AllyS

Is anyone having difficulty figuring out where they 'fit in' with Canadian society/life?

Do you find that this is perhaps something you have to carve out for yourself? Well this goes without saying really.

However, although my brother (who is British) and SIL are also in Calgary, we find that they are too busy and have their own set of friends and my SIL's family (who are Canadian) are frequent visitors. Despite these things, we are not in their social group. Weird isn't it? A lot of the social activities they do are through the Church or work as they both work crazy hours and frequently work at weekends.

We are starting from scratch in terms of finding a circle of friends. We don't have children and so there is no school related people we need to meet with.

Any insight would be useful!

el_richo

You're not living in the slums of Mumbai. Don't over think things and you'll be fine.

Edit: I see you edited after i posted. Relax and do what you want to do, with that acquaintances may be formed who in turn may become friends. I posted this before but owning a dog is a huge inroad into meeting people. This is an interesting topic though as i think it could easily be left off the radar when people are looking to make the move away from their friends and family.

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AllyS

Thanks El Richo, and to think that we were in Mumbai last year!

R I C H

Doesn't life just evolve, rather than it being a conscious choice of trying to fit in somewhere? Wherever you live will be dictated somewhat by your income, desired lifestyle and social preferences. If you find yourself uncomfortable there, move on.



You create your own opportunities, within a career, or circle of friends. Sometimes luck is involved, sometimes you can be proactive.



Weird? No, I don't think so. Just because you're family it doesn't mean you're going to have compatible schedules or the same interests. Enjoy the social group you do have, rather than worry about someone else's.




You're not alone in that respect. Do you work, have hobbies or interests that would widen your social circle? Do you invite neighbours round? It takes a long time to build trust, have shared experiences that bond friendships. Don't expect things to develop overnight, it can take years to feel like you've got an equivalent network of friends to that which you had in the UK.

AllyS

I thought I would put this out there because my hubby mentioned this over the weekend. I explained that we were newly arrived immigrants and that we would be carving our own niche, whatever that might be.....

He is still job hunting and hasn't yet got into a routine, still frustrated that things haven't fallen into place quick enough.

iaink

Be who you are, do stuff you enjoy doing. In time you will meet people who like you for who you are, and who share common interests.

It takes time. Its not like the UK where you have friends through a lifetime of common experiences, school, college, footy , work, pub, whatever. Like you say, you are starting from scratch. Remember people here already have a network of friends, so the only compromise is that you cant expect them to come to you, you will likely have to be the outgoing one to make the first move.

Oink

You have realize you'll always be the foreigner/outsider. Accept it and get on with it.

Also, Canadians are touchy bleeders so don't go on about how crap their country is all the time. That's one of the many reasons why this forum is so useful.

el_richo

I was lucky enough to have a great network when we moved over but the following have built it even further:

Owning a dog (pug puppy gets lots of attention)
Playing beach volleyball for a laugh
Group Kayaking
Fight (Krav Maga & MMA) training

Not sure if any of the above are relevant but they were good for me. But my initial comment of doing what you want to do and see what happens still stands. Be comfortable with yourself and your own company.

Another edit: Oink, IainK, and RICH said it better than me. I need a coffee.

AllyS

Thanks folks.....

lmartin999

I never knew anyone in the UK who had a hobby. We just went to the pub.

snowcandy

Enjoy your life here and now with your family, OH or whoever you share each day with. Don't stress about making friends, just be friendly and be yourself and it will happen, just maybe not that quickly!

We had moved a lot in the UK due to hubby being in the military and had to keep making new friends all over so were a bit more used to trying to "fit in", but it's still difficult to do. Granted having kids helps but it's still a slow process. It takes time, but don't waste your life trying to fit in just get out there and enjoy every day!!

Oink

I suppose that depends on your definition of hobby. One of my hobbies was playing on fruit machines which I reckon takes quite a bit of skill, although my dad was never convinced and just thought I was being a wanker for wasting my money.

ExKiwilass

Truthfully? It's going to take some time to really feel like you have that network. Lower your expectations. You have each other at least. Re; inlaws. When my BIL and SIL lived in the same city, we saw each other but not that often - Rich nailed it, being family doesn't mean you have interests in common.

Otherwise I agree that you should just be who you are and follow what you are interested in...things will fall into place.

JonboyE

One very smart person posted on here a while ago, "don't try to fit in - join in."

I couldn't agree more.

lmartin999

Do they have fruities over here? I'm pretty sure we don't in Ontario, there is probably some law related to drinking and having fun at the same time.

We used to talk about getting a hobby, but would then think F it and have another pint. Just always seems like a lot of effort.