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Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Is it normal to feel instant regret?

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Old Aug 27th 2021, 7:13 pm
  #31  
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by Lychee
I think it's completely normal to feel this way.

A move to Canada isn't a superficial move; it's an entire change of lifestyle. You are changing every aspect of your life. You will feel disoriented! Everything you took for granted in the UK, everything you did on autopilot in the UK, you will have to relearn from scratch in Canada. This includes customs you took for granted, like how to socialize with strangers you see on the street (i.e. sarcasm is often not well-received amongst strangers in Canada), to how one socializes with coworkers (i.e. there is often no after work pub culture and Canadian workers do not expect there to be one either), to the types of cultural references you share with others, to how you spend your spare time in this part of the world, to the different nationalities of immigrants that have moved to this part of Canada over the decades, to the types of restaurants and styles of cuisine available, to where your food comes from, to the style of shopping available or not available, to how one interacts with the land, to how land is managed (there is no Right to Roam) , the systems in place (i.e. the concept of Crown land, how each province manages its education system, its own health care systems, its own provincial taxes, the differences between national, provincial, regional, and municipal jurisdictions), etc. Also, the concept of geography, of distance, the vastness of Canada and the low density of the population means that this part of the world simply cannot support the same types of systems and infrastructure a tiny country with a high population density, like the UK, can support.

Also, Langley and the Fraser Valley have been developed for car transportation first and foremost, public transit is pretty much an afterthought. It is an extremely suburban sprawl type area and that in itself may be a culture shock. Cars are necessary in that part of the world. Day-to-day life requires one, and without one, you will definitely feel even more disoriented, if not downright stranded.

I think the best piece of advice is to accept Canada in its own context, and do not compare it to the UK. Things are not better, not worse, simply different. It is a different lifestyle. Be kind to yourself. Accept that it is a long, nuanced journey to transition to this different lifestyle. You will feel disoriented and it will take years to learn it and for it to start to become "normal". The sooner you accept it is a slow journey, not immediate, the easier it will be for yourself and others.
I think we can all do with reading this sometimes, new and those that have been in a new country for even a while.
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Old Aug 27th 2021, 11:18 pm
  #32  
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by Lychee
I think it's completely normal to feel this way.

A move to Canada isn't a superficial move; it's an entire change of lifestyle. (snip)

I think the best piece of advice is to accept Canada in its own context, and do not compare it to the UK. Things are not better, not worse, simply different. It is a different lifestyle. Be kind to yourself. Accept that it is a long, nuanced journey to transition to this different lifestyle. You will feel disoriented and it will take years to learn it and for it to start to become "normal". The sooner you accept it is a slow journey, not immediate, the easier it will be for yourself and others.
This...
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Old Aug 27th 2021, 11:44 pm
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Thanks, some absolutely cracking stuff here, really really helpful. I might frame some of these comments to remind me!

Wife and daughter arrive tomorrow so that'll help.

next step is a) buy a car - apparently 8 year finance is a thing here so might look at that and b) find a place to rent (aldergrove I think). I was told today estate agents for renting are not a thing.....so off to Craigslist.....
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Old Aug 28th 2021, 2:11 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
Thanks, some absolutely cracking stuff here, really really helpful. I might frame some of these comments to remind me!

Wife and daughter arrive tomorrow so that'll help.

next step is a) buy a car - apparently 8 year finance is a thing here so might look at that and b) find a place to rent (aldergrove I think). I was told today estate agents for renting are not a thing.....so off to Craigslist.....
Real estate agents can help you to find a rental. Be careful about renting from Craigslist - there are lots scams around. Strongly suggest you read up on renting in Canada in our wiki https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Renting-Canada as well as the tenancy regulations in BC: https://tenantrights.ca/facts/british-columbia

What type of accommodation are you looking for? It may also be worth checking the 'off campus' website - you don't have to be associated with a Uni to access it https://och101.com/#listings-map-view - https://och101.com/?search=Langley,%20BC,%20Canada - such as this one: https://och101.com/North-America/Can...treet-1639219/

but if you are associated with a Uni, check their faculty housing department.

Are you hoping to apply for Permanent Residence?



Last edited by Siouxie; Aug 28th 2021 at 2:16 am.
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Old Aug 28th 2021, 2:14 am
  #35  
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
Thanks, some absolutely cracking stuff here, really really helpful. I might frame some of these comments to remind me!

Wife and daughter arrive tomorrow so that'll help.

next step is a) buy a car - apparently 8 year finance is a thing here so might look at that and b) find a place to rent (aldergrove I think). I was told today estate agents for renting are not a thing.....so off to Craigslist.....
I would not finance a car over 8 years. Cars do not last 8 years. I would look at leasing a car for three or four years. A lease is a kind of rental agreement, you get to use the car for, typically, 20,000km/yr and at the end of the agreement you walk away. This may not be the cheapest way to get wheels but it gives you use of a new car and so freedom from worry at a time when there are other things to worry about. A lease is an obligation, not a debt, and so doesn't count in terms of debt ratio which may be important if you want to borrow for a house or similar. If a new car lease is more than you want to spend look at leasebusters for the option to take over someone else's lease.

Shit, why deal with some ancient rusty Toyota when you can have a nice, recent, Ford?
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Old Aug 28th 2021, 3:34 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by Siouxie
Real estate agents can help you to find a rental. Be careful about renting from Craigslist - there are lots scams around. Strongly suggest you read up on renting in Canada in our wiki https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Renting-Canada as well as the tenancy regulations in BC: https://tenantrights.ca/facts/british-columbia

What type of accommodation are you looking for? It may also be worth checking the 'off campus' website - you don't have to be associated with a Uni to access it https://och101.com/#listings-map-view - https://och101.com/?search=Langley,%20BC,%20Canada - such as this one: https://och101.com/North-America/Can...treet-1639219/

but if you are associated with a Uni, check their faculty housing department.

Are you hoping to apply for Permanent Residence?
thanks for that, I've seen that and now contacted a couple "realators" (lol). I went to Craigslist and was like "what the?!?"
2 bed minimum, somewhere quieter than Langley and cheaper. Im missing my quiet public footpath walks I use to take. I'll have a look at that off campus thing cheers.

Yes, all I'm waiting for is my ECA.....15 to 20 weeks they say, I'm on the "awaiting evaluation" stage. My IELTS was done Jan 2021 so I hope my ECA hurries up then I don't have to go through that again!
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Old Aug 28th 2021, 3:46 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by dbd33
I would not finance a car over 8 years. Cars do not last 8 years. I would look at leasing a car for three or four years. A lease is a kind of rental agreement, you get to use the car for, typically, 20,000km/yr and at the end of the agreement you walk away. This may not be the cheapest way to get wheels but it gives you use of a new car and so freedom from worry at a time when there are other things to worry about. A lease is an obligation, not a debt, and so doesn't count in terms of debt ratio which may be important if you want to borrow for a house or similar. If a new car lease is more than you want to spend look at leasebusters for the option to take over someone else's lease.

Shit, why deal with some ancient rusty Toyota when you can have a nice, recent, Ford?
cheers, I'm looking into lease but the advertised interest is bloody high at 6 odd percent, and seems less popular here than the UK. My credit history is spotless though so once I've opened a cad bank account I'll try and get a better deal.
Well, that was my thinking - I know an ancient Toyota or Honda for 2000 cad might well do the trick.......but weighing it all up I think the peace of mind of something 3-5 years old is more tempting. I'm not a car person - so I hate spending money on cars whether it's fixing them or buying less old ones but it's a tool I can't afford the risk blowing up out here!

Good point on the borrowing bit, I forgot about that. I'd like to buy once Ive sold my nice 3 bed semi in the uk, but even then from the equity I very very much doubt I'll even get a deposit for a shed out here!
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Old Aug 28th 2021, 8:26 am
  #38  
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
My credit history is spotless though so once I've opened a cad bank account I'll try and get a better deal.
Your UK credit history isn't likely to count for much in Canada, have a hunt around the forum to find ways of getting it up as a newcomer. And don't forget to factor in any tax liabilities if you're selling your UK house after you've all left the UK.

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
Yes, all I'm waiting for is my ECA.....15 to 20 weeks they say, I'm on the "awaiting evaluation" stage. My IELTS was done Jan 2021 so I hope my ECA hurries up then I don't have to go through that again!
Your IELTS is valid for 2 years, so no need to worry about that expiring. But if you want your ECA sooner there are other providers with much quicker timescales, you can check the website for each provider to find out their current processing time.

What's your CRS score, are you likely to get an ITA quite quickly or will you have to wait to get Canadian work experience/nomination to get your points up? If so, there may not be such a rush for the ECA anyway.

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Old Aug 29th 2021, 1:01 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by christmasoompa
Your UK credit history isn't likely to count for much in Canada, have a hunt around the forum to find ways of getting it up as a newcomer. And don't forget to factor in any tax liabilities if you're selling your UK house after you've all left the UK.



Your IELTS is valid for 2 years, so no need to worry about that expiring. But if you want your ECA sooner there are other providers with much quicker timescales, you can check the website for each provider to find out their current processing time.

What's your CRS score, are you likely to get an ITA quite quickly or will you have to wait to get Canadian work experience/nomination to get your points up? If so, there may not be such a rush for the ECA anyway.
cool, got a meeting with a realator who's an expat herself so hopefully get my head round what to do.

my eca is through Toronto uni, but since I've already paid them I don't fancy paying again. CRS score was really high when we were in UK so will only be higher now, the immigration lawyer thats got me here (before anyone says anything my employer chose and paid for them) says we should be picked at the next drawer if we get the eca sorted
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Old Aug 29th 2021, 7:32 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
my eca is through Toronto uni, but since I've already paid them I don't fancy paying again. CRS score was really high when we were in UK so will only be higher now, the immigration lawyer thats got me here (before anyone says anything my employer chose and paid for them) says we should be picked at the next drawer if we get the eca sorted
Fair enough, you might as well wait for the ECA then. Your score won't be higher as you don't get any extra points until you have a full year's Canadian work experience, but it should be the same or possibly only a little bit lower if you've had a birthday between then and now. But either way if it's well over 460 you should be good to go, if you're applying under PNP then yes, you should get an ITA next draw. If it's FSW then no FSW draws are being done at the moment (last time was December 2020), but maybe by the time you have your ECA they'll have started again.

Best of luck, hope you settle in ok and it becomes an exciting adventure rather than a 'what the hell have I done'!
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Old Aug 29th 2021, 2:46 pm
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

15 years ago, I lay face down on the bed in our hotel 3 hrs after landing at Pearson. Straining my neck upwards I could see the mist and rain outside the window. My wife slumped in the chair beside the bed. Twilight was descending.

On repeat, running through my head was the following: "Open the laptop, buy a return ticket, get back home and chalk this all down to 48 hours of madness. Your friends will laugh, your family will welcome you and say nothing.".

I fell asleep for 4 hours. In some ways I've just woken up this last year.

Change and regret - yes it's normal.
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Old Sep 2nd 2021, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Firstly welcome to Canada and welcome to Langley! It is a really nice area but it always takes some time to adjust. I remember having mornings when I first arrived where I'd wake up and be like... what am I doing here. Haha.

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
Thanks, some absolutely cracking stuff here, really really helpful. I might frame some of these comments to remind me!

Wife and daughter arrive tomorrow so that'll help.

next step is a) buy a car - apparently 8 year finance is a thing here so might look at that and b) find a place to rent (aldergrove I think). I was told today estate agents for renting are not a thing.....so off to Craigslist.....
If you prefer car free (or just low car usage) be sure to also check out Willoughby Town Centre and Fort Langley. Both walkable areas with nice shops and things to do in Langley. I rented an apartment in one of the Yorkson buildings in Willoughby and it was really nice just being able to walk to the grocery store. Even Walnut Grove where I live now is quite walkable with sidewalks everywhere though more sprawling and suburban. I have an escooter too which helps get around sprawl a lot faster without a car as well There is an express bus from Carvolth Exchange Bus station that can take you to a Skytrain station for getting into Vancouver.

Please feel free to PM if you have any Langley specific questions
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Old Sep 18th 2021, 11:20 am
  #43  
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by cornishincanada
Thankyou yes, grew up in a village near Liskeard, then went Nottingham, then Scunthorpe. I got fed up of the pollution in Scunny and building on green belts etc. Yes, I'm a keen cyclist (both road and MTB xc to endur0). In the UK my ideal lifestyle was rural living, allotment, small holding but that's just unachievable with housing costs. I'm car less at mo, as already mentioned here I'm in the UK car mindset - new is silly, but starting to wonder now?
My family and I lived in Canada for 15 years. We spent the first 7 years living on Fraser Heights in North Surrey. When we first moved to Canada it was very affordable and we settled in very quickly living on a great neighborhood and made many friends really quickly. We were very happy with Canada and had no intention of leaving. 7 years later I was offered a transfer with my job to Vancouver Island. We were very happy where we lived and thought long and hard about the move. My work involved frequent travel to Vancouver and Richmond. The highways were clogged with traffic and accidents were frequent. Travel had become a nightmare. Massive densification was taking place all around us and the cost of living was starting to rise dramatically, particularly with real estate.
In the end we decided to try out the Island having heard many good things about the place.
We bought a house on Bear Mountain just outside of Victoria and travel to work was a short 20 minute drive when we first arrived. My work involved traveling all over Southern VI and occasionally up to Campbell River.
in the beginning things were fine but very soon culture shock really hit us. We found the locals extremely unfriendly and very insular. I guess we had just picked a bad location to live. We hadn’t researched this region as our original intention with the move to Canada was to live in the Okanagan region. Something we never managed to achieve for one reason or another.

SVI started to experience very heavy densification and traffic quickly built up on the main highway. What was a pleasant 20
minute drive soon turned into an hour. My wife worked at the Royal Jubilee hospital and her commute very soon became an issue both to and from work. Forward planning is not a Canadian strong point.
To cut a long story short the densification was too much for us and what was once a very pretty region soon looked awful with thousands and thousands of cheap ugly condos being built anywhere they could find a space.
COVID came along and our particular municipality decided to take advantage and virtually destroyed every last piece of green space in the town despite opposition from the residents. The place looked a mess and no new infrastructure was being added to take account of the increased population. The place had become a permanent construction site and we decided enough was enough. Crime was rising rapidly, drug addicts everywhere and the place had lost its charm. Add that to the massive cost of living increase over the last 5 years we decided to call it a day and return back to the UK. Our dream in Canada was over. We took advantage of the massive increase in real estate and decided to retire to Cornwall in the UK.
We now are living in a small seaside town called Looe and have amazing views of the harbor and sea. We are very much enjoying our new life in rural Cornwall despite our container being stuck in Canada at the clogged up ports. Our neighbors have been amazing and leant us furniture and a tv. We couldn’t have asked for more.
Interestedly we have made some friends in Looe who have family connections in Victoria. We have had some good discussions!

One of the best things we like living in Looe is that we can walk anywhere. Our car hasn’t been off the drive for a week and only gets used for the occasional shopping trip or day out.
I cannot wait until my fishing equipment arrives from Canada.
We can also get warm beer and excellent fish and chips! Everything we could ever want is on our door step.



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Old Sep 19th 2021, 3:02 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

I grew up very near Looe, gets a bit full of emmets in holiday season but nice. I'm sure there are similar places here in BC, I think it's just so much more spread out
yes, this urbanification is crazy. Every bit of space is being built on and then finished buildings are only affordable by the wealthy. It is what it is.

Having been here a month I see some merit doing my time here for a bit and them moving north or east. There are jobs posted for my skills daily so should be possible, or even over to Alberta. Who knows! Alot can happen in a year!
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Old Sep 19th 2021, 4:40 am
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Default Re: Is it normal to feel instant regret?

Originally Posted by getoutofbritainquick
We now are living in a small seaside town called Looe and have amazing views of the harbor and sea. We are very much enjoying our new life in rural Cornwall despite our container being stuck in Canada at the clogged up ports. Our neighbors have been amazing and leant us furniture and a tv. We couldn’t have asked for more.
Interestedly we have made some friends in Looe who have family connections in Victoria. We have had some good discussions!

One of the best things we like living in Looe is that we can walk anywhere. Our car hasn’t been off the drive for a week and only gets used for the occasional shopping trip or day out.
I cannot wait until my fishing equipment arrives from Canada.
We can also get warm beer and excellent fish and chips! Everything we could ever want is on our door step.
Up the way from Cornwall but one day I will see my Jurassic coastline again - & if I do I shall refuse to leave.
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