Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Canada
Reload this Page >

Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Old Aug 23rd 2011, 12:28 pm
  #16  
Banned
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 138
Lemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud ofLemi has much to be proud of
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

It's interesting how emigration affects the relationships and dynamics within the extended family.

For example, the main reason we came to Canada was to get a really nice big house, but in doing so inadvertently alienated ourselves from my family back home. An unforeseen consequence of this will be that now,when my infirm and elderly parents croak, my creepy "I'll take you shopping Mum", "I'll drive you to your hospital appointment Dad" sister will no doubt swoop in like the vulture she is and inherit their not insubstantial estate.

Then, before you know it, she'll go and buy herself a nicer, bigger house than the one we had to come all the way out here to get.

Some days I really wonder why we bothered.
Lemi is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 12:42 pm
  #17  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Barrie
Posts: 349
TheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond reputeTheBear has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Lemi View Post
It's interesting how emigration affects the relationships and dynamics within the extended family.

For example, the main reason we came to Canada was to get a really nice big house, but in doing so inadvertently alienated ourselves from my family back home. An unforeseen consequence of this will be that now,when my infirm and elderly parents croak, my creepy "I'll take you shopping Mum", "I'll drive you to your hospital appointment Dad" sister will no doubt swoop in like the vulture she is and inherit their not insubstantial estate.

Then, before you know it, she'll go and buy herself a nicer, bigger house than the one we had to come all the way out here to get.

Some days I really wonder why we bothered.
Can't you see what you sound like?
TheBear is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 2:01 pm
  #18  
Banned
 
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: the GTA
Posts: 3,824
Auld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond reputeAuld Yin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Lemi View Post
It's interesting how emigration affects the relationships and dynamics within the extended family.

For example, the main reason we came to Canada was to get a really nice big house, but in doing so inadvertently alienated ourselves from my family back home. An unforeseen consequence of this will be that now,when my infirm and elderly parents croak, my creepy "I'll take you shopping Mum", "I'll drive you to your hospital appointment Dad" sister will no doubt swoop in like the vulture she is and inherit their not insubstantial estate.

Then, before you know it, she'll go and buy herself a nicer, bigger house than the one we had to come all the way out here to get.

Some days I really wonder why we bothered.
If your sister is there for your parents in their final years and you essentially (they believe) abandoned them, then why shouldn't she inherit their not insubstantial estate. It seems perfectly correct to me.
Auld Yin is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 2:42 pm
  #19  
Bon Vivant
 
Simon Legree's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Nova Scotia/Arizona
Posts: 2,956
Simon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond reputeSimon Legree has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Auld Yin View Post
If your sister is there for your parents in their final years and you essentially (they believe) abandoned them, then why shouldn't she inherit their not insubstantial estate. It seems perfectly correct to me.
I agree. After all, as you say, you have the really nice big house that you came all that way to get.
Sounds to me like you achieved what was your goal. The swanky house ! At least you didn't "come for the kids".
As the other poster said, "What do you sound like" !
Every family needs a vulture to keep things interesting. If it bothers you so much why not buy an even bigger one now, just to show your sister, "the vulture", who can be the big-shot. Go for something really impressive, even OTT, that you know she won't ever be able to match. "That'll larn 'er" as they say.
Also maybe you could encourage your parents to squander their "not insubstantial estate" on themselves as quickly as they can so that there won't be anything left when they expire. That would take the wind from beneath the wings of the vulture. Problem solved.
Simon Legree is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:04 pm
  #20  
Seasoned Maritimer
 
Tangram's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick CA
Posts: 8,240
Tangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond reputeTangram has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Simon Legree View Post
I agree. After all, as you say, you have the really nice big house that you came all that way to get.
Sounds to me like you achieved what was your goal. The swanky house ! At least you didn't "come for the kids".
As the other poster said, "What do you sound like" !
Every family needs a vulture to keep things interesting. If it bothers you so much why not buy an even bigger one now, just to show your sister, "the vulture", who can be the big-shot. Go for something really impressive, even OTT, that you know she won't ever be able to match. "That'll larn 'er" as they say.
Also maybe you could encourage your parents to squander their "not insubstantial estate" on themselves as quickly as they can so that there won't be anything left when they expire. That would take the wind from beneath the wings of the vulture. Problem solved.
That's also assuming that the will has been changed because of the 'vulture' helping the parents out in the later years - something surely you would have been informed of when it happened given any reasonable family.
Tangram is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:13 pm
  #21  
Banned
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,088
Boy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by wizzard View Post
I think it also helps to differntiate between the experience of short visits/vacations versus real life. In much the same way as people are shocked by initial migration. Usually peoples first experience of the new place, Canada in this case, is a vacation experience. You spend a lot of time relaxing, enjoying what the location has to offer in terms of lifestyle etc. then you compare it to your 'real life' back in the UK which seems very full of work and stress and Canada (or wherever) seems so big and laid back etc. but when you move there and you have to get a job, and work every day and commute and pay bills etc. you realize it isn't really that much different.
A similar thing happens, I think, in reverse when you go back to visit after a while. I'm going back to visit family on Saturday for a few weeks and haven't been for a few years and again you are entering a vacation type experience, different from the reality of living there. You have lots of free time, you visit with family and friends and go to places with nostalgic associations etc. No work etc. you relax and think hey it wasn't so bad here after all, sat in the beer garden of a country pub, compared to an hour on the 401 in a blizzard.
However, if you moved back that is not how it would be. First you need to find jobs, can you guarantee they will be so close to family that you can visit all the time, if you still want to once the 'homesickness' wears off. Even if you live in a city not too far away you then get everyday life, work and commitments, you still only visit on holidays, odd weekends. Sure more than when you were in Canada but still, beyond a certain distance the time and hassle of driving multiple hours for a visit versus other commitments etc. means you never visit as often as you think you will.
Maybe you can get back in touch with old friends but friends also tend to change, move on. You don't want to move back, another transatlantic relocation, and then find 3 months alter your friends have decided to go to Australia and your parents are downsizing to a small place on the south coast etc.
All I am saying is you need to be sure of what it is you think you miss about a place. If it is family connections then yes it is hard but a reality that families don't often all live in one location. Friends is hard too but unless you want to be room mates and follow each other around forever it is again something that changes over time.
It is easy to yearn for idalized versions of things.
If on the other hand the life you have created now is not what you wanted, you don't like your job, or the town/city you are living in, you don't like the people or culture or way of life then that is different. You can't change those things without moving, but do you need to move back to the UK, or just move to a different town, city, street, job etc. What was it that made you want to move in the first place?
The driving ideal behind most migration is the desire to start from scratch and build something, which is hard and requires effort to create from nothing or very little (or maybe more if you come with a large wad of cash rather than $100 in your pocket) but it is a drive for something new, a re-invention. The desire to recreate what you have left is an oddly common theme, I think maybe understandable if you left because you had no choice (e.g. war, famine, persecution, poverty etc.) and didn't really want to recreate yourself.

anyway I digress and I have to make dinner so I don't know, take from that idle thought what you will.
excellent post.

I went back to the UK about 4 years ago for almost 2 months. Personally I found that nostalgia fades very fast after a fish supper, few trips to the pub and of course a rubby or two.
Boy d is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:15 pm
  #22  
Banned
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,088
Boy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Lemi View Post
It's interesting how emigration affects the relationships and dynamics within the extended family.

For example, the main reason we came to Canada was to get a really nice big house, but in doing so inadvertently alienated ourselves from my family back home. An unforeseen consequence of this will be that now,when my infirm and elderly parents croak, my creepy "I'll take you shopping Mum", "I'll drive you to your hospital appointment Dad" sister will no doubt swoop in like the vulture she is and inherit their not insubstantial estate.

Then, before you know it, she'll go and buy herself a nicer, bigger house than the one we had to come all the way out here to get.

Some days I really wonder why we bothered.
After reading a few of your posts, I have concluded that you have some serious issues, but then you did move to Edmonton.
Boy d is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:22 pm
  #23  
Assimilated Pauper
 
dbd33's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 38,555
dbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond reputedbd33 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Boy d View Post
excellent post.

I went back to the UK about 4 years ago for almost 2 months. Personally I found that nostalgia fades very fast after a fish supper, few trips to the pub and of course a rubby or two.
There's no problem getting a rubby in Toronto. I'm surprised you go in for that sort of thing.
dbd33 is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:26 pm
  #24  
Lowering the tone
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,376
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

I'll bet there are several posters in this very thread who will profess to miss the British sense of humour.
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 3:43 pm
  #25  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Airdrie, AB
Posts: 158
HPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to allHPJOS is a name known to all
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

I now see my parents and my father-in-law far more living here than we ever did in the UK.

I would have loved to live in Suffolk where I grew up but there are no jobs paying anywhere near what we would need to be able to afford to buy there. We were, as such drawn to London to get established in careers after University, visiting my father-in-law for a couple of hours a month on a Sunday afternoon or travelling to my parents at Easter, a couple of bank holidays and Christmas. I reckon a total of 15 days a year to see my parents and 5 days (max) to see my father-in-law.

Already this year I've spent 6 weeks with my folks, 3 days with my father-in-law and we are flying him out next month for 3 weeks.

Distance is distance, no matter where you live, but then my family has never stayed put so no-one was surprised when we said we were moving here.

We know we spend more now visiting and are aware that should a parent fall sick we'll be on that plane to help and as such need to keep funds for emergencies but I'm glad we're here. I wanted to come here for adventure, not because I hated the UK, although it has aspects that wind me up but so does Canada.

Missing things that are familiar is par for the course, but then I also know several Canadians who are the same as us with no family close by. We make them our family and look out for oneanother, supporting in times of sadness and celebrating with them accomplishments, not only for them but their children. We get to know all their parents as we visit when they are staying and you learn to be grateful for your parents and in-laws when you meet some of them!!

At the end of the day no-one can make you happy but you. Family, friends, your location & job factor in but at the end of the day it is down to you and you have control over that.
HPJOS is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 10:13 pm
  #26  
Part Time Poster
 
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Worcestershire
Posts: 4,219
MikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond reputeMikeUK has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

For me it’s dead simple..

For some people the move to another country works and delivers to their expectations, and for others it doesn’t!

The problems arise when both these conditions occur in the same family.
If the family is to remain intact one party must give way..

I suggest to try to establish for the group what the least worse scenario is, and then work towards it..
MikeUK is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2011, 11:12 pm
  #27  
Lowering the tone
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,376
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by MikeUK View Post
The problems arise when both these conditions occur in the same family.
If the family is to remain intact one party must give way..

I suggest to try to establish for the group what the least worse scenario is, and then work towards it..
Good point. I'm sure the OP's husband would soon get fed up of living in frigid Canada and would soon be willing to move back to more compatible climes.
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Aug 24th 2011, 2:47 am
  #28  
Banned
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,088
Boy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond reputeBoy d has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by dbd33 View Post
There's no problem getting a rubby in Toronto. I'm surprised you go in for that sort of thing.
i was exited to find a very good one here, but last week I went and it was crap....others tend to be the same old same old, okay but nothing special. my stomach thanks me for not indulging in such things these days
Boy d is offline  
Old Aug 24th 2011, 4:28 am
  #29  
Soulless bureaucrat
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 361
Lemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond reputeLemonfish has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
I'll bet there are several posters in this very thread who will profess to miss the British sense of humour.
Actually that's one of the things I don't miss.

The unending bantering sarcasm and the self-satisfied 'I'm wittier than you' contests. It all gets a bit tiresome after a while.

That's why I like the Germans. A very earnest people.

Canada is pretty good for earnestness too.
Lemonfish is offline  
Old Aug 24th 2011, 9:28 am
  #30  
Shacked up in the Wack
 
helcat12's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 2,712
helcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond reputehelcat12 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Went back to the UK for 3 weeks and.......

Wizard and The Bear - you are genius and ought to do self-help talks for a living

I would reinforce everything you have said.

When considering immigration and then going through it, it is important to take a step back from your emotions and look at the reality.

You will feel lonely, you will feel at a bit of a loss and you will miss things and people about the UK.
FACT.

Prepare yourself for that and then accept it is happening as a natural process and part of the readjustment.
Just because it is three years now doesn't mean that you will never feel better - people respond at different times and for different lengths of time.

Don't be disturbed by the fact that your children and husband have embraced Canada leaving just you alone. Children always adapt very quickly, even if they HATE the place to begin with and kick up the worst fuss about leaving.
Your husband has a job he is happy with and that is a major part of his satisfaction with life there. Not meaning to be sexist, but there are general differences between the way men and women tend to respond to these moves and it is often the woman who feels the "homesickness" more.

Ignore the gainsayers and get positive, like Bear and Wizzard say.

Stop looking back and look forward.
Stop looking at the happiness of your husband and children from the outside and go join them in it.
The alternative doesn't bear thinking about.
helcat12 is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.