Re: A test to far
 

hi Sas-Lou,

So sorry to hear this, right near the end of the process.

Cannot really offer any advice, but I would agree with others to go over there as soon as you are able and to speak to him face to face about this, I feel it is a bit of a get out on his part to try and do this over the phone, just my opinion.

lots of hugs, hope it works out for you and your little ones:)

Re: A test to far
 

We are so sad to hear this. Best advice we can offer is you need to see him face to face. You might be surprised once he is in your company again!
Hope it all works out for you

Re: A test to far
 

Wow what a coward...sorry thats the only wasy i can describe this guy.
Waiting till the last minute...
hey babe screw him for all he,s worth and thats coming from a man that pays $1600 a month alimoney:o
Is he a Brit or Kanuk:confused:

Re: A test to far
 

What an awful thing to be going through.

If I may ask.....did he explain what he meant by "not strong enough to survive" ? If it's just the distance, are you able to make the move sooner?

I too think he is being so unfair telling you over the phone. I hope you have family and/ or good friends to be with you.

Virtual hugs sent :wub:

Linda

Re: A test to far
 

Sas Lou

Just go to Ottawa with the kids don't make it easy for him to shy away from his responsibilities.

It is your dream too.

big hugs:wub:
Ruby

Re: A test to far
 

What a godawful thing to happen. I feel for you I really do.

I am pretty cynical and have my suspicions about why he wants you to fly out and that's so he can have access to the kids. If you stay in Britain and he stays in Ontario then obviously he doesn't. So he may think differently about staying in Canada, he may still want to split up though. It's one thing getting to Ontario to get financial support but this is something you need your friends and family around you, to get you through it.

Make him send all the money over he can, do it while he is feeling guilty. My guess is that he has met someone and loves young dream and hormones are clouding his judgement. Get him to fly back to the UK and then he will see how hard it is to leave the children again.

I hope it works out for you. Dont worry about what people think. Shitty things like this have a habit of sorting out the good friends from the wasters.

Re: A test to far
 

OMG ..

Hubby isnt the childrens biological father .. i took that one to court to get the residence order and removal from the jurisdiction .. hubby has been in our lives since 2002.

"not strong enough to survive" 2 reasons (i should go on oprah) not enough sex lol and he was to dependant on me and being alone for 5 months well he has had to do things for himself ..

We do behave more like best friends than a married couple, and we are somewhat different people with similar views if that makes sense .. but i thought that was a good thing .. i dont know .. we shall see what comes of it ..

Oh he's Canadian and he wouldnt dare dream of seeing someone else .. i would come to canada alone just to beat the living shit out of him then get deported ..

Re: A test to far
 

That's just awful, I really feel for you. I think you should still go, talk face to face, but look into all your options, as dbd suggested.

Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

Re: A test to far
 

Life is complicated. Get what you can out him while he's feeling guilty.

Re: A test to far
 

Me and my wife are best friends and we spend all our time together when I am not away with my work, its worked for over 18yrs. I am away for long periods every other year and it is always a strain on both of us. As soon as we are together it all falls into place! However if I left her she would take every penny and beat the s**t out of me.
I still believe what I said earlier you need to get a face to face with him then you will know if it will work
Best of luck

Re: A test to far
 

Not enough sex, well didn't he realise that was going to happen before he left for Canada. Phone sex can be highly underrated too. As for being dependant on you and having to do things for himself, how's he going to manage if you aren't going to be with him?

I personally think he's just going through a rough patch and needs some self-confidence. Give him a chance, I think your relationship is worth it. Plus it's harder to beat the crap back into him from 3,500 miles away.

The OH and I have similar interests but not totally, it gives us stuff we can do together, and stuff for alone time so we don't smother each other. I hope you get to work it out.

Re: A test to far
 

I am so sorry to hear of your problems:(
I just want to wish you the best of luck and happiness.

and oh yeah:frown:

What a cowardly ba####d he is !!

Sorry:huh:

Re: A test to far
 

What a thing to happen!

Personally I agree with the others though ... get yourselves out there and give it some time to see if he comes around. :thumbup:

I also feel that Dbd's advice is eminently appropiate, because in the end you have to look after yourself and the kids, if he persists in being a silly sod! :frown:

Re: A test to far
 

Maybe I'm being daft, and admittedly I only have 6 years of marriage under my belt so I'm certainly no expert, but isn't it a good thing if you're best friends? What does he expect, mad passion for the rest of his life?!? Ain't gonna happen!

I'm lucky enough that I'm still 'in love' with my husband, and vice versa, but I'm also realistic enough to know that at some point that will disappear, whether it's in a year or twenty years, and then we will need the strong foundation of our being best friends to survive. Sex won't come into the equation much when you're 60/70/80 but being best friends will. Tell him to get a grip, realise that sex is not the be all and end all of a marriage and you have far more positive things going for you in your marriage than your sex life.

For me, love is not that important in a marriage. Friendship, respect, shared values, beliefs and background are far more important - 'being in love' doesn't last forever but those things do.

It reminds me of the Captain Corelli's Mandolin passage (which we had read at our wedding and we now have engraved on a plaque which hangs above our bed!):

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being "in love" has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two."

Sorry to quote text at you but this really does remind me of it. I can't believe he's prepared to give up on a marriage for those reasons. Remind him of his wedding vows 'for better, for worse' etc. He needs to realise that marriage needs working at and that you stand a chance of fixing things if you're there with him (and going for counselling together maybe?).

I really do wish you the very best of luck, fight for your marriage and don't let him give up you from the other side of the Atlantic!

Re: A test to far
 

So sorry Sas-lou you have had a rocky road eh,
Well i agree with the others get out there asap either way you need to sort this out, if your marriage is worth fighting for then go and fight for it hun xx

Get those tickets booked,

wish you all the very best :wub: