Re: A test to far
 

I don't think that the Ontario courts are interested in who is the biological father; you've been with the Canadian for six years, you can collect child (and probably spousal) support from him as well as 50% or more of whatever assets he currently has. It's not obvious that you have another means of supporting your children so I think you have to pursue this.

If I'm being unduly harsh in assuming that he's found new interests in Canada and would like you all to quietly fade away I apologise; I tend to think like a man.

Re: A test to far
 

Thank you ever so much for your advice ..

I wont take him for everything .. money isnt everything ..

That passage was beautiful .. i will quote that to him ..

After speaking a little more last night and me asking him who's he F***ing, obviously very angry .. he told me that although he loves me, its as a best friend and not how he should love his wife .. so anyway he mentined that he had considered ringing my mum a few times to get some advice (mum on 3rd marriage) so i've asked her to come round tonight and call him ..

At the end of the day .. if he wants me still then great .. if he doesnt, i'll move on, and he knows that .. i will do better ..

Re: A test to far
 

Exactly how stupid is this man? He says he loves you and you're his best friend - what else does he expect from a marriage?!? I know several married couples that aren't even friends, never mind best friends.

Seems to me he's got ridiculously high expectations for marriage and that actually, he's got a pretty good one without even realising it. Is he expecting passion and romance the whole way through your married life over the next 50 years?! :blink:

Sorry but it's just making me cross on your behalf! He took vows and unless something major happens to break those vows (i.e. you suddenly decide you want to become a man or start abusing him etc) then how can he justify not even trying to save his marriage? Counselling may well make a huge difference and help you both regain some kind of 'spark' if that's he feels is really missing. But I have to say, if that's all that's bothering him, he's still got it pretty good! He needs to realise that a good marriage takes work - something he appears to not be prepared to do.

Perhaps point him in the direction of this thread and he can read the responses for himself and hopefully realise what an arse he's being!

Re: A test to far
 

I'm probably being unduly harsh too, but having been on the receiving end of this crap a couple of times I recognise some phrases. "Loves you like a friend" is on a par with "i'm too good for you" and "you deserve better" Men generally behave badly so that you do the dumping and then it's not his responsibility. He's waiting for you to say you have had enough. This will save him from feeling guilty. If he says there wasn't enough sex, and some sex is better than none, then he has found a new supplier. He's being a prat, let him make the decisions, if you want him back then don't be needy, men hate needy.

Re: A test to far
 

OMG, I'd say the last thing you need is a third party (even one who is also your mum) to complicate things. I don't think this can be resolved over the phone. At the least it is letting your husband off the hook and he really needs to be faced with the pain that you're feeling. He is insulated from the reality of what he is doing right now. You need to talk this over face to face.

Re: A test to far
 

I'm also not sure what relationship advice he wants to hear from someone who has been divorced at least twice. (and I'm sure your mum is lovely, but even so).

Re: A test to far
 

Agree with Sinope,

Get your mum to have the kids or sort something out and get on that plane tomorrow hun, or are your passports still at CIC ?

Get him to be honest with you thats the least you deserve sas xx

Re: A test to far
 

Ok lets not turn this thread into a MEN basher:o please
Lets face this guy has washed his hands of her:thumbdown: and taken the cowardly route,so no matter of talkingh will get him back:(
Its move on time,and as others have said ,he owes you money so get it back..

Re: A test to far
 

It maay not be as black and white as that i have been in a sim position as far as being away and thinking there was nothing there, took a while but we got back on track and no one else was involved at that time,

Marriage should be something worth fighting for if you love them x

Re: A test to far
 

I wasnt expecting so many responses but thanks for your honesty.

He was fine talking to my mum, she was just surprised about how calm i'm being about it.

As my passports are now in London, he's looking to come over in the next few weeks as long as he can get time off work.

I honestly dont know where to go from here, if i leave everything behind and make this marriage work to his standards and it fails then im in Canada with 2 kids and no safety net. That safety net is around me now in England (in regards to rented house, furniture and family etc).

I only wish he'd tell me what HE wants now as i just get angry/calm/sad/bitchy when talking to him.

I will get some money back off him.

And no, lets not man bash .. Hubby was a great cook and he was mine.

Its funny you type and read it over and you realise what your writing and i've just realised i wrote "his standards". says it all.

Re: A test to far
 

Hope it all works out ok Sas-lou really do hun xx

Re: A test to far
 

Wow, I've only just read this thread and I dunno what to say! My heart goes out to you.

So he is in Canada already? And now is (privately) expecting you not to join him after all? I think I have to agree with all those others above that say you should go anyway and find out whats going on and if there is anything to salvage. I do agree that a marraige is worth fighting for. Men may have a tendancy to give up too easily but that doesnt mean things cannot be reversed.

If it didnt work out would that mean you abandon hope of living in Canada or would you want to forge a new life there anyway even without him?

Re: A test to far
 

Yes he is already in Canada been there for just over 5 months now.

I dont see how i can go to Canada alone, i dont think i'll be better off financially, i know noone, if i didnt have children then i'd still go .. just not sure if thats an option now .. wonder if there is anything in wiki about this.
Sad thing is i was talking to my youngest tonight (11 yr old) he still wants to go, if i am with jason or not. At the moment i'll keep my options open, who knows what will happen.

Re: A test to far
 

Hi, sas-lou. This is a surreal situation, and I don't know where to begin to respond to the personal aspect of it.

But right now I just want to assist in answering a technical question if possible. You said:
This is what the Wiki on Spousal Sponsorship has to say:

• There are several instances in which members of the BE forum have sponsored their spouses and partners or have been sponsored by their Canadian spouses and partners and are living happily in Canada.
• It is worth noting, however, that sponsoring a spouse or partner and that person's dependent children is not without financial risk to the sponsor.
• Even if the couple divorce or split up, the sponsor is obliged to support the sponsored spouse or partner, if necessary, for three years following his/her becoming a PR.
• The sponsor also is obliged to sponsor the spouse or partner's dependent children, if necessary, for up to ten years.

I don't know what Jason's obligations would be in the current situation. That is, he has sponsored you but, prior to your "landing" in Canada and activating your PR status, he wants to (or at least may want to) pull out of the deal.

I think the most prudent thing to do would be to ask a specific question on the Immigration forum.

And every finger and toe is crossed for you for the long term outcome that will be best for you and your children. :wub:
x

Re: A test to far
 

sas-lou,sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing
and my very best wishes to you:wub:

If you are going to come here,get yourself prepared with financial
backing like getting a job and joining support groups.Can be isolating
and emotional draining when you are working on your marriage.
Any thought about marital counselling ?
Good luck.
Yoong