A test to far
 

This whole immigration process has been somewhat testing.
The plan was to be in Ottawa by August.
So hubby left in May to get ready for our arrival.
I sent off passport off today and was even debating of i should book flight tickets over the next few days.
SHOCK HORROR.
Talking to hubby tonight and he tells me that he doesnt think our marriage is strong enough to survive. He feels honored to let me and the kids come to Canada as he seduced me with the idea 6 years ago.
I very calmly told him to make sure he knows what is saying and if this is really what he wants then i wont bother booking very expensive plane tickets.
I cant cry as the children are around.
He is my best friend and although our marriage wasnt perfect i was happy, obviously that wasnt enough.
I have told him to call me in a few days to confirm his feelings.
Oh my god .. the icing on the cake.
The kids suitcases are ready, they have told their friends, everyone as work got excited for me today and what do i tell my family.
shit

Re: A test to far
 

Massive giant hugs being sent to you. xxx

Re: A test to far
 

I'm so sorry to hear that. :( I really do hope that when he phones he'll have thought about things and realised that he does want to stay married to you.

Perhaps he's just let the stress of everything get on top of him. Have you not seen him since May? That would put stress on even the happiest of relationships I would think.

I hope you can both work it out, sending cyber hugs to you.

Re: A test to far
 

First off, I'm so sorry. What a shock for you. Secondly, you've been apart since May which is a long time. I think you should go over and try to have another go at it - your husband has distanced himself from you and your children and I think you need to get yourselves under his nose again so that he can see what he will be missing if you do split up. Also, don't let him take the easy option of a long-distance divorce where you have to deal with all of the fallout and he just gets the sanitised end-of-the-phone version. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck and I'm sure lots of people will be on giving you much better advice than mine.

Re: A test to far
 

Wow.

Just looking at some of your other thread starters. You're not getting things easy are you.:(

Maybe he's feeling insecure through you being apart, especially with what happened previously with the Russian ex.

Thoughts with you.

Re: A test to far
 

{{{{{{{GREAT BIG CYBER HUG, SAS-LOU}}}}}}}
x

Re: A test to far
 

Talking to hubby tonight and he tells me that he doesnt think our marriage is strong enough to survive. He feels honored to let me and the kids come to

Sas-Lou - thats sucks! Sorry. He has been "doing as he pleases" since May and therefore has had no-one to think of or stop him (not that we intentionally do it but when married you have to think of more than yourself on a daily/hourly basis).

I think (my opinion is worthless but I had to reply) what is not right is that he has waited until you have got to near the end of the process to tell you this bombshell that he will honour his "come on out" but does'nt think your relationship will survive. I just don't get it? Im sure as a Woman your first thought is the same as mine!!!

I agree with some of the other posts - you need to all go - the children need to see their father for first off - but at least you can have a heart to heart when they have gone to bed. Perhaps then face to face he may just realise that he misses you completely and was being a silly sod - I do hope so.

Hugs to you - don't not go - spend the money - give your marriage that, if you return then your husband can be the one to explain to you all why!

I may sound a horrible moo but - as someone else said - its all too easy you not going out.

N

Re: A test to far
 

So sorry, can't offer any advice but thinking of you and hope you can work something out.x

Re: A test to far
 

Thank you, he has offered to send me some money back as all of our savings are in Canada now, but i dont care about the money.
I want my husband .. i hope you right .. i hope he is just being silly and not thinking straight. I thought distance made the heart grow stronger. Im going to kill him .. well not really, just a punch in the arm, not that im a violent person or anything.

Aint i had to deal with enough drama to last a lifetime.

Re: A test to far
 

IME distance does anything but make the heart grow stronger. I think you need to get out there. But also, take any money he gives you, don't turn it down as you may need it and getting child support out of him (if the worst comes to the worst) could get extremely complicated. Also, you may want to start recording conversations?

Re: A test to far
 

Typically heartless response follows.

You're going to have to care about the money. And, assuming you've been together a total of two years, I think you're going to have move to Ontario, however briefly. Ontario divorce laws are very supportive of women with children (technically the non-working partner with children) and anyway he's undertaken to sponsor you here so you have a good case to claim indefinite support. If you stay there, you're going to have a big problem collecting anything.

You might want to get some advice here: http://www.epsteincole.com/

Re: A test to far
 

Bless you Sas-Lou.

Go and good luck - I hope it all works out I really do x

It will be a chat of all chats - but one you have to have.

I wish you all the strength in the world xxxxx

Re: A test to far
 

I have to say I agree with Sinope, I think if it was me I'd just try and get out there - ending a marriage should not be done over the telephone, he needs to see you face to face to talk things through properly.

Can you fly out there as soon as you get your passport back as planned and then ask him to at least give it a few months of you living together again?

Good luck.

Re: A test to far
 

Were those his words exactly that he doesn't think your marriage is strong enough to survive? I ask because that seems a strange thing to say. You love him and to you your marriage seemed like a normal marriage. None are perfect as there are no perfect human beings. Six months apart is a long time and during that time anything could have happened, including depression on his part at the loneliness that comes from suddenly being single again.

I agree with others, finish packing, book your flights, advise him when you are coming and when to pick you up at the airport. Marriages can be saved but only if you work together to save them and that can only be done in person.

Wishing you the best and a happy solution to this crisis for you both.

Re: A test to far
 

That's a horrible thing to happen. I can only only offer two pieces of advice.

1) Do what Rete said.

2) If that doesn't work, do what dbd said (he's not heartless; he is rational).

I hope option 1 works.