through what you seem to be, my bags would be packed!
I do have a wonderful husband who understands that my happiness is an intrinsical part on the welfare and balance of the whole family.....We are set to return for a holiday soon, and have agreed to return to UK a year or so later. Allowing our eldest son to Graduate. We have also discussed this with our children, who seemed happy to agree!

MillieF

No, but your posting about your feelings allowed Delta to have a good strop too - certainly not before time - and let many others measure their own doubts and fears on a more general level than worrying about their personal insecurities, and realise that it's not 'just' them...just like me! Very many thanks Rosie, and very best of luck with that fickle fiend...the future!

KuroKuro

I've only had a few days where I've felt a little bit homesick (I've only been here about 4 months though, just coming out of the honeymoon period!)... Most of the time when I feel "off" though, is when I come against something in Canada that is simply different to the UK. Perhaps I'm just being a stubborn Brit but I just feel like "Why don't they have Robinson's squash here?!", "Why are the roads so big that I can't just cross where-ever?", "Why can't the prices shown include tax, so you don't have to figure out the real cost before you get to the till?", "Why do the banks charge for their services?", etc. Just all those little bits and pieces that the UK does "better".

I suppose I'm lucky in that I came to Canada to be with someone, rather than chasing greener grass, and getting a fright when there's negatives too. I also have the cushion of knowing that if I was really unhappy we would up sticks and make a go of it together in the UK.

Rosie Lee

Your right, 4 months is early. But you've landed to be with someone, and that's always gonna feel good!! Good Luck, it sounds like you have an open, positive attitude, so your off on the right leg!
BTW, you can get squash at some British shops, but you'll pay around $8 or more for it!

Rosie Lee

!!!!!!!

Piff Poff

I pay $3.99 for a normal size bottle of squash or like today 99cents for one of those mini double concentrated ones. Sometimes it 2 for five bucks, so aroundcthe same prices as crystal lite and cool aidy type things.

Rosie Lee

Where?

Golden-eye

Being honest with your thoughts and feelings is very positive..

We moved to Canada 24 years ago, the first 6 months were what I would describe as 'The Honeymoon period' Everything was wonderful, we just saw the positives.. The end of this coincided with Christmas Eve ` My sister had been for a visit and had returned home to spend Christmas Day with the rest of the family.. The phone call where my parents, Brothers and sister were all together 'hit home' and we had a quiet Christmas feeling 'homesick'

We had made a decision that whatever happened we would 'stick it out' for 3 years.. We had seen a friend of a friend move with the family to Australia, buy a house and after 6 months made the move home.. They couldn't settle in the UK either and returned to Australia.. After 3 such moves back and forth across the pond they settled in Australia for good.. Loosing a lot of money in the process of flip flopping between countries.

If we had been totally honest with our feelings we would have moved home, the 2nd six months all we could see were the negatives... If we had moved back who knows if we would have settled or looked through rose coloured specs at Canada. We both worked had a beautiful home and life went on.

We are now older and have decided that a move nearer home is for us. When we left England we lived in a 4 Bed Detached home in a pretty upscale part of Bristol, sadly with the way house prices in the UK have moved we would now have to settle for considerably less..
With this in mind we feel that a move to Spain may be a compromise, closer to family but for us more affordable..

Good luck with your decisions.. Life is short, there is no rewind button so follow your hearts..

Rosie Lee

Amen to that!

fitchmeister

Hi Rosie

Funny I only really login here to update each Canniversary. We have just been through our 4th Xmas here and this one we were both homesick and there is no way to explain it apart from that 'you just want to go home' and it feels like an emotional anchor you cant move forward or back. We often struggle being out here, my wife more than I (isolated stay at home mum). It does get hard when you are miles from home, kids are playing up, car insurance is stupidly expensive (try Johnson they knocked $2K off of my other quote) and you just want the familiar. Canada isn't the great fix all - if it was then there be waay more people living here :O) Watching Foyles war on TV makes us really nostalgic - my grandad had a coat like that etc..

It's weird to look back on what we found hard is now getting easier - Food wise we can't stand the sweet tasting foam they pass off as bread here, but we now eat rye bread and make our own bread rolls as a treat - its now a family event to do so. For me just walking into a bar and knowing which beer I liked, was a real milestone. We now know where to get Readybrek, UK style sausage rolls & yorkshire teabags (Soebeys now do the teabags, yay!) Other stuff we have adopted - pulled pork sandwiches, BBQing all year round, maple syrup and banana pancakes on sundays.

We cant just walk to a pub or a local park, but we will drive out to a suspension bridge in the middle of winter for a walk, a game of iceberg poo sticks and a huge hot chocolate. We dont just pop off to visit another town to go shopping/visit friends. Our camping trip to Bon Echo park this year was just ace. I go back country camping on my own or with friends. My wife now does belly dancing. The kids are in dance classes & brownies. I teach guitar at work in my lunch hour. And so on.

This year we got invites for Xmas/New year etc.. and we still got homesick.

Essentially it takes time to build a new life and it's not easy. Some of the rules have changed, somethings we just ignored when we came out here and added a big pinch of hope for a rosy future. But we are finding we transition through each of the homesick patches pases quicker and we try communicate it and then do something positive. The walk out to the suspension bridge came about because we got totally stir crazy one winter and I just shouted that everyone had to get in the car. Big argument followed, a drive out in silence ending in a laughably big hot chocolate.

I hope that helps in some way.


Roger

deltadeliquent

My husband and I didn't come here for economic reasons. Nor for family or friends. We came because my husband wanted to build stuff and enjoy the eagles and to walk on the beach.

I left England because he wanted to. I liked my life and had no particular reason to start again somewhere else. So much for the sacrifices of marriage.
Now that I am here, I can't believe that playing with chain saws ans other power tools, I can't believe seeing an eagle fly around is worth the well being and happiness of your wife.
There is so much about our move I did not really consider.

I miss most the feeling of history that steeps every inch of Britain. I miss old churches with the history of the community oozing from every crack and crevice.
I miss the dawn chorus of the birds, and the rolling green fields outlined by hedgerows and the occasional oak.
I miss humour, something they do not indulge in in Canada. Or maybe they don't understand the concept....
I miss intellectual musings and opinions on current events. BC has no current events....
I miss style, I miss the variety of potatoes you can get at home. Here there is only the dry and crumbly Russets. I miss proper dairy, and cream.
I miss everything.