again - sorry for slightly messing up the sequence of comments .... perhaps I'm the one going crazy.

But I do hope that the OP does start to feel better soon and I know she will get a lot of positive feedback form people on this forum. If only it had existed when I moved away .... it would have saved me many lonely nights in tears and writers cramp form long handedly writing to everyone back home.

Longwayfromhome, i remember feeling like you do, many, many years ago when i first moved to the States back in 1991.
For me, the first 2 weeks felt like i was on holiday and all was great but then................i started to feel really homesick and dispondent. i started looking for reasons to dislike the US and everything about it, including the natives.... all of them ! This mindset went on for what seemed an eternity.
Then after about 2/3 months i started to come round and slowly get used to the differences, cultural and otherwise.
Then at around 4 months i seemed to stop missing ( not stop loving ) my family and friends back home and actually struggled to image ever living in England.
Once i was over the hill with the 'settling in' process i was happier than i ever thought i could be.
My only mistake was coming back when my work contract ran out.
Now i spend every waking moment trying to work out ways to get back over there for good !

Give it a bit more time..........you'll see

I sympathize with you, longwayfromhome. Been there, done that, and have the T-shirt, so to speak.

I second everything that Zoe Bell and fledermaus said.

Before my most recent move (albeit it was an internal move from Alberta to BC and albeit I was a veteran at moving), I found it helpful to read Louise Green's e-book. Louise is an expat coach who lives in Canmore, Alberta, and she posts here under the user name of achanginglife.

I found it useful to take Louise's recommendation and think of an international relocation as happening in three distinct phases: (1) conception, (2) transition, and (3) integration. Actually, come to think of it, BE recently published Louise's article called The Three Phases of Emigration.

I think emigration can be compared with marriage. As with marriage, people have a tendency to focus on preparations for the wedding and just assume that, beyond that, they'll somehow live happily ever after. Similarly, when it comes to emigration, they tend to focus on applying for entry to their destination country and then on the physical move.

Perhaps that's natural, because research, submitting the application, and arranging the move take a lot of effort. Still, the fact is that at some point after the physical move has taken place the honeymoon comes to an end. Some honeymoons (in the migration context and I suppose in the other context too) last a long time and some are very shortlived indeed.

I recommend that you do what Zoe Bell suggested. That is, identify each "problem" and then identify something you can do that will contribute to a solution. That something could be a small step, e.g., asking a question on here about how one performs this or that transaction in Canada.

Louise Green suggests that you also track your accomplishments and triumphs, no matter how "minor" they may seem. For example, if a classmate invites one of your children over to his/her house, consider that an accomplishment. If someone invites you over for coffee, consider that another accomplishment. If you figure out how to do X in Canada, consider that yet another accomplishment.

Also make two columns on a piece of paper, and list the things that are going well and the things that are going badly. For example, if your family has a roof over its head, that might be something to write in the plus column. When you draw up a list like this, you usually discover that there are more things in the plus column than you initially might have guessed. That helps to put things into perspective.

Although I totally sympathize with your suffering, longwayfromhome, and I absolutely do not want to appear to be minimizing it, I really do recommend that you give Canada more of a chance.
x

Hi,

Just wanted to say hi and give a little moral support.

I think having spent so long getting here you owe it to yourself to give it a proper go. You could potentially spend a long time regretting it if you went back to the UK now.

Moving to a new country is hard, you miss your friends and family and the comfort of just knowing how things work. There will be days when it all seems really bad but it will get better. I have found people here very friendly and found that if I smile and explain I've just moved here they're generally happy to explain things or help me out.

Making new friends takes time and it also takes effort, it's something I'm not naturally very good at. I find I have to force myself into situations I'm not particularly comfortable with, but it's worth it.

Have you thought of joining some local clubs or groups? I know it sounds a bit naff but it really helps to meet other people. I went to the local library and found a book group which I've joined, there's also the local gym / recreation center. Where we are local church halls and community associations seem to have a lot of activities - even if it's something that's not quite 'your thing' it's worth getting involved in something just to meet people.

I've only been here three months but this is our third overseas move so I know what it's like and I know it gets easier. Tell yourself you're not going back, you're here for at least two years and accept that your new life is here. It will get better. If, after a couple of years, you still want to go back than at least you will know you gave it a chance and can make an informed decision and you will have had the experience of living in a different country.

Good Luck

MrsDV

No problem.....I completely relate to going through those awful times also and already dreading my return but I know I have to do it and I committed myself the moment I stepped forth into Canada with my OH and 3 young children it was the right thing to do at that time. I know my heart is always back in the old land but I also know that the decision to move to Canada was the right one for my family's future of which is a great one..... I will post again later when I know LWFH location?

Powerwrap's very valid post, which I did not see at the time that I posted my message, has reminded me of something. You may find it helpful to read the Wiki article called Culture Shock-Canada.

Do not underestimate the power of culture shock, especially -- as fledermaus pointed out -- when you move from one English-speaking country to another.
x

I left all my family behind when I came to Canada,supposedly for two years, got married, and am still enjoying life here nearly 40 years later. Some things that might help you to start putting down roots in this country: find some activities you're interested in where you'll have a chance to meet more people and make some friends; don't be afraid to ask people about things you don't know, even in grocery stores; try to get out every day - sitting at home thinking sad thoughts makes it worse; if you really don't like the community you're staying in, decide what kind of community you would like and plan on moving there - there are plenty of alternatives in a country this size. About the worst thing I found was spending time with unhappy people. Once you make meet a few upbeat folks and start getting out and enjoying some things, you will feel a lot better. You might try getting involved in some parent activities at your children's schools or even doing some volunteer work -anything to help you to become part of the community, to realise you're not alone, and that there are decent people everywhere.
Best of luck.

My first ever post on BE was almost identical to this one except I'm in the US. The first year is the hardest

My simple advice would be to think of all the good things that made you think Canada would be a good place to live and concentrate on them; the little annoyances and homesickness will fade with time and the kids will adjust much quicker than you if they think you are happy.

Best of luck

HH

We're in Peterborough

Agreed. I was in the exact same boat but in Australia.

It is really difficult to make rational decisions when emotions are in turmoil. OP, do nothing yet.

i liked that one. it has cheered me up.

Aww, I feel for you. I think we've all been there, done that. Many years ago when I first emigrated, I wanted to go home after the first week. I cried buckets. I was so miserable. My husband said, give it 3 months, then give it 6 months. By then the kids were totally immersed in the life, things got better (we had HUGE struggles in the beginning, financial and emotional). Still here and don't regret it more than 30 years later.

Just give it a bit more time. Don't feel like it's forever. Then maybe it won't seem so bad. If it works out for you that's great, and if you end up going back, well at least you tried. But do give it more time.

We arrived in Montréal in August too with two abeit much younger children. I love it here; but my partner is finding it harder as she's missing her family and friends. She's spending a large part of her day on facebook.

It's certainly not been a holiday. We've bought a car, done a lot of paperwork, looked where we want to live, looked for schools, looked for daycare, bought a house and are looking for decorations. We've not even had the time yet to look for work.

It's been very stressful. Doing anything with the kids is hard work, then they need entertainment, feeding, they can't stop touching things, go to sleep really late, we're tired. It's hard work.

My partner told me she wanted to go back to Europe too, where things are simpler, schools are less rigid etc. Yet we came here for certain reasons and left Europe for certain solid reasons and all of that is still valid. We intend to give Canada a few years and can always go back - our problem is, if we do go back, go back where?

Moving has been harder, more stressful and more tiring than I ever imagined it would be and we're just about beginning to see the wood from the trees.

A side note: we met quite a lot of people at the childrens' play area; one of which told us about a restaurant with a play area. We've met a lot of similar people there over the past few weeks and I'm sure that they'll form a large part of our social structure going forward. It's funny how things work out. The Québeckers as a whole seem really quite interested in us.

As others have said, the first few months in a new country can be hard (hey it can be hard enought just moving to the other end of the UK!).

Culture shock and missing family and friends is the worst part of it.

I can well remember yelling at my husband while in tears telling him that I HATED Canada and wanted to go home. When I calmed down, I realised that it wasn't quite true - what I hated was the change, the disruption and the feeling that I didn't know "stuff".

And 2 yrs on I love it here.