Settlement issues
Dec 20th 2011 | 11:08 am
#16
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 15
Re: Settlement issues
To be honest I was sort of 'depressed' during the initial months of my stay here but after getting used to it and accepting that every culture has its pro's n con's I am finally satisfied with Canada now. It has a lot more to offer in financial terms! Lot more jobs, more safety and last but not least, no chavs!!
Dec 20th 2011 | 11:28 am
#17
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: Settlement issues
Hi everyone! I've been reading posts on here for some time now and have finally joined to ask the professionals for some help. My situation is as follows...I got married 2 years ago and moved to the West Midlands as I had promised my husband I would try it out. I realized that we wouldn't be able to enjoy the same standard of living there as we would here. I'm a Social Worker and he worked for the police. other issues were that I had no family, no friends and no support network, on the other hand he has family here, although he choses not to tap into them.
we moved back to BC, with me arriving first and with him joining me about 6 months ago. The job situation for him is very slow unfortunately but I know something will be coming up, just needs to be patient. It took me nearly 7 months to find work in my field while there.
since being here it's been a huge battle. Every little thing is an issue.. I've taken it on the chin, but now i'm losing patience. i know it's hard to settle in another country but we all have to take some responsibility for our feelings. I realize he's not working, he's never been away from home, is missing home and is missing his local and that which is familiar. I don't know what to do to make him less miserable. He has good days and then not so good days.
I'm sure he knows that this is the best place for us overall...i just need to know when he'll stop hating it and when he'll open himself up to the opportunities that being in Canada give us. For those who've come from Britain and are married to Canadians...please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated
we moved back to BC, with me arriving first and with him joining me about 6 months ago. The job situation for him is very slow unfortunately but I know something will be coming up, just needs to be patient. It took me nearly 7 months to find work in my field while there.
since being here it's been a huge battle. Every little thing is an issue.. I've taken it on the chin, but now i'm losing patience. i know it's hard to settle in another country but we all have to take some responsibility for our feelings. I realize he's not working, he's never been away from home, is missing home and is missing his local and that which is familiar. I don't know what to do to make him less miserable. He has good days and then not so good days.
I'm sure he knows that this is the best place for us overall...i just need to know when he'll stop hating it and when he'll open himself up to the opportunities that being in Canada give us. For those who've come from Britain and are married to Canadians...please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated
Dec 20th 2011 | 11:30 am
#18
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: Settlement issues
Well..I can very well understand what he is going through-having lived in UK for 6 years and moving here.However, I personally feel that community in Canada is far closer to its roots then the one's in UK!
To be honest I was sort of 'depressed' during the initial months of my stay here but after getting used to it and accepting that every culture has its pro's n con's I am finally satisfied with Canada now. It has a lot more to offer in financial terms! Lot more jobs, more safety and last but not least, no chavs!!
To be honest I was sort of 'depressed' during the initial months of my stay here but after getting used to it and accepting that every culture has its pro's n con's I am finally satisfied with Canada now. It has a lot more to offer in financial terms! Lot more jobs, more safety and last but not least, no chavs!!
Dec 20th 2011 | 2:08 pm
#19
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,986
Re: Settlement issues
Move back to the UK, but somewhere nicer than the West Midlands.
Dec 20th 2011 | 2:10 pm
#20
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,986
Re: Settlement issues
As for chavs, I quite miss them, they add character to a place.
Dec 20th 2011 | 3:04 pm
#21
Sawdust making harpy
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 11,291
From: Alberta
Re: Settlement issues
I like jonboys suggestion of a neutral third country - then you both have something in common 
Dec 20th 2011 | 4:48 pm
#23
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 15
Re: Settlement issues
Shootings? They are not as common as stabbings in UK..
Just my thought
Dec 20th 2011 | 8:06 pm
#24
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,746
Re: Settlement issues
IMHO the fact that he isn't engaging with anyone is maybe because he is depressed and the more he doesn't engage the more depressed he gets and on it goes.
If you think he has a real problem then maybe suggest he sees a doctor for some help? or even a Counsellor (but I know men can be very reluctant to see Counsellors)
I think getting him out of the house as much as you can would be a good start.
In my work I see how hard being the partner of a depressed person can be and it's not to be underestimated the toll it takes on the partner.
Are you able to sit down with him and make an action plan on how to tackle what he is finding hard? with solutions and steps to get to the solutions? small tasks lists for each day can be very beneficial to people who are feeling very down.
Hope this helps a little
If you think he has a real problem then maybe suggest he sees a doctor for some help? or even a Counsellor (but I know men can be very reluctant to see Counsellors)
I think getting him out of the house as much as you can would be a good start.
In my work I see how hard being the partner of a depressed person can be and it's not to be underestimated the toll it takes on the partner.
Are you able to sit down with him and make an action plan on how to tackle what he is finding hard? with solutions and steps to get to the solutions? small tasks lists for each day can be very beneficial to people who are feeling very down.
Hope this helps a little
Dec 20th 2011 | 11:21 pm
#25
Living in the Truman Show
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 265
From: land of make believe
Dec 21st 2011 | 2:19 am
#26
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 70
From: ontario
Re: Settlement issues
Gosh its tough sometimes isn't it. We're a family of 4 and like an earlier poster, always agreed that after a certain amount of time, if any one of us was still seriously unhappy, we would head back to the UK. Its hard if you're at home all day and have little human contact - I'm a SAHM and am doing some voluntary work...what about going down that route to get out of the house while waiting for paid employment? Anything to keep the sanity...it may also offer some useful experience?
Dec 21st 2011 | 2:45 am
#27
Beep
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 8,311
From: Here
Re: Settlement issues
Buy him a dog.
Dec 21st 2011 | 3:01 am
#28
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,746
Re: Settlement issues
I don't know if that was said in jest but actually it might not be a bad idea. Whilst puppies are extremely hard work - dogs are amazing company. They give you so much and ask for next to nothing in return. Their adoration for you is very uplifting... go out the house for 5 minutes and when you come back you would think you had been gone a week!
Puppies whilst hard work are very rewarding when you train them...
Puppies whilst hard work are very rewarding when you train them...
Dec 21st 2011 | 3:14 am
#29
Beep
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 8,311
From: Here
Re: Settlement issues
Nope i was being serious. I work from home so don't have any contact with people through the day other than strangers, mostly.
We got a Pug earlier this year and it's ace. I also do many activities to keep me sane, fresh, and socialised during the week days:
Snowboarding, Kayaking, Mountain Biking, Boxing, MMA training, walking the dog. I'm lucky in that i had a great family and friends network when i arrived but the stuff i do, especially the dog walking, has made me many more acquaintances. Plus he gets me up and about and helps me nap in the afternoon (Pug Blanket).
That said, don't get a dog if he's going to bugger off in 6 months. That wouldn't be fair on the dog.
Has he applied for the VPD?
I also find perving at the bikini clad women on the beach during summer is a nice way to pass the time. I have a pair of binoculars and Oink has a boat so...
We got a Pug earlier this year and it's ace. I also do many activities to keep me sane, fresh, and socialised during the week days:
Snowboarding, Kayaking, Mountain Biking, Boxing, MMA training, walking the dog. I'm lucky in that i had a great family and friends network when i arrived but the stuff i do, especially the dog walking, has made me many more acquaintances. Plus he gets me up and about and helps me nap in the afternoon (Pug Blanket).
That said, don't get a dog if he's going to bugger off in 6 months. That wouldn't be fair on the dog.
Has he applied for the VPD?
I also find perving at the bikini clad women on the beach during summer is a nice way to pass the time. I have a pair of binoculars and Oink has a boat so...
Dec 21st 2011 | 3:27 am
#30
Banned
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,088
Re: Settlement issues
It can be tough...sounds like me twenty years ago..I never worked for av year and got laid off after 6 months. You need to work it out or separation can become a reality. 20 years later this is home, besides the usual ups and downs that are life.
I am a police officer in surrey at HQ....hiring in policing has slowed recently. If hubby has Chinese language skills that would bode well. True on the wages in policing being a lot higher than the uk....and while there may be more shootings
There is a lot less street level violence and anti social behaviour as similar areas in the UK. Shootings ought not be a major concern to the average joe.
If you need any guidance on policing, pm me.
I've recently got a pup...and have to agree that it has a massive positive impact on your life...despite chewing my lap top and peeing on my shoes!
Good luck and merry xmas
I am a police officer in surrey at HQ....hiring in policing has slowed recently. If hubby has Chinese language skills that would bode well. True on the wages in policing being a lot higher than the uk....and while there may be more shootings
There is a lot less street level violence and anti social behaviour as similar areas in the UK. Shootings ought not be a major concern to the average joe.
If you need any guidance on policing, pm me.
I've recently got a pup...and have to agree that it has a massive positive impact on your life...despite chewing my lap top and peeing on my shoes!
Good luck and merry xmas
